Author's Notes: FYI, the decidedly less goofy title for this chapter comes from a Ray Bradbury short by the same name. It's about a guy who orders up a robotic clone version of himself so he can have some free time away from his possessive wife, but tragedy ensues when the clone falls in love with his wife. You'll note I'm doing that whole LOST producer thing of taking the plots of ancient but classic novels way out of context. :P There are no clones involved here...yet.

A recap!

Kate – Is prepared for brainwashing by the Skate faction. She thinks they want her to carry out some kind of Anti-Ana mission, but they're really going to brainwash her into believing Sawyer is her one true luv 4 evahandevahandevah...

Ana and Jack – Cuddle.

CHAPTER 13: Marionettes, INC

Two relation-shipper factions stood engaged in a heated argument in the Project Operation Center.

The Ana.Lucia.Cortez Faction Rep, Megan, was angrily rebuking Juliet, the Jana Project Coordinator who was also Member #107 of the Tailie Ship Association as well as the third moderator of the C.O.O.K.I.E.S (Co-council Of Other Known Island Existent Ships) forum, and not, of course, to forget that she was the Headmistress of the Jack (All Sheep Need A Shephard) Island Hussies Association and the co-founder of the first official JANA (Fixing Me Fixing You) membership group since the ship's first canon moment several months back.

"Headmistress, you are in gross violation," Megan was beginning to wrap up her speech, "of Protocol 67 authority, and I intend to have this incident burned into your permanent record. It wasn't enough that you had to replace our Sawyer reels with Jack reels but then you saw fit to further muddy the waters by leaving fake Skate Sex reels on our editing computers! That's just fighting dirty!"

"You're just mad because our people broke past your lame security system." said Juliet with an impassive eyeroll.

"NO. I am angry because you have jeopardized an extremely sensitive operation –"

"Oh please, Ana Lucia's got a mind of her own." A smug grin crept upon Juliet's face. "We're just nudging her in the right direction."

Megan was nearing hysterics. "You stole our plan!! And—and then the Skate reels weren't even legit! You hired Sawyer and Kate lookalikes?? Lookalikes?! You can't possibly be proud of this –"

"Oh, but I am. You see, the connection between Jack and Ana Lucia is now stronger than ever. Now that he's been betrayed by Kate, there's nothing stopping him from taking his relationship with Ana to the next level—" Juliet clapped a hand over her mouth. "Oops." She said with saccharine embarrassment. "They already have, haven't they?"

Juliet folded her arms and grinned. "And by the way, Jana sex was hot."

Megan bristled like an enraged pigeon.

Pleased with herself and her faction's genius, Juliet turned to go. But then, a thought struck her, and she turned back to face the positively red A.L.C Faction Representative.

"I've had a thought Meg, tell me if it's a brain fart or what. Since Jack's heart is pretty much crushed by "Kate", we can be sure he pretty much hates her now, right?"

"As he should," said Megan through her teeth.

"Well, here's what I'm thinking..."

Whispering filled the Project Operation Center. The mood had changed dramatically from heated dispute to enthusiastic collaboration and conspiracy.

--

"So, are we in trouble here?" Jack said with a grin, looking at Ana Lucia as they made their down the corridor the direction he had come in.

"What do you mean?"

"Your ring." He said, glancing at her hand. Ana stared at it for a moment, and then shrugged off the question.

"It's nothing. Just a ring I wear."

"Why?" Jack queried.

"It uh...it helps me remember certain things."

Jack looked at her questioningly. Just then, Ana, eager to end this particular line of interrogation, noticed that there was a door held partly ajar on the right side of the corridor.

"Check it out."

Jack looked at the door. As Ana stepped past him to get to the door, he blocked her way.

"What're you doing Jack? It's a door, lets see what's—"

"You don't want to go in that room, Ana."

She glared suspiciously. "Oh yeah? Why not?"

That sick feeling was coming over Jack again. Only bad things would happen if that door...or any other doors were opened.

"What's in there Jack?" Ana wasn't going to let up. Exasperated by his resulting silence, she shoved past him and pushed open the door. Jack watched but didn't go inside. The door was pushed open wide enough for him to see the monitors...and that one particular monitor. Ana stood in the room, staring.

"What the hell...?" And then, her eyes found The Monitor. The one on which Sawyer and Kate lay together, enraptured, entangled, in lust.

Ana looked back at Jack. All at once, he recognized her expression. It was the same one he had when he first saw the thing. It was hurt. And more obviously on Ana, anger.

--

Sawyer and Alex, both outfitted with backpacks and weapons, trekked up a grassy incline which overlooked a series of rising hills and mountains covering a significant portion of the island. The teenager was busily observing the colorful blips on a radio transceiver that she held in her palm.

"So, why doncha tell me more about this... League of Extraordinarily Nutty People you're involved with." Said Sawyer. "Gotta tell ya, I'm fascinated."

"ASL," said Alex with inflection, " was formed several months after relation-shipper groups began tampering with the project."

"Tampering? But didn't you say that the whole point of the "project" was to mess around with our libidos or something?"

"Of course not. This whole thing started out as a purely scientific diversion. Why do you think there are climatically inappropriate animals on this island?"

"You tell me, maybe a couple got away from Doctor Moreau."

Alex smirked. "Needless to say, I can't expect a simpleton like you to understand the implications. Just be re-assured, James, ASL is looking out for you."

"Why me? What about Kate and Jack and A-L and...everyone else?"

"When one seeks to take something out," Alex said with a dangerous glint in her eye, "one goes for the nucleus. Without the nucleus, everything else falls apart."

"You're sayin' I'm the nuke?"

"Nucleus, and yes. It's 6 degrees of separation, Ford. 50 percent of the currently commissioned relation-shipper groups have involved you in their pairing or triangle, whether deliberately, or by inadvertence. ASL's prime directive is to remove you from this situation, thereby, dismantling the rest of the groups from the inside out."

Sawyer laughed. "Sorry kid, I can't help but think that's a lot of poo-poo. What's so important about little old me?"

"More than you think, Ford. More than you think."

Alex became re-engaged with her PDA, which began to beep rapidly as they approached the peak of their ascension.

"How's C3-PO?" asked Sawyer.

"I've got a signal! We're close!"

"To the good guys, I hope."

"It's gotta be! Maybe the weather's cleared and the base has gotten its ships out." She fiddled manically with the controls. After a moment, there was a burst of static, and then, music to Alex's ears. A voice.

But not quite the voice Alex had been expecting. Instead of the garbled Russian speaking voice she had hoped to hear, she heard, instead, an unfamiliar voice. It was a man dictating in a clear, steady voice with some sense of importance and urgency. He was reciting a monologue.

"This is a streaming freedom radio bulletin. The cable hack will last exactly 60 seconds. It cannot be traced, it cannot be stopped and it is the only free voice left in the city.."

Alex and Sawyer looked at each other.

The message repeated.

"Uh..." Sawyer began, "you know that guy?"

Alex exhaled sharply. That was NOT what she wanted to hear. It took all of her sanity not to stamp her foot like a 5 year-old. "Damnit!!"

TO BE CONTINUED...