III - Hopes

Kylo Ren roared with fury as his newest mechanical arm jerked and twisted out of control, like an agonizing being. The digital eye also spun wildly, showing random readings and measurements of everything it detected. It seemed that only his motorized heart was following its steady, due course. But nothing stayed in focus long enough for him to get a grasp of what was happening, and just before his mind breached the limit of its sanity, Kylo powered off the prosthetics and tried to breathe in the stillness around him.

Several days had passed since he had recovered consciousness, but no matter how many adjustments and updates were made, the medidroids could not find a way to connect the machinery to his nervous system adequately. Each intervention was nothing less than torture, and every failed attempt merely foreshadowed a future filled with similar harrowing experiences. The most recent reattachment had been by far the worst failure, resulting in not only searing pain but also a deep powerlessness. It was like living the explosion all over again. The whole matter was wearing his patience dangerously thin.

Samer Ren had tried to remain by his side, insisting that he felt a strange unease surrounding the Supreme Leader. But his master felt on edge and uncontrollably furious, and ordered to be left alone. Eventually, the Knight gave up on his efforts and decided to give the Supreme Leader time and space to cool down before the next surgery. Kylo's lightsaber had been taken away, and he reared not knowing how else to blow off the built up steam.

He stormed around the room like a caged animal, just as angry and broken. The fake limb hung uselessly at his side, feeding his rage as it swung lifelessly with each step he took. A moment before he allowed himself to fall into despair, he turned to find a foreign silhouette drawn on the other side of the room. She was sitting idly, looking out at wonder at nothing in particular, completely unaware of his presence. Though her body burned with anticipation, her expression was naturally cool and unafraid, still holding strong. Ben was so moved by the unsuspected visit, that the clouds in his thoughts suddenly cleared of his present predicaments, as he concentrated only on her. He felt her strength seeping into him, and his mind began to become appeased.

Rey's chest heaved and she let go of a breath she didn't even know she had been holding. The mellow, controlled ambient around her felt strange and unfamiliar. She was beaming with the rush of near adventure, far too concentrated on her present to notice how he was taking over. But then the light dimmed and the temperature dropped, and she was no longer awaiting her meeting in Bespin, but back in the Supreme Leader's ship, sitting under his long shadow.

Her eyes ran over to him and she was on her feet. Not only had her reality shifted into his: her entire mission had completely dissolved from her mind as well. Ben was alive. He was alive and standing right in front of her. Her breath caught, along with a heartbeat, as her entire body was flooded with multiple powerful emotions. After the interruption of their last link, she had been haunted by the fear of what the outcome could be. Yet, despite the odds, he had come through. And though he would never be the same again, they had been given a second chance at redemption, and they were feeling it together.

Rey stumbled towards him, closing the distance dangerously fast. The feelings were overwhelming, far beyond what she had hoped to ever come to feel. Before the battle, she had had a hard time accepting just what those feelings meant, or what she should do about them. But they had both survived, and light shone upon her in a way that was almost blinding. It led her straight to him.

She was a step away from Ben before he motioned for her to stop. "Don't," he said sharply. His reaction shook her off balance, but it shadowed to the way she was shaken when a rare glint shone in his black eye. "I've been looking forward to this. I'd hate for it to end so quickly just because you couldn't keep your hands to yourself."

The tears she had been holding back jumped out as she laughed for the first time in what felt like forever. "Ben." was all she could mumble. Her eyes over-brimmed, and she allowed herself to cry for him for the first time. He knew his heart would have torn at the sight, had it not been replaced by something heinous. But true things are not only felt with the heart but reach us in unnamable parts of our being. So Ben could also feel the overpowering emotions as they bleed into the air that both of them breathed. The fear. The excitement. The worry. The joy. They stood together in silence, enjoying the other's company while drinking deeply from the truth in each other's eyes. His were dark and stormy. Hers, a bright kaleidoscope. And there was so much in between.

After a long silence, Rey's thoughts began to gather, and she was suddenly reminded of what she had set out to do before this unexpected turn of events. For an instant, she was fearstruck. Ben could read it in her eyes and feel it on his skin. "You have that 'this is not a good time' look on your face." he said as a greeting.

