David Thank you! It really helps to hear from my readers ^^ To answer your question, yes and no. I read online that there are different classes of novitiates, one until 7 years old, then from 8 to 13 and 13 and up (if I recall correctly). This would make more sense because they will also need time to be trained. Aiden must have been about 8 or 9 when Lexa ascended and he didn't fight in her conclave, so if you think about it from the series perspective, it also makes sense. I think the information comes from the books, but I didn't read them [yet] because I want to keep an unbiased view for my own story. From now I will be slower with my updates, unfortunately, but I will do my best to keep up.
Octavia opened her eyes and stared around. She sighed in exasperation and boredom. Abby had her on strict bedrest in med-bay for 7 days now. The only distraction she had the past 7 days were the updates that Indra brought her. Of what she heard, tension in the bunker was rising and Indra had her hands full with keeping order. People still needed to be assigned to day-to-day tasks and it annoyed Octavia that she was not able to do anything. Abby had forbidden Indra to update Octavia with bad news or new tensions between clans, since – according to her, Octavia needed to stay clear of any form of stress. Honestly, she felt like that not knowing anything stressed her out more. She moved her hand to the burning scar she had on her abdomen, she was still amazed as well as scared for the life that was growing in her.
Losing Lincoln had been one of the hardest things she ever had to deal with. After Octavia had lost her mother, she wallowed in guilt. Her existence had killed her mother – and got her locked up. The guilt was partially due to the fact that she felt less imprisoned in lock-up than she had felt in the tiny room and the space under the floor she had known her whole life. At least in lock-up, there were people she could talk to. After meeting Lincoln she felt like she could finally love again, she had felt at home with him. Both of them were outcast in some way and it comforted her. Now she was here, with his child growing inside her and without him.
A tear formed in her eye and a knot formed in her stomach at the thought of Lincoln. All Octavia had done since his passing was trying to forget him, but her love for him was still very much alive. Every time she thought of the life that grew within her, she had to think of him. Of missing him. Of always having to miss him. Now that something in her was his, she couldn't keep the memories from surfacing and it ate her up. The memories were too painful and she tried to push them away, but lying in a bed without anything else to keep her busy made it impossible.
Another thing dominating her mind was Clarke's betrayal. She couldn't fathom the fact that Clarke, the one person everyone was always rooting for, was the same person that betrayed her three times. That left her for dead, twice. Not to mention that she was the person that got Lincoln killed.
A loud buzzing sounded interrupted Octavia's train of thoughts. She propped herself up to get a better look at what was going on. The movement caused a sharp pain that shot through her lower abdomen and she growled in frustration when she realized she was tied to the bed. Seconds later she heard a soft, fast pace coming from the hallway.
"Heda!" Meryll stormed through the door, panting.
Octavia frowned. "Meryll? What's going on? Where is Indra?"
"It's bad," Meryll was shaking all over, unable to compose herself after what she just witnessed. The clans were furious at Skaikru and they were ganging up together to take Trikru and Skaikru out.
"Calm down," Octavia raised her voice slightly and let authority lace her tone.
With wide eyes, Meryll stared up at her, "They are at war against Skaikru," she whispered with a trembling voice.
"That's it, help me," Octavia ordered, her eyes black with anger. "Moving against Skaikru is moving against me."
A good fight is exactly what Octavia wanted to take her mind of the piece of Lincoln within her. She was angry, angry at Clarke for being a betraying and backstabbing bitch, angry at Bellamy for leaving with said bitch, angry at Abby for keeping her out of everything and angry at the idiots fighting each other 70 feet underground. She threw the blanket off and tried to move her legs over the edge of the bed. With the wound fresh on her abdomen, she was barely able to move her legs without pulling the stitches out. Annoyed she grabbed a leg and brought it to the edge of the bed.
"Are you gonna help me or are you just gonna stand there and stare?" Octavia snapped at Meryll.
"O-of course," Meryll stammered and she grabbed Octavia's other leg to help her off the bed.
She barely set her two feet on the ground when Indra and her two guards came barging through the door.
Indra took Octavia in from top to toe, seeing nothing but a feeble girl with a lot of anger in her face. "Good. You're up. You have work to do, Octavia."
With a jerk, Indra turned around and gestured for the guards to take Octavia with them. Octavia straightened her back and glared at them. "I've got this," she snapped
Indra turned her head and glared at Octavia, in a dangerously low tone she said, "Let. Them. Help. You." Pausing between the words to emphasize her seriousness. Indra was no fool, she knew perfectly well that Octavia was not up for a leading task in her condition, but if she had to choose between an underground war and battering Octavia a little more, the choice was easy.
Octavia huffed. "Fine."
