hiiiiii. sorry it took so long to update, i just have so much to do and no time to do it all in... well here you are! The next part shall be up some time next year... see what i did there?

Anyway, i know i've made it sad again but i'm going to make it fluffy soon so stay put my little hobbits!

remember to review because i love to know what you're thinking!:)

I do not own any of this.

November 12th

I feel like someone has just got a huge bag of emotions and thrown me in it and told me to find my way out. I have this horrible empty feeling in my stomach, like there is a huge part of me missing and i have no clue what that part is meant to be. I can't even look at Blaine without bursting into tears, there's just something about him that makes me want to run up to him and punch him in the face over and over, then comfort him because he's injured- what crazy deranged person wants to do that? I'll tell you who, me. Some crazy idiot that's stupidly in love with him and there's nothing i can do about it because i'm scared of my own feelings. Wow. You know, more people should listen to their thoughts. I feel so much better after shouting at myself... I should really stop though, pretty sure the normal people around me are starting to think i should be in a straight jacket... All i can say is thank God and heaven above that it's a Friday night... Oh shit, i forgot it was Berry's party...

"You ready dude? Rachel wanted me to get there early so i can practise our duets for tonight." Finn shouted down to Kurt, who was just finishing his hair.

"Just coming!" He grabbed his phone before walking up the stairs and brushing off his jeans one last time.

"So... Are you ready? I never know with you..." Finn looked very confused.

"Just go. The quicker we get there, the quicker i can get gone." Kurt rolled his eyes.

"It won't be that bad, it'll just be like glee club." Finn gave Kurt a dopey smile.

"Yes and glee club is just Rachel singing over and over..." Kurt huffed as they got into Finn's car.

"Whatever dude, this is what Rachel wants and it's her birthday." Finn started to get defensive.

The car ride over was rather quiet, Finn was normally telling his brother about some broadway song Rachel was going to sing in the next glee club meeting and like always, Kurt would pretend to listen but would be thinking of an easy way to get out of the car without killing anyone. Not this time, Finn wasn't talking and all Kurt could think about was Blaine. His adorable little ringlets that shaped his face perfectly but most of the time were covered in a thick layer of gel. Those hazel eyes that twinkle a beautiful honey colour in the sun and go perfectly with his flawless smile. He was perfect. Kurt let out a little sigh which Finn picked up on straight away.

"You alright little brother?" Finn asked, keeping his eyes on the road.

"What? Oh yeah, yeah. Fine, sorry." Kurt looked at him and smiled weakly.

"You know you can tell me stuff, right?"

"Yes doctor Finn, i know that. How about when we get home, i'll lay on the sofa and you can show me ink splatters and ask me what i see?" Kurt snapped, making Finn jump a little.

"Kurt, i was just... I'm just a little worried about you... That's all." Finn said, just above a whisper. "Ever since you got involved with that Blaine kid, you've been really... Odd." Finn was careful with his words.

Because i'm in fucking love with in you oaf child.

"I'm not involved with him Finn, he was just helping me pass math."

"Right." Finn widened his eyes as they pulled into Rachel's drive. To their surprise, there was many more cars that anticipated. The boys gave each other a glance before getting out the car and walking to the door. Finn knocked but judging from the loud music, they weren't going to hear that. As Finn knocked, the door pushed open slightly and i sight nether of the boys ever thought they would see was in front of them. Rachel Berry's house was crawling with half drunk teens, everyone looked drunk; including Rachel who had never had a drink in her life. The boys walked in, Finn with shock all over his face and Kurt, giggling behind him.

"Puck, what did you do?" Finn snapped and grabbed Puck, who just happened to be walking past.

"Hey, whoa! Calm it dude! Why don't you ask your brothers little hobbit boyfriend!" Puck threw his hands up in defence.

"Blaine's here?" Kurt piped up.

"I'm going to kill him!" Finn snapped again and threw Puck back, who was no laughing. Finn stormed off in a random direction.

"Shouldn't you like... Try and stop him" Puck looked after the direction Finn went, then back to where Kurt was stood.

"He'll see Rachel, calm down and then get drunk. I know him too well." Kurt rolled his eyes. Puck just shrugged and walked away, leaving Kurt stood there very awkwardly. Kurt thought about turning around and walking out the door. He really wasn't in the mood to face any of these drunk morons, in face; he wasn't even in the mood to be out in public.

"Looking good, Hummel." A voice whispered in his ear as an arm snaked around his waist. He knew exactly who it was. Kurt took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to push back tears he didn't even realise were forming.

"Blaine." Kurt breathed and opened his eyes to look at the boy who was smiling sweetly.

"I suggest we go somewhere, where your brother won't find me and kill me." Blaine winked towards Kurt.

"I-i don't think that's a good idea." Kurt managed to stutter.

"What? Why" Blaine looked hurt.

"I just..." Kurt went to walk away but Blaine pulled him by the hand into a bedroom nearby. "Blaine, please don't do this to me." Kurt couldn't help it now, the tears were falling from his eyes. He didn't want to make eye contact with Blaine but he wanted to see his reaction. Kurt looked into the shorter boys eyes and he looked like he had just seen a ghost or something.

"Have i done something wrong?! Why do you hate me?" Blaine panicked slightly.

"I just don't think us messing around and stuff is a good idea. You said things are better without feelings but that's a lie. You can't just expect me to not have feelings for you." Kurt looked away from the other boy.

"I don't want to hurt you anymore." Blaine said bluntly. "That's all i've done since the moment we met and i kick myself everyday because of it. I want to make things right with you, Kurt." Blaine grabbed both of Kurt's hands and tried to make eye contact. Kurt looked at him for a few minutes.

"I'm in love with you Blaine."

"What?!" Blaine's eyes shot open and he let go of Kurt's hands.

"I need to g-go." Kurt wrapped his arms around himself and stormed out the house, leaving Blaine stood there. He wanted with all his life to shout his love for Kurt but he couldn't, he wanted Kurt to know but he was tongue tied, nothing would come out. He was pushing the best thing he'd never had away.

"I love you too." He whispered, but it was too late, way too late.

Why did i say that? What is wrong with me? Why did i tell him? Now he's going to think i'm some clingy weirdo that falls in love with the first person that gives him even a little bit of attention. I hate myself even more than i did before i walked in there. I bet Blaine just sent a text to all his friends and is currently laughing at the fact he got that weird Kurt kid to fall in love him with. What's the point in even living right now... I hate myself and everyone around me. I don't even know what to do anymore.