A/N: Here we go, some forgiveness and all around feel good stuff for ya today. I hope you like it, thanks for reading,
Chapter Thirteen
"Forgiveness is not something you do for someone else; it's something you do for yourself. To forgive is not to condone, it is to refuse to continue feeling bad about an injury."
― Jim Beaver
Dean awoke feeling like hell. He hadn't even opened his eyes yet, but already he knew it was bad. His head throbbed and felt uncomfortably tender and he felt like the rest of him had been beaten with a stick. With a great deal of effort, Dean opened his eyes, stifling a groan. It was dark in the room and Dean blinked dazedly as his eyes adjusted to the gloom. It was then that he felt a hand in his own, he looked over, to the most wonderful sight of all. Castiel, asleep with his head resting on the bed, still holding Dean's hand. Despite his current state, Dean could not have been happier. He gently reached out and stroked Castiel's cheek, trying not to disturb him.
Castiel stirred sleepily and opened his eyes. He lifted his head, and looked at Dean concerned. "Dean." He croaked, voice hoarse with sleep.
"Hey Cas." Dean said. "I didn't mean to wake you, I just had to make sure I wasn't dreaming."
Castiel's eyes filled with tears. "Are you alright?" He asked.
"Yeah." Dean said with a smile. "Never felt better."
"What happened?" Castiel asked. "The doctors don't know anything."
"Remember that night those guys were giving you a hard time?"
"Yes."
"Well, they were still pretty pissed about it." Dean said.
"How did they find you?"
"I uh… I went by Lake Ave last night, looking for you." Dean said. "Wrong place at the wrong time, I guess."
"I wasn't there last night."
"I know, it's damn lucky you weren't."
"I should have been there." Castiel said and Dean could see the pain in his eyes.
"This wasn't your fault Cas." Dean said firmly. "It wasn't."
Castiel nodded. "I'm sorry." He said, squeezing Dean's hand. "For everything."
"You don't have to apologize to me." Dean said. "You have nothing to be sorry for."
"How can you say that?" asked Castiel. "After what I said."
"It was the truth and you were right." Replied Dean. "I was content with just brushing that part of your life under the rug, pretending like it wasn't happening and I was wrong. Ignoring that part of you, was like loving you by halves and I I'm not capable of that. I just want you to know that I love you and I respect you, no matter what you want to do and I just hope that I haven't ruined things between us for good."
Castiel shook his head and Dean's heart sank. "You haven't." he said, then he smiled, radiantly at Dean. "I love you Dean."
Dean felt his spirits lift, the dull ache in his chest lifting at last. He smiled until his battered face ached. "I love you Cas." Dean said, holding out his arms.
Castiel hugged him gently and Dean buried his face in his neck. "God I missed you." He said.
"I missed you too." Replied Castiel. "Sorry for ignoring you, by the way."
"That was my fault." Dean said. "Sammy said I should give you some space, but I kinda couldn't help it. I guess I should start taking his advice."
"I'll have to tell him that when he gets here." Castiel said.
"What do you mean?" Dean asked.
"He's on a plane right now, he'll be landing in about an hour."
"Sam's coming here, why?" Dean asked.
"Did you really think he wouldn't jump on the first plane after he heard you were hurt?" Castiel asked surprised.
Dean shrugged. "I guess not." He said.
"Your dad's coming too." Castiel added. "This afternoon."
"Really?" he asked shocked. "Now that one, I didn't see coming. At least now I can tell him about us in person. If you want me to, that is."
"I do." Castiel said. "They should be letting visitors in anytime now, so Ellen and Bobby and Jo will be up soon."
"Are you not allowed to be here right now?" asked Dean, bemused.
"Well, not technically." Replied Castiel. "But I asked one of the nurses if I could stay the night."
"You've been here all night?"
"Yeah, I didn't want you to wake up alone."
Dean smiled fondly. "Thanks Cas." He said.
Just then there was the sound of footsteps at the door and Bobby entered the room, followed by Ellen and Jo. Seeing that Dean was awake, he sighed with relief. "Don't you ever do that again, ya damn idjit." He said.
"Thanks Bobby, I love you too." Dean said.
