Story 24: I'm Sorry
Chapter 13: Healing Powers
When Morgana finally looked at her sister she expected to be overwhelmed by guilt and sorrow, but she felt nothing. Morgause had stopped being her family the moment she had made her choose. It had taken Morgana a long time to realize that. A moan behind her reminded her that this was not a private moment for reflection. Morgana turned to look at Arthur. Arthur looked back and forth between Merlin and Morgause several times before he settled on Morgana. She was conscious enough to give him some answers.
"What did Morgause mean?" Arthur asked quietly. Morgana looked at him blankly. "When she said Merlin put a spell on my father, what did she mean?" Arthur's glance drifted to his father's body. It was difficult to believe that someone that commanded such a presence in life, could look so small in death. Arthur half-expected this to be some kind of elaborate trick, but his father didn't have a sense of humor, so he knew it wasn't.
"He knew we were coming," Morgana said, her voice barely audible. "He put a spell on Uther so Morgause would not be able to find him by magical means. She tried, but her spell didn't work. It almost stopped, but I knew where he would be."
"You're saying Merlin almost saved my father?" Arthur asked surprised. Morgana couldn't quite tell if that changed anything. Arthur had been through so much today. Morgana knew from experience that when Arthur was upset, he acted impulsively. She wondered if this was his way of giving Merlin a chance instead of immediately condemning him to death. She hoped so. It was too late for her, but Merlin would never have done something to harm Arthur. She only hoped she could convince Arthur of that.
"He tried to," Morgana said.
"But why?" Arthur asked confused. He glanced over at Merlin. He could hear his labored breathing. "Why didn't he just kill my father and get it over with. Surely that's what you all wanted."
"Merlin never would have done that," Morgana whispered. She looked down at the floor. "When I took the crystal, he told me that to kill Uther would be to sink to his level. Merlin may have lied to you, but he would never see you or your father come to any harm. He always wanted what was best for you."
"How am I to believe that?" Arthur asked. "How am I to trust anything either of you say, especially after what you just did. You killed my father!" Arthur's yell echoed around his chambers. Morgana was surprised that no one heard them, then she remembered the dead guards and the fight happening outside.
"I know what I did and I will accept the consequences of my actions. I regret my role in Uther's death, but my guilt does not change Merlin's innocence," Morgana told him sharply. Arthur stared at Merlin's crumpled body for several moments. His ragged breaths came in time with the slight rise and fall of his chest. Morgana couldn't figure out what Arthur was thinking and as the minutes ticked by, she became more and more anxious.
"Heal him," Arthur ordered her.
"What?" Morgana asked, barely able to believe her ears.
"Heal him," Arthur repeated.
"I don't know any spell powerful enough," Morgana told him. Tears leaked from her eyes and she quickly wiped them away. Morgause had not taught her many healing spells.
"Please. Just try something," Arthur said. "He is the one thing that has always been constant in my life. Aside from this, he was always brutally honest with me. He was always there for me. Magic or not, I'll not see him die. He tried to save my father, which makes no sense to me, but I know you were telling the truth. Now heal him."
Morgana slowly walked towards Merlin and winced at the dried blood on the back of his head. She placed her hand over his head and called on all of the magic she possessed. "Gestepe hole. Purhhaele!" Morgana yelled. It was the only spell she knew by heart. She knew it was not powerful enough to heal him, but as she felt her magic flow through her, she tried to shape it to her command.
It wasn't something she had ever tried to do before. Magic was inconsistent, almost like water. It was nearly impossible to shape, but she had to try. When her magic had done all it could she opened her eyes. Merlin's breath was still ragged, but some color had returned to his face.
She feared it wouldn't be enough, but then his eyelids fluttered several times before they opened to reveal his blue eyes. Morgana didn't think. She just let her relief fuel her actions. She gently helped Merlin up into a sitting position and brought her lips to his.
Her brain caught up with her body a couple of seconds later and her eyes widened with horror. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I thought that you might die."
Merlin stared at her amazed. Unlike Morgana's, his actions were carefully calculated as he reached one hand up to caress the side of her cheek. He brought his lips to hers and closed his eyes. He felt weak from months of little sleep and from getting thrown around my Morgause, but he felt if he had this kiss, he had something to keep fighting for.
They broke apart at the sound of an uncomfortable cough. Merlin looked into Morgana's eyes. "We'll talk later," he promised her. He felt more alive than he had felt in a long time. He knew that later they would have to talk about everything that had happened and he would have to figure out if he could move past everything she had done, but he didn't want to think about that right now.
Morgana got to her feet and helped Merlin to his. He stumbled a little, but after a moment he managed to find his balance. He looked over at Arthur. The euphoria he had been feeling vanished. "Arthur… I…" He started to say.
Arthur held up his hand. "Don't," he said. "I need you to leave. Both of you. I need time to think and reflect on everything I have learned. Stay in your chambers until I call for you. Know this, if you flee, I will hunt you down personally and kill you. Are we understood?"
"Yes sire," Merlin said obediently. He bowed before he started to leave.
"My lord?" Morgana asked in a shaky voice.
"Yes?" Arthur asked. He looked grief stricken and exhausted.
"I will accompany Merlin to his chambers," Morgana told him.
"I'm not sure that is wise," Arthur told her.
"Regardless, it is what I wish to do," Morgana told him.
"Very well," Arthur told her. He turned to face his father and he could feel his composure breaking. He regretted that he never got to make things right with his father. He had behaved like a child since he found out about his father's infidelity and now it was too late to act like an adult.
Merlin guided Morgana out before she could say anything else. When the door closed behind her, he explained. "He needs to be alone with his father," he told her. He understood that the only reason Arthur didn't immediately pass judgement is because he first needed to process his father's death. He looked at the closed door as if he could see through it. "Go to my chambers. You can stay there. I need a moment alone. I need to think."
Morgana bit her lip and nodded. She understood that Merlin needed time to come to terms with everything that had happened, she just feared that it would give him the opportunity to decide that what she had done was unforgiveable.
Morgana walked away with a heavy heart. When she arrived back at Merlin's chambers, Gaius looked shocked to see her. There were men everywhere in various states of injury. "Merlin sent me here," she told him. "He's alright, he's with Arthur. She looked around at the knights, unsure if she should tell them. She figured they would find out sooner or later, might as well make it sooner. "Uther is dead." The silence that fell was immeasurable. It nearly crushed Morgana. This silence and the shock on every face she saw, was her own fault. She had caused this.
Gaius looked down at the floor, sorrow contorting his features. He may have disagreed with the king, but Uther had been his friend. "Is Arthur injured?" Gaius asked.
"No. he just wished to be alone with his father," Morgana told him. Gaius nodded and turned back to the man he had been bandaging. Now more than ever, he needed to bury himself in his work. "How can I help?" Morgana was desperate for any distraction that would help her with her guilt.
With that Morgana and Gaius lost themselves in the aftermath of battle. It seemed as if the moment they had finished patching someone up, another person took their place. Neither of them minded though. It was better than facing the truth. There were no powers strong enough to heal what they were feeling.