Chapter 13
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
"No. Not going to happen." Barba says, it being clear that he isn't going to let that happen, "He's not going to get his hands on Ella." Barba promises.
"Once he files it won't be up to us, it will be up to the courts." Olivia informs Alex, Casey and Barba, knowing that they all know that but at the same time that considering how personal it is that they may need the reminder.
"Why hasn't he filed yet? Why did he give me the intent to file?" Casey asks.
"Because he wants to make a deal." Alex says, "He's willing, this is his way of showing that."
"He's desperate." Olivia realises, "He knows how much evidence there is." Olivia comments.
"He is, and he wants to try and use Ella, to get what he wants" Barba says, it being clear how angry he is about that.
"Well we can't let him." Casey says.
"Give him what he wants." Alex says and she gets three shocked looks in return.
"Alex…." Olivia starts to say.
"Give him whatever deal he wants, as long as it includes him terminating his parental rights, that's all that matters." Alex tells Casey, completely meaning her words as even with how terrified she is of Torres she is more afraid of him getting anywhere near Ella and she will do everything in her power to stop that, even if that means Torres not paying for what he did to her, "I need to go check on my daughter." Alex says before walking away.
"She can't be serious." Casey says, shocked.
"She is." Barba confirms, knowing that because he knows Alex.
"After everything that Torres did to her how can she be okay with him getting a deal?" Casey asks, not understanding that.
"She's not okay with it." Olivia says, knowing that as like Barba she knows Alex, "But it's what she'll do because it's what she believes is best for her daughter."
"You can't agree." Casey says surprised.
"I don't, but I understand." Olivia says, "I'll talk to her." Olivia says before heading back to Alex's room.
"I need another drink." Barba says, in truth he needs about ten, but one is a good way to start.
When Olivia walks in Alex's room she finds Alex standing over Ella's crib, watching her daughter and so she walks over and stands next to her. As Alex tenses as she approaches Olivia knows that Alex knows she is there.
"You used to say it was your job to speak for the victims." Olivia says after about a minute, "Well a trial, testifying, is your chance to speak for yourself, to tell everyone what he did, to get the justice for yourself that you got for so many others."
"I can't let him get near Ella." Alex says before turning and looking at Olivia, "You get that, don't you?"
"I do." Olivia confirms, thinking about what she was willing to do to keep Jonny D away from Noah, "But him filing doesn't mean he'll win."
"Doesn't it? How many cases have we seen or know about where the court gives the rights to the biological father, no matter what he did." Alex asks as usually she has faith in the legal system but when it comes to this kind of thing she doesn't.
"A lot." Olivia confirms, "But there are a lot of things on your side Alex."
"There are a lot of things against me too." Alex tells Olivia, being able to see both sides of the legal argument, "I won't let him get anywhere near Ella."
"I understand that Alex, I really do." Olivia says, "But what you've got to ask yourself is if you'll be able to live with yourself if Torres gets a deal that puts him back out on the streets."
"If he has his way I won't have to for long." Alex comments before she can stop herself.
"Don't joke about that." Olivia says, pain in her voice as it is clear that it is painful for her to think about that.
"I'm not joking…sorry." Alex says, realising what affects her words would have had on Olivia.
"That's even more reason not to give in." Olivia says, "Fight him Alex. Between you and Barba, and whoever helped you with family court to give Barba rights, you can think of something that will stop him. You'll think of a way to protect Ella and keep him off the streets." Olivia tells Alex, knowing that without a doubt.
"I don't know if I have that much fight left in me." Alex admits as she once more avoids looking at Olivia.
"Well then it's a good thing you're not fighting alone." Olivia says, "You've got me Alex, I'll fight for you, and Ella, and so will Barba, and Casey and Fin and everyone else at the precinct. You're not fighting him alone anymore and none of us will let him get near Ella." Olivia says, "Don't let him win. You know how much testifying helps, you've seen it countless times. Putting him away will help you move on and it will help to make sure he doesn't get any visitation rights." Olivia explains, "Just think about it, think about what you want, what you can handle, and what you'll be able to live with." Olivia says and she and Alex drift into silence.
