Golden Fallen Heart
Chapter 13: If You Leave
A/N: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR LOVELY REVIEWS. I really can't thank you enough, you've motivated and moved me to continue writing this story and do it fast :) This chapter's title comes from OMD's song If You Leave, I've listened to this song while writing it. This chapter might or might not be vaguely based on the song. Thank you again, please review and most importantly enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't claim to own Harry Potter or anything else you recognize.
At an obscure hour a door slowly closed and soft words were exchanged before a pair of restless eyes and a heavy heart were finally set to ease.
In the mean while, a young wizard wearing black robes was pacing a dark alley hastily. His heart was pounding and it seemed as if he was running from something, but he wasn't. The chase was only inside his mind. He was running from something no one has ever managed to run away from, for one could never run away from oneself. He did know where to go, he did know the way there yet still he hesitated before he took the turn which let to a better lighted alley. Within minutes, thanks to his hasty pace, he was facing a dark green door numbered 9 with a silver knock. The knock was in the shape of a snake. "How cliché" he couldn't help but thought, even though he had seen this door many times before he had never taken time to examine it quite carefully. Every family engaged in blood purity had something in the shape of a snake, to declare their alliance to Salazar Slytherin and his cause. Zabini family wasn't an exception. Scorpius reached the knock, the cold burnt his hand, he lifted it up but before he could knock it, the door opened.
Her red curls were laying on her white pillow making a quite beautiful contrast but no one was there to acknowledge it. She was curled up in her bed, her chest was moving up and down hitherto peacefully. She had started to move uneasily and sweated as she mumbled one word again and again in her sleep,
"Scorpius."
Ludovic Zabini's lips formed the same word at the same time as Rose Weasley,
"Scorpius!" he gasped "What are you doing here?"
"I'm sorry I couldn't sent you an owl but I no longer own one." he watched as Ludovic's eyes narrow with confusion and he humored thinking how much confusion would his following words will cause also "Nor a house."
It was the dullest, by far the worst holiday Rose ever had. It was Christmas for Merlin's sake, her favorite holiday but the tension in her home was the utmost tension she had ever experienced. Her relatives avoided visiting them and the household avoided each other. Even though Rose rarely leaved her room, the day after the fight she heard her Uncle Harry checking up on them behind the kitchen door,
"Everything alright?" he asked Hermione
"Better. Rose hasn't said a word yet, you know on that matter and Ron refuses to leave her on her own, he's always somewhere watching her. Honestly Harry, I don't think he'll ever be alright with it, I mean, I think we should talk about this with a clear mind, really but he doesn't really fancy talking at all." Hermione complained and as Rose left to her room forgetting all about the cup of tea she was hoping to get she barely heard Harry console Hermione,
"This will pass too, remember the first few weeks after the War? It'll be alright."
She was anxious to hear a word from Scorpius. She hadn't realized him leaving until she was tucking in her bed by her worried parents and she had expected an owl from him but it didn't come.
After a few days, no owls were sent and no owls were received nevertheless the weak yet inextinguishable hope made Rose jump whenever she thought she heard something similar to the sound of an owl's wings. Even though after that eventful night, Scorpius was never mentioned again she couldn't dare to write him for her father's eyes were on her at all times, he even tucked her in bed, and her mother was only waiting for a moment of Ron's negligence to talk to her. Hugo and Rose still weren't on speaking terms. The house was surrounded by a silent discomfort.
It was finally time! She was on King's Cross again and there she would see him. She waited impatiently for her parents to leave but Ronald Weasley kept finding one more advice to give, or one more thing to check. Hugo had already left when he met Lily and Albus. Her eyes scanned the train station fast and carefully, despite the fog and the crowd in the station her eyes spotted a tall, pale wizard with silverly blond hair. Her heart stopped at the sight of him, his grey-ish blue eyes, his thin lips are pressed in to a line, his sharp jaw line, his clear cut black robes, a bundle of his blonde hair slightly falling on his forehead (perfectly intended of course), his slow and drawling pace. He looked so much like the Scorpius Malfoy she used to fight that she hesitated before beaming at him. She wouldn't have beamed at him if her eyes didn't meet his and saw the affectionate look he always has when his hair is messy because her fingers had been tangled in them, his pale cheeks are redder, his tie is crocked and his lips form a very well known "I love you". This time it was her parent's exit that she didn't realize. Scorpius' long arms gripped her waist, lifted her up a little and she buried her face on his neck. As his calming cologne washed over her, all of her worries were washed away. Before she knew what she was doing, she had started to plant soft kisses on his long neck.
"Oh, pull yourself together Weasley. I'm nauseated." a tall, tanned wizard whom she hadn't realized before spoke. She abruptly separated from Scorpius, put her hands on her hips and greeted the wizard.
"Fancy seeing you, Zabini." she did sound very hostile.
Scorpius must have realized it too for he said with a calm voice,
"Oi! Keep it civil now." he looked at them both with a firm face, but Rose saw a small smile playing on his lips or was it her own joy that she was reflecting on him?