Rey looked around her, suddenly aware of her new surroundings. The warm light that had flooded the carpeted room had shifted into the stale, artificial lighting that reflected off the New Supremacy's metal walls. "You could say that…" she said, trailing off, as her eyes studied him for the first time since his awakening, and her stomach sank. He stood before her half-naked and shameless, allowing her to regard the entirety of the damage she had caused him. Half of his chest and his whole left shoulder and arm were gone, as was the left side of his face. Both his eye and ear had been completely erased as well. All of it replaced by smooth, intricate dark metal, and a glowing yellow orb. There was something else wrong, though she could not pinpoint it yet.

He was so damaged and torn, that what was left resembled more a creature than a man. Her words bit back at her, as she remembered the day they had met, and what she had spat at him in anger. That creature in a mask now stood before her, bare and vulnerable, seeing her face to face. Rey had to believe that this secret face he used around her was his true expression. The anger had vanished completely from his eye; there was no room for it when she took over.

He half shrugged with his right shoulder, as the machine that had replaced his left side hung limply and powerless. "It's not up to me. Or rather, at least that's how you put it before, wasn't it?" he echoed her words. He was masking something else with humor but had no real hopes of tricking her. They were way past that.

It wasn't until he moved his torso that Rey began to understand what was amiss. He was under a mountain of pain, as his mechanical half refused to work under his commands. Ben's life had been saved, but at what cost? How much longer would this last? Was it worth it? But she had to shake those dark thoughts away, for she knew that any life was more valuable than no life at all. As long as hope was not lost, he could still recover fully. She believed that firmly. Yet, she could not keep inside what was on her mind. "You look terrible, Ben." she said bluntly.

"You always know how to lift a man's spirit." he grumbled sourly, "Though I guess you're probably right if I look just half as terrible as I feel."

"I feel it too." she replied, and the words caught on her breath. "And like I've also said before: you don't need to do this alone." she answered, finally regaining her cool. The impact of her past actions was so visible and present that it was hard to look away from. How could she simply ignore the fact that she had been the one to tear Ben's body to shreds? It was a truth that would follow her accusingly forever, like the wide scar across his face and over his eye would always do.

To her surprise, Ben's lips parted into the thinnest of smiles. "I know."

Rey cleared her throat in a failed attempt to suppress her obscure emotions and studied the sleeping arm carefully. She knew that Ben would know exactly what she was feeling, so she made no attempt to hide the pink that was taking over her cheeks. She let the rush of excitement flow through, in order to drown out her increasing guilt. They would have time to dwell on why they now found themselves caught in this situation. Just not yet.

Ben felt a warm unease coming from her, which he was happy to find mirrored his own. "These machines are outstandingly complex. If only I could take it apart to find what's causing the disruption…"

"Perhaps you should take a better look." Ben taunted, leaning even closer. Rey's eyes met his gaze, which was as unreadable as ever, yet much more inviting than before.

Something inside her came alive in horror when he reached up with his right arm to where the mechanical limb connected with the artificial shoulder and snapped it off. His face was flooded with pain, as each nervous connection suddenly cut off, feeling like he was losing his arm all over again. He had to take several deep breaths before overpowering the pain and reaching out to hand her the robotic prosthetic. He stopped, suddenly aware of a small predicament. Though she looked solid, she was really standing at a distant place in the galaxy, not here with him. Not really. Though they could interact with one another, could the same be done with foreign objects?

Rey noticed the uncertainty in his eyes. "What's wrong?" she asked, not seeing what should be an obvious problem. Without hesitating, she took the machine from Ben, looked into his face for an instant, felt the spark, and then walked over to a working table. Ben watched her carefully, seeing how she expressed her natural wisdom. She knew that doubt was a self-imposed obstacle that could be easily avoided. All she had to do was believe she could, and that was all it took. It made her impossibly more beautiful and captivating.

Which made him think back on the instant in which she had grasped his mechanical arm and their eyes had jumped to meet each other. He knew from her expression that she had felt it too. Like an electrical shock, spreading from where their skin met the metal, beyond the reaches of their beings. Bright flashes of raptured breaths and wet skin had danced before his eyes, and as each image came into existence, so came with it all the sensations it contained. For that instant, Ben had felt all of her, all around him. His chest ached with a strange tightness as if everything in his ribcage was fighting its way free of the imprisonment.

