I rethought of everything I've been told a few days ago. Even if I trust them with no doubt at all, it is something very hard to believe. Toshiro and the others told me and retold me everything that I had somehow 'forgotten'… But nothing seemed familiar to me, to tell you the truth, I just didn't feel anything from it, or feel anything about this Kurosaki boy. If I've really known him before, wouldn't I at least feel a bit of familiarity coming from him? I just don't feel anything of this type around him… But somewhere inside, it only makes me doubt… but what am I doubting about? I'm not sure if I'm doubting about my memories or about my thoughts…
"-cho…" Huh? "Taicho!" Hisagi…? Oh god…! I totally forgot about Hisagi!
"Sorry, Hisagi, what were you saying?" I asked over the communicator that the 12th Division gave us before we came to the Human World. I looked around the town under me, everything seemed so peaceful, yet, everything was upside down in my mind…
"It was nothing… Are you okay, taicho? Are you still thinking about it?" I guess he really is my fukutaicho… he really knows what I'm thinking about, just like Toshiro.
"It'll pass." I just let my haori flow in the wind. I wish that my thoughts could just be lifted away like this haori. In fact, I don't know when I'll stop thinking about it, but it is just bothering me so much at this very moment. I always, always had thoughts in my mind, not matter where I am, no matter when it is, but this is just so different, thinking about is actually bothering me mentally.
I was standing on a light pole, watching over the countless of souls walking under me, oblivious to the souls looking at them day and night. Why did Yamamoto-sotaicho send us here? Maybe nothing would've happened if I stayed in Soul Society… It is even possible that Aizen will launch an attack at this time? We haven't even gotten any news of him since the last time we came to the Human World. This is so frustrating. I just feel as if all those thoughts have just become like boulders that are crashing my mind.
I just jumped away from the pole to a random roof and started running around the town. I guess that some exercise will help me clear my mind. Yup, that's what I thought.
"Taicho…?" I heard from the other side of the communicator.
"Yeah?"
"Did you ever doubt of what we've told you?" What…?
"Let's say that I can't say no… But I also don't think that you guys will make up anything." Especially Rukia… She, who sounded so sad when we talked about everything between Kurosaki and me. I remember Renji telling me that there was a period of time that Kurosaki and Rukia dated… but it seemed that it didn't work out… because Kurosaki had feelings for me… But… how could he have feelings for me and date Rukia at the same time? That's seriously nonsense… Okay, right, it's not that it's nonsense, but this just doesn't help with the situation… It just makes him sound like a jerk to me… This Kurosaki guy, he certainly doesn't sound trustable to me…
But everything that's happened just these days, everything that I've just learned… It just made me anxious… I just couldn't help but grip on to my Zanpakuto's sheath harder.
"I can't believe it… To think that they found her in District 70 of Rukongai…" Such a familiar voice… Who is it…?
"Ugh…" Why is my body so tense…?
"Tsuyuki?" Who? Who's calling me…? My eyelids are so heavy… I feel like I had to put all my energy into opening them…
Ah, a white ceiling…
Is that… Shiro?
"Shi… ro…?" my voice is so sore…
"Tsuyuki! You finally woke up!" As my eyes adjusted to the light, I saw Shiro's sad smile. I just tried to turn my head and look around.
It looks like the 4th Division's barracks… What am I doing here?
"Tsuyuki?"
"Hm…?" I looked back at my brother. It feels like years that I haven't seen him. I just want to try and touch his face, to see if he's true, not a dream. I just let my stiff hand go to his face and touch his cheeks. "You're so warm, Shiro…" I tried to smile.
"Everyone was worried sick about you! Where were you?" Huh…? Where I was? What is he talking about? Wait… and most of all… why am I here?
I just sat up abruptly, surprising him with my sudden movement.
"Tsuyuki? Are you okay?" Wait… this doesn't make sense… Wasn't I… dead? Didn't that Adjuchas kill me back there? Why am I in the 4th Division barracks? And the sotaicho…?
