Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Love Hina or any of its characters.
Friends
Chapter Thirteenth
Wake
"…up…"
Keitaro couldn't focus on anything.
He knew someone was trying to say something and he could feel himself being shaken, but the sensation alone wasn't enough to make him want to get up. It wasn't rare for him to feel disoriented and sleepy so early in the day. Of course, as the landlord of a dormitory full of girls, mornings were never kind to him but it was the first time in a while that he felt so tired right after waking up.
"…you have to…"
Someone was trying to shake him awake, but the question of why was lost to the man that couldn't keep his thoughts centered long enough to ask. His mind felt weighed down, all the information that needed to be processed causing him to seek the peaceful retreat of sleep, but the shaking wouldn't stop.
"Get…"
He didn't want to move, though.
He was too tired. He wanted to go back to sleep. Getting up and moving felt close to impossible. He was so tired that he wanted to stay right where he was until his headache left him alone, but the person shaking him wouldn't let him lay undisturbed.
"…taro!"
The landlord opened his eyes and groaned before lolling his head to the side. He squinted, shielding his eyes with a hand as he tried to look up at the person that tried to rouse him from his stupor. He couldn't see though, the light from the window was too bright and his headache kept him from trying to make a guess. It was alright, though. He just wanted to go to sleep so he didn't need to know who it was. He just needed a few minutes of rest, just a few more minutes and he'd do whatever was asked of him.
"You have to get up!"
He sat up too fast, nearly cursing as the pounding of his headache intensified with the motion. Specks of white fell off his rising form, but the only thing he thought to notice was the glasses that slipped and fell from his face. "Uh…" He sighed, dropping his face into his palms as he sought to get his bearings. "Where's the fire…?"
"What happened?"
His hands slid down his face before he turned towards the brown blur at his side. "Su?" On the sight of her blurry figure, he fished around for his glasses until they slid back onto his face. "Thanks…" He was groggy, but he gave the girl that helped him a lazy smile as he adjusted the frames on his face. "What's up…?"
His heart shifted, the expression on her face coming into focus as he looked at her. Her usual exuberance, the cheerful and childish disposition he grew accustomed to, was absent. She looked hurt, the watery eyes that stared deep into his own the reason he thought to console her before she started to cry.
"Su…" He smiled for her sake, ready and determined to help her no matter the circumstances. "What's wrong?"
"Keitaro Keitaro…" Su lowered her head down towards his chest and rested it there as she wrapped her arms around him. He was surprised not by the tiny arms that looped around his frame, but by the explosion of pain from the side of his face. He couldn't think. He wanted to pinpoint it, but just thinking about it made the feeling multiply.
Something was wrong.
The princess that woke him up squeezed him tighter, expelling the air from him with the force she exerted but he never thought to extract himself from her iron hold. From Su, a hug that left him conscious was the best he could hope for, but he was too distracted to even think of trying to make her ease up. He lifted a hand to his face, wincing as he touched it just enough to make sure it was still intact.
"Su…"
It hurt.
Talking made it feel like his jaw was cracking.
"What…" He looked around, ignoring the pain as he scanned his surroundings for the first time since he got up. The dull, red light that illuminated the kitchen was gone. The crimson night was over. Pure, sunny rays of light replaced the rusty streaks he drew under. The sun was coming up. "Wait… That's right."
He was in the kitchen.
Things were starting to come together, but he still couldn't remember exactly what happened. Did he fall on Su? Was it another accident? Did she knock him out by mistake? Did he just trip and fall? The chair was on the floor next to them and some…
"Oh…" Keitaro didn't need to look hard to notice the bits of white scattered around the kitchen so it didn't take him long to see the details. He looked down, the pieces of paper that fell from his hair explaining everything as he took a closer look. "Oh…" He understood without having to look any further. He instinctively knew what it was and, just by seeing that much, he understood what happened.
He remembered…
The reason his face hurt so much was because Naru punched him. He was used to it, though. It definitely hurt, but it wasn't something he couldn't endure. There were plenty of times she hit him harder, but seeing his art reduced to something so sad effectively broke the dam that guarded his heart.
