13

Hayley's POV

There were two last shows I had to go through before I could go back home. For the first time, I didn't even care. I practiced my vocals just enough so I wouldn't forget any lyrics, and paid no attention to the actual meaning of the songs. There was only one song that came spinning around my head whenever I was alone. It was the song Josh had sung for me that night, one of the most beautiful things I'd ever heard.

It was strange, usually I wasn't able to remember a melody that I had only heard once, but in this case I sometimes caught myself humming it, and some lyrics even came back to me now and then.

Anyway, the last shows passed dully, just another gray splatter on a big gray wall I could call "my life." Maybe I was acting like a spoiled brat. I knew so many people would give anything to be in my place right then, in front of thousands of people, doing what I loved most, but I couldn't bring myself to be happy anymore.

I was just tired, bored, lonely… I missed him so much.

And then our tour dates had passed and we could finally go home again. I was happy to go back to my warm and familiar corner of heaven again, but there was a deep worry weighing on me, and it could be summarized in one word. Jack.

I had to tell him. I HAD to tell him about Josh. I simply couldn't pretend nothing had happened and move on. I couldn't lie to my best friend. And I was so scared about what his reaction would be. I knew he wouldn't take it lightly—if he did, I would probably doubt his love for me. But I hated the thought of hurting the one person who'd been there for me for so long. This was the way I thanked him for all that? By sleeping with someone else?

Ugh, Hayley, you horrible person.

We took the plane home, our bus having been taken by another band who would play the last half of Warped. I hadn't been in many planes in my life, and the experience still scared me a little, but that was nothing compared to the terror I felt at the thought of my next conversation with Jack.

I thought back on the few times we'd talked on the phone during the past days. I hadn't mentioned anything suspicious—I wanted to tell him face to face, when he wouldn't be able to just hang up—but every "I love you" he shot me was like a slap in the face.

I didn't even notice when the plane landed, being so caught up in my anxiety.

"You ok, Hays?" Zac asked, noticing my distracted behavior. He, as well as the rest of my band, often asked me that these days. My constant evasive answers had made the frequency of the questions drop dramatically, but they still threw in a little "You ok?" here and there.

I nodded quickly and focused my attention on checking my bag to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything so I wouldn't have to look at him.

My mother was waiting for me at the airport, a huge smile plastered on her still splendid—even though she was almost forty—face. "How was it!? Tell me everything!" She hugged the breath out of me before I could answer. I had called her almost every day to tell her about the tour, so I didn't see what else I could talk to her about.

Oh. Well, there was one thing.

And before I knew it, I was sobbing. My mom pulled away in worry and confusion before hugging me again and stroking my hair. "What's wrong, darling?" she asked in a voice full of concern.

"I did something so wrong, mommy…" I felt like a helpless little girl again, crying in her mother's arms, confused and scared. "I cheated on Jack."

Bam. I said it. My mother stopped stroking me and pulled away to look my in the eye. "What happened?" Her voice wasn't as harsh as I expected. She looked at me with a mixture of compassion and seriousness.

I looked down in shame. There were too many people around us. I wasn't ready to tell her everything like this. "I'll explain later, k?" My voice was thick with tears but I held them back, smiling to the others and hugging them goodbye for now. That was over quickly, since we all couldn't wait to see our homes again, and then I followed my mom into her car.

That's when I let my thoughts go loose and spill from my lips, and soon she knew everything.

Josh's POV

My dad's car soon appeared around the corner. I could imagine my mother's angry face behind that dark windshield, and hoped she would be nice enough to not run me over. Just yet.

Thankfully, the car pulled over a safe ten metres away from me and out stepped… my dad? Oh, okay. I knew he wouldn't be that angry with me, seeing that he'd been in a lot of crappy accidents during his teenage years as well—after all, there are some things that all guys have in common.

Still, his first glance at me was shadowed by a deep frown. I put on the sorriest expression I could manage and it wasn't long before the—probably fake—anger in his eyes turned to sympathy.

"I assume you are this young man's father?" asked the old schmuck I had been lucky enough to run into.

"Miles Ramsay," my dad introduced with a jolly smile, holding his hand out for the other to shake.

Of course, the dickhead didn't move a muscle. "Nice to meet you, mister Ramsay," he said bitterly. "Now, let's get over with the legal procedures before I end up late for work." Working at 3 AM, eh? Well, he was either a security guard of the owner of a strip club.

