DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyers owns these characters. We've only borrowed them for this story.

Chapter 13

Bella's POV

I finally managed to calm myself down and get ready. There were so many thoughts racing through my mind that I was completely distracted. I don't know how I didn't get into an accident. Alice was already at the store, and boy was I going to rip her a new one.

She approached me with a bright smile, "Good morning Bella, here, I got you a blueberry muffin and coffee just how you like it."

I was fuming but of course, sideswiped by her attempt to distract me. "Uh, thanks." I shook my head out of it. "Wait. Don't think I don't know what you've been up to Alice. I don't even know where to start. If you didn't have super strength, I would just… ooh…jump across this counter and STRANGLE you! How could you do this to me? How could you not tell me he was back?!"

"Oh, my god Bella I am so sorry! You told me not to interfere and HE told me not to mention anything until he was ready to talk to you himself. And besides, no one really got hurt, so I kinda looked the other way." I wasn't even sure we were talking about the same thing anymore.

"What do you mean no one got hurt? Can't you see what this has done to me? You know how much it took for me to decide to go finally go on a date, and then I get up this morning and find a note from HIM. I knew I wasn't going crazy! He WAS here in the store the other day WASN'T he? Do you know what he had the nerve to say in his little note?" I waved it back and forth in her face, close enough to brush her nose. "He told me that he made a mistake and that he wants to be back in my life, and that he left to protect me, and that he still loves me. What am I supposed to do with that kind of information?!" I had to stop to breathe. I didn't realize I was yelling until I saw the lone two customers in the store staring at me.

"Bella I am sorry! I am so sorry." She bowed her head and lowered her voice realizing that the customers could still overhear. "My brother and I don't always agree, but I had to respect his decision to keep his return a secret-- for the time being at least. I had no idea at the time what he was planning. Mostly because he didn't know until he did it. I had to do what I did, for him. When I decided to come back he understood, so I owed him at least some time to sort it out; that was for both of your sakes. But aside from all that, I am here for you Bella. You are my best friend and I don't want anybody to hurt you, especially not my own brother."

I was feeling a little guilty for yelling at her. I knew her heart was in the right place regardless of her actions. "I am sorry Alice. I guess I'm not really mad at you. It's him I'm mad at; Both for leaving me a year ago, and for what he's doing to me now. Do you know he wants me, ME, to make the decision? He wants me to decide on whether or not to let him back into my life. How can he expect me to make that decision when he has to know that it's not…that I still…" I stopped myself. I couldn't admit it out loud; not yet. I swallowed hard.

"Bella, go ahead, say it. Whatever it is you can confide in me. I swear I will block this conversation from him. I am here for you." She gave me a hug and motioned for me to sit down. Alice is my best friend and I had to talk to someone about this. Jacob wouldn't be able to understand this. Not to mention that he was MIA right now. Ok, here goes nothing.

"Alice. I still love him--with all of my heart. I haven't been complete since he left. It's so hard to admit I still feel this way. But you have to understand, it is not only my heart that aches when I think of him. It is every single cell in my body. It is so painful that sometimes, I just feel numb from it. However, how can I trust him again? How do I know which was the lie and which was the truth? He told me he loved me and that we were meant to be together---soul mates, but he also said that he didn't want me anymore and that I was a distraction for him." I put my head into my hands. I was holding back tears. I could feel them welling up.

"Bella. My brother does love you and you are his soul mate. He absolutely meant that, but I also think that he is so stubborn and so afraid that you could possibly love him the same way, that it was easier to run away before you got hurt. Hurt by his—our way life. He couldn't risk losing you forever if he was to blame. One thing he didn't expect was that he was the one who hurt you the most-- just by leaving you. He wasn't ready for any of it Bella because he'd never experienced true love before you. He had no idea how heartbroken he would be by leaving you."

"Alice, that still leaves me in the same situation-- stuck between a rock and a hard place. Do I let him in or not? It drives me crazy knowing that he is around here, somewhere...hiding, watching me like a stalker instead of coming out of the shadows. It makes me so angry that he didn't give me the chance to see him face to face. But I do love him Alice." I huffed and stood up in frustration. "This is so unbelievably hard!"

"Listen Bella, why don't you just write him back instead of worrying how to confront him in person? This time you can take control. Don't let him off easily either. Just tell him how you feel. After that you and he can take it from there." She got up, kissed me on the cheek and walked over to the young girl waiting at the counter to ring up her order. That was her answer…write him a letter?

I walked to the back room. I had all these thoughts in my head. At Alice's urging, writing them down seemed like a reasonable answer for now. I wished I could just wipe the last year out of my mind and run to him but I knew that it wouldn't be that easy for me. I heard the door ring in the front but assumed it was customer. Suddenly Alice appeared in the doorway bouncing in place with a huge smile on her face. "They're for you!" I was sitting there in disbelief. Alice was holding a huge bouquet of flowers and small package wrapped with a bow.

"Ok, ok Alice. Give them to me before you propel yourself right into the ceiling." She handed me the flowers. They were beautiful. The arrangement was full with freesia, irises, roses, and lilies, all in a light blue or purple color scheme. They smelled so sweet. I put them down on the desk and opened the package. A short burst of laughter escaped my lips. Alice was still standing there with anticipation. They were note cards. It was obvious why she was excited to see my reaction. "I told you a letter would be a good idea. Read the card, read the card!" I opened the card. Inside it merely said:

Please trust me. I'm here forever if you'll have me.

Love,

Edward

Her idea was a good one after all and his gesture was very sweet. I turned to her. She had finally stopped bouncing around. "Alice, you knew he would do this." It was a statement of fact. She looked at me with a mischievous smile. "Yes, but he doesn't know how you're going to reply or even if you will. This part is he's sweating out, and he should be. He can't know everything I know or it would spoil the fun."

"Alice, it sounds a little like playing games don't you think?"

"Well, he's been doing it to you, so turnabout is fair play, No?"

"What do you mean he's been doing it to me; what else do you know Alice?"

"Oh! Um – Nothing. I am just saying, he's been back and just following you around, but never actually facing you, like the big baby he is. In any case Bella, I know he is not going anywhere, so just use this time wisely." She smiled and turned away.

Now I just had to think of what to say and how to say it. If I were able to write down my feelings maybe he would truly understand what I went through and what I'm going through now.