His art…
The drawings he took the time out to do were more than just an escape or hobby. His art was his heart, the feelings he translated by putting pencil to paper. The person he was and wanted to be was in every single line he drew. His feelings were expressed by the very point he wanted his art to make. What was scattered around the kitchen used to reflect the beauty of a day lost to in light of better things. The specks of white that fell into his lap used to carry the hope that one day he'd be able to share what made him happy with other people.
The heart that was ripped into pieces was the ambition that couldn't fly anymore, the ripped off wings the very cruelty he averted his eyes away from.
It wasn't fair.
"Su…" It hurt too much. "Can you h-help me clean this up?"
Su blinked, unable to mask her feelings as well as the man she hugged with all of her immature heart. She lifted her head off his chest and backed away just enough to look up at him. The landlord gave her a broken smile, getting up before she even nodded in response. She let go of him. His eyes glazed over, his smile lacking everything it needed to be real, as he slowly started to look around for the broom.
She was speechless.
The child that wasn't an adult anymore couldn't make any sense out of what he was doing. Instead of getting angry at what happened, he smiled and tried to pass it off like it didn't bother him, but anyone could tell he was shaken. The red moon was gone, but some of the effects lingered so the traces of a mind beyond its years stilled the voice that wanted to call out to him and beg him to be okay. Talking to him wouldn't accomplish anything. It was something she instinctively knew the moment she looked him in the eyes.
All she could do was accept what was in front of her the same way he did.
The childishness that urged her to tear apart Hinata House to find some tape, the genius that already started considering the likeliness of building a machine that could remake his art, the fleeting sense of maturity that kept her from asking the questions that would only make him work faster…
All of it was useless.
What happened already happened and, even if she could put his art back together, the fact that it had already been torn apart negated what it used to be. She understood that feeling. She blinked away the thought of herself standing in front of a pile of metal that consisted of every Mecha-Keitaro she ever made.
"Su…" The landlord called out to her with a broom and dustpan in hand, wasting no time getting started as he dropped the tray to the floor and started sweeping. "Can you hold…" He paused to clear his throat, taking his time to try and conceal the feelings she could already see. "Can you hold the dustpan for me?"
She didn't want to see him cry.
The idle thought that came to her as she stared at his back became a solitary wish. More than anything, she hated seeing people cry, but it was different with Keitaro because everything was different with him. She saw him when he was happy and she saw him when he was sad, but she never actually saw him cry before.
That's why she prayed.
The girl that usually couldn't contain her energy clenched her eyes closed and silently prayed to every deity she could think of. She prayed that he didn't cry because she knew that, on the event that he did, she would as well.
His ruined art aside, the worst part about it was the injustice of it all. The blemish on his face, the bruise that couldn't be denied, put a name to the crime, but there was no mistaking what happened or who did it.
Naru got mad at him again.
Was that what she heard? Did it happen while she was with Kitsune? Did it happen before that? Should they have searched for him instead of just waiting in his room? Could she have stopped it?
If she had just thought to get her usual after midnight snack, then she could have stopped it. If she didn't isolate herself, then she could have done something about it.
The worst, the absolute worst, part about it was that she definitely could have done something and didn't even think to try.
Regret…
Someone that tried to live a life without any regrets couldn't ignore the one that seeped into her heart. Even though a chance that wasn't realized couldn't be missed, the tanned princess couldn't help but feel like she wronged him by not being there when he needed her help.
"Hey."
His voice brought her out of her musing, the dustpan he handed her something she accepted without question or complaint as he swept what was left of his art into a pile. With one solid sweep of the broom, his art made the complete transition from what it used to be to trash as he pushed the pile onto the dustpan Su held steady.
Something caught in her throat as she lifted the tray. She had to throw it away. Her eyes darted towards the garbage can, but her feet didn't move. She couldn't throw it away. She just couldn't pretend it was garbage when it clearly wasn't. There had to be a better way. It had to be a way to make him happy again. There had to be…
"Ah…"
The dustpan rattled out of her loose, trembling grip and returned to the floor. The sound, the impact of plastic on wood, made her jump. The bits of dirtied white scattered again. The pile he made turned into another mess.
Her heart was breaking…
"Keitaro Keitaro…" She didn't mean to drop it. "I'm s-sorry…" She was so close to crying that she could almost feel the tears before they came. She didn't need the hiccup in her voice of the touch of moisture on her face to know that she was weeping, though.
