Chapter 13:
Amy's whole body was shaking, yet she was frozen in time and space as she stared at the door of 4A. How long had she been standing there? She had no idea. She had planned this out so well, had practiced what she would say a hundred times over, yet she couldn't even bring herself to knock on the door.
It had been a little over a week since she had taken all of those home pregnancy tests. She had carefully avoided Sheldon since then. She wanted to be certain before she dropped the bomb that would once and for all level their relationship.
After her OBGYN had confirmed the test stick's findings she had gone to see her mother. Sure she had told Jake over the phone but this was different. She had to tell her mother face to face, they lived in the same town there was no excuse. It took almost three whole days for Amy to pluck up the courage to go over there.
When she finally made it, she had stayed for dinner and even watched the local news with her mother before beginning the conversation. She thought that if she waited until later in the evening when her mother grew tired, perhaps the yelling wouldn't be so bad. And it wasn't, in fact her mother hadn't yelled at all. She had sat there on the sofa like a statue just staring at Amy for the longest time.
"Mom, are you mad at me?" Amy had finally sheepishly asked.
"No, I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed." And there it was the good ole "disappointment" why did that always make you feel worse than anger? Amy had always hated to disappoint her mother. She had worked so hard all of her life to make her mother proud and now she had gotten herself knocked up.
Tears pricked at Amy's eyes while she tried to stay strong. Yes, she was upset now but her mother would come around, after all she had pestered Amy for grandchildren for so long now, it would almost seem that she should be happy no matter how they got there.
Oh, but then it got worse. "What does Sheldon say about all of this? He is going to marry you, isn't he?"
Bam! Like a punch in the face. She should have known all those lies would come back to get her. Of course her mother thought it was Sheldon's baby. They had long ago upset her with all the lies about their frequent intercourse. After they had broken up Amy had not told her mother as it would be hard to explain that she needed more physical intimacy from someone she was supposed to be having regular coitus with.
So once again, in the same ten minute time frame mind you, Amy had broken her mother's heart by having to confess that she was not carrying Sheldon's child that they had been broken up for nearly eight months now. Instead she had had a brief relationship with a coworker who dumped her, moved back east and was now choosing not to be a part of the baby's life.
As Amy had explained all of this, again her mother sat there with a stone face, not giving way to anger, or even sadness. Amy had never seen her mother like this, and it really scared her. As she came to the end of her confession she waited for her mother to say something, anything. It took nearly five more minutes of complete silence before her mother spoke.
"Well, Amy I am deeply disappointed in you. You have been lying to me for years and having elicit affairs."
"Mom I didn't have elicit affairs. I have had two boyfriends in my entire life and I slept with one of them."
"Yes, and look where it got you! Oh how will I face the rest of the family? What will my friends think? My daughter pregnant with no husband!"
Amy couldn't take it anymore. She was having a hard enough time keeping her emotions in check without her mother bringing up all the 'pregnant and alone' stuff.
Amy mumbled a quick goodbye and got the hell out of there. That was a few days ago now.
Amy had taken the past few days to herself trying to calm her nerves before she had to tell yet another person about her mistake.
But now she couldn't put t off any longer. Sheldon had given her some 'alone' time after she had lied and told him she needed time to herself to finish an important research paper. But now he was adamant that they see each other. He had invited her to dinner, and when she had tried to turn him down again to 'finish her work' he had insisted that he would then bring dinner to her.
Amy had quickly back peddled and agreed to dinner at his apartment. She wanted to tell him at there so that she wouldn't have to break his heart, and hers, and then ask him to leave like last time.
No, this time. She would tell him and then she would leave. This little bit of control over the situation was the only thing Amy had to cling to, and she needed it badly.
She of course was not about to tell him in the middle of their group of friends so she was now at his door a full two hours early. This way she could tell him and get out before having to face anyone else. Penny knew about the baby, but Amy had sworn her to secrecy and she wasn't ready to tell everyone just yet.
Tick, tock…. Amy was losing her time buffer. If she didn't go in now and get this over with she would run the risk of having the others arrive during her confession. This was enough of a fear to propel Amy forward to knock on the door.
After what felt like an eternity, but also a split second, Sheldon answered the door.
"Amy, What a pleasant surprise! You are here early." Sheldon's greeting only drove the stake deeper into Amy's heart, and she could find no words of greeting for him.
After a few beats of silence, a puzzled Sheldon stepped aside for her to enter. "Are you okay? You don't look well. Maybe you should have stayed home after all. Come in and sit down."
Amy did as she was told and took a seat on the far end of the couch, as far away from Sheldon's spot as she could get.
Sheldon stared at her quizzically but continued to sit down on his spot.
Amy drew in a long deep breath, trying to steady her shaking body. She had to do this now, 'Come on Fowler you can do this!'
"Sheldon, I've come early so that I might discuss something with you, privately."
"Of course Amy, what should we discuss? I can get out my conversation starter cards if you would like."
"No Sheldon. I have something important to tell you and I need your full attention."
"Alright." Sheldon must have sensed something was up as he replied very carefully.
"Okay I will tell you, but I need you to promise that you will listen to everything I have to say, and that you will not interrupt me."
"Fine" Sheldon looked downright grim now, but it was nothing compared to the turbulence inside of Amy at this moment.
With his agreement Amy began her story. "You remember that I briefly dated someone from my lab." Sheldon only nodded. Amy not wanting to drag it out got right to the point.
"Well, I'm pregnant." Amy held her breath as she waited for Sheldon's response.
Just like her mother he seemed to need a moment to process this new information and he stared at her blankly.
When he finally began to speak it was clear that he had not grasped the obvious implications of this statement.
"I don't understand. How can you be pregnant? You would have had to have inter…."
Amy could only watch in horror as the terrible realization of what she had done finally sunk in for Sheldon. She watched as his facial expression changed from a look of confusion to comprehension to one of complete anguish.
Amy couldn't stop the tears now. She was downright sobbing. "Please Sheldon, please know and I am so sorry. It was a terrible mistake. I never meant to hurt you. Please Sheldon."
Amy wasn't even sure what she was asking for. She couldn't stand to know that she had just stomped on his heart again.
Amy continued to cry, but she didn't dare move a muscle. Sheldon had dropped his head and seemed to be studying his lap intently as he gathered himself.
Finally without looking up he spoke. "I think you should go now." He said in a voice barely above a whisper.
Amy cried harder. "Please Sheldon, I'm sorry."
"Just go." He said again without lifting his head.
Amy collected her bag and walked to the door. She turned back once to see if he had looked up yet, he hadn't.
With that Amy took one final look around at the apartment and left.
On her way out she texted Penny. She needed to know that someone would go check on Sheldon, she needed to know that he would be okay.
Author's Note: Gah that was a hard chapter to write. Now I'm all depressed. Think I will go watch some Shamy episodes to cheer myself up. Love all the reviews. Please stick with me, even though I'm bringing us all down, we'll get there I promise. TBBT is not mine.