He was being drawn to her, but this time, the pull was physical and magnetic. Before, their poles had been wrongly aligned, pushing them back no matter how much they struggled to move forward. Something had shifted, and the poles finally were correctly set. Though their skins had not touched, the indirect connection had powered the gravitational pull between them, dissolving the limits of time and space for a mere instant. But it was enough to push beads of sweat from their foreheads, to make a tidal wave in their breasts, to deepen their breaths and to lift the veil they had set upon their growing desire.

It was only an instant, but looking back upon it, Ben knew it was a turning point. Things were changing rapidly, and he had to keep his mind open to the warnings of the Force. It was now he who was walking on thin ice, so he tried to step with great care.

He followed her and stood on the other side of the workbench. Rey still looked flustered and confused by the intensity of what she had just felt. Ben hoped she would leave it at that, but of course, she couldn't. "Did you feel that?" she asked, still out of breath.

He eyed her gingerly, trying not to give himself away. "Yeah."

She turned the object over and over in her hands, observing every angle. "And… Had you ever, like- Felt something similar before?" She set the arm on the table and lifted her eyes to meet his stare. There was a bright ingenuity beaming in them.

The ice cracked. "No." Try as he might to hide it, his face revealed just how moved he had been by the whirlwind of emotions they had just been swept by.

Rey joined him in his turmoil for a few moments, before focusing her attention back on the task at hand. Even though the bits and pieces were infinitely smaller, they still followed the First Order's common engineering principles and aesthetics. Basically, if you knew how to take apart a Star Destroyer, you could take the arm apart as well. And Rey was quite well versed in disassembling Star Destroyers.

She closed her eyes. She pictured the artifact in her hands, remembering every outer detail. She then began imagining its inner workings, following the patterns she had discovered and matched them to those she already knew. She followed the wiring, felt every bolt, every screw. She designed the entire layout in her mind, and once it was all there, she took every piece apart.

The mechanical arm floated between them, scattered into every independent item, resembling a strange, mechanical galaxy. Ben watched her from across the way, with nothing short of wonder in his eyes. Rey's power was still growing and at an unbelievable rate. Yet, her face remained impossibly calm and serene, as she urged the Force to do exactly what she willed it to. She opened her eyes slowly, and before regarding the complex machinery, she flashed him a proud smile. She was back to work before he could even react, and he thanked the Force for that. Otherwise, she would have seen the ice break.

"This is surreal, Ben, the way they have simplified something as complex as neural connections into these sophisticated circuits. It makes me think about how we are not so different from machines. It's like the boundaries are blurring out." Ben let her speak while admiring her work and pondering her words. Rey spun the pieces on their own axis to study their order and function. She knew she was coming close to finding an answer. "All right, so… If these white wires are receivers, and these black ones are emitters, then by assembling them in the right order, while setting the power cells at a different angle… Yes, that should do it." She closed her eyes once more, regarding the pieces again only in her mind. Everything slid smoothly into place, and in a moment, the arm had perfectly reassembled.

It took Rey a few seconds to let go of the Force and open her eyes. Ben took advantage of those instants, and of the now empty space between them, to observe her undeniable beauty. How he longed for her. It was a weakness he was very well aware of, but that he neither could nor wished to deny. Rey's eyes opened slowly, and her smile broadened, full of unexplainable security. It made him even weaker, as Charlie's memory tainted his thoughts. It took all his willpower to push her back and away.

Meanwhile, Rey's drive had her mind set on only one goal. "Are you ready?" she asked firmly. Ben was moved by her kind intentions; regardless, he was by no means looking forward to what this entailed. But he trusted her, so he walked over to the bed and lay upon it as an answer. She held the arm up to the artificial shoulder. "Just hang on." she said, before inserting it into the articulation.

Ben wanted to fight the scream back, but he couldn't. Each circuit attached to a nerve coupling with an electric jolt, which overall felt as if someone was slowly cutting his arm away. Again. And again. The machine responded violently, swinging even more wildly than before. The mechanical eye darted erratically over the place just as he broke for the hundredth time. But unlike previous interventions, Rey didn't back down nor power the equipment off. Instead, she called to him.

