A/N: Murphy. Is. BADASS!

When Wizards Meet

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 13: Kissing Is Sex?

Disclaimer: The Dresden Files belongs to Jim Butcher. Sci Fi (now Scyfy) are geniuses to have managed to ruin it. Negima belongs to Ken Akamatsu. Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling. Raistling Majere is the creation of Tracy Hickman and Margaret Weis. I'll throw in Rand Al'Thor by James Oliver Rigney Jr. He counts, right. They're not in this story, but I felt like mentioning them. Everyone loves wizards!

At about 5:37pm that day, Negi Springfield disappeared.

Again.

"This is getting repetitive," Harry growled as he set up a tracking spell using Chachamaru's new Pactio Card while Setsuna got on the phone and called everyone. Again. "We just rescued him yesterday!"

"Do you think he's managed to hook up with another girl?" Evangeline drawled as she pawed through Harry's paperback collection. "You know how he always manages to charm a new girl whenever he's out of our sight."

Chachamaru and Setsuna exchanged panicked glances. "Work faster!" Setsuna told Harry.

The tacking spell took, fortunately, eventually leading them to…

"Crap," Harry said, looking up at the gates in front of him.

It was the Raith Mansion.

Harry had barely gotten out and exchanged unpleasantries with the guard on duty when there was a gust, and a wind-blown Lara Raith, her impeccable whites slightly spattered and leaf-strewn, her immaculate hair looking like some evil blow-dryer had blasted it, seemed to appear out of nowhere. She leapt the gate, grabbing Harry's lapels with a slightly unhinged look in her eye.

"Dresden!" she cried. "Get that brat out of my house!"

Harry, not missing a beat, said, "So, he's here after all?"

Lara growled, a sound more primal than sensual, and Harry was reminded why the Whites qualified as a Vampire Court.

That was what the ninja was for.

Harry had once fought a ninja vampire. Admittedly, the Malvora might not technically have been a ninja, but he'd ran like the wind, jumped really high and used throwing knives, so it was good enough.

Kaede showed him that guy had been an amateur. There was a blur from out of the woods, and suddenly Lara was dangling from the tall, buxom girl's arm from five feet away. Lara reacted instinctively, turning on her and beginning to grapple. The guard drew his sidearm, but another blur streaked towards him, and he was suddenly on the ground, unconscious, as another Kaede stood over him, holding the gun absentmindedly.

"Clear," Setsuna said as she appeared on the opposite side of the gate holding some pliers, a chisel and a hammer. "Mines are down."

"How exactly do you know how to disarm mines, Setsuna-dono?" the Kaede with the gun said.

The girl shrugged, smiling slightly. "I'm roommates with Mana. Something rubbed off."

It took a while to separate Lara from the one she was fighting, which was quite an interesting few minutes. Bob would be heartbroken to have missed it. He'd have to tell him in as much detail as possible…

Fortunately for him, Chachamaru had thoughtfully made a recording.

They reached the mansion in time to see Negi sitting on the floor, back flush against a sofa, one of Lara's female relatives leaning forward on her hands and knees to kiss him.

"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" several people cried. There were various metallic sounds.

A split second later the vampires was screaming, having leapt to the opposite side of the room so fast she'd left a Looney Tune outline on the wall.

"Huh?" Harry said, blinking.

"Huh?" Lara said, mouth agape.

"Huh?" every other woman in the room said, excepting the one screaming.

Setsuna rubbed the bridge of her nose, thinking happy thoughts of Konoka in a bikini. Or not in one, as the case may be. "What is it with him and women who bend towards pedophilia?" she muttered.

"Maybe it's the suit?" Kaede said.

"Does he look like Neil Patrick Harris?" Setsuna said, then sighed. "Oh Neil, how could you! I'd have been straight for you! Er, not that I'm not already…"

Kaede patted her on the back. "It's okay. We've all been there…"

Chachamaru nodded. "The master was certainly upset."

Harry looked down at the floor. "Spin the bottle? Really?"

Lara suddenly snapped her head towards Negi, who was getting over his surprise and quite predictably becoming concerned. Frowning, she strode towards him, and hesitantly, poked his face with a finger. It sizzled, and she hissed, stepping back. "Dresden, did you know the boy's not a virgin?"

"WHAT?!?!?!" was the rooms reply.

"Huh?" Negi said.

Harry stared at him. No. surely not. Surely, in this day and age with that danged internet he couldn't use but Negi apparently could, he couldn't be that oblivious.

Kaede tilted her head. "He hasn't taught us Sex Ed yet, has he?"

"No, he hasn't," Setsuna said, eyebrow twitching. "Looks like someone beat Ayaka to it."

"The master will not be pleased," Chachamaru said.

Harry had needed to explain to Negi just what exactly Lara was implying. It was touch and go there for a minute, since he didn't feel right couching it in terms of sex, since the boy seemed genuinely clueless about the subject. He had to go in vague terms about energy and transfers and such, with the two human (well, technically one human– debatably– and one hanyou) with him going a little red as they listened between the lines, and the Whites growing increasingly amused as he got more vague and embarrassed. This was not helping his street cred, having to give a definitely-not-Sex-Ed lesson.

"Oh," Negi said, as he finally seemed to understand. "Well, if it's a result of an energy transfer, then the last person I might have conceivably exchanged energy with is Chachamaru-san. Maybe they just don't agree with her energy?"

Everyone turned to the android, whose face seemed to be going red.

"I appear to be over-heating," the robot-girl said. "Do you have a CO2 fire-extinguisher nearby?"

Out of the corner of her mouth, Setsuna said, "Negi-sensei? Really?"

Chachamaru got redder.

"It's okay," Kaede said. "We've all been there."

The two stared at her.

"What? I'm in this class too."

- To be continued...

A/N: and fun is had by all.

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.