Thank you Ham and Satan!
As promised.
Asylum
Chapter 13
"He bit me." The words tumble out as soon as I sit. Angela's eyes shoot wide, causing me laugh. It feels good. It's like I haven't laughed in years. Like all I do is cry or feel empty.
Like every threat, death, and tragedy that has happened has deflated me. I wasn't even sure I knew how to laugh anymore. Seeing her reminds me just how much I missed it. Missed her and my life before this mess.
"I'm sorry. I needed to tell someone." I feel silly for even saying it, but out of everything thats happened, it seems like the safest thing to say out loud.
"Thank you." She recovers quickly, straightening up in her chair.
"For what?"
"For trusting me with that." She smiles at me and it's comforting. Like seeing my old friend again and not being in this cold prison.
"I read your journal." I push it toward her, wanting it away from me.
"I knew you would. Did it give you the answers you hoped for?" She traces the lines in the worn leather, as I think about all I've learned. All the questions I have.
"Some. You were an angel?" It's so hard to believe it, even though I have seen Masen's wings. To know she was an angel? To think I've been friends with someone so amazing?
The lies hurt, but a small part of me understands. Why would I have ever believed her if she told me the truth?
"Still am, I just no longer have my wings." She turns her body and looks over her shoulder. I feel a twinge of pain for my best friend. I can't begin to understand that kind of loss.
"And you said Masen was like you once?" I ask, wanting to know more about him.
"Some angels fall from Heaven. We call them by many names, which I'm sure you've read in there. I'm not sure when he fell, but I know he did. He had to. He wouldn't have wings otherwise," she says, but I see the uncertainty written all over her face.
"His tattoos? Do you have them as well?" I think about the tattoos Carlisle tried to hide from me, and how familiar they looked.
"No. No tattoos. See?" She rolls up the sleeve of her sweater and reveals her bare skin, free of any marking. "They're given at birth. A magical ritual practiced in hell to mark what belongs there. It's like a ward as well. He'll never be able to enter Heaven with them, just like I'll never be able to enter Hell without them. As far as his tattoos go, I'm not sure how he got them, I'm still trying to work that part out."
"Is he Satan?" The question has eaten at me for so long. I know Masen will never tell me the truth. Angela might though.
She laughs. "No, he isn't. He's almost as powerful though, if that is any comfort?"
"It's not." I tap my fingers on the table and chew the inside of my cheek. "What does he want with me? What does anyone want with me, Angela?"
"You said he bit you?" Her eyes roam over my neck and I wonder if she see's the mark I no longer can.
"He said it was to help me." I push away the memory as it tries to consume me. Just like every single day since it happened.
"It was. He was claiming you with that bite. He carries a venom that connects you two in a way that wasn't possible before. He could spot you anywhere. You were raised with him by your side, so a connection was already there, but a bite? Well that normally only happens in a claiming ceremony."
"I'm sorry, a what? How do you even know this?" I narrow my eyes at her, wondering just how many secrets she's had locked inside of her.
"When I was younger, a part of my training was to learn everything I could about Hell and its inhabitants. Their culture, their habits, rituals. When I was told I would be following you and that you had a guardian from underground watching you, I had to learn everything about him. I needed to know what to expect with him. As you read, what I saw was very different than what I was taught." The faraway look in her eyes tells me she's reliving that time. That moment in her journal when she sees what I have tried so hard to remember.
A good side to Masen.
"Why was he put with me?" I've been so curious about that. Of all the people in the world, why did he chose me? Why was I the lucky girl?
"You're more powerful than even I know, and for that reason, a lot of people are very interested in you. You were meant for something, Bella. I assumed that's why he showed up. Then I was told of the deal your mother made and that he was the dealer. When I saw the contract I understood why he and others were so interested."
"Well I don't want them to be," I huff, growing angry at the answers she gives. I don't hate her for it, I'm not even upset with her. I'm upset because I have no idea why any of this is happening. What I could have possibly done to gain so much attention.
"I wish they weren't either. I wish I could stop whatever is happening, but I can't. Believe me, I have tried. Regardless of anything you've found by reading my journal, I am still the Angela you grew up with. The same one you made plans with. I'm that Angela, and I always will be."
I swallow her words and will myself not to cry as I lift my head from the table.
"What's happening, Angela? You're different." The way she sits. How she speaks. There is a grace about her now. I almost don't recognize her.
"I have learned more since our last visit. You have answers hidden deep inside of you. Answers to questions I don't even know, and many want their hands on you for them." She grabs my hand in hers and I squeeze it back before she continues. "I've watched over you. Protected you. Loved you. If I had known things would be this way? I would have done more. I was only given so much information, only told what I needed to know. I've heard whispers, though. I've seen the darker arts of this world, and worlds you are now learning about."
"Angela…" I sigh, not understanding what she's saying.
