Chapter Thirteen

The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of. -Blaise Pascal

Day: 23

The smell of cleaner, air freshener and the comfortable and warm blankets woke Light up. He was much too relaxed, which of course, put him immediately on edge. He was almost never peaceful anymore –therefore something had to be wrong. There must be a reason he no long sitting with his back to the door, and it was probably the same reason he had such a humongous headache…

L! Light yelled in his mind, because he now knew what must have happened –L and stupid, stupid self had cheated!

Light kept his eyes closed, because no doubt the man was in the room with him, waiting for him to stir. The bastard. Light nearly wanted to scowl at the thought but kept his face relaxed instead. He was absolutely furious with the detective. Light was pissed off, and not only that –now he'd actually have to face someone who knew. And not to mention –he was fucking strapped down the bed!

L noticed the second Light woke up. The sudden stiffness and then relaxation was a give away –and L would know. He'd been watching the boy for the entire time he'd been sleeping. He found himself unnaturally fascination with parts of Light's body that everyone had. His hair, his cheeks, his neck his stomach, his hands….his lips…

It was incredibly strange. They were just body part weren't they? Well, they were definitely softer when Light was asleep, when his eyes were not laced with hatred, his hands were not rigid and clenched and his lips were not twisted into a scowl…yes, when Light was unconscious, he looked almost friendly. Such a thought unnerved L; because Light was not friendly, not matter how good he pretended to be so. What unnerved him even more was the thought of a genuinely polite Light turned him off entirely; that was just plain wrong.

"Light-kun," L interrupted once more, not feeling sorry for it at all, "I know that you are awake. I feel we have something to discuss."

"I'm not talking to you," Light snarled, turning his head in the opposite direction of where L was sitting without opening his eyes.

"That quite alright," L acquiesced, "You need not speak, Light-kun, only listen."

Light didn't answer –childishly ignoring the other man.

"You are Kira, we both know this," L started, wiggling his toes, "You are guilty, and I have always thought so. You are not exempt from punishment because you believe you were right or because you wanted to believe you were God."

Light suppressed a snort. Of course not. He was going to die, finally. It was a bit delayed, of course, but that would be fine. Soon, he'd be free of the horrid memories that had plagued his mind from that very day, from the nightmares that haunted him like a ghost in the night, sending chills up his spine with every touch. Light held onto what little hope he had left.

"You are exempt from punishment merely because I say so," L finished the sentiment, causing Light's eyes to fly open against his will.

Light was speechless. What the hell was going on? Who was this and what had he done with the L was going to make sure he died? This couldn't be real –there was no way L would exclude him from getting justice, that just wasn't L. It wasn't what Light wanted L to be at the time, either. Selfishly, Light wanted the other L back.

"What that hell?" Light spat, trying to sit up to get a better look at the detective, but found that the restraints on his arms stopped him.

"Hm, it seems Light-kun's attempts at 'not talking to me' have not lasted three minutes," L mused, mockingly, "It seems his self restraint is weakening."

"Only when you say insane things like that, Ryuzaki," Light snarled, "Are you completely mental? Or is this some sort of joke?"

"This is no joke, Light-kun, but I do not know if I'm insane or not," L said thoughtfully, tapping his finger against his lips, "I have not gathered enough evidence to support the theory of my insanity, but enough people have been character witnesses that I'm sure I have enough basis for a case."

"I don't believe you're just going to let me go," Light sneered, ignoring the small attempt at humor, "That is not you, Ryuzaki."

"You are the second person to tell me that, Light-kun," L sigh, scooping up a piece of cake on a gingerly held fork and plopping it into his mouth, chewing and then speaking again, "Watari does not seem to fond of my choice, either."

"Who says I don't like your choice?"

"We both know, Light-kun, that your will to live is next to nonexistent," L replied, staring at Light, quite preoccupied with his mouth, for some reason, instead of the words coming out of it, "Would you like to talk about why?"

"Fuck you, bastard," Light snapped icily.

"Really, Light-kun, is such profanity really necessary?"

"Shut up."

"I was simply wondering if you were passed your stubbornness and ready to talk about what happened –"

"As far as you know, nothing fucking happened," Light hissed angrily, "Now, shut up and stop talking, L or I will find a way out of these restraints –and strangle you!"

