Chapter Thirteen: Deceitful Melodies

The night had been dark and sorrowful and ever so unkind by providing Lily a clear and beautiful view from her bedroom window that night. The moonlight sparkled upon the clean white sheets of snow as snowflakes cascaded down lightly, blanketing the area in a serene, cold warmth that just soothed the soul.

It was cruelty in the most beautiful of forms—and Lily found herself appreciating it nonetheless as tears continued to fall down her face only to dry up and fall again. This scene was unfair and she sat up long into the night, just looking out her window desperately—as if some sign from above would show her that everything that had just happened today was a lie—that she was still wandering around in Hogsmeade, or still wandering around in that mirror.

One way or another, she could feel things start to fall apart and fresh pain started to become etched into her being. It was blinding pain similar to blinding love—for that's what it was. Lily felt blind. There was nothing left at home, and there was no where else she could go or do. There was no one left to please but herself and even then she didn't feel like she should simply because of the inadequacies of it all.

Despite this terrifying loss, Lily had gained one small thing.

A finer appreciation for that boy.

James Potter simply held her through the tears all the way through until she supposedly fell asleep in his arms—at which point he must have made like a gentleman and carried her back to bed. Of course, hoping that it was secretive in every way shape and form—that sight, of James carrying her unconscious form back to her room, was sure to stir up everyone into a tizzy of rumours and assumptions and above all gossip.

Then again… what would it matter? What would it matter if her image shattered? It wouldn't matter much it seemed, but the reflection of it seemed so large—like one of those warped mirrors at a carnival that distorted everything you looked at it. The only way to stop those distorted and imperfect images of herself was to destroy all the fake mirrors to find the one that was suitable, simply tossing away the shards of the rest—including the one that showed reality. That would be the image everyone saw, that would be the image that she would become and that would be the image that granted her success and her dreams to become perfect.

It was ill achieved and cost her happiness.

Lily Evans was perfect to everyone but herself. They all watched her glow and saw her smile, feeling elated themselves; as if just her existence and the way she lived was reason enough for them to be happy with themselves. It was an odd effect and she wondered if some did not look down upon her, thinking her unhappy to have such a life. But this image was so perfect and flawless that none could see its imperfections but she—who created it so masterfully.

All the while Lily was looking after this image of herself; she hadn't realized that there was one other who had a key to the locked door behind her. When she noticed that someone held a copy, he was already there and she saw him standing next to her in her perfect image that now was of imperfection. When she turned to see who it was, rather than trusting the mirror that could reflect false things, she saw warmth and distortion. That distortion was nice regardless of how much she attempted to put a wall there and ignore it—hoping to cover it up.

When she looked to her right—away from the mirror, she saw James Potter.

At that time, she was so shocked that she simply turned straight around, not staring at the mirror or at that boy and simply taking in all the shards of glass and mirror that surrounded her and her perfect image. It was devastating. When she turned back to look at her perfect image, there was already a hairline fracture in it that was deepening.

It would soon shatter, and, tonight, she just saw it shatter.

Wailing out in her grief, Lily held her hands over her ears as she screamed, blocking out the noise of her own shrill sorrow. She did not want to hear that noise, because if she did, then it would make it all real. Everything that letter had told her; screaming would somehow make it real for her—more believable and plunge her into more than just sorrow.

Whether she was heard or not, she was glad that no one came to console her. Hearing comforting lies were not what she needed right now, right now she needed to get rid of this pain. Now, more than ever, Lily just wished for the rain to come, even as she curled her knees up to her chest on the ground, looking out her spectacular view of the grounds.

Lily did not know when or how she was able to sleep that night, but she woke in the morning in the same spot. Glancing at a clock, she realized that she had missed her morning classes—as it was now just half-past noon. The sun was already gleaming in the clear blue sky and the snow sparkled magnificently on the ground.

Sitting up, she went out on her balcony and breathed in a breath of the frosty air as she shuddered slightly at the cold stone of the balcony touching her bare feet.

"You were right James… the sun did rise today… but I never saw the sunset… you liar."

Stepping back inside from the cold, she closed the window and pulled the curtains over them, shrouding her room in perpetual darkness—as that balcony was the only source of light for her room. Magically sensing the darkness, torches flared in all four corners of her room, shedding a warm glow of light around the room.

Deciding that Lily never really liked black, no matter how much it suited her then, and no matter how much it suited her now, she opted to stick to the basic school uniform. After a quick run in the shower, she put on the shirt, blazer and her altered long skirt. The new uniforms came in only this year, but never caught on and most were given the option of either uniform. It was supposedly to increase the level of muggle familiarity within the school by dressing everyone muggle. Lily hadn't seen the uniform the first day of school and thus wore her robes. Those that had been wearing the new uniform quickly reverted back to the school robes and now Hogwarts wear was identical to last year.