"Toshiro! What happened to the sotaicho? And these Hollows? Didn't I die?" were the only thing that came out of my mind. He just looked at me eyes wide, speechless.
"Don't you remember anything?" Remember what? Wait… No…! Something just flashed in my mind…
Hisagi?
"Hisagi? Is he okay?" I shook him a bit, worry wrapping around me. No… wait… what happened? Why am I seeing these things…? I… I almost killed Hisagi… And I attacked Shiro… what does all this mean? "I… Did I attack you?" I felt my voice shaking. Please, tell me I didn't.
"Tsuyuki, calm down…" he lightly helped me back on the bed. I might have calmed down on the outside, but I feel that my mind is just going crazy! "Hisagi is in his perfect state… and you didn't hurt me at all, okay?" I didn't hurt him at all? But does this mean that I DID attack him? What the hell happened?
I just clenched my fists. What happened to me after the Adjuchas attacked me? Why can I just remember parts of it? Why did I attack Shiro and Hisagi on the first place?
"Tsuyuki… Kurosaki has been worried sick about you…" What…? Kurosaki?
Who is he?
"Who's Kurosaki?"
Kurosaki… Was this the guy that Toshiro talked about? I'm so confused now… This is just making me insane…
I looked around me and noticed that I was just in front of Orihime's school. Karakura High… I did come here once… but I don't think I've met Kurosaki… Should I… go visit them? But he shouldn't be someone I should get too close to… But… what if what they said was true? Okay, right, he might have helped us to save Rukia from what I heard… But this doesn't mean he's trustable… in that way… Ugh… why do I just keep thinking of him? This is just so annoying… I just HAVE to shake him off my mind. He's not someone who I can trust… No… He's not…
But I seriously want to go to that school… and confirm everything…
…
Yes, I have to confirm everything. I'm just wasting my time standing there only thinking about everything and not doing a thing at all. I'm just wasting my time.
I took a deep breath. I jumped down from the roof and walked in the school in my shinigami form, no one would notice me. Only Orihime and the others would know of my presence.
I walked through the familiar halls, while I felt my heart pounding in my chest. Why was this happening? I don't know… I felt like I wanted to walk slower, take more detours to get to their class, but I also wanted to know earlier, fix everything that are upside down in my head.
"Tsuyuki-chan?" Huh?
I turned around, seeing Orihime running towards me, with Ishida and Sado close behind her. Ishida's eyes told me that he was surprised, either by my presence or by Orihime's reaction. Well, I guess it's normal since she shouldn't be yelling to "air", according to other people. And that's also why I noticed that the few people in the hallway look at her in a "what the heck" way. I just sighed.
Suddenly, I saw Ishida pull her back.
"Orihime, she's in her shinigami form. Let's go at the rooftop, or the people will think that we're crazy." I barely heard him whisper. I just looked at him eyeing me and walk away with Sado and Orihime, who was apologizing to him.
I suddenly just felt eyes looking at me for some reason. I could easily guess who it was… I turned my head and looked behind me.
"Kurosaki… Ichigo, right?" I could barely see him look away from me, adding a small "yeah" to his actions.
Somehow, this small, tiny action made my heart feel heavy. I didn't know why though. Didn't I just decide that he wasn't someone trustable? Why did I just feel that way? The look in his eyes, the expression on his face, it just made me turn away.
I felt horrible. I felt like I've just crashed away his life…
"Let's go up…" I just couldn't look at him.
We walked the whole way to the roof together, one behind another, in the silence. I had nothing to say.
This Kurosaki guy, he certainly doesn't sound trustable to me…
This… doesn't seem to mean anything to me after I've seen his face just now. It just made me feel like the bad person. I know, I know that I get easily disturbed only by small things, but nothing can change this fact.
I looked up as we arrived at the top of the stairs and pushed open the door, using my arm to block the killing sunlight in front of me. I removed my arm instinctively and saw the faint outlines of Ishida, Orihime and Sado in front of me.
"Hey guys." I tried to smile, but I guess it came out in a distorted way.