As she thinks about everything Olivia just said to her Alex realises just how grateful she is to Olivia and as she does she can't help but think back to three years ago, to the last conversation she and Olivia had before she left for Philadelphia.
April 22nd 2012
Having gone for drinks with Fin, Munch, Melinda, George Huang and Cragen to say goodbye to both George and Alex who were leaving town Alex and Olivia had gone back to Olivia's apartment so that they could say their proper goodbye in private.
"So, you're really doing this?" Olivia asks as she and Alex walked into her apartment.
"Yeah, I am." Alex confirmed as she and Olivia both removed their jackets and walked over to the couch.
"Why?" Olivia asks.
"We've already talked about this." Alex told Olivia.
"Tell me again. I want to understand." Olivia admitted as after everything Alex had been through she didn't understand why she would leave, not now at least.
"I…I just need a fresh start." Alex admitted, "I love New York, it's my Home, and there was I time where I thought once I was back I would never leave." Alex revealed, "But I just need some time away. I need to work somewhere else for a while." Alex said before reaching out and taking Olivia's hand, "I know I'm leaving you again, and I'm sorry, but I need to do this for me, to figure out who I am, and I can't ask you to wait while I try and figure that out. It's not fair." Alex said having felt like she could been with Olivia forever and that honestly scared her, which was part of the reason why she was leaving.
"I would." Olivia says, "After all these years I would wait, I'd even go with you if you asked."
"You love New York. It wouldn't be fair to you to leave it because of me." Alex said, "I love you too much to ask you to wait, or to force you to choose between the city and job you love and me just because I can't be here right now."
"I love you too." Oliva said as she let go of Alex's hand so that she could reach out and put Alex's hair behind her ear, "Don't completely disappear on me Ally, call this time, and keep in contact."
"I will." Alex promises and both she and Olivia lean in, their lips having met in the middle.
Things seemed so much simpler back then, so different and because of that it seems like a distant memory of a much simpler time. As she thinks about it Alex realises that that night might have been the last time that she truly felt like herself, that it was close to being the last time she felt safe. As she thinks about that Alex realises that she misses that.
"Alex?" Olivia asks concerned as for about fifteen minutes Alex has been quiet.
"I'll fight him." Alex says looking at Olivia, "I'll testify."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." Alex confirms, "But I don't know if I'm strong enough."
"You're stronger than you realise Ally, trust me." Olivia says.
"I do." Alex says as she reaches out and grabs Olivia's hand.
"Are you ready to go back out there?" Olivia asks curious.
"Yeah, I think I am." Alex answers and she and Olivia head out of the room.
Ever since Alex walked out of the room and Olivia followed Barba has been drinking while he pacing, it being clear to Casey, who is sitting at the table, that he is worried about Alex.
"Why don't you go in there?" Casey suggests, being pretty sure that she is getting dizzy from watching Barba.
"Because Olivia is helping her right now." Barba explains as he hears the door open as soon as he hears it Barba rusher over to where Alex and Barba are walking out of the room, "May I hug you?" Barba asks his best friend.
"Yes." Alex answers and Barba hugs her, after tensing at first Alex relaxes and leans into the hug.
"We'll get through this Lexie, we won't let him win." Barba whispers as he hugs Alex.
"Thank you." Alex says in response.
"So, do you still want me to make that deal?" Casey asks once Barba and Alex break apart.
"No." Alex answers, "I'm going to fight." She reveals.
"Good choice." Casey says, "But in that case you should call whoever filed the custody papers with the court that you already have, get started working on a defence."
"That would be Trevor Langan." Barba explains.
"Really?" Olivia asks surprised as she knows some of the history that Alex, Barba and Trevor have, though she doesn't know everything.
"There might be some mutual anger, and at times dislike, between us but there is also respect." Alex explains.
"And when it comes to doing what's best for his clients there is nothing Langan won't do which is what we needed for Ella." Barba adds, leaving out that they also needed someone they could trust and Trevor is one of very few people who is on that list.