"I highly doubt that, Light-kun," L responded, smirking.

Light didn't respond, and instead closed his eyes, which disappointed L. He liked Light's eyes, not matter how full of hate they were, how merciless. In fact, he liked most things about Light, physically. In fact, he liked some things too much. Like his lips. Which was, perhaps, why could not stop staring at them. And Light's hands. A normal size, but thin and pale and elegant. It was very strange for L to take such interest –an interest so strong is bordered on fascination –in something as normal as lips and hands.

They were just body parts, after all.

"When you fully recover, Light-kun, we will be boarding the helicopter. You will be treated as a prisoner at the time, for I cannot risk you getting away," L stated calmly, "It will take us to an air port, where a jet will take us somewhere else. Of course, you may not know the location of that place."

Light still didn't answer, didn't even shift in his feign sleep.

"Then, we will reach a place, there you will work for me, as a detective, using that mind of yours to correct what you've done," L said, and was about to continue before he was cut off, which greatly pleased him. Dormant lips where not as fun to stare at.

"I will do no such thing," Light snapped, "I won't work for you. I will not 'correct' what I've done, nor repent for something that I believe was right."

"Ah, I see, well, I suppose I cannot force you," L shrugged, uncaring, "You will do that, Light-kun, or nothing. Due to experience with this confinement, it is obvious that you easily grow bored. Solving cases will be your only source of entertainment."

L saw Light's lips twist slightly.

"Now, as I was saying, you will solve cases beside me, under an alias," L then pondered something, "Or perhaps you could use one of my many pseudonyms. Either way, I suppose. Yagami Light is dead to the world anyways."

Ah, yes, that had gotten Light's attention. L watched at the hands twitched at the words.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I arranged a body and death certificate to be made," L replied, knowing that Watari was taking care of the details as they spoke, "As far as the task force knows, you died yesterday, by spontaneous combustion. A death fit for Kira's notebook, I'm sure they'll find."

Light's fingers were rigid and his lips were pursed.

"As far as they know, Higuchi was Kira, and he got someone to right your name down in the Death Note you gave us, controlling you and making you kill more criminals and then admitting you are Kira," L explained, "Your father and mother will be proud to have a son who died for his cause."

"Leave me alone," Light whispered, feeling drugs work their way to his brain, clogging it and making him feel undeniably sleepy, "I don't…want to wake up to your face…"

Light suddenly relaxed without realizing it. The muscles in his hands loosened and his lips rested against each other, and then the drugs he'd been given to help with the pain in his head took effect, and he fell asleep. L sat, staring for quite some time at the flawless form of a human being in front of him. It was strange, this enthrallment…something that he couldn't name. Something…very different…

L's fork clattered to the ground

As a rule, L was not attracted to people.

That was not to say, of course, that he was a virgin. For he was not. He'd engaged in fornication a few times before, because he was human after all, no matter what a few of his enemies liked to believe. They were all women, though. Not because L was a attracted to women –no, he was never attracted to people in general –but because it was a social norm.

Women and men had sex together. Women and men fell in love. The statistics where in the heterosexual favor, and so L had decided that he was most probably heterosexual, because he'd experienced no attraction to males that had proved otherwise.

Of course, as a rule as well, Light was always an exception.

He'd stumped L for so long with 'why' he was giving up on being Kira. L hadn't figured it out until it had been staring at him right in the face. And then, when it was proved that he was, in fact, Kira, L was deciding he didn't need to die. Just because he was Light, and L liked Light. Which brought him back to the predicament at hand. Liking Light.

It wasn't attraction –not exactly. It was just extreme interest. Why else would L find himself so engrossed in the tiniest, normal things Light did? With the normal body parts that every human being naturally had? It was a strange notion, and under different circumstances, L would have never considered it. Only, all the little symptoms pointed to that, and the further L thought about it, he decided that there was an 88 percent chance that he was interested in more than just Light's friendship.

Which was why L stayed away from Light's room for the next few days. Not because Light had told him to –since, when had he ever listened to him before? –but because he had his own personal emotional turmoil to sort through at the moment. A problem that, for once, being around Light would only hinder its solution.

L was the most annoying person on the face of the planet.

