A/N: Sorry about the wait! I've been super busy the past two days! Thank you all for the lovely reviews! And sorry about the confusion, but yes, Cato and Katniss had sex. I basically sucked at the whole skipping over it part because I knew if I started to describe it, I would end up going way too far into it and I needed to keep my M rating. But if you would like, I can go back and edit it and make it more obvious :P (I'll add some stuff into this one too, just to give you a glimpse of what happened last chapter where I sucked at life) Hope you enjoy this chapter! Send me some more review love! You guys are awesome!
Chapter 13
I don't recognize the scream, but Cato must. Without dropping my hand, he begins running towards the mouth of the cave, through the cavern with the lake and into the bunker. We push past the crowd that is beginning to form on the spiral hallway, and my heart stops as I see a crowd gathering around Cato's hallway.
We snake our way through them and head for his doorway. There are a lot of people in his room, much more than it should be able to hold. I spot my mom, leaning over the bed. I gasp as I take in the scene.
In the corner of the room, Ryker is fighting to control his sister. Briar, who I realize the screaming came from, is sobbing hysterically and still screaming every now and then. I see blood on the floor near them, so I look them over to make sure it isn't from either of them. Ryker has blood on him, but it doesn't seem to have come from him. And that's when I move my eyes to the bed.
I see my mother, along with a few other doctors, trying to move Marigold onto a gurney. Cato's mother seems to be unconscious, and I can see blood pooling near her abdomen. Prim, who is the only one small enough to sit on the bed and stay out of the way, is pressing something against the wound, trying to stop the bleeding. She has a strong, determined look on her face and I can't help but admire her bravery. At only twelve, she's jumped into the action and is trying to save Marigold.
"What happened?" Cato screams, causing everyone in the room to jump, turning to see him. Ryker and Briar immediately run to him, putting their arms around him. Cato does the same, dragging me around as he's still got a death grip on my hand. "What happened?" He repeats, more gently this time, but there is anger still in his voice.
They've gotten his mother on the gurney and are beginning to push through the crowd to head down to the infirmary. Before Cato can get an answer, his siblings begin following the crowd. Haymitch is by the end of the hallway, and yells at everyone to get back to their own business and leave us alone. We walk down to the infirmary in silence and I can see Cato trying to process what we saw back in his room. Ryker and Briar are walking next to us, though not so silently. Briar is still sobbing and Ryker is working on getting her to stop. We finally reach the infirmary and they take Marigold into a surgery room in the back. They take us into a private waiting room and close the door on us. I wonder where Julius is. Surely they would take him out of holding so he could be with his family right now. I stare at the door, expecting him to come in, but he doesn't.
It's just Cato, Ryker, Briar and me in this small room and I begin to feel like I'm intruding. But Cato won't loosen his grip on my hand, not even a little, so I stay. His face seems to still be processing, but he must be coming up with nothing. Instead, he turns to his siblings. "You two need to tell me what happened. Please."
Briar begins sobbing again and Ryker gives up trying to console her, pushing his seat away from her and closer to us. "You aren't going to like this, Cato." He hesitates, waiting to see the response on his brother's face, but Cato stares back at him expectantly. He takes a deep breath, as if gaining the strength to relive what had just happened in that room. "Bri and I were sleeping. Mom was too, last time I checked. They were supposed to still have Dad down in the holding cell. And then I heard someone scream. It was muffled, but it woke me up. And when I opened my eyes, I saw a man standing over Mom, holding his hand over her mouth. She was struggling, and I couldn't see what he was doing to her, but I jumped down from my bed to stop him. I must have woken Briar up then, because I could hear her yelling at me, and then yelling at the man. When she ran over to turn on the lights, we saw who it was." And then he has to stop, tears flowing down his cheeks. Cato places his free arm around Ryker's shoulders, and lets him cry for what seems like an hour or so, just patting his back.
"Who was it, Ryker? Who did this to Mom?" Cato pulls Ryker away, looking into his eyes for the answer.
"It was Dad." Briar sobs loudly from the other side of the room. There's anger in her eyes, but she can't control her sobs long enough to explain.