"I'll call tomorrow." Alex explains.
"Good." Casey says, "I'll let you guys back to dinner."
"Would you like to stay?" Barba asks offering to be polite.
"Nah, it's okay. I have plans." Casey says before leaving.
"What about you, Liv?" Barba asks.
"I should be getting home to Noah, but thanks." Olivia says, "If you need anything just call." She tells Alex, "I'll come by tomorrow if that's alright with you."
"I'd like that." Alex answers.
"I'll see you then." Olivia says heading towards the door, "See you Barba." She says before leaving.
"You'll get through this, Lexie, and I'll do whatever I can to help." Barba promises.
"I know you will, and thank you for that, Rafi."
"Stop thanking me for doing for you what you'd do for me." Barba tells Alex.
"I'll try."
Hours later, well after he and Alex both went to bed Barba gets up to get a drink and when he does he sees the doors to the balcony open and Alex sitting out there so he heads out there to.
"Lexie." Barba says as he stands at the door, not wanting to scare Alex.
"Rafi." Alex says simply as she continues to stare at everything around them.
"What are you doing out here?" Barba asks as he sits next to Alex and notices the baby monitor that is next to her.
"I wanted to smell the city, watch it." Alex explains.
"You always did like doing that." Barba comments as he can't count the amount of times he has found Alex sitting on a roof, or balcony, or next to an open window in the middle of the night.
"That's because it never changes, no matter what New York always smells the same." Alex explains.
'Huh, guess you're right." Barba realises, "Do you want to talk about why you're not sleeping?" Barba asks curious.
"You know the answer to that." Alex says.
"I do, but that doesn't change my question."
"No, I don't want to talk about it."
"Okay."
"But, can you stay anyway?" Alex asks as honestly she wanted Barba to join her out on the balcony but she didn't want to be a bother by asking.
"Sure." Barba answers and he makes himself comfortable right next to Alex while the two of them sit into silence. Alex finding comfort in the mere fact that he best friend is next to her.
Alex and Barba spend almost an hour sitting on the balcony together before they both headed to bed Barba managed to fall straight to sleep but for Alex it took longer and she didn't sleep for long which is why when Barba wakes up he finds that coffee has been made, the files he brought home have been organized on half of the table, and Alex has heated up some of the food that Lucia made.
"How long have you been up?" Barba asks when he sees how much Alex has done.
"About an hour." Alex says while she watches Ella up.
"You organized my paperwork?" Barba asks surprised.
"I needed something to do." Alex explains, "I needed something to distract me."
"Well, you know my books and DVD's could do with some organization." Barba informs Alex as he pours himself a cup of coffee.
"I'll remember that." Alex says as Barba sits down at the table, "So within the hour Trevor should be in his office." Alex informs Barba, watching him careful for his reaction.
"Okay?" Barba asks, putting the cup he was about to raise to his mouth back on the table.
"I'm not ready to go into a law firm, would it be okay with you if I asked him to come here?" Alex asks.
"To help with protecting Ella I will be." Barba says, "You don't have to worry about me, Lexie, we can be in a room together, we have may times before." He says, understanding Alex's concern.
"I know that, but I also know how hard it is." Alex says as she starts to pick up the food that Ella Is dropping.
"It was eleven years ago." Barba tells Alex, glad that she cares but at the same time he doesn't want Alex to be so worried about him that she doesn't do what she needs to do.
"And can you honestly say you're over what happened?" Alex asks as even though she wasn't there she's talked to Barba about it so she knows his side and his feelings about it.
"No, I'll always wonder what could have happened, but I know we made the right choice for us at the time." Barba tells Alex, "Call him, invite him over. I'm going to have a shower." Barba says before heading to the bathroom.
As Alex watches Barba go she shakes her head, though honestly she is glad for the distraction. She is glad to have something to think about other than Torres and what's going to happen next, and Barba's history with Trevor Langan is the perfect distraction.
