"Lexa, wait !"

Lexa froze. She closed her eyes, trying to find in herself the courage to look back.

Clarke noticed the trembling in the hand she was holding and the single tear on Lexa's cheek as she was turning to look at her.

They stared at each other like that for a moment. Then, goose bumps on Lexa's skin pulled Clarke out of her thoughts. It was cold outside. And she remembered. She tightened her grip on Lexa's wrist and dragged her on the other side of the street. She took Bellamy's car keys out of her pocket and opened the door.

"Jump in"

Lexa's brain was struggling to process the whole situation. So she just obeyed without thinking. Out of reflex.

Clarke had left her parking lot five long minutes ago when she looked back at Lexa for the first time since they entered the car. And she was amazed. Sure the silhouette she had seen earlier in the dark seemed elegant but this… Lexa was wearing a long, white dress. It had an impressive low-cut and the girl's back was bare. The dress was splitting on one side letting Lexa's crossed legs show, legs extended by high heeled black suede sandals. Clarke swallowed and remembered to look at the road soon enough to notice the dog crossing the street. It scared her a little and she decided that it might be a good idea not to kill anything tonight and look at the road instead of the beauty sitting next to her.

Lexa felt uneasy. Ten minutes spent in this unknown car without a word. She was looking outside without looking at anything. The time just felt frozen, like the whole town falling asleep around them. It took everything she had in her to finally talk "Where are we going ?"

Clarke jumped in surprise "Um…" she hadn't thought about it. Her plan was just "kidnapping Lexa" Clarke then said the first thing that crossed her mind "My apartment"

Lexa coughed. From every place in the world it HAD to be Clarke's apartment. But now that she was thinking about it, after these past, weird, painful, surreal, "out of this world" weeks it almost made sense.

Clarke cleared her voice "So, um… You're in town huh ?"

Shit Clarke you idiot ! Your first words in ten years and all you have to say is "you're in town ?" I'm a fucking idiot !

Lexa a little startled at first answered fixing a dirt in the windscreen "Well yes. I arrived three weeks ago. We're here to film a movie called : Yu gon-"

"-plei ste odon. I know" Lexa finally looked at Clarke, mouth agape. The blonde realized that her enthusiasm might not be appropriated "No ! I mean, TV mentioned the name so…"

The brunette waited a moment before answering "Of course."

Followed twenty minutes of silence and Clarke finally parked the car.

"We're here"

Lexa opened the door and got out of the car putting her coat on, not forgetting her small, black purse. She had to be ready to leave anytime. Clarke guided her in the building. After three floors she finally opened a door.

"Please hurry, I don't want Christa to go out"

Lexa frowned but obeyed. Christa ran to her feet then stopped suddenly, an "I don't know you" expression on her face. Lexa felt oddly relieved to see that Christa wasn't Clarke's unknown child.

"Come on baby, don't bother momma's friend" said Clarke lifting her cat in her arms. "I'm sorry, she's not used to strangers"

Ok maybe it was Clarke's child after all…It took Lexa a second or two to get out of her almost delight at the surreal scene that happened in front of her eyes.

"No big deal. I have a cat too so…"

"Really ? What's its name ?"

"Ymir"

"Cool name" she said smiling, putting Christa down on the couch. "Um… you're not really… You seem cold so… You can go put on some of my clothes if you want… Just choose whatever you want !"

Lexa didn't know why. She didn't know what was keeping her from running away because the situation was getting way out of hand. But before she had time to protest, Clarke had relieved her from her coat and bag and pushed her in her room, shutting the door.

About ten minutes later, Lexa reappeared in the living room, wearing one of Clarke's torn black jeans and a T-shirt with a skull on it.

Clarke held back a laugh. It suited her more than she thought.

"What are you doing ?" asked Lexa raising an eyebrow.

"Oh ! This ?" Clarke was kneeled, the content of Lexa's bag scattered on the ground, an envelope in her hands "I… I was just-" she sighed "Christa made it fall and I was putting your things back in and I got nosy. Sor-"

"Open it" said the brunette, leaning on Clarke's room's doorframe.

Clarke carefully opened the envelope. In it, an old polaroid photograph. A family picnic, a sunny memory, a happy moment somehow kept alive by a piece of paper. Clarke smiled. "So it was you ? You were the one having it. We wondered for a while with Anya" The blonde lifted her head and plunged in Lexa's eyes "You had it on you all this time ?"

"Oh no. Just these past two weeks. I found it in an old box and I wanted to give it to Anya but I forgot" Lexa paused. She felt Clarke's gaze mentally undressing her, seeking truth. "Ok I didn't forget. I think I just… I couldn't give it away. I mean Gustus is on it so, you know…"

Clarke wanted Lexa to admit something, to spit out her thoughts and she would do everything she could to achieve her goal.