The irritating man had the gall to practically stalk him for months at a time, even when Light protested against it, and now, the only time Light actually wanted him to be there, the idiot was absent! That was just like the detective really. To do exactly the opposite of what Light wanted him to.

Light only wanted L there for informational purposes, of course, and partly for entertainment. The only person he'd had contact with for that past few days was Watari, in brief episodes, and the man hadn't even talked. He'd even been somewhat hostile, flicking glares at him and 'accidentally' splashing water on him once. Every time he ate, Watari locked the door and stayed inside the room. Every time he used the restroom, he had to keep the door open, and Watari would stand directly outside of it, turned away.

At least Light had the comfort in knowing the old man was miserable as well.

He did not miss L. No, Light didn't miss people. People missed him. But L, no doubt, did not miss Light in the least. Which made Light angry. L was so annoyingly different, that Light liked it. And Light hated that he liked it.

For now though, he pushed thoughts of L aside. Instead he tried to focus on the fact that L was not going to kill him. His fist thought, at the time, had been 'What. The. Fuck?' and soon after, wonderful and blatant denial. Then soon came anger –how the hell could Ryuzaki do this to him? How completely and utterly wrong was that! Back when his life had been the most important thing to him, L had shoved it in his face that Kira would die! Now that he wanted –no, needed –to die, the man was sparing him?

Then, after a few days of hoping that L would come back in the to room (just so Light could kick the smirk off his face) he'd calmed down. He stared straight ahead most of the time, when he wasn't sleeping, which he was –a lot. He talked as much as Watari did, which again, was not at all. Instead, he thought, had nightmares and flashbacks, and all in all, started spiraling into a large, black depression. It didn't show on his face, of course, for that was as stone hard as always.

He wanted to know when he was going to leave this place! This same old hospital room made him sick to his stomach. He was already back to eating solid foods again, he was absolutely fine. He wanted out of this infuriating room, out of the annoying restraints and out of this exhausting life.

Bust most of all, he wanted that exhausting, annoying and infuriating detective to get his ass back in the fucking room!

It was June 15th, and a summer storm was threatening to downpour on the mourners in the cemetery. There were many people standing around at grave just before it was to be lowered. Some where students, who'd really barely known Yagami Light, one was his 'girlfriend' Amane Misa, his ex 'girlfriend' Takada Kiyomi, and his family consisting of Yagami Soichiro, Sachiko and Sayu.

Soichiro stood, his dress shoes sinking into the soggy dirt beneath his feet, as he stared in awe at the form of his son's coffin hovering over a deep hole in the ground, only suspended there by a few ropes that were soon to lower the body forever to the soil. It seemed like a fake thing, like this couldn't really be happening. A scene in a movie perhaps, where the lines from others all consisted of 'If there's anything I can do…'.

Everyone was still, except Sayu, who shook furiously under the weight of her sobs, Sachiko hold her close to her bosom, soft tearful tremors passing through her as well. The sky was grayish blue, the water clogged clouds mixing with the blue of the sky. They'd only been standing there for about five minutes, but the family members felt that it was longer, the weight of the death of their perfect son and brother crushing them.

"I apologizing for my tardiness," said an easily recognizable voice, and Soichiro turned, tears glittering in his eyes.

"Ryuzaki," Soichiro breathed, "You came."

"Of course, Yagami-san," L nodded, in black baggy jeans and black, long-sleeved cotton shirt on instead of his normal white and blue attire. "Light-kun was an excellent member of the task force, and my friend."

Soichiro nodded and put his hand on his wife's shoulder, as she had turned her head to look at the stranger. Now she turned her body completely toward the man, whose appearance left much to be desired. She brought Sayu with her, and the younger, pretty girl looked at L confusedly.

"Sachiko, this is Ryuzaki," Soichiro introduced, "He…was a good friend of Light's. He did everything he could to –to help Light."

"It's a pleasure you meet you, Ryuzaki," Sachiko said, nodding, "I'm sure Light would appreciate your being here."

"Thank you," L replied, and looked at Sayu. The girl was pretty, in a young, cutesy way, and she wore a black dress and her hair down, hanging across her face. She was probably embarrassed with the redness of her eyes and nose; consequences of prolonged weeping. "Yagami Sayu, correct? Light-kun spoke of you fondly."