While Alex waits for Ella to finish he breakfast she pulls out her phone and sends a message to Olivia asking her if she can come around at lunch as that's when she is going to ask Trevor to come over, as honestly she would like Olivia to be there for that meeting and not just because it means that Alex doesn't have to put up with Trevor and Barba alone.
At five to one that afternoon Alex is sitting and playing with Ella while Barba watches when his phone starts to ring.
"Barba. You are? Okay. I'll buzz you up, and I will." Barba says, "Olivia's downstairs." He explains as he heads over to the intercom.
"Why did she call?" Alex asks as she looks up from what she was doing.
"Because she wanted me to open the door so that she didn't have to knock." Barba explains as presses the intercom then heads over to the door.
"Oh okay." Alex says, honestly it means a lot to her that Olivia remembered her reaction and is now doing her best to make sure that she doesn't make things harder for her.
Barba opens the door and about a minute later Olivia walks in.
"Olivia." Ella says happily.
"Hi Ella."
"Thanks for coming, Olivia." Alex says, being thankful.
"It's not a problem." Olivia responds as she walks over to Alex and Ella.
"Do you want some coffee, Liv?" Barba asks.
"Sure." Olivia says as she sits down with Alex and Ella, "So when will Langan be here?" she asks as Barba walks over to the kitchen.
"Any minute." Alex answers, "I didn't pull you away from anything important did I?" Alex asks concerned.
"No, just paperwork." Olivia answers and honestly she was glad to get Alex's text.
"Okay, I'm glad about that, I wanted you here for this and not just because I wanted someone to help me play mediator." Alex informs Olivia as even though it was part of the reason she does truly want Olivia there with her.
"Play mediator?" Olivia asks, not understanding why Alex will have to.
"Yeah, with Rafi's and Trevor's history someone needing to play mediator is pretty much a guarantee." Alex explains and Olivia just looks confused.
"Liv doesn't know." Barba says as he hands Olivia the coffee.
"Thanks." Olivia says as she accepts the coffee, "But I would be interested in knowing if you wanted to tell me." Olivia comments, having an idea but wanting to know if she was is right.
"On and off for eight years Trevor and I were in a relationship." Barba explains, "It ended eleven years ago."
"Okay." Olivia says as even though that is what she was suspecting it still surprises her, "I see why you wanted me here." Olivia says to Alex as she gets why Alex wouldn't want to be alone to put up with Trevor and Barba.
"It was only part of the reason." Alex says, "I really wanted you here."
"I'm glad." Olivia responds and before anyone can say anything the intercom buzzes so Barba gets up and walks over to it.
"Hello."
"It's Trevor."
"Come right up." Barba says as he lets him in, "Here we go." Barba mutters to himself as he walks over the door to open it so Trevor doesn't knock and scare Alex.
As Trevor's footsteps approach the apartment Alex tenses and so Olivia reaches over and grabs her hand in comfort. As Trevor's footsteps come closer Alex tightens her hold on Olivia's hand and it is clear that she is trying not to run.
"It's okay. It's okay." Olivia assures Alex, learning that Alex has a very strong grip.
"Rafael." Trevor greets as he walks into the apartment.
"Trevor." Barba greats as he closes the door behind him.
"You look good." Trevor informs Barba, giving him a smile.
"So do you." Barba responds.
"Alex, Olivia." Trevor greats, turning away from Barba.
"Trevor." Both Alex and Olivia respond as Alex stands up, Alex watching Ella carefully as she does.
"How are doing Alex?" Trevor asks curious.
"Alright." Alex lies, making it clear that she doesn't want to talk about it.
"So, you were vague when you called, what's going on?" Trevor asks curious after he, Alex, Olivia and Barba have all walked over to the table and have sat down.
"Torres's lawyer dropped an intent to file for custody off with Casey, it was his attempt of trying to strong arm a deal." Alex explains.
"I hope you told Casey not to give in." Trevor says as when he read what happened to Alex he was furious. He even came close to calling Barba many times, even drove half way to the hospital once before thinking better of it.
