Here you guys go, love you all!!
Enjoy!!
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I don't know exactly what happened or how it all happened so fast but before I knew it... we were lying on Axel's bed and just talking. I told him about the weird dreams I'd been having about him and the things he'd been saying and he completely understood and apparently, the main reason he flipped out so much, was because he hates, and I mean HATES, people referring to people like me as 'bitches'. He just loathes it. In his eyes, I'm not a bitch, I'm his companion. He doesn't make me do everything and anything he wants like other Masters and if he did, then and only then could I be classed as his bitch.
We saw each others point of view and apologized some more and then, he moved in for the kill. He moved in and went to kiss me, full on, on the lips... and even though I wanted to more than anything, I couldn't bring myself to let him.
"Axel, I can't... it's... complicated." I told him and he smiled.
"Tell me Roxas, when will your life get uncomplicated... or when will I be able to know about its complexity?" he asked softly, running his fingers through my hair. I sat up and pulled my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them.
I knew he wanted to know about my past, I knew he wanted to know why I was the way I was and I wanted to tell him...
But I was so scared of the consequences. So scared of what he'd say think and do that I just didn't feel ready to tell him.
"Soon I hope." I replied and he leaned up and planted soft, delicate kisses on my shoulder.
"In YOUR time Roxas... in your own time. I'm not going anywhere and I know it must be hard for you..." I nodded my head in agreement and let him pull me to him. He pulled me on top of him, letting me straddle his hips for a while before I lay down on him, resting my head under his chin.
"Axel?" I whispered and he looked at me.
"Yeah?" I bit my lip nervously and he smiled, I knew then that he liked my little nervous habits.
"You look cute when you're nervous..." he told me and I smiled and flushed a little.
"Hmm, like it more when you blush though." He whispered and I shook my head.
"Shut up..."
"What was it you was going to say blondie?" he asked, tracing his fingers down my spine and then back up again.
"Would it be OK, if I erm... stayed with you in here tonight?" Axel smiled and kissed my forehead.
"Thought you'd never ask." He replied and I smiled and continued to rest on him.
It was weird how everything felt so right... to lie with him like this, to feel as though I could talk to him about anything and everything even with the spat we'd just had. I mean I didn't think on it, I had had so much worse than that and Axel hadn't hurt me as such, he'd just shocked me and caught me off guard. I was getting a little out or order anyway, I mean this redhead gave me a reason to live, he showed me love and kindness and gave me a place to stay. He didn't get mad when I wasn't talking and he didn't go mad when he realised I could talk and just choose not to.
He was a genuinely decent man, a nice and honest man and I found myself lying on him, feeling completely relaxed with him and the whole situation.
I didn't feel as vulnerable around him, I felt as though when he was in the room, nothing and no one could ever hurt me ever again. He was my protector and my saviour, my friend and my lover. There was no in-between; I just can't even begin to start to explain the feelings I had towards him at that precise moment.
"I've arranged for a tutor to assess you on your education, if it's OK then fantastic but if not, I'm afraid you'll be seeing the tutor Monday-Friday... excluding Wednesdays." Axel told me and I nodded. Might as well just sign them up Axel, I'm not exactly the brightest bulb in the pack.
And it was the truth. I could talk because I had picked up on what everyone was saying around me and any word I didn't understand, I'd look up or ask... before I went mute anyway. I could do some very basic adding and taking away but don't even write a fraction or decimal down or I will just freak. And if you try and explain trig to me, I think you're speaking Urdu.
I could write basic stuff but nothing too complex and didn't have a clue about science unless it was the human body. I knew very technical terms for bones and conditions, as I had suffered numerous breakages of bones throughout my life.
I didn't speak any other language that I was aware of and wasn't at all interested in history, geography or religions... don't even get me started on religion.
I nodded my head.
"'Kay." I replied and Axel kissed my head softly. I felt so comfortable with him it was bizarre. It wasn't like I hadn't had men kiss me before, but they were always fast and needy sort of kisses, filled with lust or anger. Rough kisses and sometimes violent kisses. The amount of times someone would have started to kiss at my chest and then just bite savagely until I bled was unreal... I think I still had a scar somewhere from one of them.
I watched my memories replay themselves back and I let out a sad sigh. Why me? Why did I have to endure all those years of torture and abuse? I mean why did it happen at all, I would never wish anyone else to take my place, I wasn't nasty like that but why did it all happen anyway?
"You alright kid?" Axel asked me and I nodded, trying to stop myself from over-thinking and giving myself a brain overload. I sighed again and returned to my thoughts, eyes closed.
I was interrupted again about five minutes later by Axel again nonetheless. He asked me what I was thinking and I frowned a little. No one had ever asked me this before and I wasn't sure on how to answer it.
"Just about my past and stuff... it kinda runs through my mind sometimes and I can't stop it... sorry." Axel stroked my hair.
"Don't apologize blondie. It's understandable. Just wondered why you were being so quiet." I smiled nervously and he winked at me. Why was it that when Axel winked, I didn't feel threatened or nervous? I smiled then and nuzzled into his neck, thoughts of my past still echoing in the back of my mind.
Right enough is enough Roxas! It's make or break time, you either tell Axel about your past and EVERYTHING about it, or you leave him in peace. He doesn't want a dysfunctional baby to look after, he wants... well, I dunno what he wants but I know he doesn't want a dysfunctional baby!
My god was that really me? I felt myself stiffen and swallow hard. I knew I was right, sort of, in some really messed up confusing way. I knew I should tell Axel, maybe he'd understand a few things then, maybe it would help me forget about it all; after all, a problem shared is a problem halved, right?
I took a deep breath and sat up, sitting on Axel's lap again. He gazed up me with those jade-like eyes and I felt myself falling into a trance. I could get lost in those eyes. I fiddled with the cords on his jacket and lowered my head, taking a deep breath.
"Axel..." I stopped and looked at him. His expression was soft and loving and it killed me to keep things from him. But I was so scared of the outcome it nearly made my heart stop beating. I pushed it to the back of my mind.
Damn it boy stop being so selfish, at the very least this man deserves to know about you and your past, especially after everything he has done for you!
"I know..." I whispered to myself and Axel frowned. I realised then that I had just answered myself. Oh boy, maybe I'm more messed up than I thought. Axel just laughed and rolled his eyes and I smiled and bit my lip.
"Axel, I wanna talk to you... I... I wanna tell you what happened."
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Dum dum! Yeah i know you guys hate me. Why do i always leave it at cliffhangy parts? I think because it makes the story more interesting, i try adn leave every chapter at an important point that makes you keep guessing but i guess this one is a little harsh *heehee*
Wow this was stupidly short... but an update is an update... right?
So yeah, the next chapter will be explaining everything that roxas went through. So keep a look out! ;)
As for when im updating next, i hope you'll be pleased to know my mom had her own new laptop come today, so i can update more regularaly YAY!! So if we say... Wednesday? Maybe sooner, depends on how much people nag me in reviews lol!
Anyway loves you all have a great weekend! xxxx