Cato and I look from Briar to Ryker, confused and looking for answers. Ryker speaks up again, hiccupping from crying so much. "Dad—he was standing over Mom with a knife. And Briar screamed. But before we could stop him, he stabbed her." There's more sobbing before he continues, and Cato's grip on my hand tightens even more. I can almost feel the bones in my hand breaking, but I can't bring myself to tell him to stop. "And then he raised the knife up again like he was going to stab her, but someone slammed open our door and it scared Dad. He stopped for a second before trying to turn around and stab her again. But the man tackled dad and yelled for help. A few more people came and took Dad away. And then people started coming into our room to help mom. I saw Prim." He says, looking up at me and giving me a weak smile. "And your mom. They were so brave."
Cato stands up, yanking me up with him. Ryker and Briar stand up too but he shakes his head. "No, you two stay here." And they obey, sitting back down quietly. There's anger in his voice and it sends a shiver down my spine. He drags me out of the waiting room and he's walking so quickly down the hallway that I have to run to keep up with him.
I'm almost afraid to speak, but I'm so confused. "Where are we going?" I ask. He stops and I run right into him. Looks at me, as if realizing that he's been dragging me around this whole time. The grip on my hand loosens and the anger in his face softens.
"I'm sorry Katniss. I didn't realize I was still holding your hand so tightly. I—I just don't know what's going on. Why would my dad do something like this? I have to find him." And with that, he begins to let go of my hand, but I tighten my grip on his.
"I want to go with you." I say firmly. He looks at me as if he isn't sure, but then shrugs his shoulders, turning to continue down the hallway. Neither of us knows where we're going, but we keep walking until I spot Haymitch. He's pacing outside of a door down at the end of the hallway, and stops when he spots us. He meets us halfway, and looks right at Cato.
"So I'm assuming you know what happened now." Cato just nods, trying to look around Haymitch at the door. "Yes, your father is in there, but I don't think you want to see him like this."
"I do. I have to know why he did this." Cato asserts, looking Haymitch directly in the eye. He's taller and much stronger than Haymitch, and I see Haymitch sigh and slowly back out of our way. Cato turns to me. "I have to do this alone. But I want you to wait out here for me." I just nod, thankful that I don't have to see Cato's dad. I shudder, wondering how he could stab his own wife like that. I mean, he wouldn't even let the doctors here check her out because he didn't think their medicine was sufficient enough.
I lean against the wall and close my eyes, hearing the door at the end of the hallway open and shut. I slide down and place my head between my knees. My head is throbbing and I remember that Cato and I didn't sleep during the night. I smile a little, remembering the events of the night. It seems like that was days ago. It seems like everything has happened so fast since we got back into the bunker, but it still feels like these two events shouldn't have happened right after each other. Cato and I were so happy a few hours ago, and now, his world is falling apart and there's nothing I can do. I cry softly, and I feel a hand on my back as someone sits down next to me.
I look up to see Haymitch, a tender look in his eyes. "It's alright Katniss. You couldn't have known. Where were you, anyways?" My cheeks turn red and I put my head between my knees again, my crying returning. He stops trying to talk to me and just sits next to me instead.
I can hear screaming through the door, but it's muffled. They must have made these rooms down here soundproof. I shudder, only guessing why they would need soundproof holding rooms.
My head begins throbbing, so I lift it. I rest my head on Haymitch, who in turn puts his arm around me, comforting me. I notice that he smells free of alcohol and think that Effie must be keeping him on his toes. We sit there in silence and soon my eyes begin to droop. Before I can stop myself, I close my eyes and fall asleep.
I wake up to a door slamming. I see Cato stomping towards us and I jump up, walking towards him. He's sweaty and the look on his face scares me. He stops when he reaches me, and his eyes change. I can see emotion flooding through him. "I should have been there." He says, looking at me. I pang of guilt hits me as I realize what he's saying.
"We couldn't have known, Cato." I say, trying to comfort him, although I feel the guilt he does.
"But we were so close. If we would have made it back a few minutes earlier, I could have stopped him."
"You can't blame yourself for this." Haymitch says sternly, looking Cato in the eyes. He turns to me. "You can't either. Neither of you could have known this would happen. No one could have."
We're both silent, knowing there was nothing we could do to change what happened, but blaming ourselves just the same. Cato holds out his hand and I grab it. We walk down the hallway back towards the infirmary. His mother should be out of surgery by now, or at least they'll have some kind of news for us. We reach the waiting room and Cato looks at me.