I barely saw Orihime run towards me as I felt myself being pulled into a bear hug. I wonder… why does her and Matsumoto likes to hug people so much?
"I missed you, Tsuyuki-chan!"
Being around them just made me feel awkward. I didn't know what to say. Why did I come here in the first place…?
Oh… Right… I wanted to confirm everything about Kurosaki…
"I missed you too, Orihime." I looked up at her as she released me.
"Hey." Kurosaki's voice resonated in my head.
"Kurosaki-kun!" she looked surprised. I don't know if it was just me, but I thought I saw something glittering in her eyes. Like some feelings were glittering in her eyes.
"Did you guys see each other downstairs?" I looked aside from Orihime to Ishida. I totally forgot about his presence just now.
"Yeah, w-" Oh… wait… they don't know that I've already met him at Urahara's place last night. Did Kurosaki tell them? I looked back at him. It didn't seem like he said anything about it…
"So, you guys…"
"No, I'm sorry… I met him at Urahara's place last night…" I know what Orihime wanted to say, so I just replied her. I knew I would feel bad if she kept going on.
"Why did you come here?" Sado's grave voice reached my ears. I never heard him talk much, it just kind of surprised me to hear this coming from him. Maybe he thinks that… I'm not welcomed here…?
"I… I just thought that I wanted to ask more about Kurosaki… I want to… understand more." I bit my lips. Maybe I wasn't welcomed at all… They are Kurosaki's close friends… they probably just want to avoid letting me see Kurosaki too much… But… why? "I-I probably not welcomed here… I think I should take me leave…" I turned around and headed for the stairs.
"Tsuyuki-chan! Please wait!"
I looked at Orihime.
"Let's talk it out!" her smile just melted away my worry. I tried to smile back to her, while looking at the others' approving figures. I suppose that it might turn out better than I had thought.
"I suppose that everyone told you everything?" Ishida and Sado walked closer as we formed a small circle. I only nodded to his comment. I looked at Kurosaki, he didn't say anything. He only looked at me with yet another sad expression in his eyes. Why do I feel so bad though…? Didn't I say that he wasn't someone trustable for me…?
"But I still don't remember anything…" Why did I come here…? I wanted to confirm everything… but confirm what? Confirm that he loved me? Or confirm that I once loved him?
"Rukia and Ichigo had been dating for a short period of time." I looked at Renji. His expression… I couldn't read it. "But they broke up when you disappeared. Ichigo couldn't help hurting Rukia more with what he was doing to her…"
Is it really the best idea for me to remember? What if… the same thing happens again? What if… I had a reason not to be with him…? What if… he falls in love again with me…? What if I don't remember anything?
I'll just hurt that guy again. Maybe staying this way will be the best option for us both… For Rukia also… Maybe if Kurosaki knows that I can't gain back my memory… maybe he will turn back to her?
What am I doing? I should just leave things as the way it is now!
"Just forget about it." I said. I didn't want to know anything anymore.
"What?" Orihime, Ishida and Sado's voices rang. Ichigo just looked at me, shocked. I looked at him.
"Just what I said. I'm sorry, Kurosaki… but if things have turned out this way, I won't do anything to change it. I don't want to make anyone suffer more because of me." I couldn't stand to look at him anymore.
"What are you talking about?" he was frustrated. "Didn't you come here to try to gain back your lost memories? Why'd you just give up all of a sudden? Don't you think that'll make me suffer more?" I looked at him, I felt my eyes extending. What was he saying?
"Why would it make you suffer more…? You can just restart everything from the beginning, just forget about me, like I did to you." Like I did to you…? I felt like needles were piercing through my heart when I said this. It wasn't something I was supposed to say. "I don't want to be a nuisance, I don't want to suffer." That's right, what if I was suffering seeing him and Rukia like this? Maybe I just wanted my memory to be erased… Maybe Rukia will stop suffering if I just step out of his life…
"Y-you don't want to suffer…?" I looked at his troubled eyes, heard his trembling voice. I bit my lips. Why was I being so mean to him…? I looked at the others, they all looked at me, eyes wide. I didn't know what to say anymore. I turned around.