While Rose was very much intrigued by how the two best friends made up for they did have a down fall after Rose and Scorpius went public, she had more important questions in her mind but she saved them for later, when they would be alone despite the burning curiosity in her. Scorpius took her hand and they slowly and silently walked to a comportment, Zabini left them there and finally the two were alone.
"I've missed you." they said hastily at the same time as soon as the door closed and then Rose giggled as Scorpius watched her with a grin. Rose sat down and Scorpius took the seat across her.
"I need to speak to you." Scorpius started before Rose could ask any questions, she didn't know which one to ask first anyways.
"First of all, I apologize for not sending any owls, I would if I could but I didn't have the opportunity." he saw her questioning eyes so added "You'll understand everything in a minute."
"Our dinner didn't go very well." a sad smile played on his lips, "It'll be safe to say it was possibly worse than yours." he said again with his nonchalant tone of voice but Rose could sense the agony in his voice and then her heart started to beat with fear, she was paler now. Scorpius went on nevertheless. "I've been disowned." he finally said.
"Bloody hell!" exclaimed Rose "What?!" she asked again
"My mother, or should I say Mrs Malfoy now, disowned me and Mr Malfoy didn't oppose."
"Are you serious?! Scorpius, for Merlin's sake, if you're joking I'll hex you into oblivion." she found it hard to believe that a family such as Malfoy's would disown someone of their own blood.
"Do you think I am?" Scorpius asked irritated. Rose, sensing his tone, fell into a silence and Scorpius explained the dinner giving minimum detail as possible and how Zabini's accommodated him, tried to provide peace with him and his family and how their tentatives were in vain, Rose spoke when he finished.
"I'm sorry." were the first words left her mouth but what she really wanted to do was thank him but it didn't seem appropriate. "I think you pretty much saw the climatic end of our dinner and it does sum it up very well." she said but didn't explain what went on at her house after the dinner instead she said calmly as possible,
"You have to make up with your parents Scorpius. They are your parents."
"It's impossible. They want me to stop seeing you, that's the only way they'll 'forgive' me." he said stating the obvious, leaving her was out of the question.
"Scorpius, I never wanted this to happen. I can't be the reason for your family's collapse. I cannot." she shook her head wildly.
"You aren't." he lied and of course Rose wasn't satisfied.
"I am!" she exclaimed. The wicked silence fell between them again. After a few minutes Rose finally spoke up,
"What are we going to do?" she asked but she did have an answer although she didn't dare vocalize it.
"We're going to spend rest of our time on Hogwarts and not only spend it but cherish it and afterwards we'll see what happens." Scorpius said vaguely. Rose wasn't keen on the idea but she pretended to be so for the rest of the ride, she slid next to him and put her head on his shoulder.
She had quite some time thinking about it all. She loved Scorpius Malfoy. Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy. She loved her family too. The Weasley's and The Potter's. Her mum, her dad, her uncles, her aunts, her grandparents, her cousins and even her spoiled brother. She loved her huge, crazy family. There was only one way of solving all this. She sighed as she realized it was the one and only way. Scorpius and she had decided to meet before dinner by the lake. When she arrived, her cheeks were blushed, she had her Gryffindor scarf on and Scorpius had his Slytherin scarf. He greeted her with a kiss and for a moment she forgot everything, the time, the place, him and herself. For a moment they were one, they were collided with love and passion. "I love you." she almost moaned against his lips and he chuckled. "Which is why this hurts so deeply." she said resting her forehead against his and he backed away immediately. He had understood it all, his eyes were widened with horror.
"Don't." he said.
"I have to." she said holding back her tears.
"I need you." he tried to convince her but he already knew he would be in vain.
"Me too." she said her eyes filling up with tears and she wasn't able to carry them any longer. Scorpius wiped her first tear drop with his thumb and kissed her again but it wasn't like the first one, it wasn't loving and passionate but it was needy, desperate. Rose broke off the kiss and it had taken all her power. She looked in his eyes, they were full with pain and she felt a knot in her throat, she couldn't speak.
"Don't cry." Scorpius said and Rose merely nodded, she was afraid how her voice would sound.
"I'm leaving you." she said and Scorpius didn't demand for any explanation at all for he knew why and he hated himself for it but in the same time he loved her for it. He didn't oppose either, he could've said that she didn't had to, they could be happy, he could be happy without his family but he knew that family was the most important thing in her life so he didn't.
"If you leave..." he started very gently "give me, give us one more night." he almost pleaded.
"No." she said and her whole body hurt. "No." she started to sob, she hid her face with her hands and run away to the castle. Scorpius was left behind deserted, just like after their first kiss but what he felt was very much different.
Neither Rose nor Scorpius attended the dinner. Rose ran into the Gryffindor Common room and as the door opened for her, she saw Lily at the other end of the door leaving for dinner. Lily's eyes grew with concern and Rose, who was now unable to think properly therefore acted on instinct, hugged her favorite cousin tightly as she sobbed. After five minutes, she finally said. "We're done." and started to sob again.