Sayu ducked her head and mumbled something L could guess was 'thanks', yanked herself away from her mother and ran away to the other side of Light's grave. She nearly slipped on the wet grass several times. L remembered seeing them acting rather closely to each other when he'd been spying on them through the cameras in their home.

"I should go check on her," Sachiko said softly, excusing herself and slipping away, to comfort her daughter who had sat down under a tree.

"I'm sure 'I'm sorry' is quite cliché at this point, Yagami-san, but I don't know what else to say," L stated, quite uncomfortably. Soichiro smiled slightly.

"I understand, Ryuzaki, but really, you have nothing to be sorry for," Soichiro's fist clenched, "I'm just –so –so glad you were right. That he wasn't Kira. But at the same time…would he be alive if he were?"

"I've said before, Yagami-san, I would make sure Kira was put to death," L responded, tactful as always.

"Yes," Soichiro responded, defeated, "He…You're right."

There was a pause.

"Kira's death would probably be for the best."

L looked at the man's face, and saw that he knew something was out of place. That the body in the casket, black a shriveled up, was not his son. But L knew it was only a nudge at the older man's mind. That there was no evidence to prove it. That Olliver's body was practically identical to Light's, under the charred skin, and that Watari had arranged several doctors to inform Yagami-san that yes, this was his son.

"But that doesn't make me love my son any less," Soichiro's breath hitch, "My son…was …my son. Brilliant, wasn't he? I'm sure, wherever he is, he's being taken care of."

Soichiro looked at the sky, and then at L, and then sighed when the detective said nothing.

"Are you coming to the memorial?" Light's father inquired.

"No."

"Why not?"

"I apologize, Yagami-san, but I'm very busy," L explained lamely, and Soichiro stared at him for a moment before nodding.

"Yes, I suppose you would be," Soichiro agreed.

"In fact, I should be leaving now," L said, shoving his hands into his pockets, and deciding he'd been in shoes much too long for his liking, "Watari and I will be leaving the country today. There is no longer a reason for us to stay in Japan."

"I don't suppose you can tell me where you're going?"

"You would suppose correctly, Yagami-san."

L stood there for another second before beginning to walk away, back toward the rode where Watari was awaiting him in the limo. Soichiro spoke again, causing L to pause and twist his head back to look at the man.

"I enjoyed working with you, Ryuzaki," Soichiro told him softly, "Will I ever see you again?"

L saw, in Soichiro's eyes, a large amount of hope. Perhaps that doubt he had that his son was really dead was overpowering him, causing him to cling to the only person who would truly know. Soichiro was looking at him expectantly, perhaps hoping L would nod and wink, hinting that just a visit to him would provide him with access to Light. But L knew that know one outside Watari and himself could know of what he was doing.

"No, Yagami-san, I'm afraid you won't."

As L walked back to the limo, he considered what Soichiro had said; Kira's death would probably be for the best. It was a provocative statement, bringing up a question that L had been asking himself ever since he'd wrote that email to Olliver. Was he doing the right thing by saving Light? Was that really justice?

In the end, L decided, Light's death would probably be for the best. For the rest of the world, anyway.

Well then, it was a good thing he didn't really give a damn about the rest of the world.

"Why the hell are you wearing all black?"

Light nearly cursed himself for asking such an unnecessary question. He'd been waiting for days for Ryuzaki to return, to ask him several questions about what was going to happen to him, if not death, and when the man finally arrived, he asked him about the clothes he was wearing. Really. Light felt like smacking himself, but the restraints on his wrists stopped him from doing so.

L looked at Light, blinked and then answered, "I was attending your funeral."

That was possibly the strangest answer anyone had ever given Light. His funeral –he hadn't thought that would happen so soon. But then, it had been over a week since L had informed him that he was dead to the world.

"I want to ask you some questions," Light said, and L nodded.

"I assumed you would," L answered, "But we will be going to the helicopter soon, and then boarding a plane. I suggest you wait until you've awoken."

"Awoken?" Light repeated, "No way, Ryuzaki! You are not knocking me out!"

"Watari is brining the anesthetic as we speak, Light-kun."

"No! I absolutely refuse!"