"I'm sorry… Please forget about me…"
[…]
I just looked at the school one last time before taking my leave and saw that Orihime was already in one of her class, looking out at me, her disappointed expression never wearing off. I just looked away from her and I was about to turn around, but then I noticed the orange haired boy beside her, also looking at me. I just sighed. There's no way anything could've happened between us both, what I had said earlier… was nothing more than a show I put up. But I truly wished that he could forget about me, and turn back to Rukia. I'm so sure… I'm so sure that she's still deeply in love with him… even if she doesn't look like it…
I left, shunpo'ing into other parts of the city. Can I consider this as something that had been done, finished? Yes, now I could think of other things peacefully.
Yet, I knew I was only pushing all this in the back of my mind, leaving it to later. Letting it grow inside me and explode one day or another…
But something much more important has been bothering me a lot… Why did I have to attack Toshiro and Hisagi? Why can't I remember anything...?
Just right before I passed the soccer field close to Karakura High, someone's name popped in my mind…
Urahara Kisuke.
He should know about what happened to me!
I shunpo'ed there the quickest I could, wanting to see him the soonest possible. It would just have been a better idea if his place was closer to the high school. I just wanted to hit him at the back his head for having his store in such a secluded area.
"URAHARA!" I just slammed the door open, not bothering to be polite. Just for this once.
There I saw him at the back of the store, with Tessai who had tears streaming down his face… Huh? I looked at my right side… Oops, I broke the door…
"Ah… he… hehe…" I scratched the back of my head, sweat drops appearing on my forehead. "Sorry!" I bowed down. Guess that I shouldn't have done that…
"No, no, there's no problem, Tsuyuki-chan! Here, come have a seat!" Urahara led me in while Tessai went to repair the door. Sorry again… I felt kind of bad, I really didn't mean of breaking stuffs…
I sat down at the same time as Urahara, seeing that the settings of tea were already prepared.
"I see that you already knew that I would've come…" I said, taking my cup of tea and taking a small sip of it, trying to relax my mind and my soul. He just smiled behind his fan, like he always did.
"Let me guess… You did not come to ask about Kurosaki, am I right?" And I was about to forget. So much for trying to forget about that. I clenched my fists and nodded.
"There's no point asking something like this if I consider this memory unimportant anymore." I probably shouldn't be remembering about him. It would probably just bring me back painful memories.
"But I do want to know why I have those frequent memory loss… Especially the reason why I have completely forgotten about someone…" Suddenly, he just put down his fan, his face looking much more serious than he used to.
"There are a lot of reasons for someone to suffer memory loss. For your case, it might as well be a kind of 'defence mechanism'. Which means that something that your brains considers 'dangerous' happened to you and it processed to erase that memory from your life to protect you from it." Huh… Something… Dangerous? "These things can be physically dangerous to you, as much as it can be emotionally dangerous."
"So, in the case of Kurosaki, you mean that I might have had an emotional crackdown if my brain didn't erase him from my memory?" Well, I think that's what I understood anyways… But this can only explain why I've forgotten about Kurosaki, but it still doesn't explain why I couldn't remember anything about attacking Hisagi and Toshiro… except for those small images I get... I just looked into the cup I had in my hand, the reflection of my face deforming with the liquid.
"If you take it this way, yes. But also, for us, Shinigamis, there is a second reason…" a second reason? So that means that maybe it wasn't my brain that erased him from my memory…?
[…]
I stood on the light pole close to the soccer field. What Urahara told me made a lot of sense. But also, there were some stuff I couldn't understand at all… He did not go into the details like he did before… Is he worrying about something? I just felt my eyebrows frown. Even though I feel less confused, this is just as much annoying as it was earlier…
"Taicho!"
I seriously can't understand it… He knows almost everything about the Soul Society, so there's no way he doesn't know about that…
"TAICHO!"
Unless… he's trying to hide something from me? No, no way… He already told me about it… so why not telling me the rest of it? Why is he leaving me in this guessing position?
