Chapter 12

Jane has been sleeping heavily for the past 3 hours. After my awkward introduction to Nurse Michelle, the nurses administered a morphine drip to manage Jane's pain. I cannot get over the fact that she punched a woman in the face to get to me. I'm both proud and mortified. Proud because she loves me. Mortified because...she loves me.

I have been curled up in the green polyvinyl chair next to Jane's bed for the past few hours. Aside from studying my very own Sleeping Beauty's face, I have been reading medical journals. The clock perched on Jane's bedside table reads 6:23am. Sunlight peeks through the closed blinds hanging over the window, greeting me with the hope of another day. My stomach rumbles with hunger and my tired eyes long to rest. The last thing I want to do is leave Jane, but I haven't eaten a thing in the last 48 hours and I need nutrients.

After twenty minutes of intense contemplation, I decide to call a cab and arrange for it to take me home. I desperately need a hot shower and a glass of wine. Or half the bottle. I pace Jane's room looking for some stationary and a pen to leave her a note. The pen was easy enough to find, but stationary is nowhere to be found. I settle for a brown napkin leftover from someone's fast food meal. I feel so guilty leaving Jane a note, but for my sanity's sake, I need a moment to myself.

My hand tremors slightly as I begin writing the note:

My dearest Jane,
I regret to inform you that I need to take a momentary leave of absence. I feel like an awful person but I do hope you understand. I promise to return to you in a maximum of 2 hours. You know how to reach me if you need anything. Perhaps you don't know what I'm talking about. You can reach me by phone, Jane. If you wake to find that I have gone, don't panic. I promise you, I will come back.
All my love,
Maura

I place the napkin under Jane's hand; the hand I've neglected to let go of. I run my fingers over each defined knuckle, reluctant to leave her. I glance at the clock once more and it reads 6:50am. I know this hospital well enough to give myself at least 6 minutes to meet my cab out front. Bending forward, I slip my tender feet into the high heels that lay disheveled on the floor.

I brace myself for the dull pulsating pain that I have come to expect while on my feet. Inhaling deeply, I push myself off of the chair and into a standing position. I block out the pain as best as I can. Jane looks so peaceful and vulnerable. I loop her curly tresses softly around my index finger. Maura, go. Careful not to stir her, I bend over and lightly place a kiss on her left temple.

Donning my coat, I stride to the door as silently as possible. I turn the handle and peek over my shoulder at Jane, who is still sleeping soundly. Once out of the room, I make my way down the long hallway and inside the small confines of the elevator. Doctors, residents and nurses accompany me into the small area making me claustrophobic. I just want to go home.

I stride as confidently as I can out of the hospital doors and into the fresh autumn air. Jane will survive without you in her room for two hours. As if mirroring my emotions, the sky is a pale grey and the asphalt is damp from a long night of rain. I pull my coat closer around myself and wait for my cab to pull up. Minutes later, I sit in the back of a warm cab and anxiously await my arrival to my house.

I retrieve the emergency key I planted under a small rock outside of my front door. The familiar smell of lavender and honey greets me as I step inside. I bolt the door behind myself and kick my heels off. The tears I've pent up for the last few hours spill furiously down my cheeks. I tear off my coat and let it fall to the floor behind me. I killed a man. I stabbed him. Me.

I slowly walk to the kitchen and pull the refrigerator door open. Not looking at labels, I grab the neck of the nearest wine bottle. I uncork the bottle and press the opening to my lips drawing in a long swig. The cold white wine runs down my throat and coats the emotional pain I'm feeling. Shower time.

Leaving a trail of clothing behind me, I make my way to the bathroom, bottle in hand. I take another gulp of wine and start to feel the gentle swim of the alcohol through my veins. I turn the shower on and stand beside it sipping out of the bottle until steam covers the bathroom mirror. The hot water burns my skin, leaving it a dark shade of pink. The physical pain takes my mind off of the emotional roller coaster I can't seem to get off of.

Tears slide down my cheeks, mixing with the hot water sprinkling over my head. The heat and my hyperventilating make oxygen nearly impossible to obtain. I step out of the large shower, dripping water all over the tile floor. I grab the bottle of wine from the counter and head back into the steam. I can no longer stand so I sit on the cold tile of the shower, taking generous sips of the chilled wine.

Why did this have to happen to me? To Jane? If not for me, Jane would be healthy and at home enjoying a beer. I lean my back against the cool tiled wall, easing the bottle to my quivering lips. Carolina, I'm so sorry...I wish you were here with me right now. I am so sorry, my daughter. I love you so much! Please forgive me...please, Carolina.