"Masen is real, Bella. I don't know who said he wasn't. I don't know why you would believe them after everything he's done, everything he's shown you. He's very much real and…" She looks up at the clock and then around the room.
"What?"
"Saying this. These words. It's very difficult for me. I have no idea how many eyes, or who they might belong to, are watching us right now." She wrings her hands and I want to grab them so bad. I want to be able to offer her comfort, but I have a feeling the only thing I have to offer anymore is trouble.
"Just spit it out." I plead with her, wishing I could pull the answers out of her myself.
"I believe Masen is trying to help you. To protect you." I see how difficult that is for her to say. I see the pain in her eyes and hear it in her voice. I see all of that, and yet it feels like a slap in the face.
Like a dream I can't wake up from.
A part of me believed she was just like Masne. Looking at her now? They couldn't be more different.
"He wants to play games with me. He hurts me. You hated him, Angela. You tried to get me away from him. Begged me to stay away. Do you even remember that?" I shake my head, as the image of her screaming at me from Charlie's door plays in my mind. "What if he isn't real? What if I've made all this up in my head? Do you understand I'm in an insane asylum? They think I hear voices and see things that aren't real, even though they feel real. Look real. If I wasn't insane before all this, I would be now. He wants me this way, Angela. I have to believe he's real. I have to, otherwise I hurt Charlie. I did. And for what? Masen doesn't care about me. He wants to toy with me and this is the best place to do that. Who is gonna question a crazy person because they see shadows or attack some black winged angel?" I slam my hands down onto the table, making us both jump as the sound echoes in the empty room.
"I know, Bella, and I hate all of this, but I also know he's the only one keeping you alive."
"By hurting me? That's all he's done." I laugh at her. "He killed Lauren in front of me because I disobeyed him, Angela. He's crazy and he's enjoying my pain. He wants me to hurt. To suffer." I blink back angry tears as she looks at me with sad eyes.
"And it may be all he continues to do. It's in his very nature and it's who he is. That will never change. He's over five-hundred years old, maybe more. He was raised by a very evil man, Bella. He's from Hell. You didn't expect him to be any different, did you?" she asks, and I stare at her, mouth open and eyes wide.
I want to hate her right now. To call her a liar and tell her she's wrong. I did expect different. A lot different.
"The only thing I remember about him is good. This isn't the Masen I knew." Not really. I always had an idea, a prickling thought in the back of my mind he was behind the things happening around me. I thought a part of him was kind, caring. Sometimes when he looks at me, really looks, I think I still see that piece of him. It's the piece that, even though I hate him, makes me love him.
It also makes me want to stick his own dagger into his chest and watch him bleed.
"He's every bit of that Masen. He let you see a side of him that was reserved for only you. I know that sounds strange, but it's true. That side of Masen is rare amongst his kind and even ours. All angels, in heaven or hell, aren't always kind but, especially in hell. They are not gentle creatures. They enjoy torture and blood. They devour souls, Bella. It's his birthright and it's something he takes very seriously. If you saw something other than that inside of him, then it's no wonder he cares for you." There is sympathy written all over her face as she speaks, but I want to laugh.
I saw the evil inside of him when he reentered my life. It was written all over his skin and yet I still try to find good in him. I need it.
"If he cared for me he wouldn't treat me this way. He wouldn't drive me crazy or have things attack me." Technically he shouldn't even be in my life and maybe I shouldn't be hurt that he acts this way toward me. Maybe I shouldn't be angry at myself for enjoying it.
"Technically, it wasn't on purpose."
"Excuse me?" I pull away from her, surprised.
"The things you see are a casualty of being so close to him. A normal human wouldn't survive such prolonged exposure, much less a touch from them. Those creatures that surround him, that try to attack you, are there for his protection. He rules them and they listen to no one but him. They attack because of fear, they feed off emotion and you're scared." She sounds too technical when she talks. Nothing like my Angela. Like my friend.
"I'm angry," I interrupt.
"That too," she laughs. "The closer you get to him, the less they try to attack. He could stop them, sure, but he won't. He's drawn to your emotions as much as they are. He enjoys it. The power he wields is amazing. It's lethal, and somehow you survive it. How would anyone not be drawn to you? I was drawn to you, and you survived me as well."
"How is it possible?"
"You weren't born naturally." She shrugs.
"Pretty sure I was." I don't remember my birth, but I've seen some pretty gruesome pictures. I was definitely born naturally.
"No, what I mean is, you have two souls. They've converged. A battle of good and evil. There is so much darkness shadowing the good inside of you. I don't think Masen considered the possibility that your soul would survive, or the consequences he would face if it did. When your mother made that deal, it gave him the advantage of knowing the precise moment of your conception. That's how he was able to insert another soul into your body."
"That doesn't make any sense. Why would he put a soul from hell inside me? Is that why you were sent? Because I wasn't born pure?" I try to wrap my mind around what she said, but I can't. How am I supposed to?