She knew she was crying because he was.
Even though a tear didn't spill from his eyes, she knew he was crying. Someone that was used to being unlucky, someone that always tried his best to be happy regardless of the things that happened, lifted his eyes up from the remains of his art and gave her the most comforting look he could muster. Keitaro smiled at her as he pushed his glasses back up.
"It's okay, Su."
It wasn't.
The things he told her with a smile that he held for her sake meant that he was far from okay, but she kept the things she wanted to say deep inside as she kneeled and put the tray back on the floor. Again, he forced the pile onto the dustpan and, again, she picked it up. She steeled herself, the conflicting feelings that made it too hard to talk quieted as she headed for and reached the garbage can.
As she emptied the dustpan, she heard the landlord give his thanks before he took his leave. Left behind by the man that wanted to be alone, Su turned towards the window. The sunlight that filtered through the blinds landed on the few scraps and pieces they missed. She slowly walked around picking them up one by one and deposited all of them in the garbage.
Except for one.
She didn't know what was on it. It was just another piece of paper with some lines on it, no bigger than the tip of her finger, but it was his art. It was something important to him so it was important to her.
"Naru…"
She let the name slip as she pocketed the last piece of his art.
How could she do something so horrible?
Faced with the outcome she dumped in the garbage, Su could only wonder how someone could do something so mean. How could the same woman that hugged her and cried be the same woman that tore up his drawings? Naru wasn't like that. She got angry over silly stuff, but she never did something like that before.
She didn't know why and, even if she did, she probably wouldn't understand.
More to the point, she didn't even want to know the complexities of the situation when she couldn't understand them. She didn't want to accept the reality, the fact that Keitaro was hopelessly hurt, was something she couldn't just break out a toolbox and fix like one of her machines.
She couldn't even do anything to help.
She didn't want to talk to Naru about it and Keitaro always went away when something really hurt him. She didn't want him to run away again, but, if she couldn't help, there had to be someone that could.
"You're up early, Su…" Shinobu yawned as she stalked into the kitchen with a sleepy smile and her uniform on. "You must have already finished your early morning-Ah?" She grinned, her eyes sparkling as she moved closer to the girl. "You were cleaning up!"
"Y-Yeah…" She rubbed at her eyes with her forearm before turning around.
Could she tell Shinobu?
"How embarrassing…" Shinobu bent, lowering herself just enough to look under the table. "Sempai spent all that time helping me clean up yesterday and I didn't even check up behind him. He always misses a spot or two. Thanks Su…" She rose to her full height and put her hands on her hips. "He would have been disappointed if he found out. He always works so hard."
"Shinobu," The cook was her best friend. She could tell her. If she couldn't tell anyone else, she could tell her. "Keitaro… He…"
"Huh?" The subject of the man she loved was always of interest. "He what?"
"He…"
Something gripped her.
"He was the one that cleaned up…"
The emotion that took hold of her heart eased up once she shared the half-truth. She couldn't explain it, but the chill that rattled her was enough to let her know that telling Shinobu wouldn't be good. She couldn't shake the feeling that telling her best friend would be one of the worst things that could possibly happen.
Still…
It was the first time she lied to Shinobu.
"Aww…" Shinobu sighed. "I was trying my best so he…" The cook trailed off on sight of the folder on the table. "No wonder." She fell into a soft smile as she reached for what she already knew was his portfolio. "If he was down here drawing then he probably couldn't help but see some spots we missed. Do you want to take a look before we start on break-Huh…?"
Su snatched the folder off the table before her friend could take hold of it.
"We shouldn't look at other people's things…" The princess brought the empty folder to her chest before brushing past Shinobu. "I'll go take it to his room."
"Oh…" Shinobu blushed on account of forgetting her manners. "Okay… I'll, uh, start then. I think I'll make sempai's favorite this morning since he helped me out so much."
Su looked down at the folder she held.
"I don't think he's coming to breakfast this morning."
0
Writing wasn't easy, but Motoko was used to doing difficult things. As someone that wanted to be a master in both liberal and martial arts, she studied and practiced until her skills were honed to the point that her standards were so high that it took considerable effort to find stuff she actually liked to read and forms she had yet to memorize.