"Ben, listen to my voice. I'm here." The agony seared, as another fiber connected, and sent burning pangs to his brain.

He just wanted it to stop. "It's not working!" he roared, overcome by grief.

"It is, Ben. You just need to focus." her voice was calm, though she felt anything but. Every vein on Ben's neck was so tense, they looked like they would snap in any moment. The pain was blinding him, but she knew what he needed in order to make this work. "I know it hurts, but concentrate on me. Listen to my voice. I'm here, and I'm not letting go."

Ben opened his eye, and found Rey's face inches above his, holding down his gaze. The cyborg eye slowly steadied itself, and finally centered on her intense stare. She caught the yellow glowing iris and didn't let it go. Ben felt how her calm washed over the rest of him, and with it, the machines settled into submission. The arm dropped once more, but this time, it did so with intent, not out of control or power. It was no longer an arm, but his arm and the pain began leaving him in waves, while an opposing feeling began taking over.

He pushed himself up with his right arm, still unsure of how much he could trust the prosthetic. He rose his new hand level to his eyes, and he played around with the complex fingers. They moved exactly as he commanded, filling him with something he had not felt in years, not like this.

He felt expectant and curious, and Rey immediately saw it in his eyes. "Here, try this." she said, raising her hand with her palm open at him. Ben hesitated for an instant, fully aware that he could not guess the outcome of their contact through the perfectly connected arm. But there was only one way to find out. He raised the mecha-arm, palm open towards her, and laced the robotic hand through her small, strong fingers.

This time, instead of multiple flashes, one image in particular stuck and came to life. He was on top of her, holding her down, fingers still intertwined. There was no way for her to fight him off, but not only because she was overpowered, but because there was no fight left in her. She had already succumbed to this dark feeling, and neither her mind nor her body wanted to put an end to it. He ran his lips along her neck, and down onto her bare breasts. The sensation was electric, and every fiber in her burned with the desire to feel his naked skin.

Rey knew from the look in his eye that he had shared the exact same moment in his mind as their hands had strung together, so she decided that asking about it would be pointless. But there was an edge in Ben's eye that had not been there before, and she also knew what it meant.

He unlatched his hand from hers and relaxed his new arm onto his thigh. "You're really good at this." he said. Rey studied the ambiguity on his expression and in his words.

"There's more to being a scavenger than meets the eye." she pronounced proudly.

Ben's expression didn't shift. "True as that may be, I mean that you are a gifted learner. And teacher. It is something you should most certainly explore."

He knew just how to spike her curiosity. "All right. Explain." she said transparently.

How he loved that about her. "It's simple. You didn't modify the artifact. Believe me, I was watching closely. But you made me doubt what I was seeing with the security in your voice. It was this doubt that threw me so off balance. But you made me believe that I could control it, and so I could." His eye suddenly burned with a dark passion. "You knew the machine worked perfectly, but what you needed to do was change the way in which I perceived it. So you did, and I did. And it worked."

Rey felt appalled at his clear answer. "You're not so bad at teaching yourself." she replied, her voice full of admiration.

"It takes one to know one." he answered flatly. Rey could see troubling thoughts battling each other behind Ben's cold gaze. They eventually centered on one specific idea, and they both knew there was no sense in fighting it back.

He shifted his weight, placing his mechanical limb at his side to hold his frame steady. She closed the space between them, feeling his flustered breath on her nose. He eyed her lips with hunger but forced his gaze upward to be caught in hers. Their chests ached as if they were about to burst. Just before they did, they reached out simultaneously. She placed her left hand on his right cheek and drew the line of the scar she had made with her thumb. His right hand followed her motions, except that he stopped to caress her parted lips. The reaction was so powerful, that their minds burst into a million stars, just as they made their leap through time.

The girl sits impatiently in the shade, hiding from the cold light of the Jakku sun, wondering just how much longer she will have to wait. Nima Outpost is one of the busiest spots on this side of the planet, yet it is tiny in comparison to any other town or village in the neighboring systems. The girl has not been outside much in the past years, so she has no way of knowing this. To her, all the people and creatures are new, and it fills her with anticipation.