Bobby softened a little. "You scared the hell outta us."
"Sorry bout that."
Ellen took a seat on the other side of Dean's bed. "How you feeling Dean?" she asked more gently than her husband.
"I'm alright."
"What happened?" Jo asked, sitting at the end of Dean's bed.
"I was on my way home from the garage and I stopped off at a convenience store on the way, for a six pack. I was headed back to the car and I got jumped from behind." Dean said. He hated lying to them, but he couldn't out Castiel to them and he'd have to, if he wanted to tell them the truth. "I don't remember anything else."
"Jesus." Jo exclaimed. "That's horrible. Do you think it was a robbery, or something?"
"I don't know." Replied Dean.
"You look terrible." Jo said.
"Thanks." Replied Dean.
"I mean your face is all jacked up." She said. "Also you're kinda ugly."
Dean chuckled and it made his head ache.
"We talked to the doctor." Bobby said. "Those assholes messed you up pretty bad, almost knocked your fool head clean off."
"I always knew my thick skull was good for something." Dean said with a smirk.
"Alright, smartass." Said Bobby, but he was smiling too.
There was silence in the room and voices could be heard in the hall, one in particular that Dean recognized. Sam burst into the room a second later, Jess right behind him. He took one look at the state of his big brother and his eyes filled with tears. "Oh my God, Dean."
"Hey Sammy." Dean said, grateful to see his brother.
"What the hell happened?"
"Got mugged by a couple punks, I'm fine."
"Really cause you don't look fine."
"He's a tough sonofabitch, aint he?" Bobby said.
"Yeah." Castiel agreed, smiling softly at him.
"You guys didn't have to come all this way." Dean said.
"I don't think I could've stopped Sam if I wanted to." Jess said. "Sides, I think he missed you."
Sam laughed, a little of the worry leaving his face. "You wanted to come as much as I did." He said to her.
"Aww, they're adorable." Dean cooed.
"Shut up." Said Sam happily.
A nurse entered the room a moment later. "I'm sorry folks." She said. "But I'm gonna have to clear the room for a few minutes. We need to check on Mr. Winchester."
"Okay, Mr. Winchester." Sam said mockingly. "See you in a bit."
The others began to meander out of the room, while Castiel remained seated. He looked at the nurse questioningly, but she remained unmoved. He turned back to Dean. "I'll be just outside." He said quietly.
"Okay." Dean said.
Castiel leaned forward and kissed his cheek, before rising and leaving the room.
"You have a lovely family." The nurse commented as she rolled a cart closer to the bed.
"Yeah," Dean agreed. "They're pretty awesome."
She took his blood pressure and checked a few other things. When she finished she spoke again. "An officer will be in later to take a statement." She said.
"I gotta talk to the cops?" Dean asked.
"You were assaulted Mr. Winchester. If you want the men responsible caught, you have to tell them what happened."
Dean sighed. "I guess so." He said. "When am I getting outta here anyway?"
"You suffered blunt force trauma to the head. There was some significant bleeding underneath your skull. You've already had one surgery to relieve the pressure, but there's no way to know if you'll need another one."
"So, I can't go home today?" Dean asked.
"No, Mr. Winchester." She said.
Castiel sat outside Dean's room, a way's away from the others. They stood talking a few feet away. Sam parted from the group after a few minutes and came to sit beside Castiel. "You okay?" he asked.
"Yeah." Castiel said and he wasn't sure if he was lying, or not.
"Listen Cas, I know what happened between the two of you and I know what you're probably thinking right now, but this isn't your fault." Sam told him earnestly.
"You don't understand." Castiel said. "He was looking for me when it happened. If I had been there-"
"You can't think like that man. It'll drive you crazy." Sam said. "You know the fire that killed my mom, it started in my nursery. And I spent years wondering if things would have been different if I hadn't been crying, if she hadn't been in there taking care of me. There were sometimes, you know when my dad would look at me and it was almost like he blamed me for it, but it wasn't my fault. And this isn't your fault either."
Castiel looked at Sam, really looked at him and he saw in that moment what Dean must see in him, the kindness and gentleness. "Thank you Sam." Castiel told him. "I'm glad you're here and I know Dean is too. He's lucky to have a brother like you."