With her arms hooked around the necks of the two massive guys, she couldn't even touch the ground below her. "And you think they will take me serious like this?" She asked sarcastically.
"They will not take you seriously when you are dead, Octavia." Indra retorted matter-of-factly. "Now, come. They respect you, only you."
Octavia did her best to rein her anger in and slumped slightly against the arms of the guards, feeling like a toddler being towed around. The surgical side was killing her and she was quite sure that she was killing whatever it was that was growing within her. Even worse, she didn't know if she cared about it. Maybe without the bloody fetus in her stomach, she wouldn't be reminded to her lost love every minute of every day.
The yelling, clangs of swords and screams became louder when they neared the common pit. Indra clenched her jaw taking in the havoc and Octavia's jaw dropped. In disbelieve she stared down at the pit, it took her several seconds to find her voice.
"WAN DAUN!" She yelled, anger and authority boomed over the pit, causing the warriors to freeze in their places. The warriors stared at her until one stepped forward and exclaimed, "Yu nou bilaik Heda!" (you are not the Commander) The guy had full war-paint on his face, the silver moons on either sides and the white paint betrayed his origin.
Azgeda. Octavia could have known that it would be Azgeda to question the authority and she locked her jaw while boring her eyes warningly into his, "Ai nou laik Heda kom jus, ba ai laik Octavia en ai laik hedplei. Yu ouyon ai sonraun Yu laik ain, nau yu na wan op." (I am not the Commander of the blood, but I am Octavia and I am in Command. You are my subject and now you're gonna die.)
Octavia nodded to the guard next to her, "Frag em op." (kill him)
With one well-aimed throw, he hit the Azgeda warrior between the eyes. He dropped dead before he could utter another word. The other warriors of several clans stood frozen to the ground, realizing that Octavia had been their saviour and that she could just as easily take life from them.
Octavia scowled at the remaining warriors, "Let that be a warning. To defy me is to die."
The remaining men dropped on their knee without another word, bowing their heads apologetically. Octavia was about to sentence them to punishment when Marcus appeared behind her, Abby by his side. Annoyed, she locked her jaw. Abby looked at her in shock, Octavia didn't need words to hear Abby's internal rant and rolled her eyes.
Octavia turned her head to the general, "Indra, see that these men are punished accordingly."
Marcus grabbed her arm lightly, "I have a better idea. We need people on cleaning detail," he said softly.
Octavia raised her eyebrow in disbelieve, "These men just tried to commit a coup and you want to sentence them to a cleaning detail? You must be joking."
The plead in Marcus' eyes was not lost on her, but it did not impress her either. "These men are sentenced 50 lashes each. I want the one who caused this uprising, dead." She said coldly.
Indra's jaw squared slightly while the men in the pit seemed unfazed by her sentence. Octavia turned her head to Indra, "See to it that these traitors get what they deserve. Marcus, you see to it that these men are appointed to work detail by tomorrow. Apparently, they have too much time on their hands."
Marcus wanted to step forward to say something to Octavia, but Abby stopped him in his tracks. She knew that defying Octavia would leave her no choice but to punish Marcus, too.
Even though Octavia saw Marcus' intention, she chose to ignore it. For now. If he wanted to test her leadership, then fine. She would treat him like she would any other, but she doubted whether he would live to tell the tale. He did need to know that even though he was chancellor of Skaikru, he was still a subject to her.
"Marcus." Octavia addressed him without a hint of emotion in her voice, "I expect you in the commanding quarters in one hour."
Abby stepped forward and put her hand up to Octavia, "Hold up. You are on bed-rest, Octavia."
Octavia glared daggers at Abby, "And where did that get us? It is time for me to step up the plate. I never wanted this, I didn't ask for any of this. But you know that this wouldn't have happened if Clarke didn't betray all of us." Octavia was seething and she stressed Clarke's name to warn Abby to stay out of her way.
Shocked, Abby stumbled backwards. The anger in Octavia's voice made it real again that she had to miss her own daughter. Yes, Clarke had made some poor choices, but she made most of them to keep her people safe, Octavia knew that. Abby stabilized herself and looked Octavia cold in the eye, "I didn't save your and Lincoln's baby to have you kill it, Octavia. You know Lincoln wouldn't want that for you."
She turned around, not waiting to get a response from Octavia. Inside, she was a mix of contradicting emotions. Anger, frustration, betrayal, hurt, hope… None of which made sense.
Octavia squared her jaw at Abby's words, not showing any emotion on her face. Her insides were screaming contradictories at her, love me, hate me, she was unsure what she should do. The constant reminder of the love she lost was inside her, she was closer to hating it than she was to loving it and she resented herself for feeling that way.