The door opened and Watari came in, a plastic mask to put on Light's mouth and gas tank in hand. Watari bent down to hook up the gas tank to the computer and plug it into the wall. Light scowled and continued protesting.

"This is completely pointless! Why knock me out? You can just handcuff me or something! Don't do this!"

"You may escape if you are not unconscious, Light-kun," L explained easily.

He did not look at Light, and instead focused on Watari as he hooked up the gas tank. He was pretty much done now. Watari turned the knob and grabbed Light's chin, holding the boy's head in place as he put the mask over his face. Light struggled, and his wrists burned as they pulled furiously against the restraints. Then Light held his breath.

L saw the action and couldn't help but find himself amused with it. Light, in all his self-proclaimed wisdom, was still just as childish as L.

Eventually, Light could hold his breath no longer, and his world went dark after several minutes of swirling color.

When Light awoke, he was nauseas. He'd never gone under anesthesia before, and his stomach turned at the thought of it. Stupid Ryuzaki and his stupid assistant. Light opened his eyes, to first see that L was sitting across from him, staring at him quite intently, as usual. Then he found the he was in a room, with small round windows, and each of the seats had seat belts in them.

An airplane.

The windows where shaded, Light's feet where on the floor, and his wrists were once again tied to the armrests with some sort of leather fabric. Wonderful. And did he mention L was staring at him again? His thumb in his mouth, his eyes black and wide and his knees curled up in front of his chest…

"Light-kun, how are you feeling?" the detective inquired.

"Fuck you."

"I see."

"How long has it been?" Light asked, sitting up straight and turning his neck to the side to get rid of a crick in it.

"Two hours, Light-kun," L responded, still staring. What the fuck was his problem?

"Damn it, Ryuzaki, that was completely unnecessary!" Light ranted, "How was I going to get away with my arms strapped down? You could have strapped my legs down too, and maybe even blindfolded me! There was no reason to render me unconscious."

"I disagree."

"You're impossible."

"I hate to sound like a broken record, Light-kun, but I disagree."

"Oh, you do, do you? And what, exactly, makes you possible? Your charm?" Light scoffed, "Please."

"Ah, no, I'm afraid it isn't my charm, for I've been told several times that I possess none," L replied evenly, "Perhaps that is Light-kun's."

Light scowled, "How flattering."

"I'm merely stating the truth," L shrugged, gnawing at his thumb furiously, eyes never leaving Light's face for a second, "Light-kun has a way of getting a 'yes' without having asked a clear question."

"Is that another quote, L?"

"You've caught me."

Light paused, contemplated where this conversation was going, and decided it was much too tame for his liking. There was no thrill in this conversation. L was complimenting him, and god knows Light loved being complimented, but he knew that the words were false. L didn't accolade people. Instead he looked at the window intensely, trying not to feel those wide eyes burning into him, and Light gazed as thought attempting to see through the barrier and to the clouds beyond it.

"Where are we going?"

"That is a superfluous question, Light-kun, you know I cannot tell you."

"Why not?" Light asked, just to be juvenile.

"Because you are a merciless, brilliant, semi-suicidal mass murderer."

Light's eyes flashed dangerously, "You –you're infuriating! How dare you do whatever you like? You are the most arrogant, condescending person I have ever met in my entire life!"

"Besides yourself, you mean."

"Argh!" Light cried, exasperated, "You are so irritating! I hate you, do you know that? Absolutely hate you! Yes, I'm a mass murderer, but even if I wasn't, and you weren't a detective, I'd still hate you! I can't believe you –"

L kept his eyes on Light, even during the man's tirade. He'd been staring for a while, it was true, and he knew by the uncomfortable way Light had looked away that the man had noticed, and did not approve. But then, L really didn't really care. He liked staring at Light, and more importantly, at Light's mouth. His lips.

L wondered, according to the elegant way they moved when he talked, if Light would be a good kisser. He wondered, by the way Light sometimes licked his lips, if they would taste good. Maybe even sweet, like chocolate. No, more like strawberries. Yes, definitely more similar to strawberries, L deduced., before realizing that Light hadn't eaten anything sweet recently, and so the idea that he'd taste sweet naturally was preposterous.

He had only half listened to what Light was saying, and instead, shamelessly ogled the boy.

