- Drowned -

My leg was nearly numb and the cuts on my face stung horribly with every slight breeze off the ocean, but the bleeding had at last stopped. Intent on making it to the upper tier district, I drudged painfully onward through the slums, breathing in short gasps as the heat began crawling along my ribs and into my stomach. The itchy feeling that had been creeping up my arms was now much more severe, like tiny blades slicing apart the flesh under my skin. Just as Jude had said.

The café was far and eventually I saw an airship fly by overhead, landing back near my apartment building. Cid's, from the looks of it. At least Tifa would be safe and could get her shoulder taken care of, I rationalized. After so many long moments of walking, I finally gave up and simply began pulling myself along the sides of buildings, trying to get as much weight off my leg as possible. And for the first time, I regretted not carrying materia. Even a low level cure would've helped.

The slums tapered off into the commercial district and the streets slowly became more crowded. Judging from the looks several people were giving me, mostly ones of pity or revulsion, I surmised that my appearance was less than appealing. But I didn't care. Things were fading away faster than before, utter hopelessness influencing my painful trek forward. For some reason, I never thought I would be affected by the withdrawal symptoms since the real Mako in my bloodstream kept me safe from other side-effects.

"Hey man, don't worry. You'll make it through it," a voice said kindly from behind me.

I turned to see a man around my age smiling at me with sympathy.

"What do you want?" I spat.

"I know what you're going through. I've been clean for almost 3 months now, and I just wanted you to know that it gets easier," he said politely, "Those first few days are absolute hell, but you'll be happy to kick the habit once it's over. Just hang in there."

"Right. Thanks, I guess. But I'll be fine." I reacted with agitation, immediately turning away from him and resuming my unsteady course to the café. The last thing I needed was distractions and obstacles.

He shrugged and continued on his way, as did I, grateful to be rid of the irrelevant chatter. Minutes dragged on, but I kept going. I must've looked worse than I thought because I got several more encouraging comments from ex-mako junkies, while the real junkies would just glare at me ominously, patting their pockets as if to protect their own precious supply of mako.

At last, the tiny café perched over the tier appeared at the end of the block. The sun was now high, and the pain unbearable. My chest and neck were burning hot like small blades cutting beneath my skin, and the headache was pounding so loudly it was impossible to see straight. Through the glass window of the café, I saw Jude sitting at his usual table, coffee in hand, cigarette in mouth like always.

Limping over, I pushed the door open, the tiny bell jingling at the top to alert the staff of a new customer. But the waitress didn't move when she saw me, her eyes just widening a bit. Slowly, I walked over to the table and sat down in the seat opposite Jude. The café was unusually crowded, and the other customers immediately turned their heads away the moment I sat down, pretending not to have been staring.

"Jude..." I breathed the word in contempt.

"I was worried you may not show. It took you a while to get here," he said indifferently, then threw my keys on the table. I didn't reach for them.

He looked me over, his eyes trailing down the cut on my face, and scoffed.

"I see you didn't exactly get away unscathed from that little basement session." He grinned.

"Neither did your two assassins. They're dead," I said bluntly.

He took a sip from his coffee mug and placed it back on the table, one hand unconsciously trailing over the scar down his neck.

"How did you manage that, I wonder?" he asked softly, narrowing his eyes, "Last I saw, you were chained to a chair with a gunshot in your leg which should have caused you to bleed out, though my two associates were supposed to accelerate that for you."

"Why should you care?" I responded while trying hard to keep my breathing steady and my vision straight.

"It's just ... interesting that you're the only one to ever escape that. Aside from myself, of course." The finger trailing down his scar suddenly paused. For a brief second, his eyes fell to the floor and the muscles in his jaw tensed. Then he cleared his throat and looked back at me. "You're here. So you accept," he ventured to guess.

"No. I need the mako," I replied plainly, "And I need you to leave her alone for good."

A little laugh escaped his sneering smile.

"That's where you made a fatal mistake," he informed me.

"And what would that be?"

"You let me see your weakness. And when an enemy sees your weakness, they can exploit it. They gain that power over you," he explained.

"My weakness...?"

"Her. That woman you so dearly protect. You've let me know how important she is to you, how badly you would be hurt if something were to happen to her." Another cruel smile.

"You can't kill her."

"Care to bet on that? But maybe you shouldn't since you don't have any money to risk," he said harshly.

"Then what do you want?"

"Accept my offer and all is forgiven. You and your girl will be untouched and all the mako in my pocket is yours. Reject, and she will die. As will you subsequently."

