Chapter 10
It had been an exhausting day at work, and Natarle was more than glad that it was over. All she wanted to do, now that she finally arrived at the door to her own flat, was to get inside, take a long, relaxing bath, and head straight to bed. Much thanks to the case she had been working on non-stop for the past month and a half, which she had officially closed only this afternoon, sleep had become such a luxury to her that her want for it had by far surpassed the basic human need for a proper meal after days of eating junk just for the sake of keeping her alive and going.
She closed the door behind her, habitually dropping her keys next to the phone on its usual spot, her hand then swiftly moving over to the phone and pressed one of its buttons, replaying the messages recorded in her answering machine during the past few hours. The first was a short one from her parents asking when she would be free to go home for dinner, then a considerably lengthy one from Azrael, calling from overseas saying he would be back from his business trip in a few days, complaining how boring his trip has been so far, how much he missed her, and so on. Natarle allowed the message to play on as she dropped off her jacket, sorted out her mail, then got herself a glass of water before turning the news on, as per her usual routine. She left the television on, keeping an ear open to both the news and occasionally Azrael's message as she got changed and readied herself for her bath; that was, until she heard the next message recording that completely stopped in her tracks.
"Natarle, it's me."
Her body tensed up as if a natural response to hearing the unmistakable voice.
She silently cursed as her mind ran through all the possible reasons for his message. Why does he always do that, catching her by surprise at the most inopportune moments? Her feet felt like they were glued to the ground, and her ears could hear nothing else other than the faint echoes of his voice calling her name. She could no longer register the noise coming from the television, nor the sound of the running water in the bathroom, and all was silent for the moment except for his heavy, desperate sigh, as if he was uncertain in how to put his words; his brief pause seemed like forever, and her anxiety intensified with every passing second of waiting for his words.
"I'm sorry for what happened the other night outside the restaurant. I didn't mean for it to happen, but I just…I just couldn't help it. I know it was awkward, and I'm sorry if I had upset you."
She noted the way he spoke, slightly stuttering, with a small touch of regret in his hesitation. It reminded her of how she had always known him to be — kind and thoughtful, a man with such a gentle soul which she was unable to find within the Arnold Neumann she met again after these two years. Her heart clenched at the bitter sweet sensation his tentative yet genuine apology gave; if only he knew that she had never been angry at him for a fault that was not his in the first place.
"I don't know how else I should say this, but…I need to see you, to talk to you. I don't want to just leave us two like what we are now. I know this is a very sudden invitation, but please, tomorrow night, seven o'clock at Café Rouge. Just the two of us. I'll be waiting for you."
It was indeed very sudden, and Natarle could not believe her own ears. She walked over to the telephone and pressed the replay button, attentively listening to the message again, then again, and again for the last time. She could not figure out if she was listening for his invitation, for his apology, or simply for his voice. She just listened.
The more she listened, the more upset she became, irritated by the fact that he had allowed her so little time to make a decision. Yet given the liberty of choice, deep inside her heart she knew that there was only one option available to her, because the closure he was still looking for she had yet to give him, with her all the while needing the very same from him.
And as tired as she was now, she knew that she would hardly be getting any sleep tonight.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Arnold found himself surprising calm as he waited. He knew there was a possibility that she would not turn up, but somehow he was very convinced that he would be seeing her tonight. Maybe it was the fact that the venue he subconsciously chose had a very special meaning to their relationship, now as he looked back in hind-sight. Or maybe, it was because if she came tonight as he requested, she would never again be obligated to see him.
It pained him to even just consider of the possibility that tonight may be the last to ever see her again, but it was the only choice he had left. He knew if he continued to wait for her to make a first move, he would be waiting forever, but if he tried again to force his way past the boundaries she set with her apathy it would do no good either, because all he would achieve in the end was to find himself shut out of her life completely. He hated how despite everything he did and all the efforts he put in, she was still the one who ultimately held all the power. But tonight would be different; he was not going to let her go until he got what he came for.
"I'm sorry I'm late."
He looked up, and there she was. Dressed in a simple yet elegant burgundy dress, she looked so effortlessly beautiful, and he could not think of anything else that was more appropriate for this awkward evening. He even wondered if she chose this dress on purpose; he had always loved her wearing red, and she knew this very well. He looked away and settled his stare onto his watch, and anything else that could take his eyes off her. He did not need this now.
"You're not late. I'm just here too early."
She took her seat quietly. For the next few minutes, neither of them said a word, except for the brief exchange of words when ordering their dinner. It was a difficult situation; both of them knew what they were here for, but neither of them knew how to make a start.
After a rather long and discomforting period of silence, Arnold finally managed to pull out a few words. "Thank you for coming."
She responded with a quiet nod, "I believe I owe you a proper apology…for Muruta's behavior last time, and the way we took off. I'm sorry about what happened last time."