"There is a second reason…" he took a sip of his tea and looked straight at me.
"What is it?" I prepared myself for everything. Well, I tried to.
"From what I know, it exist a forbidden kidou that has the capacity of binding two souls together in one body." Binding two souls together in one body…? I've seriously never heard of that… "There aren't many people who are capable of using this kido, or should I say, almost all of them died." But… what does it have to do with my memory loss? "Before, this was a commonly used kidou, since the shinigamis at that time did not know how to master a Zanpakuto yet and it was the most efficient way to seal away criminal souls and Hollows." … wait… if he starts explaining this to me… then…
"Do… Do you mean that… I have another soul inside me…? And that every time the other soul inside me takes over, I lose my memory about what happens?" I looked at him, he just looked back at me, without replying. After a few seconds, he only nodded.
"… Shinigamis usually choose the very strong souls to bind the souls with, because they believe that they can hold back the soul, and eventually make it disappear. But in other cases, if the soul is not strong enough, the other half can manifest itself and become even more dangerous than they once were, but it is only for a set amount of time. If the soul's body is being maintained by the other soul by a too long period time, the body will have trouble to withstand the strain, and both souls will eventually die together." Okay… but aren't we already souls…?
"Aren't we already souls? So doesn't this mean that we don't have a body anymore?" I understood his explanation, it would have made sense if we were talking about a normal human being, but we're shinigamis, so how can there be a soul in a soul?
"Yes, we're merely souls, that is why this forbidden kidou is only performed on humans. This is why I can't understand your case either…" I looked at him, he looked bothered by something. Even he says that it doesn't make any sense, so why?
Then I just noticed, he wasn't looking at me, but at Hyokorimaru.
"Urahara… you don't think that…"
I looked down at my hand to Hyokorimaru. I touched the hilt of my Zanpakuto with care, I just didn't know what to do anymore.
"TAICHO!"
Was Urahara thinking the same thing I've just thought of…? That Hyokorimaru w-
"TSUYUKI!"
What…?
My eyes went wide. Someone just ran into me and pulled me away from my spot, leaving us both in mid-air. I looked carefully beside me to see white silver short hair.
"Toshiro? What do you think you're doing? Put me down!" I yelled. Why was he running away? He just did as I said a few seconds after and looked at me, his pissed expression digging pins at me.
"What were you thinking? You almost got killed!" W-What?
Then I felt the hollows. Once again, my eyes went wide. I couldn't believe it… I was so out of my mind I didn't even notice the hollows… and countless of them were so close! I looked a Toshiro and I frowned and looked away.
"I'm sorry…" I clenched my fist. I was a burden to him. "I'll get rid of it right now." I prepared myself to unsheathe Hyokorimaru when Toshiro held me back.
"No! I'm not letting you fight at this time! Didn't you see how close you were to getting killed? I'm not letting you fight, you're in no shape of having a fight right now. Stay back with Rukia!" Wait… But…
Huh?
"I'm sorry, Tsuyuki-taicho." Rukia appeared behind me and held me back as I looked at Toshiro run off to the Hollows.
"Rukia! Let me go!" I tried getting away from her grip but there was no way. How could she be so strong?
"Please, Tsuyuki-taicho. Hitsugaya just doesn't want to see you get hurt. You know that you're not in a state of fighting now, do you?" I bit my lip, of course I knew it, after what had just happened… But this doesn't allow me to sit back and watch my comrades fight and do nothing about it! "Please." I clenched my fist. I frowned. I seriously didn't want to leave them like that.
"Fine." I stopped debating myself, but kept my fists clenched to release my frustration. Rukia finally let me go and stood beside me.
"I know it's hard watching them fight, but you can't do anything to help them now." Why? Why do they keep saying this? I'm not injured… I've just… gotten a bit confused of myself, but nothing more. How can such little things get in my way? There's no way!