My dad cleared his throat awkwardly and turned to me. "Go home, Josh. Walk," he ordered. He made his voice sound harsh, probably to please the strip club owner, but I could tell that he was on my side. I was pretty sure I couldn't say the same about my mom though.

I walked back home with one goal in mind: to discover the scientific theory that would allow me to turn invisible before I reached the house.

As soon as I opened the door—still visible, unfortunately—I was struck with exactly the sight I expected. My mother's Glare of Death.

"Joshua Keeler Ramsay, where the HELL were you?"

Wow, I should've spent the walk home thinking about what I could tell her instead of scientific bullshit. How smart of me. "I was… just…" I was just giving my rock star ex-girlfriend a late-night ride to her tour bus after sleeping with her even though she has a boyfriend. Oh, and we made origami swans.

"Do you know how WORRIED I was!?" she screeched before I could answer. "First, I hear a mysterious voice coming from your room at two or… or three in the morning, and then I go check on you and YOU'RE NOT THERE!" I gulped. She must've heard Hayley yelling about how late it was—ugh, thank you Hayles, thank you so much. "A—And then I get this phone call…" She seemed about ready to burst into tears. "All the things that went through my head then, oh god…"

Wow, this was much worse than I thought. Of course, I expected her to scold me, but not act so… victim-ish. Now I just felt more guilty—if that was possible. I had hurt my mother, I had hurt Hayley, hell, I had even hurt Jack. Not to mention all the people I had hurt in the past. And all the people I would hurt in the future.

Fuck you, Josh. Just go to hell.

"You were with your FRIENDS, weren't you?" my mom asked in a broken voice. "Doing… whatever it is you do. I always knew you wouldn't stop." She wasn't even able to look me in the eye.

It took me a second before I finally comprehended what she was talking about.

Oh shit. "NO! Of course not!" I shook my head vigorously to reinforce my statement. "I would never go back to that!" Those long nights of walking aimlessly with these so-called 'friends' of mine, smoking heroin and talking about what stupid things we could do next. It was hard to admit, but those were some of the happiest times of my life—well, the rest of my life was crap then, so obviously those nights were heaven in contrast. Come to think of it… my life was STILL crap.

But I wasn't lying when I said I would never, ever go back to that. It wasn't that I didn't want to, but I was NOT going back to rehab. Nah-hah, forget it.

My mother didn't seem convinced though. She stared at the floor, seeming to deliberate on whether she should believe me or not.

And suddenly, before I even knew it, I was spilling the whole truth. About meeting Hayley again at Warped, about inviting her over, even about our make-out session and how she'd left and I'd ran back after her… I admitted I had slept with her—only starting to feel embarrassed after it was out of my mouth—and I explained how I had gotten myself into that stupid car accident to finish.

I felt exhausted by the time I was done. I noticed Sara had magically appeared behind my mom, probably to listen to my story with an annoying interest. I shot her a venomous glare and she smiled in return. I was not in the mood to smile back.

Even though I sucked at explaining stuff, my mother nodded slowly. She didn't say anything at first. At least she looked like she believed me. Phew. Finally, she looked at me and whispered, "I remember Hayley. She was a sweet girl." Oh, right. Hayley and my mother used to be pretty close during the short months we'd lived in America. A little too close, I would say, considering that they were always talking about me. "But she's gone, Josh." Her voice was hard again, lacking emotion. "It's too late, you have to understand that." Wow. That was not what I expected to hear. "I don't want you to go looking for her, do you understand me? I don't want you to ever see each other again, not while I'm here! And I don't ever want you to touch that car EVER again."

I was petrified. Who the hell was she to tell me whether I should or should not see Hayley!? Oh yeah. My mother. My own mother ordering me to stay away from the only good thing in my life. She didn't even try to understand. She didn't care. Fuck, who did?

Wasn't it enough that Hayley didn't need me? That fate seemed determined to keep her away from me? That she loved someone else? Now, even my mother didn't want me to see her.

Wow, I was the luckiest person in the world.

This was so unfair. THIS WAS SO UNFAIR. All my thoughts melted together into that dreadful conclusion. I couldn't think straight anymore. I couldn't process anything. That horrible woman standing in from of me talked again, but I had no idea what she was saying. I needed to get away. Now.

I shoved my way past her without caring about her reaction. I headed to my room as fast as I could, knowing it would be my only place of safety. Well, as close to safety as I could get.