"How about I just kill you here and now, instead?" I growled, reaching for my sword.

"Ah, I wouldn't do that if I were you. Notice how crowded the café is today, hmm? Familiar faces?"

I glanced around the tiny room, examining the other patrons. More than half were other assassins working under him. It was a trap, like Tifa had said.

Jude nodded over my shoulder at someone sitting directly behind me and I heard sudden movement. If it weren't for the intense headache pounding through my skull or the crawling sensation suffocating my skin, I would have reacted quicker, but my whole body felt dull and sluggish. A knife was suddenly at my throat, held there tight by the person who had rushed behind me. Jude's eyes never left mine and I felt the tiny blade cutting into my neck instantly.

"Don't move a fucking muscle," Jude instructed me, voice low and rigid.

The other assassins in the café had stood, staring over at us and the few people who were authentic customers took one look at what was happening and bolted out. The waitress stayed motionless at the counter.

"It's a bit... bright in here, don't you think? All these big windows and that glare from the sun off the ocean..." Jude said sardonically, "Why don't we continue this conversation somewhere less ...conspicuous."

I gritted my teeth as the assassin behind me pushed the blade closer, slicing open the top few layers of my skin. Another associate stood behind me and unsheathed the katana off my back in one quick motion, handing it to Jude.

"I've been meaning to ask for this back," Jude said with a smile, looking down at the sword in his hands.

The other six-bladed sword was removed as well, and I tried hard to conceal my rising panic. The two associates twisted my arms behind my back and wrenched me up from the chair, the dagger still at my throat. Jude stood and walked towards the swinging doors behind the counter that led to the kitchen, winking at the waitress as he passed her, and the two assassins followed, dragging me after him. My leg screamed in protest with violent jolts of pain, but it felt distant in comparison to the increasingly desperate need for mako. The heat under my skin shot up in rivets along my arms and spine, my vision saturated in gray.

As they dragged me past the waitress, I caught her eye and she immediately turned away, biting her lip, her eyes avoiding mine. It was clear she did not want them to do whatever they were going to do, or perhaps it was solely pity for my current state, but she did not try to stop Jude in the slightest. A few of the other associates remained in the main section of the café, and I saw the waitress fold her arms across her chest, head down, before the swinging door cut her from my view.

We were in a small kitchen, which was strangely devoid of any chefs. They brought me behind a row of metal cutting boards, most of which still had half-finished meals prepared on them, and held me kneeling on the tiled floor next to a wall of iron grills and ovens. Everything spun and blurred, so it was difficult to get a clear estimation of how large the room was or what else was around me. An unfamiliar man suddenly appeared from the second doorway further past the refrigerators, from what I suspected could be an office. He was a short balding man, though I couldn't quite see his face clear enough.

"What the fuck is this?" he shouted to Jude, "You thugs can't just use my shop like this!"

Jude paused and turned, the katana still in his hands.

"I pay the monthly fee to you," the man continued, sounding less assertive and more frightened, "I pay and I let you sit in my café and have your meetings, and I treat all your people politely, but I will not let you torture someone in my kitchen!"

Jude tilted his head to one side and I saw his hands tighten around the hilt of the sword. The assassin with the dagger to my throat began chuckling.

The man kept talking, his voice now shaky, "I-I won't let you kill that guy here! You all just take that sort of business elsewhere!"

There was a single flash of movement as Jude swung the katana in a twisting arc fast, slitting the man's throat with frightening precision. Half a second lapsed and the body fell dead, a stream of dark liquid down his chest. Though the sight of blood had an odd calming effect, my heart still coiled in my chest because I realized Tifa had been correct – they were going to kill me.

Jude wiped the edge of the blade on the dead man's shoulder indifferently and then turned his attention back to me.

"Now then," he began, "This is how it's going to work. Usually I would let these other two associates handle something like this, but seeing as how you killed the last two I left alone with you, you're going to have to deal with me. And here's the deal. I'm going to slice you up a bit, then I'm going to ask you a question. Depending on how you respond, I will either continue to cut you up and then ask the same question until you get it right, or if you answer correctly, I will let you and your girl live. If you never get the question right, then you bleed to death in this kitchen on the floor and we kill that woman from Edge."

"You really want me to work for you?" I asked, feeling the knife at my neck move slightly as I spoke. The previous blood loss from my leg and face had left me in a steadily weakening condition, not to mention the nausea, headache, and near paralysis brought on by the lack of mako.