"I'll tell you everything that I found out in there later, but please don't tell my siblings that we went to see my father. I just don't want to explain this all to them yet. I don't know how to. If they ask what we did, we'll say we went for a walk so I could cool off, alright?" He looks at me, giving me a half smile as he opens the door.
Briar has finally calmed down and is sleeping in one of the chairs. Ryker is awake, but doesn't seem to notice that we've walked into the room. He's staring straight at the wall, like he's watching to see if it moves. Someone must have brought them a tray of food, but it has been left untouched. My stomach growls as I look at the food, but I don't reach for any of it. It just doesn't seem right to eat while their mother is still in surgery.
But Cato notices me looking at the food and grabs for the tray. He picks up two apples and hands me one. I smile at him and take a bite. Once the juice of the apple hits my tongue, I realize how thirsty I am as well. I devour the apple in less than a minute. Cato did as well.
"Man, I didn't realize how hungry I was! I forgot we were up all night and didn't take anything to eat or drink with us." He says, looking at me mischievously while grabbing something else. I relax a little, knowing that he's feeling a little better. Whatever he and his dad talked about put him in a little better of a mood, which confuses me even more.
The sound of Cato's voice caused Briar to stir. She sits up and looks at us, blinking her eyes. "Where have you guys been?" She asks.
"I had to go for a walk to cool down." Cato replies between bites of something that looked like a mango.
"Right." She doesn't seem happy with the fact that we left, but instead of lashing out at us, she just rolls her eyes and continues. "Well the doctors came in. Mom is stable now and they stopped the bleeding, but she's going to lose a kidney. They also looked at the tumor in her brain and said they would give us results as soon as they get them." There's anger in her voice still, but at least she's stopped crying.
"Why would Dad do something like this? Doesn't he know mom has enough health problems?" Ryker blurts out, now staring at the ground instead of the wall.
"Let's not worry about that for now, okay? We need to worry about one thing at a time, and mom's life is our main concern. We'll get to Dad when the time comes." Cato says, putting his hand on Ryker's shoulder.
I'm in awe, watching him interact with his siblings. He's become calm. I know he can't be okay with all of this, I heard shouting coming from that holding cell. I know he blames himself for this. But he's doing such a great job keeping it together for his siblings; I can't help but admire him. I mean, I know I did something sort of like this when my father died, but it was hard on me. This must be ridiculously hard on him. I tighten my grip on his hand and he turns to look at me.
"Why are you smiling at me like that?" He says, cocking his head to the side and smiling at me.
"I'm just admiring you. You're being so strong through all of this. It's just amazing." I blurt out, not caring that I'm being more straightforward than usual. He deserves a compliment. Especially now.
Before he can answer me, the door opens. We all stand expectantly, and Prim steps inside. She smiles at us all. "You guys can relax a little." Her face and her tone of voice make her seem so much older than she really is. "Marigold is doing great. She's out of surgery and she'll survive without her kidney. We haven't gotten the results on her head scan yet, but at least she's out of harm's way for now. You can all go see her if you want." She gestures towards the door and we all head for it.
I pull back, letting Briar and Ryker follow Prim first. Since Cato and I are still holding hands, he's forced to stop and wait for me. "Cato, I think you need to spend time with your family, without me. Briar seems a little angry with you and me, and right now you guys need to stick together. So I'm going to go to my room and try to sleep. I'll come back down later and bring you all food, if you're still down here. But if I don't find you before then, you'll know where I am." He nods his head, but before letting go of my hand, he pulls me close.
"I want you to know that I don't blame you. And I promise you that I will explain everything when I see you later." He kisses me on the forehead and then leans closer to me, his lips almost touching my ear. "And even though this horrible thing happened, I would never take back what happened last night." I can feel the blood rushing to my cheeks, and I smile. He looks at me and smiles back before pressing his lips against mine. I kiss him back, loving the feeling I get from being near him.
We separate and go our separate ways. I look back to watch him walk and catch him watching me. We both smile and quickly turn around. I smile the rest of the way to my room, thankful that the amazing moment we had last night meant so much to him. I wondered if it was his first time, doubting it because he was so good at everything we did. But it didn't even matter to me.