Sam smiled and placed a friendly hand on Castiel's shoulder. "He's lucky to have you too Cas."
"I'm not so sure about that."
"No, he is." Sam insisted. "You're good for him and he loves you like crazy."
Castiel smiled. "I love him too, more than anything." He said and he'd never meant anything more in his life.
"So, you guys are still coming to the wedding right?" Sam asked.
"Yep." Castiel said with a smile. "I guess you can't get rid of me that easy."
"Are you kidding?" Sam asked. "You're literally the coolest person Dean has ever dated."
"Really?" asked Castiel curiously.
"Oh yeah, I mean you fit right in with us." Sam said. "You're a part of this crazy family now, whether you like it, or not."
Castiel laughed. "Thanks Sam." He said. "This is the family I've always wanted, I just never thought I would find it."
The door opened beside them and the nurse walked out. Sam got to his feet in an instant. "How is he?" he asked.
"He's banged up, but he'll make a full recovery with time." She said.
Sam nodded. "Thanks." He said.
"You're all set to go back in, but keep in mind he needs rest, so not too long."
"Right." Sam said.
They reentered Dean's room to find him prodding his bandaged head and wincing. "Dude," he said horrified when he saw them. "I think they shaved my head."
Castiel laughed. "Easy baldy, it'll grow back."
"Not funny." Dean said petulantly. "Hey when's dad getting here anyway?"
"Dad's coming?" Sam asked.
"Yeah," Bobby said. "I talked to him last night. He said he was flying in this afternoon."
Sam looked pleased. "Good." He said.
They gathered around Dean, talking and laughing, all of them relieved that he was alright. Castiel looked at all of them, his new surrogate family and he couldn't have asked for a better one. The nurse kicked them out of the room again a little while later, telling them Dean needed his rest and no amount of puppy dog eyes would sway this nurse into letting him stay. So Castiel and the others filed out of the room and retreated to the cafeteria to grab a bite to eat. Castiel, not having much of an appetite himself wandered into the gift shop.
He walked around looking for something for Dean, but finding only flowers and gift baskets. Castiel was digging through a bin of stuffed animals when he came across a stuffed elephant, it was blue and had pictures of ice cream cones all over it. It was the most ridiculous thing Castiel had ever seen, so naturally he bought it. He exited the gift shop, bag in hand with a smile on his face. He headed back to the cafeteria and got a cup of coffee His sleepless night was beginning to catch up to him and yawned as he poured an amount of sugar into his cup that even Gabriel would find obscene.
Castiel was standing at the counter to pay for his coffee when Bobby appeared beside him and handed a five to the aproned man behind the register. "I got this." He said.
Castiel opened his mouth to protest, but Bobby was motioning for him to follow him to an empty table. Curious, Castiel followed him and sat down.
"I just wanted to see how you're holding up." Bobby said.
"I'm alright." Castiel said. "I mean he's okay, mostly."
Bobby smiled. "Good." He said. "Oh, by the way did Dean ever get a chance to talk to you about workin' at the garage?"
"Um, yeah he did." Castiel said.
"Have you thought about it?" Bobby asked. "We'd love to have ya."
Castiel made a decision then, a decision he never thought he'd make again, never thought he could. He chose Dean, wholeheartedly. "I'd love to." He said. "Thank you Bobby."
"No problem, hell your doin' me a favor. It's hard to find people ya can trust these days."
"You got that right." Castiel agreed.
Bobby's phone began ringing then and he excused himself to answer it. He spoke briefly to someone then rejoined Castiel. "John just landed." He said. "He's on his way here."
Castiel felt a jolt of unease. Though he had agreed with Dean that they would tell John about their relationship, he still had his reservations. He remembered how his own father had reacted to the news. It had not been pretty. He'd hate to see Dean reunited with his father only to have them parted again. He knew what it felt like to yearn for a father's love, but receive only disgust and scorn in return He did not wish the same for Dean. Castiel and Bobby rejoined the others and they all sat and waited for John's arrival. It was an hour before he came rushing in, looking like he hadn't slept much.
"Where is he?" he asked.