When L provoked him, Light's eyes had flashed with passion. L liked to see that in him, because for one, Light had the tendency to look numb a lot of the time, recently. Secondly, when Light was angry, and his eyes lit up, there was something almost majestic about the expression. It was interesting and…it make L wonder about what kissing Light would be like.

And then, L decided that he really needed to try.

For if he didn't, his curiosity would never cease to tickle the back of his mind. And so, quite boldly, L leaned forward and pressed his lips to Light's, who had still been talking about how much L annoyed him.

Light's lips where soft and warm, which L found quite strange, because the rest of Light was hard and cold. It was odd, but not displeasing. He sensed the younger man tense up in surprised –and probably something more –he was a rape victim after all. L took up everything about the kiss, including the closeness of Light's face to his own, and how pleasant it was. Including the almost sweet taste of Light's lips and the wide brown eyes staring back into his in shock.

No –it wasn't sweet exactly. It was just Light. A natural flavor, and L could almost taste the power on his tongue.

Finally, after more than ten long seconds, L pulled back and spoke.

"Hm. I quite enjoyed that," He mused to himself.

Bam! Light head had connected to his own harshly, causing L to be thrown backward into his chair sloppily, and then fall to the floor because of his poor posture. He looked up at Light, whose wrists were still strapped to the arms of the seat, and saw his once surprised eyes had transformed into intense fury. Well, L thought, that might have been an obvious reaction to consider.

"What the hell – what the hell do you think you're doing?" Light snarled, his voice growing louder, "Get away from me! Don't fucking touch me! Don't you dare touch me again! Get away from me!"

L blinked, and then complied.

Watari didn't ask why L had been kicked out of the main seating area of his own jet, nor why the detective had listened to the captive. He just flew the plane, and watched L secretly out of the corner of his eye, where the younger man sat in the co-pilot's seat, hunched up and without a seat belt. L seemed to be contemplating, and Watari thought he could see something in his ward's eyes akin to guilt.

Something Watari hadn't seen L feel many times before.

L contemplated Light's reaction, an decided that perhaps he should have thought more about how Light would feel about it. And taking into account that Light was – well, what his history was, perhaps L really, really shouldn't have done it. Of course, being a selfish and immature being, L had only taken his wants into account. It was his way.

L knew he had to confront Light about this new desire. Now that he he'd gone and kissed him, it was possible Light already knew L felt that way, but Light was a suspicious and paranoid person. Perhaps he would think it was a trick. Or, thanks to the assault, Light might even think L was the same as Akitoshi. Which was not the case.

Well, then, he'd have to come out an say it then, to prevent Light from jumping to conclusions that would send him further down the path to self destruction. So, after quite a few hours of thinking, L stood, walked back into the main area of the plain, and then walked over to the chair that was conveniently placed directly in front of Light's. He pulled up his feet, but the boy did not stop glaring at the wall.

"Light-kun," Ryuzaki started, "It has come to my attention that perhaps kissing you without consent was not the best idea."

"Wonderful revelation, Ryuzaki," Light hissed.

"You see, Light-kun, I've come to realize that I have developed more than platonic feelings for you," L explained, which cause Light's eyes to rip away from the wall and to look at him in surprise.

"I knew that I cared for you as a friend, and did not want you to die but over the past couple of weeks I've been noticing something more," L paused, thinking for a moment, and then continued, "The kiss was a test, for myself, to evaluate whether or not I am truly attracted to you."

Light's lips twisted slightly and his eyebrow raised, barely visible beneath his bangs.

"It seems that the result was positive –meaning that in addition to being emotionally attached to you, I am physically attracted to you as well."

There was silence at that. L watched Light's face, which was stone hard and stoic, like it was much of the time. He was thinking, hard, and L wondered what he would say to this. It was certainly new, and L wondered if being raped by a man had made Light afraid of homosexuals, or just males in general. But then, the thought of Light being genuinely scared of people that had done him no harm personally didn't seem like the young man.

Finally, Light parted his lips, (lips which L clearly remembered kissing), and spoke.

"I really don't care how you feel about me, Ryuzaki," Light stated at last, "My feelings for you are, always have been and always will be, hatred and loathing."

A pause.

"And that won't change."

After a couple of moments of silence, L nodded.

"I had a feeling."