Regardless, it was a nice uniform—even within the muggle world.

Tying her usually loose hair back, she looked herself in the vanity. A thin line that could be categorized as depressed and unhappy was on her face. It wasn't a wonder why—after what just happened because of some stupid piece of paper. Blinking slowly, she sighed and smiled that charming smile this school had fallen so hopelessly in love with.

"Good morning, Lily Evans, you're looking absolutely splendid today. Anything the matter at all? No? Excellent, let's move on then."

As she exited her bedroom, she walked down the staircase and left the Heads common room. There was nothing amiss and there was still the odd student that walked the halls during lunch. However, today, everyone that passed her noticed the change in her usual attire with some interest. Truthfully, most of the girls really liked the uniform, but never found courage enough to attempt to set the trend—scared that it would not be well taken—especially by her.

"Lily! Lily Evans!"

Lily stopped and turned around to see Keily Hawkes coming after her, her robes fluttering. "Afternoon, Hawkes, what can I do for you?" she asked amiably.

Shaking her head, she smiled as they continued to walk on towards the Great Hall. "Oh, that's the new school uniform, isn't it? It looks stunning on you, I'll make sure to change into it sometime later. These robes are a bit old and I'm starting to find muggle wear quite fetching attire."

Judging by the light tones of her speech and the regular reaction upon seeing her, Lily had guessed that this news about her had not travelled at all. It was a comfort to her, and it meant that Lily could continue this for as long as possible until someone asked and she desperately needed to answer the question truthfully.

"Growing up in a mainly muggle household you can imagine how used to it I am. I just decided that this school could use a bit more culture. Robes hardly show off anything—like wearing a blanket."

"Oh, yes, I completely agree. Say, where were you after dinner? You got that strange letter, left to read it and never came back. Not bad news, I hope," she added quickly.

Lily simply shrugged. "It was nothing terribly important, just the usual love letter you know," she said cheerfully.

Keily laughed riotously and sighed. "Who's it from this time? Not another from Black, I suppose!" she asked excitedly, although her tone suggested that she was going for slightly scathing. Keily Hawkes was like Emily Richardson in that neither could ever truly be mean to another living soul on this planet. There were times they were a bit bitter towards people, but never could their actions be defined as mean.

Lily smirked. "I wish, because then I could use it as replacement firewood. This letter was anonymous and it seems that poor boy has no nerve to even sign his name. Of course I won't consider it—who knows, he might be gutless like the Marauders."

Keily beamed—it was no secret to anyone that she had a school-girl crush on the illusions of one Moony. Lily kept her promise to James and never told a soul, but she found it even more pitiful than it already was how most people happened to idolize them sometimes with not a thread of knowledge as to who these four idiots were. "Those Marauders… so charming… Ever wonder what they look like, Lily?"

There was no trace of curiosity on her face—for she, in fact, did not care any more about the Marauders since the day she met them. Marauders four, social outcasts all. Just thinking about that night and the threat of them sullying her fairly good name caused pandemonium on her nerves every time they were brought up. However, their identities were secret and admitting her presence there would be admitting their identities as well.

Then again, devils like those Marauders seemed to be tricky and cunning in all the unhealthy ways of this world and could quite possibly find one.

"Never. I'll never accept delinquents like them—especially when they don't even use real names. It's cowardly don't you think?" she asked expectantly, looking directly at Keily as they reached the entrance to the Great Hall.

Shifting a bit, Keily smiled. "I suppose. In some ways it's mysterious… but what they do is terribly dishonest. Who knows; they may even look horrible!" she said with a laugh. "I'll catch you later then Lily; I see Cassia and Sam over there."

Lily smiled and went off to sit with Alicia—who was currently seated next to Sean Patil—who was still her boyfriend. Regardless of her claims to marry him, Lily hardly believed any relationship gleaned from Hogwarts could possibly be promising. It was the same for muggles in their educational facilities. Relationships held in school simply did not last. People were too fickle with their emotions at this age to really consider any type of life-long companion.

"Afternoon, Rose, how are you today?"

Alicia turned to see Lily sit next to her. "Lily Evans, nice of you to finally join the waking world. Have fun sleeping in, you lazy girl? Missed a fantastic lecture from McGonagall this morning during breakfast—about how having magical snowball fights should be kept outside where there was a fresh abundant supply and very little to cause harm to. Oh, and Emily Richardson fell in the frozen lake this morning on her walk with Tom Jordan. Bless that boy, he dove in and rescued the poor girl. Who knew she couldn't swim?"