It's been a couple of hours. She feels antsy from the wait. How much longer can it be? Perhaps if she takes a look around… She stands up and begins to walk away from where she was told to wait. Not too far, she thinks. So I can remember my way back. But she marvels at every sight, tingling with curiosity, and forgets to mind her way. It's in her nature.

She follows a pack of small creatures down a winding alley, and not before long she realizes she is lost. Fear grips her young heart for an instant, but she regains her calm by reminding herself that she can handle herself. She searches for a high structure and proceeds to find a way to climb it. She has always been swift and nimble and reaches the top of the tower in no time. She regards the outpost with wonder, trying to find anything that looks familiar, and is awed by its rough beauty.

When her eyes fail her, she decides to close them and concentrate on finding her. The only thing that matters is that she finds her way back to… Who? She feels confused for a moment, nearly falling out of balance. But she tightens her grip and focuses hard on her task. Her eyes open, and she regards a large shop across the plain, knowing that's where she needs to go.

She descends cautiously and runs down the way to find what she is looking for. Two towering figures stand outside the shop, one familiar, and one menacing. They both feel upset. "Gods, Rey! Where have you been, you were supposed to wait for me by the ship…"

The girl's mind swirls with confusion. Though she understands the words and is standing in front of this person, she cannot hear the voice nor see their features. It is all a blur.

"I want to go home." she says, as tears build up in her eyes.

The figure in front of her shifts. How she longs to see her. "I know baby, but home's not safe anymore. I just hope you will forgive me."

The girl calls out a name she cannot remember, though she can taste its sweetness on her tongue. "What do you mean?"

The shadow darkens into a sad hue. "Uncle Unkar will take care of you now. I have to go." The menacing figure of Unkar Plutt looms over her, filling her tiny heart with terror.

"No!" she screams, throwing her arms around the shadow's lean leg. "No, you can't leave me!" She doesn't even try to keep herself from crying. She doesn't comprehend. She's always been good. Why would she have to be abandoned?

The blurred figure holds the girl's shoulders and steadies her, pulling herself loose from her small, yet strong grasp. "I know it's hard to understand. Believe me: I don't want this either. But it's the only way to keep you safe." The figure kneels down in front of her, leveling their stares. The girls still sees nothing but shades of grey. "Here. I know it's not much, but I hope it will help you remember me."

The girl cannot see the figure's hand, but she sees the doll perfectly. It is made from scraps of old resistance uniforms and parts of a mop. She eyes the toy and loves it in an instant. The girl holds the rebel doll in her arms, as the shadowed silhouette rises to her feet. "Remember, Unkar. Keep her fed. And keep her safe. You owe us as much."

The old merchant eyes her coldly. "The girl will work to earn her keep." he answers cruelly.

The figure tenses, but knows she is not getting any more out of her father's old friend. "Keep her safe." growls the voiceless shape, before turning away and leaving her behind forever. "Goodbye, Rey."

The girl sprints after the shapeless figure, dropping the doll as she runs. "No! Stop!" A strong, thick hand grips her tiny arm. She tries to squirm free, but Unkar is infinitely stronger. The figure boards a lightship, and the engines ignite.

"No! Come back!" she screams as loudly as she can.

The merchant is growing impatient. "Quiet, girl!" he snarls, pulling her back towards the shop.

"No! Nooooooooo!" she continues to scream as the ship clears the atmosphere, leaving her behind. The sky stretches on until forever, just as the vast emptiness inside that she will spend her young life trying to fill with hope.

The orange rebel doll collects sand on its sad face, waiting for the loving hands that will care for it, neither of them knowing where it came from.

Ben sees the doll, he sees the girl, he sees the merchant. He knows that the memories have been tampered with, and knows only two people who could have accomplished this. There is no doubt in his mind as to who made these alterations, or what had motivated her to do so. It was also clear to him why this was being revealed to him, though he was still unsure as to what to do with it. He opened his eye and was pleased when he saw Rey's face still hovering before his. The look on it was priceless.