I make it to my room and lay down on my bed, surprised at how comfortable it is. Buttercup is at the foot of it, hissing at me, but I just kick him away. He howls at me before retreating to a different bed, and I smile.
It only takes me seconds to fall asleep, but it isn't peaceful sleep. I have nightmare after nightmare. Gale stabbing me, Prim getting eaten by the muttations from the arena. Peeta getting his neck snapped. Cato getting shot and dying. I wake up screaming and crying more than once. It doesn't take too long to calm myself down, but each time I'm afraid to fall back asleep.
During a nightmare where I'm stuck in the mine with my father, watching him die, I'm shaken awake. I'm covered in sweat and my throat is sore from screaming. Someone is cradling me in their arms and I look up into those deep blue eyes I've come to know very well.
"Are you okay?" Cato asks, running his fingers through my hair, trying to calm me down. I can feel my body still trembling from the last nightmare, and his hot breath on my face makes me realize I've been crying. I nod and bury myself into his chest. He lays back onto the bed and wraps his arms around me. "Nightmares, huh? Want to tell me about them?"
"Not really." I say, exhausted. "They were awful. Everyone I loved died. Prim died, my father died, Peeta died. You died." When I say the last part, a smile grows on his face.
"Oh, so you love me now? What happened to me being a horrible killing machine that you couldn't trust?" He's teasing me, and I roll my eyes.
"I never said any of that about you. And yes, I do love you. I care for you very deeply and I would be upset if you cried. Don't make a big deal out of it, okay?" I look away from him, closing my eyes and breathing in his scent. I could easily fall asleep now, but I want to know what happened.
"Well then, I love you too." He says, I can feel him smirking at the back of my head.
I playfully slap him and turn my head up to look at him. "It isn't nice to tease me like that. I was being serious."
He pretends my slap hurts, rubbing his arm. "I was too. You mean a lot to me, Katniss." He smiles at me and I smile back. Then his face turns serious and he kisses my forehead. "So, you want to know what happened in the holding cell?"
"You don't have to tell me now if you don't want to. I know this is all hard for you."
"No, I want to tell you. I want to tell you everything about me." He squeezes me tighter and I feel the warmth of his body against mine. A flash of memory from last night makes my cheeks warm. I remember feeling his warm body pressed up against mine in the cold water, his hands and lips exploring my body. I feel a tingling sensation deep in my body as I think of everything that happened in that lake and I can't help but smile. We were so close for those moments, so I look up at him and nod, knowing what he means about telling me everything. "Okay, well when I went in there, my dad was covered in blood. My mother's blood. I went crazy, screaming at him and trying to strangle him, but some guards in the room pulled us apart. My dad was a wreck, but he thought he had done the right thing. He tried to explain to me that he was putting my mom out of her misery. He thought that being down here would make her die a slow, painful death. She had been suffering so much since being here because he refused to let her get medical treatment. But he blamed this place. He blamed me. I sort of screamed at him some more, and then calmed down. Brose came in and explained to my father and I that he could not be here any longer. He was a danger to his own family, and since he didn't agree with the ways of this place, he didn't have to stay any more. He begged them to send him back to District 2, and they're going to. He doesn't really know much about this place. They have been keeping a sharp eye on him since he got here because they knew how he felt about the rebellion. Apparently he hasn't even been allowed to go outside since he's gotten here. He's spent most of his time in the holding cell."
"Wow." I say, shocked with the information, although I pretty much assumed that was why he did it. "So he's allowed to go back home? Why would he want to go back there alone?"
"No idea. But I want him to leave. I don't want him anywhere near my mother or Ryker or Briar." I can hear his voice crack, and I wrap the rest of my body around his, pulling him closer to me, trying to comfort him. He does the same, tangling his legs in mine and tightening his grip on me. We lay in silence for a while and I can feel his breathing slow down. I know he's asleep, so I let myself drift off as well. No one comes to bother us, and we sleep through the day. When I wake up, I realize I didn't have a single nightmare. I look up at Cato and notice he's still sleeping. I admire his facial structure that I've come to memorize over the past few days. I trace the contours of his abdomen muscles and realize I know them almost as well as I know my own body. I smile to myself and snuggle closer to him, breathing him in and taking the time to appreciate what Cato has come to mean to me.