When the holiday was over, Miranda was a mess. At the end of the school year Severus had agreed to stay a couple of weeks at her home. She had been thrilled and had counted the days until Severus would arrive. That day however never came.

She had sent several letters to him, but got no answer. Her mother became worried, but Miranda tried to keep a happy face, although she was dying inside. She tried to push back her fears, but when she lay in her bed late at night, thoughts of the past year came crawling back. The conversation with Bellatrix and Rodolphus, the fear in his eyes, the fact that he was scared to make love to her… Something was terribly wrong and she had no idea what the hell was going on.

Finally, the last day a letter had arrived, but it had explained nothing.

Miranda,

Do not worry. We will see each other the new school year. Please stop writing. There is a lot going on here at home.

Severus.

He had not written he loved her. He had not written he felt sorry for not being with her. The man who had written that letter was a man she did not know and it scared her more then everything.

She decided to write a letter to Lily, something she should have done earlier. But Miranda was afraid, afraid of what Lily would say or do. Her friend would defend her and protect her, but would also tell her the truth. And the truth was something she now was very scared of.

Dear Lily,

I have not written you this holiday and I'm very sorry for it. The days have passed slowly and as time passed, my heart ached more and more. Severus has left me standing in the cold. I haven't seen him this entire holiday and every letter I have sent was ignored.

I am frightened. More frightened to lose something I need this much, then frightened of those deatheathers.

Mother is worried as well. She thinks he has broken of the relationship, but I cannot believe it. No, I will not believe it! He has shown me so much love, Lily, how can he leave me like this? Something is going on and I have no idea what. I fear this has something to do with Bellatrix. She has been hanging around him for quite some time now and we both know how evil that woman is.

Lily, what must I do? I look forward to this new school year, but on the other hand I am afraid to go to the station. Who knows what I will find there? Please write me soon!

Miranda.

But Lily had not answered her letter, which had worried Miranda even more. When finally the 1st of September arrived, Miranda hurried to the platform. She found Lily easily, but she decided to wait until her friend would see her. Luckily, that happened soon enough.

"Miranda!" Lily shouted.

Her best friend ran straight towards her and hugged her.

"I am so sorry I haven't written you any letters back! But my owl, he's sick and I couldn't find any other in such short time. I'm really sorry. Are you alright?"

Miranda tried to smile, but seeing the anxiety in her friends' face made her lose her strength. She started crying.

"Oh Miranda," Lily whispered. She held Miranda closely and stroked her hair.

"You're my best friend and I hate it when I see you hurt like this. I am going to talk to Severus immediately," Lily continued, with a determined voice.

"No, no," Miranda muttered, "Please, don't! He's my … boyfriend. I must talk to him."

Lily frowned. Apparently she wasn't convinced that Miranda was strong enough to do such a thing.

"Really, Lily. It's for the best, trust me!" Miranda said, her voice stronger this time, "I was just worried that you were mad at me and … If I had known…"

Lily smiled.

"I am truly sorry, Miranda. I wanted to come and see you, but my parents didn't like the idea. They were frightened something would happen to me. But here I am and I am here for you!"

Miranda and Lily laughed together.

"That's better," Lily said, with a smile, "Now, you should go straight to him."

Miranda nodded. She hugged her friend again and then left her, while she searched for Severus. She found him easily. He was standing near the train, as if he was waiting for someone. Miranda hoped, no she prayed he was waiting for her.

"Severus!" she yelled.

He turned quickly around and when he saw her, she saw a coldness in his eyes, which made her hope disappear.

"Is everything alright?" she asked, her voice was trembling.

He stared at her and did not answer immediately. Miranda got worried, but did not realize how bad she looked. Severus however did saw it.

Had he made a mistake by not visiting her? Had he not made the right choice? He looked away from those beautiful eyes, which made him feel weak and stared at Lily, who was waiting anxious for Miranda's return. He had seen them talking together and had seen how Miranda had started he had to do this… he had to take this opportunity so Lily could see how strong he was. How better he was then James and every other guy that was hanging around her. Yet, he could not stand the idea either that he would hurt Miranda. But now, it seemed like he already had done just that.

He gazed back at Miranda and tried not to hug her. He tried to fight every emotion in his body that was telling him to hug her and kiss her and tell her that everything was alright. Because it was not alright. If she would know what he had done in the holiday, she would hate him. She would leave him and that would leave him without Lily, but also without Miranda, which he now loved as well.

He could not end the relationship, because he did not want to lose either one of them. But, their relationship would never be the same. He could not show her his love anymore, because if anyone would find out not only his life would be in danger, but also Miranda's. If she would die because of him… It was a thought he could not bear.

"Yes, everything is alright," he answered, coldly.

When he saw the hurt in her eyes, he felt an ache go through him. He had made the right choice, he was sure of it. But why did it hurt so much then?

