Chapter 13 The love of a daughter

The following days were a mixture of relaxation and organisation, a balancing act. The need to recharge their batteries before the new term started versus making the most of the holiday to ensure that practicalities were dealt with while they had the opportunity. They met with Elspeth as planned and delegated some tasks to her to reduce some of their pressure. The legal processes were also started for the purchase of Church Lane house and the sale of Conway Drive. Kate's house was still unsold but there had been some interest shown and the prospect of a sale remained likely.

The weather turned very wintry with frequent snow and frosts causing transport disruptions and the decision was taken that Laurence would not travel to Liverpool for New Year. The consolation was that he was invited to spend New Year's Eve and Day with Angus so once again the couple looked forward to some time to themselves.

Ever the professionals, they spent the morning of the last day of the year in catching up with some school work but after lunch they decided that enough was enough and they walked to the local park for some gentle exercise. As they were returning to the house Kate took a 'phone call from her mum, Caroline listening in to Kate's side of the conversation.

"I can hardly hear you, mum. It must be a bad signal."

"Oh, I see."

"Of course. Do you need anything fetching from the shop?"

"I'll check with Caroline but I'm sure that will be fine. We are having a lazy afternoon and we have no plans. Lawrence is with his friends."

"I'll 'phone you later to see how you are and let you know."

When Kate ended the call she explained to Caroline that her mum had been feeling unwell for a couple of days with a sore throat and cough and had not been able to visit Kate's dad so wondered if Kate could do so. She asked Caroline if she minded.

"Of course I don't mind, Kate. Would it be okay for me to go with you? I don't want to be in the way but I would like to meet him. Or I can just drive you there if you don't think I should go in with you?"

"Would you? Come in with me? Please Caroline, I would like that very much. I don't find it easy to see him these days and that's being cowardly but I'm being honest."

"I can understand that. It must be hard for your mum, too. She told me that she visits every day normally."

"She has a good relationship with the staff at the home and they look after him very well but she can't get rid of the feeling of guilt. She just could not look after him any longer. He could sometimes go a whole day and night without sleeping. Mum had to watch him all the time, with the gas and the stairs, everything. If he went out he would get lost and the police would have to go out looking for him. He does not understand risk and it was just too dangerous for him to live at home anymore. Plus mum was in danger of wearing herself out. She knows that in her head but her heart says that she let him down. For better, for worse, you know."

"Come on then, let's go. Do we need to take him anything?"

"He loves sweets. Mum usually keeps him well supplied but we could take some just in case."

After a short stop at the supermarket to pick up a selection of sweets they soon arrived at the residential home. It was a single storey, purpose built home in beautiful grounds and they were able to park near the front entrance. Kate rang the bell and a carer soon arrived at the door to let them in. Caroline could sense Kate becoming anxious and she kept her hand in Kate's, hoping that she would feel the emotional support that she wanted to convey. Donald loved sports of all kinds and he was in his room watching a rugby league match on TV. Kate had agreed with Caroline that she would introduce her as a friend, rather than go into detail. Although Kate had told her mum and dad about her sexuality when she was in her teens, his confusion and memory was now such that he did not reliably recall events of the past. Kate and Caroline went into his room and stood for a while looking at him watching TV until he turned to look at them.

"Hello." His face registered that they were there but no sign of recognition lit up his eyes.

"Hello, dad."

Donald turned back to look at the screen. Kate pulled up a chair and sat next to him and Caroline perched at the end of his bed. Donald continued to watch the rugby. Kate sat patiently beside him for several minutes. Her face, unlike that of her dad's, was full of expression. Love, hurt, anguish, anxiety. Kate closed her eyes briefly, raising her head towards the ceiling, and then looked to Caroline as if for strength before opening one of the bags of sweets and holding it in front of her dad. He took a sweet without comment, putting it in his mouth before taking the bag from her and placing it on the table in front of him.

"Do you want one?" he said after a while, looking across at Caroline.

"That's kind. Thank you. I would like one." Caroline got up and took a sweet from the bag.

"You're pretty. You'd better not tell my wife I said that." His eyes smiled and he looked at Kate before turning back to the TV.

"Can I have one, dad?"

Donald looked at his daughter.

"Constance, since when do you ask before you eat my sweets! Have you just got back from work? I didn't hear you come in. I haven't put those shelves up like you asked me. I've been busy."

"Busy watching rugby, eh?"

"Have you? I thought you said you were going to work. I would have come to the rugby with you if I'd known."