Still, even she could be humbled sometimes.
"Motoko…" Kitsune sighed for the sixth time as she finished reading the rough draft. "Writing a story is more than just about the writing. If you don't have any emotion invested in it then, it'll just feel stale."
"I don't get it." Motoko lifted her fingers from her keyboard before looking over her shoulder. "You don't have any complaint about the actual writing, yet you say it's boring because it doesn't conform to what you think it should be?"
"I don't mean it that way." The older girl laid the printed chapter to the side. "I'm not saying anything like that. You just need to tie the characters into the story more. You know, make the reader identify with them a little or something. The way you have it now is okay, but it could be better. You want people to feel more invested in the story, especially in the first chapter."
"I see…" Motoko nodded, it was solid advice. "Are there any other problems?"
"Yeah…" Kitsune grinned before briefly paging through the draft. "It's too bad you didn't let me know you wanted to write a book or I could have helped iron out some stuff a long time ago."
"No offense, but I didn't figure you to be a literary genius." The swordswoman pushed away from the desk and the chair rolled away from it. "I'm glad that you survived your hangover enough to help."
"Aww…" She sighed, faking her disappointment as she let her shoulders droop. "I have to say that I'm a little sad you only thought to notice now."
"I'm serious. I knew you wrote articles, but I didn't expect you to know that much about writing." Motoko stood and pushed the chair back under the desk before walking over to the school uniform she had laid out on her futon. "It's a good thing I asked for your help."
"Ha… I'm just glad you asked for my opinion. It's really just because of all this studying I've been doing lately." Kitsune picked up the printed draft and stood up. "I'm not that smart though, Motoko. I just read a lot when I was a kid so I naturally got interested in it. I won't ever be an author or anything, but I do know a lil' bit about-"
"You need to stop doing that." Motoko slipped out of her pajamas before pulling her blouse on and slipping her arms through the sleeves. "You always say you can't do things I know you're capable of." The swordswoman said in response to the look her friend gave her. "I used to think you were just lazy but now that—Can you hand me that skirt hanging up behind you?" She nodded her head in thanks before continuing. "Now that I know the truth, I can tell how much you downplay your abilities."
"Su said something like that last night…" Kitsune walked by the closet and placed the stack of paper on the desk before pulling the chair back to take a seat. She smiled at the schoolgirl as she fastened the clasp on her skirt. "I'll have to say that I'm honestly kind of flattered."
"We're friends." Motoko reached for her stockings and sat down to put them on. "I know we had our differences, but I'm going to help you when I can. If all I can do is point something out, then I'll point it out."
"You don't have to do anything like that, you know…" She opened her eyes. "Forcing yourself to-"
"Listen to me, Kitsune." She formed her hair into a ponytail before reaching for the ribbon at her side. "I don't care if I have to force myself or not and I don't want you to think you have to stay away from us because you're with Keitaro. I'm…" She paused, the hands she used to tighten the bow she made stilled as she thought of how to explain how she felt. "I'm not… over what happened just yet, but I want us to be able to talk to each other. I want us to get over that."
"You know… I've always thought of you as a sister, Motoko." Kitsune spun around in the chair before leaning forward to get on eye level with the girl that sat on the futon. "It's the same way with the other girls. Y'all have always been my family in place of my real one and I didn't realize I was giving it all up by the way I was acting…"
"Your problem is that you always think about the mistakes you make. You keep thinking about stuff that has already happened." Motoko stood, checking herself out before reaching down to check the briefcase to make sure she had all her textbooks together. "Like I said, I'm your friend. We both said some things we didn't mean to each other and we're past that now. I want you to be happy because I care about you and… if he's with you then I won't have any complaints."
It was the same way she used to feel about Naru.
The Tokyo University hopeful went out of her way telling everyone that she didn't want to be with Keitaro when the truth was obvious to everyone except the landlord. Even though they had trouble wadding through each other's feelings, everyone was sure they'd find each other eventually so it was surprising when they didn't.
Keitaro looked another way and Naru…
No one knew what Naru was doing.
Motoko blinked. It was the first time she donated a thought to the older girl in about a week and she couldn't remember the last time she actually saw the brunette.
