April 22, 2015
Sometimes I just want to pack all of my things, leave, and never come back.
I can't take all of these expectations and getting tugged from countless directions day after day after day.
Why can't people understand that I just want to be alone sometimes? Or that I want to spend time with someone that another person doesn't like?
Of course, I'd never say these things aloud. I won't allow myself to utter anything so selfish, much less snap at others.
But, God, it's so hard not to.
I'm so calm so much of the time. I endure so much. I do it all because of my mom and dad, but there are times when I wonder what the point of it all really is.
Am I even making a difference? I rarely see anyone learn from my acts of kindness and start being kinder to others themselves.
I see so much selfishness in the Sohmas. God forgive me for writing this down...but I sometimes watch them bicker and I think to myself that I'm a better person than them. I hate thinking something so arrogant, but it's like I can't help but think it. A part of me feels like I'm better than them.
This part of me is the part that I try hard to suppress. It's the bad part of me. The evil Tohru. The one who I had tried to kill so many years ago.
But how can you kill a part of yourself when the other part is still alive?
Okay, I'm thinking way too much. This is getting morbid fast…and I definitely don't want that. Have a goodnight, Mom, Dad, and everyone else in the world. And you, too, God. Thanks for listening to all these bizarre thoughts I have. And for forgiving them.