Sam got to his feet." He's okay, dad." He said. "We can see him in a little while."
"What happened?" John asked, calming down a little.
"He was mugged." Replied Sam, glancing at Castiel briefly before he continued. "It was a random thing."
John sighed. "Has he said anything?" he asked. "I mean about me? Does he even want me here?"
"Yes." Castiel said. "Of course he does."
John looked at him and nodded. He sat next to Bobby and they fell into a long silence as they waited. Twenty minutes later the nurse entered the cafeteria a few minutes later and Castiel was tempted to ask her how Dean was, but he didn't want to be a pest. She bought herself a cup of coffee and turned to leave the room. On her way out she caught sight of Castiel and headed in his direction. Castiel stiffened, but she seemed at ease. He tried to relax, telling himself that Dean was fine and he didn't have to worry. He smiled politely as she approached.
"I'm glad I found you." she said. "I wanted to let you know you folks know that Mr. Winchester is awake and can take a couple of visitors for a little while."
"Thank you." Castiel said gratefully. He turned to see if the others had heard.
John was already on his feet. "I'd like to see my son." he said.
"Of course." said the nurse. "If one other person would like to go on up, that'd be fine."
"C'mon Sammy." John said glancing at Sam.
"You know what?" said Sam, clearly seeing the disappointment on Castiel's face. "Why don't you go Cas. I think he wanted to talk to you anyway."
Castiel smiled at him gratefully. "Thanks Sam." he said.
John looked a little taken aback, but said nothing as Castiel got to his feet and headed out of the cafeteria. John followed a pace behind Castiel, silently for a moment.
"So," he said as he and Castiel stepped into the elevator together. "You and Dean must be pretty close."
"Yes." Castiel replied casually. "We are."
John said nothing more, but gave Castiel a curious look. Castiel tried to shake his feeling of unease and turned a corner. "He's just down here." Castiel said.
They walked together for another moment before Castiel stopped in front of Dean's door. He opened the door and stepped inside. Dean's expression brightened when he saw him.
"Hey Cas." he said. It was another second before he realized Castiel wasn't alone. He looked at his father, a look of surprise on his face. "Dad?"
"Hey Dean." John said, his expression softer than Castiel had ever seen it. "How you feeling?"
"I've been better." Dean admitted sheepishly.
"So, coupla assholes got the drop on ya? I thought I taught you better than that." John said, but his tone was light.
"I guess I'm getting rusty." Dean said with a chuckle.
"You know." John said turning to Castiel. "Dean was a helluva little scrapper when he was a kid, always getting in fights."
"I can only imagine." Castiel said, with a fond smile.
"Yeah well you taught me never to take crap from anyone, even if they were twice my size." Dean said.
"Especially if they're twice your size." Replied John.
"Damn straight."
"I'm just glad you're alright." John said. "When I got that call from Bobby, I was so worried."
"You don't gotta worry about me dad."
"I always worry about you, I always have." John said and his voice ached with sincerity.
"I'm glad you're here." Dean said.
"I wasn't sure if you would be." John admitted.
"Course I am dad."
Castiel, feeling a little like he was intruding on their moment took a step towards the door. Dean caught the movement and shook his head imperceptibly. Castiel stilled as Dean turned back to his father.
"There was something I wanted to tell you." he said and Castiel felt his chest tighten.
"What is it?" John asked.
Dean held out his hand to Castiel and without a moment's hesitation, Castiel moved to Dean's side and took his hand. "Me and Cas, we're together." Dean said firmly.
John looked at his son, shock written into every line on his face. He shook his head as if to clear it. "I don't get it." he said confused. "You always had girlfriends in high school, you never..."
"I like girls and I like guys." Dean said slowly. "I always have and I know you might not be okay with it, but I love Cas."
John looked at Castiel. "Do- do you love my son?" he asked.
"Yes." Castiel said, his voice shaking a little. "I love him very much."
John shook his head again looking dazed. "I just never knew." he said in disbelief. "How could I not know something like that about my own son?"
"I kept it from you." Dean said. "I was afraid you'd be pissed. Are you?"
"Of course not." John said. "I love you Dean, you're my son and if this is what you want, if he makes you happy then I'm happy too."