"Tragedy that. Funnily enough I can't swim very well either—although I've always wanted to. It's just… not the most appealing thing to me at the moment—I mean, wet hair?"

Quirking an eyebrow, Alicia leaned closer. "As opposed to an unhealthy fascination with the rain, wet hair and soggy clothing?" Leaning back, she sighed. "By the way, speaking of clothing, you look absolutely wonderful today. You'll definitely start something going by the end of this day."

Lily nodded. "Yeah, definitely. You know, actually, I think I'm coming down with something, tell our dear misguided teachers tomorrow, won't you? And if you can mention to some prefect that I won't be at the meeting tonight."

Alicia smiled smartly. "Sure thing, love, get well soon. Best wishes and all that. I'll make sure Potter gets the memo."

Nodding curtly, Lily got up, took a piece of bread with her and walked off, tearing pieces of it apart and eating it. She might as well eat something today, even if it was just bread. It would be no help to anyone if she starved herself. Passing by the windows that faced the lake, she suddenly stopped and looked outside where something had caught her eye.

The Quidditch pitch was fairly close to the lake and she could only see a portion of that, but that portion held a small—most likely insignificant—speck up in the air. Dropping her bread and dashing outside, she looked around the pitch and up in the sky. Maybe she had missed whoever it was or perhaps she was seeing things. Seeing illusions today did not seem unlikely for her at all.

Sighing, she closed her eyes and held onto the railing that led up to the higher stands of the pitch. Sitting down in an isolated and fairly discreet corner of the Gryffindor stand, she closed her eyes. The cold soothed her and she felt warmth slowly leave her as she did nothing to warm herself. It wasn't terribly cold weather, but it was cold all the same.

This was where she met him. Met James Potter—truly—for the first time. Since then, he had been such a… such a factor in her life that she couldn't even see her life before that moment anymore. That promise of change happened and she regretted it sorely. Maybe if she had never met him the universe would never have conspired and that letter would never have come.

Maybe the letter would have come anyway and she'd only serve to be more miserable than she was now.

"Room for one more?"

Lily opened her eyes, realizing that she had closed them and was on the brink of sleep from pure exhaustion. In her gaze was James Potter, wearing winter weather from top to toe. In comparison, he looked warm—even if a bit more stifled by it all. Lily mentally reflected on what she was wearing and realized that she was, in fact, numb cold.

"Sure," she said quietly. As far as she knew, he was the only other soul at this school that knew. If the teachers knew, they were definitely keeping quiet about it. Lily was not fond of wrong attention as a child and she still wasn't. Pity and sympathy bounced off her like rubber and she only went to despise such falsities even more.

They sat together in silence for a long while until James slipped his scarf off and put it around her. It was still slightly warm and Lily sighed, leaning her head against the backboard. So much had happened to her in only a few short months… she didn't want to think about what more could possibly happen now towards the end of the year.

"What's it like?" Catching himself, he quickly looked away. "Sorry, that was rude, how are you doing?" His tone was so apologetic and so… careful that Lily just wished that this boy would disappear and replace himself with her James Potter again. This sympathy… it didn't suit him at all.

Lily closed her eyes. "What's it like…? Well… it's horrible and I'm doing horrible. Despite that, I think it's no mean feat that I can still smile, yes?" she said, smiling. There was no reason for her to tell him her worries or her sadness—it was pure coincidence he was out here and she was out here—well, to some degree it was. There was not even a speck of rain to make her feel the compulsory need to pour out her soul to him for no identifiable reason even.

"I'm sorry. I guess… I've never talked to anyone who's really had to deal with it. I don't know how to act. How should I act, Lily?"

Lily smiled; glad to know that James Potter could be improved as well—that he was not all mystery and smiles. "Just be yourself… pretend it never happened. I don't want anything to change. I dictate what happens next, right?"

"Right then. So, Yule's coming soon, hmm? Will you be taking the last dance with Sirius again?" There was something in that question that Lily thought she heard—some implied tone or meaning and found she was desperately looking for any trace of jealousy. Maybe it was that or maybe it was her wishful thinking because this boy had suddenly become so much more to her than just any ordinary boy.

Lily smiled. "Sorry about that, James. I wasn't thinking, I guess. I suppose the whole school thinks I fancy Sirius Black now, don't they?" Turning to look at him, she felt her spirits lift as she saw him smile amusedly at her.

"After dumping that bowl of pudding on him the very next day during lunch, I highly doubt that. I keep relaying your message to him that he's got no chance with you, but he firmly believes he does."

Shaking her head, Lily sighed. "Misguided… fool. By the way, did anyone… how did I get back to the Heads room last night? In my room?"