"That's the idea. I need someone dedicated to a cause. And I need someone who's good at this job to help me secure additional mako suppliers from Wutai," he responded and I thought I saw the other two associates look slightly dejected for a second. My mouth watered when he mentioned mako.

"It's flawed," I managed to say, "It's all flawed. You can't coerce loyalty from someone."

But the katana suddenly swiped downward in a controlled stab, cutting me along the ribs and fresh blood immediately leaked outward. The tip of the sword then moved upwards, quick and unexpected, slicing open my bottom lip. I winced and sucked in my breath, feeling the blood trail down to my chin.

"Okay," Jude began with a sigh as though he were simply completing an everyday job, "So do you accept my offer? You work for me in exchange for your girl's safety and your own?"

"F-Fuck you, Jude," I spat at his feet.

He let out a laugh and pulled a small cylinder from his pocket, which I knew contained tiny green pills. It was mako. My breath caught in my lungs.

"It would be a shame," he said, holding the cylinder between his thumb and index finger, mockingly, "if you were to die here because then you would never know when we would kill your dear little bitch from Edge. Or, more importantly, how we would kill her."

Another cut, sudden and stinging, tore across my stomach, deeper than the first. Instantly, I curled up, but the two associates still held my arms behind my back so I could not staunch the blood flow, though the dagger was finally removed from my neck. Then there was a heavy kick to my stomach, hard, knocking my breath out and I coughed, tasting blood. The physical pain was beginning to overtake my senses.

"Here we are again. Do you accept my offer?" Jude asked plainly, throwing the mako on the floor. My eyes followed the cylinder as it slid across the tiles, hitting the wall directly to my right, but I was still restrained and could not reach for it no matter how badly I needed it.

"You... can't..." I wanted to say something witty or biting, but my words were lost in my mouth. My lower lip was swollen and pain covered my body, though I kept my eyes on the mako next to me.

This time the blade stabbed forward, puncturing my shoulder and I squeezed my eyes shut, a tumultuous hot pain exploding around the wound. I bit my lip hard to prevent myself from screaming, breathing out in short strangled gasps.

Jude spoke calmly again, "You should know that I've avoided severing any major arteries or perforating any internal organs because I want you alive as long as possible. I want to watch you experience the slow pain of death."

Sweat was all over my face, my heartbeat was insanely rapid, and the blood gushing down my shoulder numbed me.

"I wonder what I should do to your girl once I find her a second time. Since you'll be dead, you won't be able to protect her," Jude called to me, "Maybe I'll have some fun with her again."

My entire body was shuddering involuntarily, but I still looked up at him when I heard him speak. "You won't... go near her! I won't ...allow it!" I said through gasps.

"You aren't in any position to stop me from doing whatever I want to her," he said, "You may have saved her from me before, but once you're dead, I will find her and I will cut her up, slowly. I will dismember her piece by piece. I will take each finger, each limb, and peel every muscle off her bone. And I'm sure she will scream out for help – hell, maybe she'll even scream out for you – but there will be nothing! Nothing to stop it! Nothing to save her!"

But she was safe in Kalm, I told myself. Even if I got killed, she would stay with Elmyra or maybe Barret and she would be safe. She could take care of herself. Again the katana flashed through the air at me and tore through the raw flesh on the left side of my face, directly over the cut I had received at the hands of the two dead assassins in that basement. Blood spattered on the floor at my feet, droplets streaming off my face in quick succession.

"Stop!" I shouted finally because I was cold and numb and knew I would lose consciousness soon. Regardless of the Jenova thriving in my body or the Mako shielding my cells, I would die if he continued. Already there were slices and punctures covering my chest and arms in slippery red, and my vision was dimming. Everything was slowing down, my bones freezing. The pain was nothing but unfiltered signals in my brain. "Stop..."

Jude's posture straightened and he held the sword casually to one side. He spoke down at me, "So now I think you realize there is no choice in the matter. I know your weakness for this woman, so you are at my mercy. You should never let an opponent see your weakness. So I'll ask you again. Do you accept my offer?"

Options were severely limited. The necessity for mako was driving me crazy, and it was clear he would kill me unless I accepted. There was only one way out if I wanted to live to protect her, but what it all came down to was trust.

"Think quickly because I doubt you can sustain any further rounds of this game."

And her safety was a risk I was not about to take.

"F-Fine," I forced the words out, staring at the floor, "I accept. You know that... I need the mako...and I need her. You're right. I ...don't have a choice. Just... promise you won't fucking touch her."