"Really?" Dean asked, sounding vulnerable. "I mean you're not ashamed?"
"I could never be ashamed of you Dean." said John. "You've become a damn fine man, no thanks to me. You did it on your own and I couldn't be more proud of you."
Dean nodded, eyes filling with tears.
John smiled and leaned across the bed to hug his son. "I love you."
"I love you too dad." Dean said, hugging his father.
John stepped back and reached a hand out to Castiel over the bed. Castiel took it.
John shook his hand and smiled. "You look after him, alright?" John asked. "And keep him outta trouble."
"I will." Castiel promised. "Thank you."
They were only allowed to stay a few more minutes before they were kicked out again. Dean assured Castiel that he would be fine and that Castiel should go home and get some sleep. All of them ended up back at Bobby's, grateful for all of the spare bedrooms in the house. Castiel ended up falling asleep on the couch, exhausted from his sleepless night, the night before. He slept peacefully and dreamed of the future and for the first time in a long time, he wasn't afraid.
Dean awoke early, his back aching from the hard hospital mattress. A nurse wandered in a while later to check on him.
"When can I go home?" he asked.
"You can ask the doctor later." she said. "It's up to him, not me."
Dean nodded. "Thanks."
He watched her leave the room with some irritation. He was feeling much better that day and he was getting restless. He wanted to get out of there, stretch his legs a bit. He poked the bandages on the back of his head, noting the action caused less pain now. He grabbed the remote attached to his bed and turned the TV on. There were three channels available, the news, a Spanish soap opera and some creepy kids show. He settled on the soap and spent the next hour trying to follow the plot with no subtitles. There was a lot of yelling and someone got stabbed, that was all he'd been able to figure out.
His mind wandered back to the night before. He remembered what his father had said, still not sure if he had been dreaming. All he had ever wanted to hear his father say was that he was proud of him, that he loved him. He really never thought he'd see that day, but here he was. He smiled to himself, looking forward to spending time with his dad while he was here. Dean's attention was drawn back to the TV as a woman appeared to be having an affair with her brother. Thankfully the doctor walked into the room before he lost his mind completely.
"Good morning Mr. Winchester." he said jovially.
"Hey Doc." replied Dean.
"How are we feeling this morning?"
"Pretty good." he said. "Kinda bored."
"Ah yes, the ever popular 'Marimar.'" the doctor said with a chuckle. "One of my favorites."
"Oh, yeah. It's great." Dean said.
"Well, it's not for everyone I suppose." he said. "The nurse told me you were asking about going home today."
"Yeah." Dean said, sitting up. "I feel a lot better and I really would like to go home."
"I don't blame you Mr. Winchester, but I wouldn't feel entirely comfortable sending you home so early."
"I'll be fine Doc." Dean said. "I'll take it easy, I promise."
"I suppose if you really want to go home, I can't keep you here. You'd be checking out against my better judgment rather than AMA."
"So I can go home?" Dean asked hopefully.
"Alright, but I don't want you doing any kind of strenuous work for at least a week and I want someone with you at all times."
"Sure Doc, no problem." Dean said grinning.
"I have a few things to take care of, but I'll be back to check on you later. Then you can get out of here. I trust you have someone to take you home."
"Yes, awesome, thank you." Dean said.
"Good." the doctor said as he headed for the door. "I'll see you later Mr. Winchester."
"See ya later, Doc." Dean said reaching for the phone beside his bed. He dialed Castiel's number and waited anxiously.
"Hello?" asked Castiel a moment later.
"Hey baby." Dean said happily. "Guess who's comin' home today?"
"Oh, thank god." Castiel said. "What time?"
"I don't know later, but definitely today."
"That's such good news. I hate not being able to see you." Castiel said.
"Well, you'll be seeing a lot of me. Doc says I gotta have somebody with me all the time for a while."
"Don't worry, I'll take good care of you." replied Castiel. "I'll let everyone know."
"Great, I'll see you later." Dean said. "I love you."
"I love you too." Castiel said and hung up.
Dean replaced the phone in its cradle feeling a whole lot better. Sam was in town, so was his dad, he had Castiel back and he was going home. It was a damn good day.