Arnold was slightly taken aback by her apology, as he was certainly not expecting it; it was not even necessary on her part. But something about it felt wrong, and he realized the sudden formality her measured words brought between them. Her voice was callous, her lips unsmiling, and she sat still — too still, as if she was limiting her actions to a bare minimum, wasting no more effort than what was needed for their communications. It was like she had drawn a circle around herself, not allowing any trespassing from both within or the outside. Although unanticipated, he understood; she had always been one to learn from mistakes, and made sure that she would never make a same one twice. The situation now was his own doing, and he had no one but himself to blame. But he wanted this night to at least be a comfortable meeting between them two, not as if they were waging war against each other, or worse, like two strangers sharing a table.
He offered a rather friendly smile, hoping to lower her guard, "So we're even?"
He observed at how she took a slight pause, her frown curious as she deduced whether he was still trustworthy. Her knitted brows then slowly relaxed as her soft rose lips curved into a polite smile. "Yes, we're even."
It had been long since he last saw a smile on her lips, albeit only a small, restrained one, and he knew that it meant nothing at all with her walls of defense raised high. But just one smile, and all the efforts made to suppress his want for her were put to the test again. He was helpless against her. Even when she was cold as ice, she was captivating; like a white rose — drained of all coloring except for the pale, lifeless white, yet still as beautiful as ever. He looked away from her, and stared pointlessly at her glass of wine that sat near the edge of the table.
"How are things?" Natarle continued, hoping to start a proper conversation before they were caught in an awkward silence again.
He gave a neutral smile, not knowing where to start. "They're alright."
Natarle nodded, but was secretly disappointed with the perfunctory answer. She had always kept an ear open to whatever that was going on even if it was only remotely related to him, and she knew he had been doing well; after all, her faith in his capabilities had never wavered despite their separation. But she still wanted him to personally confirm it to her, so that she could be sure there was at least some good coming out of the decision she made back then. She asked again, this time in a firmer tone, decided on getting a more detailed answer, "How's your company doing?"
"It's grown a lot these two years," Arnold replied with satisfaction in his voice. "It may not be at the very top of the industry yet, but I think it's still safe to say we are one of the best. What's more important is that we can be in control of what's happening, unlike before when we could so easily be overpowered and taken advantage of."
His regret in his past powerlessness was obvious. He recalled those difficult days he had put behind him, when he had almost lost everything that was important to him, and how hard he worked to salvage whatever that was left. Yet after knowing the truth only recently, he questioned how he could have not known that the help he had gotten along the way was not a gift from heaven. He spent the last two weeks sifting through the details, and he realized that although she was not with him personally, she had been working in the background to support him all along, because all those who were willing to help him out during those times were all related to her in one way or another. After all, even though her career path was too different from his, her family's business was not, and she had much closer ties to the most prominent of the industry than he did. He was just too blinded to see through it all back then. She had traded herself for his success, and although it was not intended for in the first place, he had to admit it was a lesson well learnt.
He took a quick glance at Natarle, who returned a simple nod of approval before asking with slightly more concern in her voice, "How's your father…and your family?"
"They're all doing well. Dad's health has improved a lot, now without the stress of running the company," he reassured her, appreciative of her genuine care for his family despite how much the relationship between them two changed. It was a real pity, because his family was so fond of her, as she was of them. To say they were shocked when hearing the news of their breakup, as opposed to the engagement they have been hoping, was an understatement. "He's always asking…when I'm getting married, since he's got nothing else to aim his attention at."
Arnold let out a chuckle that sounded more uneasy than amused. He had no idea why he said that, but somehow he felt like there was an obligation to let her know of his family's disappointment in their breakup.
Natarle lowered her head, cutting off her eye contact with Arnold. His immediate thought was that he had angered her yet again with his untactful remark, but the regretful tone in her voice had suggested the contrary when she commented so softly that he almost missed it, "Isabella's a really nice girl."
Arnold wondered if this was the cue for starting on the subject that was intended for the night. He had not expected it to come so soon, nor did he want to deal with it so early in the night, but he knew it was a problem that had to be solved, because it was himself who asked for it. If she was willing to take the first step, he had no excuse to refuse.
He nodded, "She really is a wonderful person. Kind, cheerful, considerate…It's difficult to not like her." Yet as much as he sounded like he was praising the young woman, his tone was not agreeing to his words at all.
Natarle stiffened, her head lowering just a fraction more. She started to regret bringing that woman's name up. She knew that Arnold's description of her was entirely valid, because she had already met her in person, but hearing such compliments coming from him only made her wanting to dismiss these facts more. She did not want to admit it, but it was becoming more obvious to herself than ever that she was indeed jealous of the other woman.
'She's done nothing wrong,' she kept repeating to herself, hoping it would suppress the rapidly growing resentment towards the woman who was not even present. But if he was to say another kind word about her, she feared that she would not be able to hold back her bitterness anymore, or even losing the remaining strand of willpower to take this last step away from her deepest love forever.