Donald's attention was now focused on his daughter. He looked at her bump and reached out and patted it.

"Can't be long now, Constance. I wonder what we are going to have. I'd really like a girl. I hope you have not been doing too much."

"I think it is going to be a girl. I've been careful. I did some work this morning and after lunch I had a short walk to the park with my friend Caroline and then came here to see you."

"Caroline? I don't think I know her. Is she someone you work with?"

"That pretty lady over there is Caroline. Yes, I work with her."

"Is she staying to eat with us?"

"Not today, no. Would you like her to?"

"I am always happy for friends to be here. You know that. You always cook enough for half the street anyway so she might as well stay." Then whispering "Mind you, I would rather have you to myself, as always!"

Donald turned back to the TV but the adverts were on and he looked around as if he realised that he had lost something. When he turned back to Kate he looked distracted and anxious.

"What time are you meant to be seeing the doctor? My appointment was half an hour ago but it feels like I've been waiting all day. They give you a time to arrive and then tell you off if you are late but they never apologise if they keep you waiting. I think I'm not going to wait any longer."

"I know what you mean, dad. It's because they think that they are more important than us, I reckon! Mind you, they probably are!"

Donald smiled and patted Kate's hand. Then he looked across and appeared to see Caroline as if for the first time. "What time's your appointment, love? Have you been waiting long?"

Caroline had spent the time since their arrival watching how Kate interacted with her dad, so very different to the way that Celia would always insist that they responded to Kenneth when he was confused. Celia insisted that they correct Kenneth if he was wrong about something. "Re-orientation is the best way, Caroline. It is not good to go along with the confusion, as it will only make him think that he's right. Just like he has thought all his life." Caroline could hear Celia's voice in her head. She realised how wrong that approach had been and how cruel. She saw now the benefits to meeting the person where they were.

"I haven't been waiting long, really. I always like this waiting time. I may be odd but I am always so busy it's nice to have an excuse to sit and have time for my thoughts."

"You are very pretty, you know. You have a lovely speaking voice too. Can you sing?"

"Oh, I sing in the bath sometimes. I work at a school and the music teacher is always trying to get me to join the staff choir but I'm not good enough for that."

"My daughter works in a school too. She can sing. It's like the sweetest sound in the world. She can play instruments too. She's always been musical. She gets her voice from her mum but I'm proud to say that I taught her to play the piano. At least to start with until she got better than me! You should have heard us in the evenings. The neighbours must have thought they lived next to Carnegie Hall!"

Donald held up the bag of sweets to Kate who shook her head. To Caroline, who came across the room and took another. He also took a sweet and put it in his mouth and his eyes fixed on the TV as he did so. The rugby had resumed and so did his concentration on the TV.

Kate put her hand out and touched his sleeve. He looked at her and smiled.

"Now then Kate, you know better than to disturb your dad when he is watching his rugby. Off you go now and play. Be back for tea." His gaze was once again focused on the match. Kate got up and returned the chair to its original place and then kissed Donald on his forehead.

"See you later, then dad."

No reaction, no answer. Then his hand reached out and took another sweet from the bag and pushed it into her hand.

"Don't let it spoil your tea or your parents will be cross with you."

Kate and Caroline were barely out of the door before Kate dissolved in tears. She clung on to Caroline and buried her head in her neck, her body trembling. Caroline returned the physical contact oblivious to the staff and residents looking from the nearby lounge. After a while Caroline felt the sobs lessen and broke off contact to get a tissue from her pocket and she wiped Kate's eyes.

"This is so hard for you, Kate. I'm so sorry." She wanted to tell her about her admiration for the way she had been with her dad but sensed now was not the right time.

"They are not tears of sorrow, Caroline. These are tears of joy. He sometimes thinks I'm mum or more often does not recognise any relationship between us, or worst of all, doesn't react as if there is anyone in the room. For that one moment in there, when he told me off for disturbing the rugby, he actually knew who I was! That was magic. He had also remembered that he taught me piano! This has been a wonderful half an hour. I am so glad you were there to share it with me. Perhaps I have to thank the presence of the pretty lady who charmed him! Mum will love to hear about that bit. They were, are, devoted but he always was very open when he found someone attractive. Mum was never phased by it. He used to say that he compared others to her and they were always found wanting!"

Caroline fitted yet another piece in the jigsaw of the picture of her lover and the space that Kate occupied in her heart grew yet again.