"I looked at something personal. I shouldn't have. You can look at whatever you want in my room if you want"

Lexa wasn't the type to rummage among someone else's stuff but Clarke's suggestion sounded like an order. She got back in Clarke's room and detailed everything. No stuffed animals, no rock singer posters, no drawings. Just tons of paper scattered all around and a guitar in a corner. Then she recognized the old toy box. She looked at the blond. Clarke nodded and Lexa opened the box. Her eyes widened. She traced every DVD box edges with her fingers. Then her hand fell on one of the albums. She took it out. In it, dozen of articles talking about Lexa Wilde or even just mentioning her name. She took out another album. Photos of Clarke and her family, Clarke and her friends, Clarke and Lexa…

Clarke was watching at Lexa's back as the brunette was touching and manipulating every pages like these albums were the most precious things in the world. She was sure about it now. Lexa hadn't changed.

Then Lexa noticed "You… Why are all the DVD box still wrapped up ?"

Clarke squatted next to her "I never watched them"

The other girl frowned "Why ?"

"You were in it."

Lexa's gaze left Clarke's to absently look inside the box again "Why buying it then ?"

"You were in it."

Lexa was perplexed. But she understood at least one thing. She stood and started pacing. "These things in your box, and your song tonight… Clarke I'm so sorry"

It wasn't really the conclusion Clarke wanted but it was a good beginning "For what ?"

"Cursing you"

"A curse ?" said the blonde tilting her head.

"Yes. Shouldn't have kissed you that day" at that Clarke stood. "It was nothing but a fucking curse !" she yelled.

"Lexa no, that's no-"

"Clarke" blue met green "I promised things, making you hope but in the end I never came back ! I abandoned you Clarke…" Lexa was burning, realizing for the first time "I'm exactly like my dad… The only thing I'm good at is run away !"

*SLAP*

Clarke slapped her. Not so hard but hard enough. The blonde took a deep breath "Listen. You're nothing like your father. And even if you acted like him at some point, tonight, you stayed"

Lexa was standing a hand on her cheek, aback. Something broke inside her.

I knew it… She hate me…

"Lexa" Clarke sighed "You listened to my song right ? MY song ? At the bar ? Earlier ?"

Lexa nodded. Clarke grabbed her shoulders, forcing the actress to look at her.

"What was that about ?"

It was hard but Lexa managed to articulate enough to say one word "Us"

"Ok but what else ?"

These three words were easier to voice "I hurt you"

Clarke rolled her eyes "Yeah, obviously. But there's something else. Think."

Lexa searched. Scanned her memory looking for something. She tried to see things differently. But all she could see was suffering, or hurt feelings, or sadness.

Clarke grabbed the lyrics resting on her desk and placed the paper in Lexa's hands. "Read. Out loud"

Lexa hesitated. Her eyes alternated a few times between Clarke's eyes and the scribbled paper in her hands. But then she read. "Alone in my bed I'm waiting, For you to call in the morning, But then I cry and realize, That all I'll get is the sunrise" Words were burning her throat but she forced herself. She'd do what Clarke wanted her to do. She owed her that "Forever here and yet so far, You are like all the other stars, You are concrete yet fantasy, This paradox is agony" Lexa had to pause. To breath. To cry out what was raging inside her. But she stayed silent.

"Further. You're almost there, come on"

Clarke's voice was surprisingly warm and comforting but at the same time, expecting, waiting for something. "Oh it hurts, 'cause every time I call your name, I wish that you would do the same, I know that you're real but it seems, That I am in love with a dream"

"Yes ! That's it ! You get it now ?" Clarke's smile dropped slowly in front of the incomprehension in Lexa's eyes. Clarke sighed "Last line. Fourth and fifth words" She turned and sat on the ground a few meters away, leaning her back on her bed.

"Oh…" Lexa felt a little lighter but nothing was making sense anymore. She didn't understand "Why ? Why do you not hate me ? I left you behind, I lied to you. Why ?"