Images of Jane and the abandoned and parentless baby girl stab at my every thought. I raise the bottle to take a hearty gulp, but it's empty. My stomach burns happily as it digests the only thing in my stomach. Images of Jane overwhelm me. I have to get back to her beautiful face. I need to kiss her!

I crawl out of the shower on my hands and knees and head down the hall to my bedroom. My dripping hair sticks to my warm and flushed cheeks. I manage to put undergarments on myself and slide my closet doors open. Deciding to stay away from a dress or skirt due to the chilly weather, I pull khaki slacks from their hanger. I lie down on my back and slide both of my legs into the pants. I grab a pale pink blouse and throw it over my head. This is very difficult...

I manage to dress myself from my bedroom floor. My hair is completely dry by the time I crawl out to the living room to pick my coat up off of the ground. I somehow maneuver myself into an upright stance and sway into the kitchen. Grabbing the handle of the refrigerator door, I wrench it open, causing its contents to shift. I choose a pear and string cheese to feast on. Jane.

I pick up the phone and call a cab to drive me back to the hospital. My speech is slightly slurred and slow. A cab should be here in 5 minutes to take me back to Jane. I stumble over myself to get my boots on. You can't wear heels while you're drunk, silly goose! A horn honks out front and I make my way to the yellow vehicle waiting for me.

The ride to the hospital is a blur of color and sounds. Scenery floats in front of my eyes, but nothing takes a definite shape. My head swims merrily with intoxication. I pay the driver and exit the taxi. Rain falls lightly all around me as I slowly make my way to the hospital doors. I make my way to the fourth floor and back to room number 417a. I open the door gladly and full of purpose.

Jane is sitting upright in her bed. Our eyes meet and an electric currency pulses steadily between us. I have never wanted someone more. The door closes loudly behind me, causing me to jump. A smile plays on Jane's lips, as she stifles a laugh.

"Hey, Maur, I uh...got your note. You okay?" Jane raises her eyebrows at me in interest. I close the wide gap between us and stumble over to my green polyvinyl chair. I have to be near her!

"I'm doing great, Jane! I feel so great...I feel like I've just been to heaven with you on the back of an Angel's wings." I grab Jane's hand and squeeze it lightly.

"Maura, have you been drinking?" Jane laces her fingers with mine and rubs my thumb with hers. My heart flutters and I smile broadly.

"I think you've been drinking, Jane! You are so pretty. Your eyes are like pools of chocolate pudding. You are perfect Jane and I love you… I love everything about you!" My heart beats hard against my ribs. I am determined for Jane to know the truth.

"Jesus, Maura! Did you drink the whole bottle?" Jane puts her other hand on top of mine. She looks apprehensive, scared even.

"I did not!" I hiccup twice and suddenly, I am very tired. Jane stares into my eyes, trying to decipher my drunkenness.

"Maura..." Jane starts, but I shake my head, causing her to pause.

"Can I lay with you up there? I'm very tired..." I mumble as my eyelids grow heavier. I feel as if cement blocks are attached to my legs and my body is drifting through a quick-flowing river.

Jane nods her head in approval. She scoots over to make room for me and I climb up. I gently throw my arm over her stomach, my open palm just above her navel. Jane holds one arm around my shoulders and one hand intertwines her fingers with mine. My head rests just under her jaw line, in the crook of her neck. I peck a line of kisses across her collar bone and nuzzle my forehead into her neck.

"I love you too, Maura." Jane holds me close to her, tangling her long fingers in my hair.

I scoot up onto a shaky elbow and stare into Jane's eyes. I blink heavy eyelids and eye her mouth, wanting to kiss her with every fiber of my being. I close my eyes and delicately place my parted lips on Jane's. Her fingers wrap themselves in my hair and she places one hand on my hip. I have to come up for air. I take shallow breaths between light kisses.

Jane's lips part slightly and I suck on her bottom lip softly. Our lips are still for a long time. We lay there, mouths connected, holding each other closely. I open my eyes slowly, meeting Jane's gaze. I feel her lips turn up in a smile on my own mouth. I kiss her smile gently and press my forehead to hers. Jane cups my chin, caressing it with the pad of her thumb. She tilts my head back to meet her kiss.

"I'm drunk..." I whisper into her mouth between pecks.

"I know you are." Jane meets my eyes once more and I push curly locks from her face. I close my eyes once again and am fast asleep.

**I hope you enjoy this chapter! Let me know what you think! I look forward to reading your reviews and messages! I'd love to hear your opinion, so don't be shy. Again, I hope you like it!**