"Indra." Not waiting for her General's response, she resumed. "I expect you and the ambassadors of the other 11 clans in the Commander's quarters in one hour."
Indra nodded her head in response, not needing to verify her answer with words.
"Aleja," she addressed the guard standing by her side, "You heard Octavia, lok em up en teik em raun Heda wogeda" (find then and take them to the Commander's quarters)
~Lexa~
Clarke was stirring in her sleep, more than usual, she was tossing with her head and mumbling in her sleep. For the second time that night I roused from the tossing and turning and wrapped my arms tightly around her, "Shhhh, it's okay, I am here." I whispered while I stroke her hair and cheek, "It's all okay…"
I peeked in her dreams and nightmares a couple of times. Mostly when she had nightmares like this, it was about the mountain. She saw their faces and recalled the terror when she realized I had left her behind, she remembered the moment she sentenced every man, woman and child to death. She was haunted by what she did, by what she had to do because I betrayed her. I sighed. I made many sacrifices similar to this one, difference is, I was trained to do it and chosen to lead. She had only herself to rely on. I didn't particularly enjoy tapping into these nightmares, so I chose to console her from the sidelines.
I cradled her head and kissed her forehead, "Time to wake up, darling." I whispered while trying to rouse her from her slumber.
With a gasp, she shot up. Sweat beaded on her forehead and she rolled her eyes bewildered, looking around for something.
When she met my eye, she gasped. "Lexa!" In terror, she clutched my arm and buried her face in my chest.
"I'm here, hey, don't worry. Everything will be alright, it was just a memory."
She was sobbing and holding onto my nightgown for dear life. I patted her softly on the back while I comforted her head with my other hand.
"That was just it, Lexa," she sobbed. "It was not just a bad dream and a memory this time, it was real."
I froze. Terrified of what she meant and almost sure of what she implied. "The past Commanders," I whispered.
Clarke nodded without looking at me, her face still buried in my chest while she tightened her grip.
"They are angry," She whispered. She looked up and me and met my frozen gaze with tears rolling from her eyes. "They told me that you have 72 hours to say your goodbyes, or that they will banish you from the circle of past Commanders. They said you would seize to exist entirely once your parabatai* is fully conscious."
Clarke broke down sobbing against me, I was too stunned to say anything, even to think anything. This couldn't be happening, was fate really that cruel? After losing the love of my life, I faced a life alone. Given, my life would be short-lived, as it was for all Commanders. I rested in my fate, until I was offered a second chance, until I met Clarke. I believed I deserved that second chance because of everything I did for my people, because I brought them peace. I believed I was granted happiness of some sort because I managed to save so many of our people by bringing them together. Then, fate decided differently and I died. I could have accepted this if I weren't dragged back from limbo death into a parallel city where I saved my second love. I was left to perish in a black pit of nothingness, I assumed it was because I deserved it for the pain I caused. For the people I betrayed and killed to fulfil my legacy. And then… She dragged me back. It had to be for a reason, right?
I closed my eyes and inhaled, concentrating on Clarke's sobs.
I lifted her face up with my finger and looked deep into her eyes, "Hey," I said softly. "I am not going anywhere. Not now, anyway."
Clarke's fingers trembled as she brought them up to my face and stroke my cheek, "B-but you will s-seize to exi-ist," she blubbered.
"That will not be for another 5 years, by then, you will be reunited with your family, with your friends. I'm not going to leave you here alone and if to perish is to be my fate, I will take it. But I will not leave you here alone." I wasn't sure of anything, but I was the Commander that did everything differently, it was my generation that broke the tradition of Commanders. It was Clarke I had to protect. And I won't be able to do so from a broken City of Light, just like Irinay couldn't when I needed her guidance.
Clarke wiped a tear from her eye and stared at me in horror, "Lexa, you can't do this. You can't give up your existence for me!" she cried out.
Another tear welled up in her eyes and she looked so fragile. I took her face in my hands just like I had done countless times to Costia and that one time in the City of Lights, "Listen to me, Clarke. I will not entirely stop to exist, I will just… Be a part of another person."
I actually didn't know how to feel about it. The essence of my spirit that was tied to flame, would stop to exist once another child will be brought into this world. I would not know, nor will I ever remember who I was. It was like someone was tearing my being and my soul in pieces. But I could make peace with it by knowing that I would be here with Clarke for as long as possible. After, she would be safe with her friends, her mom, Madi…. And then ai gonplei ste odon.
*Parabatai – Nightblood child linked to the past Commander
Reviews are highly appreciated! Also, my instagram affiliated with this story is ai_laik_heda_elena - I've been a little too pre-occupied to post news there, but I will try my best to keep it up to date.