Without looking at her, Clarke patted the ground next to her. Lexa sat like Clarke, back against the bed. "I hated you. At first. After you left, I made a nervous breakdown. It lasted six months"

At that Lexa opened her mouth to talk but Clarke cut her "Let me finish. After six months I realized that I had become tired of my own tiredness, a weight on my friend's and family's shoulders. I had become someone I hated. So I ended it. I got a new haircut, bought new clothes and forced myself to lie and smile. I did all I could to make this lie come true. And it worked. After a year I happened to read an article. Your name was mentioned. And I still don't know why I cut it and kept it. Little by little I realized. I just couldn't hate you" Tears were running down Clarke's cheeks. She turned to meet Lexa's eyes "I loved you" Clarke swallowed a sob, wiped her cheeks and stared back at the floor. "Love and hate are the exact same thing. But it's up to you to choose the one you want. And I chose to love you. For ten years I loved you and hated you then loved you again and again. But the thing is that… I never stopped thinking about you"

Lexa couldn't say anything. She was so sure Clarke hated her. She had spent the past ten years punishing herself. For ending her relationship with the one she loved, for leaving the one she loved behind, for hurting the one she loved and for making promises she couldn't keep. When finally she thought Clarke would release her from her culpability by hating her and punishing her herself, she just told her she loved her. Lexa felt frustrated and sad and happy and so many other things that she was physically suffering from it. But she had to answer. She'd stop running away "That kiss. My promises. My feelings. Everything was nothing but a curse. The thing is that… Until tonight, I thought I was the only one suffering from it" Somehow all of her feelings lightened when her eyes met Clarke's smile.

Clarke fully turned to her, resting her elbow on the bed and leaning her cheek on her hand "A lot of things changed in ten years"

Lexa released a little laugh "For sure. I barely recognized you tonight. You used to be the calm, wise one"

Clarke paused and with a smile she added "Mom always thought you had a bad influence on me"

"Talking about your mother. There's no doubt, you really are her daughter"

Clarke frowned "Why ?"

"I met her the other day, at the hospital. And she slapped me on the face. Same cheek as you actually"

Clarke laughed "Well, she never liked you from the beginning. But the fact that you broke her daughter's heart probably helped" Clarke laughed again and a thought stopped her "Wait, the hospital ? Why ? What were you doing there ?"

"Oh. Nothing. One night I was feeling sad, and hurt and I punched a wall"

"Really wise and adult"

Lexa huffed "It's almost healed anyway. The doctor Kane is a good man"

"A good man indeed. And maybe my future step-dad"

"Really ? I'm happy for your mother"

"Yeah well I can't see myself calling him dad"

"Of course he's not your dad"

Lexa rested the back of her head on the bed and closed her eyes. She sighed "I fucked up really bad huh ?" with that simple statement, she breathed out all her feelings.

"You mean, promising you'd come back but never did or bonding me to you with a kiss ? Because none of these are true" Lexa looked at Clarke, questioning again. The blonde was definitely hard to follow. "Technically, today you came back and you had fallen in love with me twelve years ago so that kiss was nothing."

Lexa thought for a minute before laughing. A true laugh.

"And look, you even kept your other promises, you have a work and we even have two cats ! Now all we need is a house"

The actress calmed down and raised an eyebrow "One house ? That's all ? Cause I have enough saved for ten"

Clarke punched Lexa's shoulder "Don't brag ! The world know you're rich ! Seriously just look at that" she nodded to the dress "How much did it cost you ?"

"Actually ? Not so much. I bought it a long time ago and almost forgot it was here"

Clarke smiled "I used to be the one wearing dresses"

"Tonight was an exception. I didn't want to be recognized"

"You're lying again. Come on, say it"

When Clarke entered her personal space, Lexa noticed her own, incredibly fast heartbeat. She swallowed, trying to focus on anything that was not the blond on her right.

Clarke whispered "Say it Lexa. For whom did you dressed tonight"

Lexa closed her eyes, ignoring Clarke's warm breath caressing her ear "For you"

Lexa waited, eyes closed. She was waiting for a touch, a word, a sound, anything. But nothing came. When she opened her eyes, Clarke was sitting in front of her, arms crossed.

"Don't you have something else to say ?"

Lexa wanted to. To be honest. To talk. But words were stuck in her throat. She had repeated these three words so many times in her dreams and thoughts these past ten years so why was it so hard ?

"I know this is hard for you. The last time I waited two years for you to admit it but I would appreciate that, as an adult, you release these three little words tonight"

Clarke's smile made Lexa realize something. All this drama, all this seriousness… It was silly. She realized how much she felt comfortable despite the storm of feelings raging inside her. She realized how much Clarke's presence was calming and normal. She felt at home.

"Why does it seems so easy with you ? Why does it feels so natural ?" she asked shaking her head.

"I don't know. A proof I'm the one ?"

Lexa laughed. Clarke used to be an hesitant kid, but now she was so confident "I made us loose ten years"

"I'm not sure about that. Maybe ten years were the exact amount of time we needed in the end. When you were young your father kept you away and finally adult you had your career to deal with. Maybe settling our lives first was the best thing to do ?"

Lexa then extended her arms in front of her like a child as thick tears were running down her cheeks. "Clarke" she sobbed, breathed, smiled and sighed. "I love you"

Clarke took her in her arms as Lexa was breaking apart.