AXIMILLI'S POV- Vexic's Choice
The Animorphs did not speak much as we flew back toward the King's home. I supposed having such a close call with death or infestation would make one rather introspective. Vexic and I had not talked much either since we had liberated the others. I did not see why she did not tell them of her part in their rescue. There could be no doubt where her loyalties lay now.
/They'll never accept me.\\ She said simply, reading my thoughts as they came to mind.
/After all you have done? Is would be dishonorable of them.\\ I protested. She chuckled wearily.
/Perhaps.\\ She paused. /Think about it from their perspective Aximilli. However much I may come in handy for missions like this, I'm still a Yeerk. I still take unwilling hosts. I'm a Sub-Visser Aximilli! Do you know what I've done to get to that rank? No. Neither do they. They fear what they don't know.\\ What she said sounded plausible. Still I stubbornly held to my belief that my friends were less chauvinistic than that. She laughed at me but it was not an unkind sound.
/You're still young aren't you?\\ I felt myself become slightly irritated. Was she being condescending? She sighed. /No high strung little Andalite I'm not being condescending. I'm just asking a question.\\
/Yes.\\ I said finally. /I'm about the same age as the others. Only an Aristh. No Princes survived. I am the only Andalite on Earth.\\ I was sure she felt the despair and loneliness this fact always made me feel. I felt something odd then, like something warm was wrapping around me, like an embrace. I realized with a start that the sensation was coming from Vexic. She was. . . comforting me?
/Yes silly Andalite. It's something we can do for our hosts though most don't. Comforting feelings, happy memories, so on and so forth. The connection is two-way you see. I can see your thoughts and feelings and vice versa. The memory transfer is more complicated, more one sided. I can see anything I want but you can only see my memories if I show them to you.\\
/Which is why most don't? If it's not a necessity . . .\\
/Don't give them any extra ammo.\\ She finished dryly. Then her thoughts trailed off in another direction.
/May I?\\ I knew what she was asking. I also knew she didn't have to ask if that was what she wanted. She was trying to respect my privacy. I would have smiled if I'd been able.
/Yes you may.\\
'Human legs are impossible.' I thought to myself. How did they manage to get about without causing grievous injury to themselves? I felt myself about to fall again. I resolved not to tell the others. I had been doing a marginally better job walking as a human and did not want to ruin the status. I fell into someone much to my chagrin. As I straightened, preparing to stand, I saw the person I'd knocked over and froze momentarily.
She was small even for a Human. Her face was small as well with delicate features. Her dark hair stirred slightly in the soft breeze. Her eyes were dark brown, almost black, and were staring at me with startling intensity. I got up and offered her my hand. She grasped it firmly and my heartbeat became uneven. The oddest sensation erupted in the pit of my stomach, like there were winged insects trying to escape its confines. What was happening to me? I resolved to ask Prince Jake and Marco about it later.
The memory had been as vivid and real as though it had just happened. I braced myself as another one came.
'We walked along the beach our hands intertwined as I had seen the others do on occasion. I now understood why. The fluttering in my stomach had multiplied as she led me across the dunes her hand never leaving mine. I watched her as she moved. She was beautiful. She stopped suddenly and let our hands drop. She reached up, as l was much taller than her, and guided my face down to hers with a gentle touch. Moonlight bathed her in an ethereal glow and her eyes danced. Her breath was warm against my face as she spoke.
"You're dead Andalite."'
I woke with a start.
Then another;
"Let's go." She says and the light is back in her eyes again. She leads me away from the dance floor, away from the impossibly delicious food, and the party altogether. She led me out onto the beach our fingers still intertwined. The night was lit only by the moon and stars. We walked and the only sounds were our breathing, the lap of the waves against the shore, and the faint strains of the song.
She stood staring up at the stars. "I love the night sky." She said simply. I walked slowly to stand close to her.
"Yes it is quite beautiful."
'Oh I just can't take it, my heart is racing, the emotions keep spinning out. . .'
I reached down and took her face in my hands. Her eyes widened slightly. I bent slowly giving her time to protest if she wished, and pressed my mouth against hers. Her hand came up to touch my face, my hair. I felt an odd thrill at my success. I broke away after a moment.
Then another, this one more painful than the rest.
I had barely demorphed when Tobias landed and began to morph.
/What is it?\\ I asked alarmed. Why did he feel the need to morph?
/I need to look you in the face when I tell you this.\\ his tone sent a chill down my spine. When he was fully Human Tobias straightened. He turned and the look on his face froze me in place.
"I'm sorry Ax." He said.
/No.\\ It couldn't be. . .
"Laura is a controller."
I felt her discomfort at the memory but she continued regardless.
A Yeerk. She was a Yeerk. The girl I thought I loved was a controller. How long had it been that way? Most likely the whole time. So was it the girl I loved or . . . no. There was no way I could love one of those parasites. Still I was unsure. It had been almost three days since I had found out she was a controller. I had been disbelieving at first, then appalled. I had kissed her! I had willingly touched one of them! The others had tried to make me feel better by telling me it was all physical attraction to Laura but I knew better. It had been my observations of her character that had caused my 'crush' to become something more. Artifice, all of it. Vexic cringed away from the hostility of the memory then opened yet another.
