Grief
"Oh God!"
Derek bolted awake, panting heavily, covered with sweat. The dream had been unnaturally vivid, so much so that as he slowly glanced around the room it seemed to him less real to him. It was still a room in Caduceus, with the same old window and same old chair to the side. Somehow, it was still raining outside, too. It had already been a week, and the storm still had not abated.
Mercifully Derek's illness had largely passed, although he was still rather weak, and a general feeling of malaise still plagued his walk. He probably could have been released already, but with no one to really look after him, he had made the decision to stay until he was almost recovered.
Derek, for the first time, did not relish his recovery. It was still terribly, terribly painful to live without Angie. Perhaps the only good thing he could think of was that he could go to Angie's wake today. It would be a small one for a few friends and family.
Normally saving a body unpreserved for such a long time was not a good idea, but they had reported that her body, for some strange reason, had seen no decay. It went against everything Derek had learned…but then again, GUILT went against everything he had learned as well.
He had not seen her for so long. The void would not be easy to fill; after all, they saw each other every day. They lived in the same apartment building, one floor away from each other, carpooling with each other to and back from work. From sun up to sun down, Angie filled his life. And now she was gone.
Derek was in the middle of these moody thoughts when a knock came at the door. He recognized it as Leslie's knock.
"Come in, Leslie."
"Hanging in there, Derek?" Leslie asked as she came in with a bundle of clothes.
"Barely."
"I went to your apartment and brought you some clothes to change into when we go to the wake later today."
There was a bit of a stunned silence. "I can't believe it's been this long…"
Leslie sat down on the side of his bed, placing the clothes at its foot. "I can't believe it either."
Another long silence ensued, before Derek asked, "How are you taking it?"
"I—sometimes I just cry without any warning. I'll just hear something or see something and then I just need to leave to compose myself. Before I go to bed I cry for half an hour…if it wasn't for Tyler I wouldn't know what I would do."
A fleeting thought of envy passed by before it softened. "I'm glad you two have each other," Derek said. "I wouldn't want anyone else to have my misery."
And then it came. He just cried. There was no real reason for him to cry, but it just felt as if a sudden burst of emotion had spontaneously built up, and the only way he could let it out was to cry. It felt so stupid and pointless…but nothing else would do. She was gone, and there was nothing he could do about it.
Leslie's hand slipped over and grasped his hand. He didn't need to look up at her to know that she was weeping along with him too.
"I miss her. I really do."
"We'll see her again. Today."
"I wouldn't want to leave her, Leslie."
"We could never separate you two, even if we tried."
When he had finally finished crying it seemed as if a little bit of the massive weight was gone. A little bit. It was so much better with Leslie sharing in his pain.
"I want to stay by her side for a while. You wouldn't mind?"
Leslie got up to continue with her rounds. "No. I wouldn't."
The last few chapters have been especially heavy and plot-laden, so here's some much needed filler/return to Derek's point of view. Just 2-3 more chapters left!