Ben's fingers were still intertwined with hers, as he led her out of the training arena. Even now, her heart beat erratically after what she had just witnessed. He had been right: nothing could ever have prepared her for this. He hastened his step, as he followed passage after passage bathed in both shadow and light. He looked so different, just wild and unafraid, as he showed her around the world he had so proudly constructed. Ben made a final turn and stopped before a large door.

"Where are you taking me this time?" Rey asked, with a broad smile across her face.

His was impossibly wider. "Here." he responded. He held her against the wall behind her and pressed his lips to hers. Rey felt the world stirring inside of her as she returned his deep kiss. It was in no way the first time their lips had met in the last day, nor their closest interaction. But the more the kiss extended, the more the desire grew and took root in them again. Ben pressed his body to hers, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him impossibly closer. Neither of them had ever wanted something more than this.

When he was finally able to pull himself away from her, he pressed his forehead to hers, still smiling that endless smile. Rey caressed his face and returned his smile. "It's not that I'm complaining, but you are strangely sunny today." she said, teasing at his features.

"It's finally happening." he said, his voice deep and purposeful. After all this time of waiting, she had stood at his side, just as he had seen what seemed lifetimes ago, the first time they had defied the laws of physics and linked their souls through a single graze of their fingertips.

Rey beamed with wonder. "What is?"

Ben eyed her caringly. "You are here with me. And there's smile on your face." He also ran his fingers over her face lovingly. "At last, I can allow myself to hope."

Rey could still feel Ben's fingers on her face, as her mind darted back to the present moment. He was there, just like the last time they had touched through the Force. There was so much darkness in his expression, but it was an obscurity that didn't scare her. On the contrary, it seemed to call to her, daring her to take the next step.

But it was he who did. He lowered his hand to her arm and ran his fingers along her soft skin. The sensation was so intense, that they were instantly covered in goosebumps, as he tested the new limits of their connection after their minds had met back in the present time. He rested his hand on hers while holding it warmly. Her eyes looked for his with intent. They had no way of knowing how long the Force connection would hold, or what the limits of their interaction could be. But they both knew what they wanted, and they jumped into action. Ben leaned in, and Rey closed her eyes.

"Commander?"

"Supreme Leader..."

Foreign voices broke the tension, and the connection was also disrupted. Ben felt thunder in his stomach, while Rey fought back the frustration in her head. They both tried and failed to hide their flustered expressions.

"Commander Rey?" the voice called for a second time. Now certain that Ben was no longer there with her, she regained her confidence and turned around. Talk about terrible timing. The woman in the perfectly ironed white suit smiled vaguely at her. "General Calrissian will see you now."

At the same time, Samer stood behind his master, gawking with awe at his fully functional mechanical parts. "How did this happen?" he asked, both worried and perplexed.

Kylo did not turn around, but once again regarded his perfect limb. "You could say I had some help." he grumbled.

Samer Ren was not pleased with the half-answer but knew it was his duty to trust in his master. "I won't push the matter any further than you allow me to. But I know you, Kylo. Whatever this is, it's changing you." The young knight stepped closer to his friend and forced him to turn and look at him.

Kylo's expression was unreadable. "I know what I'm doing." he stated coldly.

Samer's face warmed in contrast. "We look out for one another, right?" he asked.

Kylo Ren studied Samer's eyes. "You know we do."

"You are entitled to your secrets, and I know I can trust you to make the best decision. Just… Be careful, yeah?" he slapped a hand on his friend's battered shoulder. Kylo grimaced with pain. "It's still a bit sensitive, but definitely on its way to full recovery."

Kylo eyed him sourly. "There are matters we urgently need to discuss. But not here. Find an inhabitable planet we can descend to have a decent conversation."

Samer didn't need any more specifications. "You got it, chief."

The Knight of Ren exited his master's quarters, leaving the Supreme Leader once again in silence. Despite the stillness in the room, his mind was full of complex thoughts and emotions. The Force worked in mysterious ways, and try as he might to get a grasp on it, it simply slid through his fingers like the finest of sands. For now, he needed to concentrate on a swift recovery. He had found something great and unexpected, and now knew he needed to act fast.

Kylo Ren made his way out of his quarters and back to his position, unwilling to cower in pain an instant longer. He had no way of knowing what the future held, but for the second time in his life, he looked forward to it with the highest of hopes.