"Sort of, yes. I was sent to find out about you. Watch you. Learn what two souls merging together, light and dark, created."
"So I'm not really me?" I rub my palms to my eyes and begin to laugh. "How the hell am I not me?"
"You are you, Bella. Your mind is your own, your thoughts. Your souls is yours. When he inserted a second soul inside you, it changed everything. The sins that marked that soul are inside of you, yes, but so is the good. He created something no one thought was possible. Something unique. People become possessed all the time, but no one has ever created a life with two souls. It wasn't even supposed to work. For all intents and purposes, your soul should have died. But it didn't, it fought." She shakes her head.
"So he was fucking with me even as a baby?" I can't help but laugh as I fist my hands in the front of my hair, trying not to bang my head against the table.
"No he wasn't. Something happened long before you were even thought of. There was a very important reason he pulled that soul, Bella. Maybe he was searching for something, but it backfired. Whoever was attached to it is gone, they have been since it was taken."She sifts in her seat and looks around once more. "That soul was important to him, but he knew almost immediately you weren't what he was looking for."
"What was he looking for?"
"Memories maybe?" She shrugs. "I'm trying to find those answers myself. Sometimes I get the feeling I've been purposely left in the dark, and I don't know why. What I do know, is there is a very important reason he brought you out."
"So when Carlisle was asking if I had memories that weren't my own…" I stop mid sentence and my teeth grind.
Carlisle was lying.
"Wait. Who did you just say?" Angela's fingers tighten around mine and my eyes snap to hers.
"My doctor. Carlisle Cullen. Why is everyone so interested in him?" Why would he lie? Who the hell is he?
"I have to find a way to get you out of here. It's not safe. Not anymore." Every inch of Angela's shoulders tense as she closes her eyes and breathes in deeply.
"What the hell are you talking about?" I ask and her eyes snap open.
"Listen to me. Carlisle is not a good man. If he's been talking to you, if you've been close to him at all, then he already knows." She gathers her book into her bag and looks around the room. "Shit. Why haven't I felt him?"
"Already knows what? What is going on? What do you mean 'felt him'?" I try and grab her but she's pulling away and looking around.
"Bella, have you seen him close to anyone else besides you? This is very important, okay?"
I sit back in my seat and stare at her as I think. I never see Carlisle unless it's time for a session. He's never with any of the other patients, or in the groups. When he does make an appearance it's in the back of a room or through a window in a door. I always see him, watching us, observing us, but he never gets close. Never touches anyone. Anyone but me.
"Only Alice and Emmett." I tell her, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. "What exactly does that mean?"
"Is Masen here? Is he watching us now?" She looks around, but he's not here. Not visibly anyway and I don't feel him. Maybe he's giving me privacy, but I doubt it. I'm sure he's off playing with some soul he plans to torture, or to use against me.
"Bella, this is important." She leans in even closer and her eyes lock with mine. "I can't protect you, but he can."
"I don't want his protection." I nearly shout at her. I don't want anything from him. I want my heart not to hurt and my skin not to burn. I don't want to miss him or his touch. I want him to stop whatever he's doing to me. I definitely don't want his protection.
His protection would mean being near him. And being near him would kill me.
"You may not want it, but you sure as hell are gonna need it. If he's here, if Carlisle knows who you are, only Masen can protect you. Only Masen knows how to handle him. How to beat him. I know you don't trust him, and I'm sorry I fed into that mistrust, but you need him now. Please trust me on this. All the times I went along with your crazy chases. I know I didn't tell you about any of this before and I should have, I know that now, but please promise me you'll find him." She's on the verge of tears and it's scaring the hell out of me. I've seen her upset, worried, even mad. This is none of those. This isn't even her being anxious.
She's terrified. And when the alarm begins to blare in the waiting room, so am I.
Angela closes her eyes and her fingers grip the edge of the table as I look around. We're the only people in here. I took the last slot today and now I'm regretting it.
"They've found Lauren's body," she says, making me jump.
"Oh, God." Dread slinks its way up my spine as noises begin to break the silence from the other side of the door.
"Her body," she whispers and opens her eyes. "It's in your room. Two men are coming this way now. They're locking the place down and coming for you."
My heart lodges in my throat. "What?"
She shakes her head. "There's no time. Find Masen. Stay with him, keep him by your side. He knows how to find me if he needs me, but you need him more now than you've ever needed me."
"Tell me why. I'm tired of the half answers. I just need to know why. I'll find Masen and do everything you say, but I need answers," I tell her, even though it's more than likely a lie.
Masen being near me is nothing but trouble.
"Please just trust me. I have to go, I have to find someone, tell them what's happened, that he found you." She stands and pulls me into a tight hug before turning toward the door as my seat flies backwards.
"Angela?" She stops and looks back at me with tears in her eyes. "Warn who? Who's found me?" The hair on the back of my neck stands tall as Angela shudders and whispers one word.
"Lucifer."
So… What's going through your mind?