"Well, I carried you. You see there's this passage and… hmm, better not say anything, the others will be miffed," he concluded. After a moment of silence, he broke into a grin and turned to her excitedly. "So there's this passage that we were conveniently nearby. I carried you there and entered the school from underneath the Whomping Willow—but don't go down all the way to the end—there's nothing there and the roots of that blasted tree are hard to walk through. Anyway, turn right and you'll soon be in the castle. From there you just need to follow the path and you'll come upon the Great Hall. I just carried you the rest of the way. It was late so I was as discrete as possible because McGonagall was making her rounds. Actually came to a close call right then."

Lily laughed. Another secret was out and she felt like it was Halloween all over again—where she was talking to a delinquent Prongs—only this time she found him charming. "Quite the tale. I guess no one saw, then?"

James shrugged. "Not really—wait, there were dust bunnies in the halls we were through. I'm so sorry, Lils, it will never happen again, promise."

Lily blinked slightly. No one ever called her anything but her name. Had he chosen to shorten her already shortened name to this? Why and for what purpose? One way or another, she took silent note of this and smiled, finally remembering to laugh at the joke. It was refreshing to be able to laugh so freely again and Lily often wondered why he had this effect on her.

"Right, then. You look like the spitting image of ice there, Lils," he said grinning, as he took off his coat and ceremoniously dropping it on her, so that it just fell over her head.

Lily took the coat off her head and adjusted it around her, adjusting her hair back to its perfect brilliance as well. "What a way to give a lady a coat, you dog."

"If I'm a dog, then surely you must be much better than just a lady," he retorted playfully, a smile on his lips.

Shaking her head at this, she looked at him and realized how well that smile suited his face. Taking a mental picture of this, Lily sighed and remembered at last that it was her turn to speak. "Thank you, James, you've definitely cheered me. For that, I'm horribly grateful. And no one else knows… for that I'm thankful. More than you could ever possibly imagine."

James nodded. "Just get me a birthday present. It's actually tomorrow. The boys have said they've got something special planned—but won't tell me what."

"Well, your birthday, I'll keep that in mind."

Getting up, James stretched. "Anyway, I'm glad I could be of service to you, Miss Evans. Since I don't know how long you'll be out here for, and I don't want you to catch a death of cold—quite literally—and since having Lily Popsicles can't be good for the school—just leave it in the Heads common when you return. If it's not back by night I'll organize a swat team together and go searching for you."

Lily laughed again and nodded, smiling. "Sure, James; no problem. And… how do you know about swat teams?"

James smirked. "My sister married a muggle. They don't ever plan to have children though, so I fear I shall never know the joys of being an uncle to anyone—for now. I'll see you around, Lily." With that, he made his way down to the lowest row in the stands and jumped off to the stands below as a loud thud thundered for a few precious seconds and again about fifteen later.

Smiling, Lily wrapped the jacket around her tighter.

James was always there for her and it seemed that they had almost gotten closer than she and Alicia were—best friends of more than a decade and now she seemed to be closer to a boy she hardly knew for less than six months. The comparison between them was crazy and it was unthinkable how much time had passed and how much she had found out about him.

Leaning back on the stands, she closed her eyes and smiled, thinking warm thoughts of the owner of this jacket. "Dashing… charming… wonderful… everything about him is so… James Potter… I love everything about him and… and…"

Opening her eyes, Lily looked up at the sky.

It finally all made sense now. She hadn't seen it at the start and blamed it on the mysteries of James Potter, but now she saw it for what her curiosity really was. James was no more mysterious than the next person. He was even Plain Jane by definition—his Marauder status surely didn't erase that fact. This odd curiosity to know about him was so surreal and unlikely that she had, for so long, wondered what it was and now, here, when it had struck her so suddenly with the weight of it all at this very moment.

"I love James Potter," she said quietly.

To My Reviewers:

Here's a general thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you! I send my love to wherever you may be in the high hopes that I am not aiding the deterioration of your eyesight by looking at a computer screen for far too long. For those asking about the letter, ah well, hmm. Clues up to now will help, it was fairly vague in the last chapter and that was what I was shooting for. I'm touched that it worked. Anyway, if you still can't figure it out you'll be waiting a while before you actually know. The mirror may or may not come back, I haven't planned for its return as of yet. It was only really a little bit of insight.

E: Wow. Poetic, powerful emotional journey; that's hardly what I think it is but I'm absolutely ridden with glee that you think so!

Comments:

Oh, this was wonderful to write. I liked writing it. It felt really smooth all the way through. I mean, I finished it so quickly and when I looked back I was thinking, wow, that must be very short! Well, let me know what you think. I liked it, and I don't like many of my chapters if you've been following.

Please R&R.

- Minute Maid

Beverage of Queens