"Good to see you've come to your senses," he said with a huge smile. "I knew you would accept. Together we will be a formidable presence in this region and the further expanses into Wutai."

The two associates released my arms and I fell forward, flat on my stomach, immediately curling up on the floor. Blood was everywhere.

"If we're done here, I have a few calls to make," Jude's tone was once more cold and contemptuous, the smile gone, "Keep your phone on. I'll need you in a few days. Now go clean yourself up. And give my regards to your girl." He turned to leave, then paused as if remembering something, "Oh, and you can keep this for a while longer."

He threw the katana down and it clattered to the floor near my head. The other associates stepped over me and walked back towards the swinging door leading into the main section of the café.

"And don't forget your keys are still out on the table," Jude called back to me offhand, "And the mako is somewhere on the floor. But kick the fucking habit so someone doesn't confuse you with those pathetic junkies. It's not good to have any weaknesses in this world."

Without another word, they left and I lay on the floor, breathing out in relief. Blindly, I reached for the cylinder Jude had tossed to the ground before. Finding it against the metal siding of the rows of ovens, I immediately pried open the top and popped two of the pills in my mouth, closing my eyes. The kitchen became silent and I took a deep breath, waiting for the mako to kick in.

It struck me that the multitude of cuts and the amount of blood loss coupled with the fact that I physically could not move myself because of the intense pain rippling through every muscle meant that I was resigned to simply lay there and bleed to death. The numbness was absolute, and I wondered what Tifa would think if I never returned. But she was out of this mess, officially safe. The café owner's body lay crumpled across the kitchen aisle, pale, surrounded by a pool of his blood, and I thought I would soon mirror his condition.

Yet the panic hadn't left me. There was no huge sensation of calm that I thought would possibly accompany death. There was only severe debilitating pain and something close to regret. Fuck, it hurt. But I needed to do something other than lay there and die. I couldn't die; it was as simple as that.

I rolled onto my side, ignoring every jolt, every ache, and wiped the blood away from my left eye. My lungs seized and I couldn't stop coughing, my stomach tense and sore, split open. A series of light footsteps caused my eyes to open and I found myself looked up at the waitress who had been standing by the counter. Her hand was clasped over her mouth and her eyes were wide, blinking rapidly.

The waitress leaned over me, pushing back an errant strand of short blond hair with her free hand.

"You're...uh, one of Jude's people?" she asked hesitantly, frightened.

"Yeah," I mumbled best I could, attempting to sit up.

"Don't move, honey. I think I have something that might help." She reached through the pockets of her apron, finally retrieving a small green orb. Materia. A halfway mastered cure, by the looks of it. "I don't really know how to use it, but I think it's the kind that healers use. I got it as a gift from an ex."

"Why...are you...helping me?" I asked, immediately wary of her connection to Jude.

"Because you're one of Jude's. And even if the other girls think he's bad news, I always try to help if I can," she responded with a forced happy smile, "Can you use this one then?"

"Yeah, I can," I said and she handed the materia to me.

I held the cure in my fist, the dim iridescent hue brightening as I focused on it. I hadn't used a materia for quite some time, so the abrupt whisper of a thousand voices in my head startled me for just a second. The voices of the Lifestream. The Ancients. It only happens for a brief moment, but it is a harsh reminder that materia is nothing but condensed Mako, made from the Lifestream. Then there is a slight pulling sensation, downward towards the planet, as the energy within the materia is utilized. The Mako fused inside me always reacted in sync with materia, augmenting the natural effects. A bright green trail of shimmering light sprung from my palm, arching up my arm and circling me, and a soothing rush like cool water drops wrapped around my skin for half a second before instantly dissipating into the air. The green glow faded.

"Wow, you really do know how to use it! I need to learn, too. Then maybe I can be Jude's personal nurse," the waitress kept chatting on.

The skin on my leg and face had mostly resealed itself, pulled together with regenerated cells. But the materia she had was not mastered, so the effects were not as complete as they should be. I stood, testing the weight on my leg. A dull ache resided still, but it was no longer unbearable, and the cut down my face was a thin scarred line, the torn diagonal pieces no longer raw flesh, but not totally healed. The other cuts across my chest and stomach and the stab in my shoulder had sealed entirely because they were more recent, though my shirt was still covered in wet blood.

Examining the materia in the light, I cleared my throat and asked, "So you...work for him?" The materia was exhausted for now, though, so I handed it back to her. Better than nothing.

She giggled a bit. "I wish. I only do what I can to make him comfortable. Maybe one day he'll notice me..." she went on longingly.