"I almost didn't, but yes." Alex admits.
"And now you need me to start working on your deference for family court." Trevor realises.
"Yeah." Alex confirms.
"Okay, well to start with I'm going to use some connections I have to push back the family court case until after the criminal, it will make your case stronger." Trevor tells Alex.
"I can make a few calls." Barba offers.
"So can I." Alex adds as even though it's been three years since she worked as a ADA in New York she still has connections.
"No, don't." Trevor says, "Neither of you, or you Olivia, can do that because then it won't look good for Alex, you need to let me handle this. As hard as it is, can you do that?" Trevor asks, knowing in Barba's case at least how hard it is going to be for him to stay out of it.
"Yeah." Alex answers and Olivia and Barba nod.
"Okay. I need to talk to Alex alone." Trevor informs Olivia and Barba.
"Because only Alex is your client and if Liv and are here it will make attorney client privilege void." Barba realises.
"Exactly."
"Will you be okay with that?" Olivia asks Alex.
"I think so." Alex says, not entirely sure if she is telling the truth.
"Okay well then why don't Liv and I take Ella for a walk?" Barba suggests, "Just down the block, maybe get some ice cream."
"Yeah, sounds good." Alex says.
"Just call if you need us to come back." Olivia tells Alex who nods and she gets up and walks over to Ella.
"Like Liv said just call if you need anything." Barba tells Alex before getting up and following Olivia and Ella out of the apartment.
"So, what argument are you thinking?" Alex asks Trevor once the door is closed.
"I've got several in mind, one of which is that in almost two years he hasn't spent any time with Ella."
"Because I made sure that he couldn't find us." Alex says.
"Because you were afraid of what he would do, a fear that is justified." Trevor explains, "Also I am going to argue that the family you've created for Ella, you, Rafael and Lucia, is a genuine support system and that it would be harmful to upset that." Trevor says.
"You're going to argue that Rafi has been a father figure to Ella and that it would be harmful to Ella to force someone else into that roll." Alex realises.
"Exactly."
While Trevor and Alex are talking Barba and Olivia are waking down the street, Olivia holding Ella.
"How were things last night?" Olivia asks curious.
"I don't think she slept much, and I found her out on the balcony at two." Barba explains.
"Smelling the city." Olivia guesses.
"Yeah." Barba confirms, "If he doesn't get convicted or if he win custody I'm terrified of what that would do to Lexie."
"So am I." Olivia admits.
About ten minutes later Olivia and Barba, with Ella, arrive back at Barba's apartment where they find Trevor and Alex still sitting at the table, both drinking coffee.
"Have you had enough time to talk?" Barba asks Trevor and Alex.
"Yeah, we've sorted out enough things for now." Trevor says, "Thank you for the coffee, I should get back to work."
"I'll walk you out." Barba says and while Trevor heads towards the door Olivia walks over to the table.
"What happened between them?" Olivia asks Alex curious after both Trevor and Barba leave, Barba going to walk Trevor all the way down instead of just to the door.
"It just didn't work out." Alex says, "They were both, are both, busy people and they both love their jobs too much to let them suffer." Alex explains.
"Sound like us." Olivia comments as that's one of the issues they had when they were dating, how little time they had.
"Yeah, but the difference is that we were also determine to make our relationship work, to find the balance, they weren't." Alex explains.
"Were they good together?" Olivia asks curious.
"They were happy, most of the time anyway, but they just couldn't make it work." Alex admits, because she knows that Trevor and Barba broke up a few months after she 'died' and before she came back from the trial, which was before Barba found out she was still alive, she couldn't help but wonder if part of the reason was because of her but Barba assured her that it wasn't.
For the next minute or so Alex and Olivia are quiet until the door opens and Barba walks back in.
"Do you need to talk?" Alex asks Barba when she sees the look on her best friends face.
"No." Barba answers, "Liv, would you like to stay for lunch?" He asks curious.
"Sure." Olivia answers and while Barba gets started on lunch both Alex and Olivia wonder what just happened between Barba and Trevor.