"Man, I wish you didn't have to go to school now." Kitsune rubbed the back of her neck, a brilliant smile stuck on her face as she looked up at the swordswoman. "Me and Su saved just enough for another-"
"Kitsune…" Motoko cut her off, her tone indicating she had something important to ask. "Have you talked to Naru?"
"Naru?" She shook her head, her smile fading as she recalled the last time she saw her former best friend. "She's been in her room a whole lot… so…"
"You need to go and see her now."
Motoko stared at her sheathed sword on the stand.
Bad things happened when people rested on idle feelings and Naru suppressed her true feelings for so long there was no telling what could happen if the situation wasn't resolved.
"I can't…"
The swordswoman spied Kitsune out the corner of her eye, the weakness in her voice evident by the way her sight stayed on the floor.
"Why not?"
She wanted to know so it was only logical to ask even if she suspected she already knew the reason. Kitsune and Naru used to be the best of friends. Everyone used to be on good terms with the brunette until it became apparent that their landlord was becoming more and more infatuated with her. At the time she didn't notice, but it was then that everyone slowly started to drift away from Naru. It wasn't like they stopped being friends with her. It was just that she was gradually making the transition from the Naru they knew to the girlfriend she not-so-secretly wanted to become so they all gave her enough room to change.
The thing about it was that she never changed.
Nothing changed.
She still managed to have the same ridiculous misunderstandings that led to the same stupid one-sided arguments. She was the only one that still ended up getting in his way and causing all those silly accidents. She was the only one that still had reasons to slap him upside the head and send him through walls.
Motoko let her face drop into her palm before she started shaking her head.
It had been years, years, but that was all their jumbled feelings amounted to?
It was sad and… pathetic.
"Because I'm happy."
The answer.
Motoko turned to face the girl that sat with her elbows on her knees, her chin resting on her palms as she calmly stared ahead. "I can't see her yet because I'm happy, Motoko." Kitsune sighed, it made her feel bad but it was the truth. She was glad that her best friend missed her chance. "It's not like I'd laugh in her face or anything, but I can't just burst into her room and act like I'm so sad that she missed her chance when I'm happy she did…"
"Just sit her down and talk with her the same way you-"
"It won't work like that." The Kitsune looked up, letting her hands fall to her lap as she lifted her head. "I mean, it's different with you Motoko. It'll be different with Shinobu, too, but that's because I felt bad about what happened. I did something really bad to both of you, but Naru… She got in her own way."
She was right.
In some shape or form, they all tried to promote the relationship but the woman that was supposed to benefit from the support gained nothing from it.
All the dates Kitsune tried to set them up on failed. The chores Motoko did so Keitaro would have time to spend with his steady partner didn't matter when there were always more landlord-shaped holes in the wall for him to repair. The feast Shinobu made for the picnic Su tried to get them to go on went to waste.
It was more than that…
The prize Mutsumi won in the largest watermelon contest, a cruise voyage for two, was still somewhere in Naru's room, the tickets she sent her friend still hidden under the fourth row of socks in the second draw.
The postcard from Sarah that wished Naru good luck with the idiot, the box of gifts that arrived from Molmol, the talk Haruka had with her nephew before she left, and…
The dinner he tried to offer Naru before she sent him flying.
All of it was for someone that denied herself what she really wanted just because she thought he'd always be there.
"I'm glad…"
Was it wrong? Was it bad to be so happy that Naru took Keitaro for granted? Was she supposed to feel good about the things that happened? About the things she did?
Naru used to be her best friend, the person that was the closest she ever came to having a real sister, and she did the best she could to pull Keitaro away from her in spite of that. She lied to Shinobu, she stopped Motoko, and, last night, she made sure to cut away at any lingering temptation Su might have felt.
She didn't have the right to do any of it, but she did it anyway.
It was wrong, but she feed the cook lies to keep her from stealing Keitaro away on the night she wanted him. It was dirty, but she intentionally and effectively got in Motoko's way to make sure Keitaro wasn't swayed. How could she walk around telling big Su what to do when she was guilty of the same in the past? How could someone that knowingly used to flirt with other girls' boyfriends walk around telling someone else not to mess with someone that was important to her?