"You want to work for him?" I couldn't conceal my surprise.

"I just wish I could see him more often. I'd do anything for him, if only he knew!" she squealed.

Apparently the money, power, and striped suit was enough to outweigh the fact that he's a sadistic murderer who would extort, blackmail, and torture people to get what he wants.

"I wonder if Jude has a girlfriend..." she continued, mostly to herself.

Ignoring her last remark, I sheathed the katana on my back and began walking towards the swinging doors so I could get my keys. The waitress was staring dumbly at the green marble in her palm.

"Hey, wait!" she called to me, "W-what am I supposed to do about this...this dead body? I-I've never seen a corpse before!" She pointed down at the former owner.

The pain under my skin and the numbness slowly dissipated as the mako took effect.

"I'm sure Jude will send a clean-up," I told her, though I had no idea if this was true. Clean-ups were typically new associates or operatives whose only tasks were disposing of bodies killed in public areas and diverting the attention of the locals via whatever means necessary.

Stumbling out into the main area of the café, now entirely empty, I sat at the nearest table for a little while, holding my head in my hands and simply gazed out at the ocean, gray and daunting under black clouds. The delicate calmness of mako enveloped me and my heartbeat slowed, colors returning to my vision. A new appreciation for the peace within me arose, and I suddenly thought of Tifa.

As the withdrawal symptoms subsided, a resurgence of physical pain from my leg and face took precedence. And now I had my phone and my keys and mako. Everything was turning out alright. My servitude to Jude was merely a byproduct of something greater that I had gained because now Tifa would be okay. I was becoming very sleepy, the adrenaline long gone and the world settling back into clarity.

The waitress stood by the door, looking out frantically and deterring any customers from entering. After the shivers and heat disappeared and the pain had melted into that hazy blanket of elation, I knew I had to go to Kalm and see Tifa. The dizziness and blinding headache was gone, so I stood and grabbed my other sword that still lay fallen near the table Jude had sat at. Without another moment I made my way towards the door, and the waitress stepped to one side to allow me to pass.

"What should I do?" she asked me anxiously, "I-I don't know what to do. I guess I'll close the café and wait for that clean-up you told me about. But...but maybe I should just leave. Oh, I don't know! Are you leaving now? D-don't forget to tell Jude that I helped you!"

"Right," I replied, not caring to inform her that Jude and I were not exactly friends. He may not appreciate anyone helping me, after all, but I nodded to her curtly and left. The body in the kitchen was her problem now, but I was certain Jude would send someone to handle it, as I had told her. He never left loose ends around the city.

A light rain was drizzling outside, the black clouds moving ever closer. I made my way through the streets, towards the parking garage where my bike was. Now that Jude no longer wanted to kill me and the materia had partially healed me, I could walk with ease. At some point, I would have to settle up with Lars, but that was irrelevant at the moment. How exactly I would explain the situation to Tifa was the growing concern. That's all I thought about as I entered the garage, nearing my bike. Thunder rumbled off in the distance, over the ocean. I would have to tell her the truth, of course, and just hope that she would understand why I had to give my allegiance to Jude in spite of everything.

Of course, I had no intention of following through with his plan if Tifa still wanted me in her life. But agreeing with him was the only way I would have survived. Since Tifa had seemingly become so averse to killing, I knew I couldn't just tell her that I was planning to execute Jude in order to return to Edge with her. She would probably disapprove and that could potentially make her less inclined to let me live with her again. Whatever I said to her, it would have to be tactful. Yet there was something else within me that was almost happy to still be in a job where cutting people apart was routine.

With a crack of sudden thunder, the rain came down in sheets outside the concrete parking garage. Storing my swords tightly away in my bike, I sighed realizing how horribly in love with her I was. Jude was right. She was my weakness. I suppose I was hers as well. And I finally began understanding why she had asked me to leave so long ago, and what her words meant that night in the bar when I returned – why she didn't want me to touch her because we would fall back into that unhealthy obsession with one another. Surviving through as much as we did together will do that to two people.

It began in Nibelheim, yes, but everything else had, too. The town of the dead. Yet when she rescued me from the basement I still felt that intense connection between us. And why would she have bothered to look for me if she didn't still care for me? The matter was no longer in my hands, however, and I resolved to return to her in Kalm, tell her what happened and await her decision. Ultimately I wanted to be with her, but things were never that simple. Never clean cut.

As I left Junon, the storm only worsened, tearing the ocean into violent swells and punctures.