She sat down and as I watched her I realized I did not know her. The eyes I saw glaring at the Hork-Bajir or looking mournfully at the floor of the cage were not the eyes of the girl I loved. When the Hork-Bajir came to drag her to the pier again I watched the way her body moved. No. Not the girl I loved. Then she straightened and looked around her and I saw the eyes I'd searched for in the Human's face. When she walked away I saw the easy stride I had been missing. It was the Yeerk. It was the Yeerk I loved.
/Ax . . .\\ Tobias warned hearing the direction my thoughts were going.
/I know.\\ We left. Tobias exited my head and demorphed in the sharing's bathroom.
/Hey Ax? I'm gonna spend the night at Rachel's if you don't mind.\\
/I do not.\\ I hesitated. /Tobias? I would appreciate it if you would not tell the others of this.\\
/Alright Ax.\\ Then he took flight. I morphed owl and flew back to my scoop, still somewhat stunned by my revelation. I turned on the Television too keyed up to sleep. Tobias had apparently been watching MTV because the song's lyrics blared out of the speakers at me like a message sent from some unknown God above.
'So many thoughts that I can't get out of my head, I try to live without you every time I do I feel dead. I know what's best for me but I want you instead, I'll keep on wasting all my time' I shut the television off and curled up.
/The universe hates me.\\ I mumbled to myself.
She laughed at my sarcasm. I wasn't very good at it apparently.
/No you're not.\\ She said laughing again. Another memory flickered in my head.
I let go of Laura's hand to reach up and catch Vexic before she fell. It surprised me how little it bothered me now. Now that I had embraced my feelings for this Yeerk, this Vexic 929, her appearance did not bother me nearly as much as it used to. I examined the small three inch gastropod lying exposed and vulnerable in my palm. She did not look any different than any other Yeerk. Same grey-green skin underlaid with darker green markings on her back. This small creature was the one I loved.
/How can you love me like that?\\ She asked disbelieving.
/It's who you are.\\ I said simply. She was at a loss for words.
She was amazing. She was brilliant and beautiful and simply amazing. She had tricked an entire battalion of Hork-Bajir and Human Controllers. A double bluff as it were. I had been right before. She would have made good Andalite.
The images did not stop but they were no longer familiar to me, no longer my images. I realized with some trepidation that these must be Vexic's memories.
I would have expressed my displeasure thoroughly and at great length had I not been stunned momentarily by who I was staring at. He was an adolescent male, probably around my host's age, maybe 5'8 with slightly muscled arms. His face is what was captivating though. He had dark brown eyes, sun streaked brown hair, and very symmetrical features. There were aspects of him that reminded me of somebody else but I couldn't quite figure out who.
"I am so sorry. Re. Sorry. I am not very coordinated." He got to his feet. He offered me his hand and I took it. He looked around to see the papers that had scattered. He reached toward one.
"No. Let me get those." I said. If he looked at a single word on those papers he'd have to become one of us. But why did that seem like such a bad thing to me? Wasn't that my job? 'No not yet. He doesn't need to be one of us yet.'
And another, the mirror image of the one she had played before;
Oh Dear God I can't. I can't fall in love with a Human! Falling in love with one of my own was one thing but this . . . this would be considered treason. I had thought it had been all Laura, her pheromone filled body playing tricks on my mind. It had happened before with others, but the confusion always went away after the Yeerk disconnected from the brain.
I had left Laura that night and to my utter horror I was still thinking about him. More even than when I was with Laura! Laura had seen it as a betrayal to Tom and when her distracting emotions were gone I found that I could focus on the memory of his moonlit face all too clearly. So it was me that was supplying these feelings? How could that be possible? By the Kandrona he wasn't even my species! How could a Yeerk love a human? I did love him though and the thought of one of my brothers taking him, of him knowing what I was and hating me for it, was agonizing.
The next memory was awhile after that and tinged with emotion.
/Because . . .\\ He hesitated as though saying whatever he needed to say was difficult. Then he squared his shoulders and looked them all in the eyes. /Because I love her.\\
There was a beat of dead silence in the clearing and then four voices were speaking simultaneously. I didn't hear what they were saying though. He loved me. He felt the same way.
The images stopped. It made me sad somehow for it to end. The process had been very intense. I now understood to some degree why some Yeerks suffered from identity confusion. It took a very strong personality to be able to separate yourself from that. To make yourself something other, to not let it be apart of you.
/Its always apart of us.\\ Vexic corrected me quietly. /I'll always have your memories now. It's how we are. We always take a small part of our host's essence with us when we leave them.\\ I said nothing but there was an unspoken understanding between us as we began our decent.
The others demorphed quickly, heading into the King's house. We lagged behind, Vexic still not wanting to face the others.
/You risked the Visser's wrath, went toe to toe with a battalion of Hork-Bajir and won, but you're scared of four human teenagers and a hawk?\\
/You did most of the fighting but I see your point.\\ She laughed at herself. Laura, Mr. King and Erek waited for as we entered.