What kind of person would wish with all of her heart that her friends, the same people she valued as her family, all came up short just so she could get ahead?
"I'm…"
Since she realized her feelings, could she think of herself as someone's friend? Did she even have the right to consider herself one?
She was just a hateful hypocrite, someone that would sit back and preach about what not to do when there wasn't anything for her to mess up. How did she become something so… disgusting? Pretending to be something she wasn't? Underestimating herself? The real Kitsune, the real Mitsune, was someone that only dragged down the people around her. The real Kitsune was the kind of woman that deserved to be hated. She was a lush. She was a tease and a flirt. She was the kind of woman that didn't let go of a grudge. She was the kind of woman that would steal a man from her best friend. She was the kind of person that…
"Stop."
"Wha…?"
"Stop crying…" Motoko watched the older girl dab at her eyes with a look of surprise on her face. "You have something to be happy about so don't cry."
"Ha…" Kitsune shot up from the chair and uttered a nervous laugh in attempt to shield the feelings that brought her to tears, but the sound of a briefcase landing on the floor meant that her friend saw through the lie that she didn't even get a chance to tell.
"Kitsune," Motoko forgot about breakfast and school as she neared her. She certainly had something to be happy about, but the look on her face that reflect as much. "It's more than that, isn't it?"
She shook her head.
"No, I…"
She couldn't tell anyone she hated herself.
"I… don't…" She lowered her head, her watery eyes averted as she tried to come up with something to say. She didn't want to tell anyone. "I… myself."
But she tried.
When she made the decision to be with Keitaro, she also made the decision to be on better terms with her friends and, if she wanted them to understand her, she had to talk to them.
Even if she didn't like what she had to say, even if she didn't want to tell anyone, she promised herself that she'd try to get on better terms with the people she loved and honesty was a necessary step in opening her heart.
"I don't… like…"
"I know." Motoko hugged her in an instant. "You don't have to say any more."
It was another similarity that rose to the surface.
"I'm the same way, Kitsune." Trying her best to be comforting, the swordswoman rubbed her hand up and down girl's back. "I know how it feels… I know."
It wasn't so much of hating herself. She hated what she became. There was a difference, one that the weeping woman didn't yet see, but Motoko knew perfectly well how she felt.
She used to hate the height that made her a head or two taller than the rest of the girls, she used to hate the way her eyes narrowed when she sunk into deep thought, she used to hate the way people literally ran away from her when she raised her hand to do anything, and the list went on.
Motoko hated the person she became, but not because she wanted to become something else. She liked who she was. It was what she was that became the subject of her loathing. She liked being strong, but she didn't like having muscles. She liked carrying a sword, but she didn't like watching people scamper out of her way.
She wanted to become more than what she was, but it was impossible for her to be anything else. She was already stern, already too serious, so she couldn't just wake up one day and start acting like the girls she saw at school.
She hated that.
She didn't want to be scary or cold. She liked to have fun just as much as the girls that put on makeup and went to karaoke. She liked to dance and she liked pretty things. It was just that she sword she carried, her duty, negated the things she liked to do so she could focus on what she had to do.
Until Keitaro called her beautiful…
She always thought of herself like that so it was like she stepped into a different world when he let the word slip from his lips. It was only then that she thought to notice that he was the only one that wasn't put off by her height. It was then that she realized that he never ran away from her unless she tried to make him do so.
"Keitaro helped me. He helped me a lot." Motoko smiled, her eyes sliding close as she thought back to the way the landlord made her feel. "I used to give him trouble, but he was the first person that looked past what I wanted people to see and saw me. He said… He said he loved me and I believed him."
That was why she loved him.
Kitsune quietly listened, slowly nodding along as the girl spoke.
"When we went out that night, he reminded me that people cared. He made me remember that people loved me, but I was too selfish to see what he was really talking about…" She sighed before moving back, withdrawing her arms as she backed away. "Anyway, he saw me and I already know he can see you so…" Motoko smiled before she turned around and picked back up her briefcase. She knew, better than anyone else, that Keitaro would be able to help Kitsune just as much as he helped her.
"Just go and see him."
Continued…
Next chapter:
Gray
"Kitsune… Do you know what my favorite color is?"