"Why have you not answered my letters? Why didn't you tell me you weren't coming?" she asked, her voice trembled.

"I had no time. There were things going on…"

" What kind of things, Severus?" Miranda interjected, "Since when do we keep secrets to each other? I thought we loved each other."

Severus did not answer and looked away. Miranda tried to fight her tears and came closer. She laid her hand upon his left arm and tried to tell him something. But suddenly Severus turned around and pushed her back.

"What do you think you're doing?" he yelled.

A couple of students turned around, curious what was going on. Miranda, pale and trembling, stared at the man she loved so much.

"What I've always done," she whispered.

Her blue eyes met his black and for a moment she saw back Severus and not the coldhearted man who had pushed her back minutes ago. But then the coldness appeared again and Miranda had the feeling she had lost him.

"We'll talk about this another time. Go back to Lily. I'll send you a letter when I want to talk to you," Severus said, his voice cold and uncaring.

He left her there, without any other explanation. Miranda had the feeling that this wasn't the last time she would be left like this…

"He pushed you?" Lily asked, surprised, while they both took a seat in the train.

Miranda nodded and placed her bag next to her. She searched through it and found his last letter. Without saying anything, she gave it to Lily.

Her friend read it through and the frown that appeared was reassuring. She wasn't seeing things, Severus was changing, into something she did not like.

At the moment Lily wanted to say something, James and Sirius arrived.

"Hello!" James said, cheerful. Sirius just winked and took a seat next to Miranda.

"So how was the holiday?" James continued, still with a smile.

"Fine," Miranda lied. Sirius seemed to realize this, because the look he gave her made her blush.

"Really?" he asked, while he leaned back, "Mine was fine as well. Staying with James 'family… There's really nothing better."

James smiled and then gazed at Lily.

"So.. You haven't sent out many letters have you?" he asked.

"No, my owl is sick. Sorry," Lily answered, while she had hidden Severus' letter.

"We saw you talking with Severus. Has he hurt you?" Sirius asked suddenly.

Miranda, a bit taken a back, did not dare to look at him. She was afraid of what he would see.

"No, he hasn't," she answered. She played with a curl of her hair and stared outside. In her thoughts she kept going through the conversation she had had with Severus. Why had he hated it when she had touched him? Had she hurt him? No, that could not be. And what kind of things had happened in the holiday? Why did he not want to talk to her about it?

The questions made her heart ache, so she tried to focus on James and Sirius. That wasn't helping either.

"Have you heard what they are going to do this year for the last years?" James asked, with a smirk.

"No, I haven't," Lily answered, curious," What is it this time?"

"A ball," James said and smiled.

Lily went pale then red when she saw the look in James' eyes and then back pale when she saw the look in Miranda's eyes.

"You're kidding right?" Miranda asked, while she nervously played with her sweater.

"No, I'm not. My father knows someone who works in the ministry and he had told him that they were planning a ball. Isn't that great?" James' enthusiasm made both girls smile.

"You're the only one who feels that way," Sirius sighed and stared at Miranda.

"You have to find a date back then and I don't think Severus is an option," he continued, his eyes almost as darks as Severus.

Miranda swallowed.

"I .. I wasn't…"

"Why would Miranda ask Severus? There is nothing going on between the two of them," Lily suddenly intervened, "And if you're thinking that being jealous is going to help you to ask her out, it is not. Any guy that wants to date Miranda, has to go past me."

"No problem," Sirius answered immediately, "I'll just let James handle you then."

"Excuse me?" Lily said, her face as red as her hair, "I'm not going with James."

"No?" James asked, hurt, "Come on, Lily. Please… Do I have to beg or something?"

"That could help," Lily said harsh.

The boys grinned.

"No problem then," James had a smirk upon his face, "Everything for you, Lily."

He grabbed her hand, squeezed in it and then left them confused.

"Do guys always give you this kind of feeling?" Lily asked surprised.

Miranda, thinking about Severus, answered truthfully: "Yes, they do."

When they arrived in the Great Hall, everyone knew there was going to be a ball. When it would be was not yet known, but most thought it would be in December. During the holiday.

"Lily," Miranda started, while she played with the food upon her plate, "Do you think it would be a good idea to ask Severus …"

"No," Lily hastily interjected, "If he keeps treating you this way, the best thing for you to do, is to leave him alone."

Miranda nodded softly. She had thought Lily would say such a thing. She stared at the Slytherin' table and saw Severus sitting next to someone she did not know. They all had the same cold expression, which wasn't a surprise for her. She had been thinking what kind of things would have happened and she could only think of one. But if it was true then he had betrayed her and then she should leave him and break her own heart… Could she do that? Thinking about her father and Uncle Dan, she nodded. Yes, she could do that.