"Thank God." Erek said putting a hand up to where his heart should be. Did androids have hearts?
/Don't over think it Aximilli. He's just glad everyone made it back okay.\\ Vexic told me exasperated.
"Hey Yeerk-girl." Marco greeted Laura as he walked in. She and Erek exchanged a glance.
"What?" Marco said clearly not catching on.
"She didn't tell you?"
"Tell us what?" Laura nodded at me.
"Vexic went with Ax to save you guys. He wouldn't have gotten past security without her." I felt the others' gazes on me.
"You've had a Yeerk in your head the entire time?" Marco said disbelievingly. I nodded.
"Well um . . . that's . . . weird." He was looking at me with suspicion. I felt a wave of . . . was that smugness? Coming from Vexic.
/Told you so.\\ Oh yes most definitely smug. / I'll leave now so they won't keep giving you the stink eye.\\
/How can an eye be odorous?\\ I wondered. She laughed.
/You're hopeless.\\
Control slowly seeped back into my limbs as she disconnected from my brain. I knew when she was completely gone because the sense of her, the presence that had lingered with me the entire night was gone. I felt suddenly empty, as though a part of me had been ripped away. I reached up and caught her before she could fall, holding her gingerly in the palm of my hand.
/So what do we do with her?\\ Tobias.
THAT IS ENTIRELY HER CHOICE.
/Ellimist!\\ I hissed. A booming laugh.
YES AXIMILLI. IT IS VEXIC'S CHOICE NOW. SHE HAS RISKED MUCH. I AM GIVING HER SOMETHING THAT WILL BENEFIT YOU ALL IF SHE CHOOSES CORRECTLY.
I noticed suddenly that Vexic was no longer on my palm.
/What have you done with her Ellimist?\\ I demanded. I didn't care that he could wipe me from existence with a thought. I wanted her back and I wanted her back now. Another laugh.
PATIENCE YOUNG ANDALITE. SHE IS STILL DECIDING. Agonizing minutes passed.
SHE HAS CHOSEN WELL. SHE WILL HAVE TO REVERT TO HER NATURAL FORM EVERY TWO HOURS OR STAY IN THIS FORM FOREVER. Something large fell hard and fast to the floor.
/Ouch.\\ said a familiar voice. I stared disbelieving. It had been Vexic speaking of that there could be no doubt, but the body did not match the voice.
Vexic stood hesitantly on her four legs, as unsure on them as a newborn would have been. She scanned the room with her stalk eyes, her main eyes focused intently on me. Her eyes were a dazzling emerald green. Her fur was the bluish-purple that marked her as female. She held her long slender tail at shoulder level, her smaller blade about level with the tip of her ear. She reminded me oddly of a mix of Estrid and the distracting female at the academy. I realized that this was entirely possible. Vexic smiled as she saw me ogling her. I dropped my gaze, my cheeks flushing slightly.
"So that's what happens when Andalites blush!" Laura said bringing the surreal moment back to reality. Everyone stared at her.
"What? I've always wondered. . ." Everyone laughed, myself and Vexic included.
Everyone decided it was time to go home then. Vexic got permission to acquire Tobias's DNA. We flew in silence. I suspected she was simply enjoying the freedom and mobility of it. I was seeing her over and over again in my head. Beautiful and deadly, the intelligence of the Yeerk I loved shining from emerald green eyes.
We landed and demorphed. I heard Vexic morphing again behind me. I turned and there she was. She trotted toward me.
/It's so amazing! Seeing like this. Not through someone's eyes but having them actually be your own.\\ She smiled.
/I'm going on and on aren't I?\\ Her cheeks flushed.
/No you're not. You are new to this it is understandable. And what's the human phrase . . . 'I think it's cute?'\\ I came closer to her. She looked at me then and I did not hold back.
I closed the distance between us easily. If the closeness of our bodies made her uncomfortable she did not show it. I lifted a hand to stroke her face with my palm. She gasped with the sensation. I smiled. Human faces were not as touch sensitive as Andalite faces, this would not evoke such a strong reaction in a Human. I caressed her face, her temples, the line of her jaw. She made a small sound of protest when I pulled away.
/What was that?\\ She asked shaken.
/That, my dearest Vexic, is a kiss.\\ I was momentarily lost in her eyes when they sparkled in delight at my use of the word 'dearest'.
/Oh.\\
/So what must you do tomorrow?\\ She rolled her eyes, quite an interesting thing to watch when you have four, and shrugged.
/Probably get chewed out by the Visser. He won't kill me because of my rank and because you demorphed on camera. Still I should probably have a bruise from a tailblade tomorrow just to make it look like you had to knock me out to get my DNA.\\ I nodded. I felt her eyes on me then and I returned her gaze.
/We have two hours right?\\ She asked quietly.
/Yes we do.\\
She smiled then and raised her hand up to my face. Her touch sent an electric current through my body, sending every cell into overload. She stroked my face gently.
/Two hours.\\ She murmured. I do not believe I had ever heard such beautiful words.
THE END