"I heard she works with Murrue," she diverted the conversation towards another direction. "Have you seen those two lately?"
She did not know if the words came out as casual sounding as she wanted them to be. It does not matter now, as long as they were not to revisit this topic again tonight.
Arnold was surprised by the abrupt change of the discussion; one second ago they were about to touch on a serious matter, and then suddenly it turned back to insignificant small talk, this time about their two friends. It was so discouraging. He was not sure what her thoughts were on this issue, but for him it was so much more than just a trivial matter; every word he said, every step he took, made him feel like he was treading on a minefield, yet when he had himself fully prepared to face the problem she instead walked away so arbitrarily. He was not even sure if he could bring himself back into this territory again.
"Uh, no," he shook his head gently. "Not recently."
He followed her lead, as they both drifted further and further away from what was intended for the night.
And like this, their dinner continued as if a merry-go-round, like they were dancing in circles, each following the pace of the other, neither willing to take the first step back into that specific boundary. Even when one could almost brush the brim of it, the other would take a polite step back, and they would once again head off towards another direction, pretending that the core issue did not exist.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
The dinner ended much later than expected; their subconsciousness refused to let them leave each other's company that time had passed quickly without them realizing it, and when they decided to leave, it was already half an hour before midnight.
And in the end, their half-hearted attempts to reach an understanding of the unsettled business between them were rendered futile.
As the two exited the restaurant, Arnold reticently peered at the woman walking next to him. He knew that, if he was to keep up decorum, this would be where they said their farewells. Yet if this was how the night was going to end, it would be a great disappointment on his part, because he still needed an answer from her, for a question that he had yet to ask.
"Thank you for coming. It means a lot to me," he stopped in his place, a few steps behind her as she turned around to face him. He had no idea how to bring up the matter now, and what words to use, because there was simply no way of doing this without making it more awkward than it already was. He kept his hands in his pockets, trying his best to imitate his usual relaxed demeanor when his heart was beating furious with anxiousness.
Natarle smiled somewhat reservedly, her amethyst eyes unable to settle into a steady gaze at him. "I'm the one who have to thank you. It had been a very enjoyable evening."
He knew her well enough to understand what this look of hers meant. As cold as she had been throughout the night, with her unsympathetic tone of voice and the aloof gestures in her movements, her eyes told a completely different story — one that betrayed all the efforts she made throughout the night.
She was lingering.
He could not even guess if this revelation was going to put him in the advantage, or the contrary, but either way he was not going to give up on his mission yet. He paused for a while, trying to figure out a plausible way of bringing up the matter, then when he remembered the were still standing in the middle of the road at such a late hour, he deemed it inappropriate to solve the problem here and now. All the better, as it gave him a reason to buy more time with her. "I'll drive you home," he offered with a mask of innocence.
She looked alarmed, a perfect resemblance of what people call a deer caught in the headlights, and her honest reaction made him secretly delighted, knowing this was the first time tonight that he had successfully caught her off guard, and in return glimpsing a side of her that was not the same cold and cynical her he spent the whole evening with. It made him curious; had she not even considered he might make such an offer? Or was it in her point of view that this was the most unreasonable thing he could ever ask?
She shook her head and took a step back, her voice slightly stuttering in uncertainty. "I can go home myself."
"You don't drive," he reasoned, "And it's going to be a bit difficult to get a taxi now." He tried not to sound too eager, afraid that it would deter her and in turn foil his own plans.
She hesitated. "I'll be fine."
"Your place is only a five minute drive away from mine."
She hesitated even more, falling into silence as she sifted through other solutions available to her at this time of the day, yet none of the possibilities sounded as appealing as his.
"It's just a quick drive home," he added, making it more difficult for her to refuse than to accept the offer.
She softly bit onto her lip as she finally set her gaze at him.
"Please."
And she nodded slowly in acceptance.
A/N: Okie, so it's been a year since my last update on this story… I'm sorry!!! I know some of you REALLY want to kill me, especially a certain someone who's given me quite a few 'hints' recently. You know who you are… XD
So, I was originally planning to update a bit later, as this chapter and the next were initially written as one very long chapter but now broken down into two, and I was wanting to make sure that both chapters make sense when put together before posting. Plus I've been really busy recently as I'm going on holiday in two days time, and I'm also moving out of my current residence before I leave for my trip, so all that adds up to A LOT of packing and cleaning. But then as my holiday trip lasts for two whole weeks, I thought I'd be too cruel to keep this certain someone waiting for so long, which is why I've decided to update now. Therefore, when I start writing the next chapter and figure something wrong with this chapter, I might come back and change bits of it. I'll make sure I'll inform everyone if I've made any major changes.
I MIGHT be able to get internet access sometime during these two weeks, but nothing's guaranteed, so I most probably will be a bit late with review replies. But I promise that I will reply reviews once I get the chance, because I really do appreciate them!! And thanks very much for you guys who are still reading my stories!!