I watched as Toshiro, Matsumoto, Hisagi and the others were struggling to fight off the many hollows there were. I felt horrible, letting my friends fight while I stood back, doing nothing at all. Yet, no matter how much they fought, the number of hollows didn't seem to decrease. Just like when I went to rescue the sotaicho… Where are they coming from?
I looked around, trying to find the Garganta that led the Hollows in the Human World.
"Tsuyuki-taicho?"
"Rukia, help me look for the Garganta." She immediately nodded as we both flash stepped away to look for the door.
My eyes widened as I didn't find the door, but a tons of Hollows heading towards Rukia and me. I suppose that I have no choice but to fight… I looked at the others' direction, they were all busy fighting off the Hollows, it would be nothing bad if I helped them, right? I just have to stick my mind into fighting them.
I placed my right hand on the hilt of my Zanpakuto, ready to pull it out as I looked at the Hollow approach me…
"Tsuyuki!" Huh? I turned around to look at who called me...
Big mistake.
"Owww…" I sat up, my body aching from the impact with the concrete. I glared at the Hollow. Ugh… Toshiro didn't have to call me right at that time… He'll get his hit for sure…! I stood up and wiped off the dust from my butt and ran toward the skulled monster.
Its movements were slow, by the time I unsheathed Hyokorimaru, he had already lost track of me. I immediately cut him down in two while I had the chance. I couldn't let anything bother me now. I immediately turned around, seeing a dozen of Hollows ahead of me, their back facing me, and one by one, I just took the opportunity to cut through them. After all, they weren't as strong as the Adjuchas, so I suppose it wouldn't be too hard to clean this mess, maybe it'll just take some time. I was about to kill another one when it turned around, facing me…
Huge body… White skull head… a Hollow…
"…it was the most efficient way to seal away criminal souls and Hollows."
Hollows… Wait… does this mean that-
"Tsuyuki-taicho!"
I looked straight in front of me, right in time to have something hit me. I fell back on the ground from the impact once again… I looked around… No… it wasn't something… Someone hit me…
I looked, shocked, at the girl just beside me, blood pouring from her arm. She tried to get up slowly while I watched her.
What was I thinking? Why didn't I concentrate on my fight? Why did I have to think about something else?
I stood up and helped her up. I looked at her, guilt taking over me.
"Rukia… I'm so sorry…" I clenched the hilt of my Zanpakuto tightly, not knowing what I was supposed to do anymore.
As on cue, I felt the same hollow approach us, so I just turned around and swiftly drew my Zanpakuto sideways. Right before my eyes, the Hollow vanished into thin air. I landed back close to Rukia, the guilt within me never wearing off.
"Rukia, are you okay?" I asked. It's my fault that she got hurt… I should've known…
"Y-Yeah… just a cut on the arm, it's nothing serious…" Even though she said this, the blood and her facial expression didn't say the same thing. I knew she was in great pain, and from the blood loss, it looked like a deep wound… "Don't worry." I saw her try to pull a small smile to her lips, but it didn't convince me.
"I'm sorry… I should've listened… This wouldn't have happened if I listened to you guys…" I looked away, I didn't care if she looked at me or not, I couldn't face her now. I almost got her killed! Such a good captain I am…
"Tsuyuki-taicho, I'm being serious… This is really nothing! Look at me! I can still move my arm around!" I looked at her lift her arm high, immediately pulling it back down with a low "Ow". I bit my lips. I didn't know what to say. She keeps saying that it's nothing, but it is still my fault. She still got injured. She almost got killed!
"Even if you say so…" Why am I being so useless? Didn't I come here to help them out? I'm just being a total burden right now… How can this happen?
I held the hilt of Hyokorimaru so tightly I could even hear the blade shake… but the trembling in my heart felt worst. It felt a thousand times worst.
"Rukia! Are you okay?" I looked at Renji and the others as they ran towards us after they finished off their mob of Hollows. I just placed my Zanpakuto back into its sheath, looking away from them.
Renji just went to Rukia, asking her what happened. I barely heard her saying that she just got attacked by a Hollow, not bothering to say that it was my fault… I feel so ashamed… Why was she covering the truth for me? I looked at Toshiro, he seemed to know what happened just a few minutes ago, he didn't say anything, but he just looked at me sadly. I guess… I guess I really did disappoint him this time.