The pain Scorpius was in was reflected very differently, maybe it was because he didn't have a shoulder to cry on but he did want to cry and he did cry. He went straight up to his room, smacked the door, locked with a spell and took out his secret cache of alcohol. He opened a bottle of Fire Whiskey and poured half of the bottle down his throat, he didn't even feel his throat burn.
It had been hours since Lily had gone to bed, satisfied that she consulted her cousin and put her to bed but Rose continued to cry silently for hours, tears running down her checks gracefully and she didn't even bothered to wipe them away. This whole thing was horrible. It was horrible knowing that she had Potions as her first lesson tomorrow and that he wasn't going to sneak up to her and kiss her, it was horrible knowing that he wasn't going greet her with his smile on his face, it was horrible knowing that he wasn't going to call her "darling" with his smooth voice, it was horrible knowing that he wasn't going to be there to be with her, ever. It was horrible how he looked at her when she denied his offer of one last night. It was horrible that she could still taste him on her lips. It was horrible knowing that she did want that one last night but she knew it would be harder. She wouldn't be able to leave him once she was his and he was hers truly and completely, but wasn't she already emotionally his and didn't she just held his heart in her hand and crushed it? He was hers, she was his already and forever. As she started to argue in her mind it suddenly struck her how much she needed him.
"I need him." she whispered under her breath after finally regaining her breath. Yes, I need him, Rose thought to herself, as she sit up on her bed. The thought of holding him once more, kissing him the way she always wanted, feeling his hands on her and being his was eating her brain out, she started to bite her nails, I need him. She started to bite her lips, I need him. She started to pull her hair, I need him. She finally got up from her bed, Only him. She had thought about it for hours before escaping her dormitory in the middle of the night. Rose Weasley had always been rational and see where it lead her? No, she wasn't rational that night. She was tired, she had cried for hours, she had been crying for hours for weeks now. She was just tired and she couldn't think straight. She had one idea in her mind, but it was mad, really lunatic. She knew the Room of Requirement existed and she knew where it was, she went to find it, she knew what to do. She focused on her need, that was easy. I need Scorpius Malfoy, I need Scorpius Malfoy, I need Scorpius Malfoy… she kept repeating while passing in front of the brick wall, hoping that the brick wall would magically turn into a door and that door would lead her to him.
It didn't happen.
Rose realized that it wasn't a good idea after all but she still had an idea. Mad one, again. Rose knew how to go down to the Dungeons and she was positive that she'd find him there, this late at night he couldn't be anywhere else. She was only wearing her night gown and she was walking to a Slytherin boy's dormitory at 3 in the morning, that wasn't the perfect image of the Gryffindor Head Girl. It didn't matter because she knew she wasn't perfect and she knew she could never be perfect with out him. She was getting closer and closer but then she suddenly stopped. It was like someone had nailed her feet to the ground, she stopped motionless. She couldn't believe her eyes, it was him. Scorpius Malfoy leaving his dormitory and when he noticed her he stopped too, like a statue. Rose slowly walk towards him.
"I needed you." she said like a gasp. She felt the pain inside her whole body, her whole body was aching.
"Me too." Scorpius said coming closer to her and she flung herself at him. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him, hungry for him. Scorpius wrapped his arms around her waist tightly and lifted her up. As Rose felt his lips against hers, her pain slowly wearied off.
Early in the morning Scorpius had his legs tangled up in hers and Rose had her one arm on his bare chest, her ginger curls on his pointed chin, her chin rested on his chin, her nose rubbing against his neck, his one hand was on her naked back, his other hand was hanging din his bed holding her hand, their fingers joint and his bed covers covering their naked bodies. Scorpius watched as she slowly breathed against his neck, her chest going up and down peacefully. He imagined how their conversation would go once she woke up. "Morning." she would mumble sleepily, he would smile at her and kiss her nose as she wrinkled it. They would stay like that, their foreheads resting on each others, their noses touching but then she would break the silence,
" So, you really don't have roommates…" looking at the empty beds but pretending not to see the,
"Yeah, you can't really put cunning Slytherin boys together in a room." he would lie and go along with her play with a grin on his face
"I have four roommates, that's unfair." Rose would say with a frown, a beautiful frown
"I wonder what you girls do every night, together." Scorpius would mock her
"Scorp!" she would exclaim but she would't have anger in her voice, she couldn't, they would be far too happy to be angry.
Rose opened her eyes. Scorpius smiled and waited for her to say "Morning." in a hoarse voice and she did,
"Morning." she yawned. He leaned in to kiss her nose but she turned her face to check the time.
"Bloody fuck!" she swore and get up. "It's Monday, we have Potions." she jumped from the bed holding the covers to cover her naked body. She got dressed fast and left without a word. Not only did she leave but so did all of Scorpius' sweet delusions. Reality hurt.
A/N: This was a long, long chapter so thank you so so so so much for reading. Yes it did have some M parts I suppose, hope I wasn't too graphic or anything. Please review as you can see I writer faster when I get reviews. Forgive me for any grammar mistakes, English isn't my native language.