AN: Thanks for reading and reviewing! I'm sorry this chapter took so long (again). Anyway, there will probably be one or two more chapters. I've got a great big SW fanfic project that I want to start soon, so hopefully this will be finished before long.

"The Chaperones"

By EsmeAmelia

Chapter 13

"There's a statue of a guy peeing in that refresher!"

Niko ran out of the refresher pointing an excited finger at the door. "I'm serious, there's a statue of a guy peeing! You can hear it and everything!"

Nothing summoned the children as reliably as bodily functions. They all immediately dashed towards the refresher door and crowded around it, pushing each other in order to get a glimpse of the statue. Sure enough, there was a statue of a man, standing over a urinal with his back to them, his pants sagging and giving everyone a glimpse of his bare bottom. The perfectly-replicated sound of urinating came out of speakers hidden somewhere in the refresher.

"That's disgusting!" a mother exclaimed.

"That's awesome!" chimed several of the children.

"All right, all right!" said Ms. Tano. "That's enough!"

Despite their teacher's calling, the children were still crowded around the refresher, exchanging various refresher jokes.

"Maybe they should put those statues on every corner," said Han. "I bet that'd herd them along."

"Dad," said Anakin, "how come Niko's allowed to talk about the statue peeing but I can't say I have to pee on the shuttle?"

"What, you're bringin' that up again?"

Meanwhile Leia stood off to the side, positioning herself as far away from the refresher as she could get without losing sight of the group, concentrating on restraining the urge to vomit. Since everyone else seemed to be either observing the statue or commenting on it, Jacen was the only one who noticed his mother straying from the group.

"Hey Mom, what's up?" he asked.

"Oh, nothing," said Leia. "Just trying to get away from that stupid statue."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," said Jacen. "Why's everyone so excited about a peeing guy?"

"I don't know," said Leia. "I was never like that when I was a kid. Your dad probably was, but I wasn't."

Just then Ms. Tano clapped her hands so loudly and rapidly that she sounded like she was applauding something. "All right class, ENOUGH! I am very ashamed of this. You all know better."

"But the guy was peeing!" Niko said.

"And every single one of you also uses the refresher," said Ms. Tano. "It's part of our biology. There's no reason to get so out of control over it."

"So you don't want us to get out of control peeing?" said Niko, which made the kids explode in laughter.

"YOUNGLINGS!" Ms. Tano shrieked. "YOU. KNOW. BETTER. Now I want you to get in a line and follow me to the next room, or you'll all be going back to the shuttle RIGHT NOW. Understand?"

"Yes, Ms. Tano," the kids said in unison, and all of a sudden they lined up like proper students, though they still had to wait a few minutes to go to the next room, since several of the adults suddenly had to use the refresher for some reason.

. . .

The next room was simply called the "Shadow Room." It was a large, square room with gray walls and dim light that caused several kids to bump into each other.

"What's this place supposed to be?" said Kai, her voice echoing against the walls.

"Oh, you're going to have fun here!" squealed Ms. Tano. "Everybody, I want you to stand against the wall and strike a pose - the sillier the better. Chaperones, you too!"

"What?" exclaimed Han. "I ain't doin' that!"

Leia took his hand. "Han, come on, we've done sillier things for the kids."

"Yeah, well that was in the privacy of our home."

"Really?" Leia said with a smug grin. "What about the time you sang all fifteen verses of 'Let's Go To The Hutt Picnic' at the twins' fifth birthday party?"

"I thought we agreed not to mention that," Han muttered through his teeth.

Leia laughed as she made her way to the wall, and after a quick gesture to her husband, he followed.

"Come on, honey," she said, throwing her arms around his neck and pulling him up to the wall. "How about an interesting position?"

Han broke into a grin, suddenly not so concerned about embarrassing himself. "Oh, I know lots of interesting positions."

"Yes, yes, but let's keep it child-friendly." With that, Leia pulled Han up to her and gave his lips a long kiss, prompting a chorus of "eeewwww" from the kids.

"All right, younglings, hold your pose!" Ms. Tano called. "When I push this button, you'll get a surprise!"

The children did so, and suddenly there was a dinging noise and a flash that illuminated the entire room and made spots dance in front of every eye.

"Why didn't you warn us about that?" Ryo gasped, rubbing his eyes. "Melda, if that flash made you blind, Dad will make sure to sue the teacher."

"Oh come on," said Ms. Tano. "Stop being overdramatic and look."

The group stepped away from the walls and there were their sihlloettes, frozen on the gray background. Leia and Han kissing, Jaina standing on one leg, Jacen with his hands on his hips, Anakin waving his hands over his head, Allura pulling Kai's headstalks, Tad gripping Han's waist from behind, and various other poses.

"That's IT?" said Melda. "That's the big surpise?"

"Yup!" said Ms. Tano. "Isn't it cool?"

"It's LAME!" said Melda. "I thought we'd get candy or something."

"I think it's cool," said Jaina. "Kinda like taking your holo, but instead of taking your holo it takes your shadow."

"Exactly," said Ms. Tano. "It's science."

"It's still lame," said Melda. "Dad, can we go somewhere away from all this lameness?"

"I'd love to, sweetheart," said Ryo, "but unfortunately, we've still got to endure the rest of this museum."

Han ground his teeth, but Leia kissed him again before he could say anything to Ryo.

. . .

"When can we eat?" Kai was asking as they entered the room dedicated to mutations. "I'm starving!"

"Me too!" said Allura. "I want food!"

Of course, hearing about food made the other children decide they were hungry as well. They erupted into a chorus of asking Ms. Tano if they could eat now and even a few of the parents joined in.

"Yeah, we should eat now," said Han.

Ms. Tano gave a long, frustrated sigh. "Younglings, of course we can't eat right now. We're in the middle of a museum tour, which should be interesting enough for you to wait a while for food."

"Yeah," said Jacen. "Mutations are fascinating. Look over here!" He ran over to a display of a stuffed wamp rat with three legs. "Look, this wamp rat was born with three legs! Imagine the odds of that happening."

"If 3PO were here, he'd say something like five million to one," said Jaina.

Han grinned as he strode over to the exhibit. "Naw, I'd say the odds are better than that. Actually, I hear humans can sometimes grow a third leg."

"Cool!" said Anakin. "I hope I grow a third leg!"

"Han," Leia muttered.

Tad burst out laughing before Leia could continue. "That's an awesome joke, Han!" he said, slapping Han on the back. "You're the funniest person in the galaxy!"

Meanwhile Allura looked on the verge of bursting into tears again. "I don't wanna grow a third leg!"

Leia glared at her husband. "See what you did there?"

"What?" said Han.

Now Allura was whimpering as a few tears escaped her eyes. "I'm not gonna grow a third leg, am I?"

"Sure you are, stupid," said Kai. "Brats always grow them."

Allura screamed. "I don't wanna grow another leg, I DON'T WANNA GROW ANOTHER LEG!"

"Han!" said Leia, using her angry wife glare. "Apologize for your joke now!"

"Fine, fine," said Han, rushing to Allura's side. "Hey, hey, don't worry kid, you're not gonna grow a third leg."

Leia smiled.

"Only humans grow third legs," Han continued. "Tw'ileks don't."

Leia slapped her own forehead.