oh god, angst
A shaky breath. Then two. Then three. Shaking fingers, a hitch in her breath, then another. A step back. Then one more and another till the back of her knees hit the bench. Another shaky breath as she tried to contain everything,everything, in.
She should have known better, because she always knew better since she was eight and her supposedly best friend told everyone that she only befriended Sam because her parents told her so, but now that their wealth well surpassed the Manson's, and they were emigrating into higher circles, she was not required to 'play pretend' with the black haired little girl anymore. When Samantha confronted the eleven year old she admitted it to her face, "What, you thought I'd really be your friend, anyways?"
That night she cried herself to sleep. Because she didn't just loose her best friend, she lost the sister she never had but always imagined her to be. And she told that many a time before, that she thought of her as family, that she would be always her friend, that "I love you, you know?" as little kids are wont to do and feel and she shared the same sentiment, the same words and it was a lie. It was all a lie and eight-year-old little girls were not supposed to face that side of the world, not just yet.
So she cried herself to sleep for the next week, and hardly spoke to anyone for the next month. She stopped trusting her other friends and people that tried to befriend her, a subconscious move really, slowly separating herself from the world. Her parents were devastated sending her to doctors and psychiatrists, because "It's not normal, she shouldn't have done that but you shouldn't take it to heart so much, darling" and "She was just a friend, it sometimes happens, sweetheart", didn't help against best intentions. So she attended their family doctor once a week and learned to pretend to be okay, to say the right words, to maintain shallow friendships, learned how her parents' world worked and fit into it enough to be not bothered by it anymore by other people.
Then her parents lost her in a small country by a lake and she befriended two girls that lived on the other side of the world. Still a swallow friendship yet more honest then the ones she was ought to maintain at home, so she spread her play pretend to these people and it stopped being pretend for a small part and it was nice to tell someone some of the secrets you harbor, no matter how mundane they were. But they lived on the other side of the globe and thus they presented no real 'risk', so to say, to her secrets, to her. Thus it was just another game of friendship that was closer to her heart but still too far away to cause any hurt shall they turn on her, against her.
Another shaky breath as she absentmindedly circled around the bench, trying to put a physical barrier between them as she felt rage babble up within her.
It's been almost 9 months ago that she attended that party where she met the infamous Danny Phantom and a day later Danny Fenton. It was ridiculous really, how easily they both slipped through her walls she built up so carefully, so no one could come so close that she had to live through that loss and betrayal again.
She set her jaw and tightened the grip on the bench - and since when was she holding onto it? - making her body go rigid because she will not let him see her fall apart, she won't let him know just how much he hurt her, how she trusted him and how he broke her heart - both of them really. Because she trusted them, one with her secrets and fears and the other with her heart, no matter how unconscious it was on her part, how much it was circumstance and not willingness that let them both in her heart. Him, she reminded her treacherous heart and mind, just him. No plural, because Daniel Fenton and Danny Phantom were the same fucking person.
She wanted to scream, to rage, to hit him with all her force but she refused to let him see what he did to her. That's why, with a force of will she was unaware she possessed she took one step backwards, then another and another, turned on her hill and headed home.
She could hear him call out a desperate "Sam!" and the sound of his footsteps against the cement as he ran after her so she picked up her pace, winding into the woods that littered the park trying to lose him. It seemed he at least wouldn't be trying to cover up his identity before her anymore as she promptly ran into his black and white clad ghostly from not five seconds later.
"Sam, I can explain-" he started, reaching for her arm but she stepped back and out of his reach. She felt her resolve to not just have it out with him dissolve into thin air when he blocked her escape and dared to try and make her the unreasonable one.
"Explain?" Sam questioned, her voice barely above a whisper. "And what, dare I ask?" she grit her teeth for a moment trying to keep in the overwhelming anger that was starting to fill up her heart. "That the reason you -in either form- even came near me, that you even spoke to me was because I had once been brainwashed to be a minion of some psychopathic ghost plant? Or maybe because Clockwork ordered you?" She was trembling at the way his gaze flickered away in guilt for a a second before refocusing on hers again. He tried to take a step closer but she evaded his advance, increasing the distance between them. Her voice was hoarse and she felt the angry tears that were beginning to gather at the corners of her eyes.
"Is that why you talked to me on the balcony or the next day at school? Is that why you befriended me? Was I such a risk that you have to get close enough so I wouldn't defect to the dark side in a moment of insanity? Because it'd been easier to be close enough to deal with me before it got to messy for you?" Her voice rose with every word and she was nearly shouting the last sentence, arms circling her middle in defense. Her breath came in shaky gasps, fingers trembling and her body shivering as she tried to suppress all the emotions that were trying to surface.
"Sam-" he started again, voice desperate, but she interrupted almost unconsciously, her voice small and broken "I've trusted you." The moment the words left her lips she cursed inwardly. He had no right, not anymore, not ever, to know that. That he was the second person she loved that betrayed her. The dark haired female closed her eyes, and gathered all her will to force her legs to move and him to stay still and just let her go.
She passed by him, only opening her eyes when she was sure he can't see her, heart breaking inside her when this time he didn't follow, didn't try to stop her. Guess it's not worth it anymore, her thoughts whispering freely in her mind, her heart clenching painfully.
She never looked back to see him in his human form, an eerie green glow surrounding him and rendering him unable to move.
so, how much do you hate me now? B)
on another note, half of next chap is done, dream sequence next (yes, we're finally getting there) so I'll have to rewatch Urban Jungle (is it up on youtube or something?), and I still don't have a name for my villain (just that nature related, either from scandinavian mythology or from my country's). Thus name ideas are greatly encouraged.
I'll also probably be posting the draft on my tumblr, so if you want a sneak-peek or just bug me to finish it, you are greatly visit/leave messages. (And as I'm dying with my final papers and internship, you might really wanna do that if you want that chap before chritmas...)