"Let's go back to Urahara's place so we can tend to your injury." I heard Renji say.
I looked at Rukia, Renji, Matsumoto and Hisagi walk away while Toshiro stayed at my side, waiting for me.
"You saw what happened, didn't you?"
"… they saw it too, they just don't want you to blame yourself, that's why they're hiding it." He never looked at me when he said those words. I didn't know if he truly meant it when he said they didn't want me to blame myself. "We know that you're trying to get over a big crisis in your life… We understand."
He says that they understand me… but I can barely understand myself… My job here in the Human World was to supervise them, but I feel like I'm the one being supervised, like I'm the one who's supposed to be looked over. I was the one who made them worry, who hurt them.
"I'm the worst captain…" I felt Toshiro turn towards me as I whispered those words, I felt uneasy under his gaze.
"Don't say this, Tsuyuki. We all have our first times, you're the less experienced captain of us all, you are still learning." We learn from our mistakes is what people say… but what kind of mistakes? By putting my friend's life in danger like I just did? "I am too…"
I stayed silent. I did not know what to say anymore. Not that I thought he was totally right, I just felt like there was no point going further in this conversation, since I've already made my decision.
"Let's go." he said. He starting walking away, but stopped in his tracks to look back at me. I just turned around, towards the other side.
"Tell Rukia I'm sorry…" I knew he would be leaving me alone. I knew he wouldn't come after me. "Take care…" I tried to keep my voice as low as I could when I said this. I didn't want him to hear it, or else he'd run after me. But I just couldn't help saying it. I wasn't going to leave him eternally, but just for now…
I kept walking towards an unknown direction, desperately trying to stop everything from invading my mind. But it was a hard thing to do, just the slightest thing could make me think about everything again.
I flipped open my communicator and composed a number…
"Yes, Tsuyuki-taicho?"
"I need you to prepare the Senkaimon immediately."
In Seireitei
I walked through the halls of the 9th Division, heading towards my office. It felt so different being here without Hisagi around. Usually, he would be around, either announcing news or filling me in about meetings or information that I've missed. I saw everyone busy training or filling some paperwork, just as I wished when I came here for the first time. I remember that I was being pretty harsh to those men out there, but being a leader means that I have to show some authority also… but responsibility is something that is most important to me when you're being a leader.
I slid open the door to my office, seeing everything untouched, like the first time that I've came back from the Human World. I walked towards my desk and sat on the chair, scanning the files in front of me. I opened them one by one and scribbled my signature on it without bothering to read the description. Even if I did read it… I felt that it wouldn't be lasting long in my brain…
*knock*knock*
"What is it?" I said aloud.
"Yamamoto-sotaicho has summoned you to his office, Tsuyuki-taicho." Finally, he received my request. I stood up and exited the office. I looked one last time at the room before closing the door.
I took my time and walked towards the 1st Division. Suddenly, I didn't feel so sure of what I was doing anymore. I've thought about it the whole way through the Senkaimon, the whole way through the 9th Division, the whole way I came back here, but I kept hesitating. Yet, I think I have no other choice. People would say that I am crazy for doing this, but I think that it is the best solution to everything.
I finally reached the sotaicho's office. I stood there and waited for him to appear. It felt like hours, maybe because I was nervous? Or was it because I had so many worries that time seems to slow down? I didn't know how long it had been until he came, but I knew I hesitated for a long time before speaking out loud.
"Yamamoto-sotaicho… After all this time in the Human World with Hisagi, Toshiro and the others, I've learned that being a captain is not an easy job. Even a tiny less bit of responsibility can cause major problems. I do not think that I'm suit as a captain…" I took a deep breath. "Please relieve me from my captain duties!"
To be continued...
xNV : I'm sorry for this terribly late update! =/ I've been busy with school works and lazy xD but hope you enjoyed this 12th part of the story! =) Leave any comments about the story! =)