Weep Not Too Much
Chapter 13: Options
Zuko approached the bed slowly and carefully, not wanting to disturb Mai's rest. She looked tense and uncomfortable even in her sleep. He frowned, little furrows instantly appearing on his forehead. Mai twisted in the blanket and then uttered a groan. A few minutes later she was awake.
She smiled when she opened those beautiful gold eyes and saw her husband looking down anxiously at her. "Hey; what time is it?"
"It's only been an hour or so. You looked restless. Do you want me to crawl in with you? I can give you a massage."
Tempting though that offer was, and despite the little jolt of electric desire that surged through her body, Mai shook her head 'no'. The pain was too difficult to bear and she wanted to brew some of that tea, anything to take some of it away. Zuko sensed something different in his wife but didn't push. He would question her later.
"How about some tea; Uncle certainly thinks it's a cure all."
"Uh, yeah, let me get up and I'll make us some. I need some of my tea."
She clamped her teeth together tightly and slid her legs off the bed. When her feet hit the carpet, she stood up slowly, a wave of dizziness hitting her hard. That was new. Zuko caught her before she fell. He cradled her close as he sat down on the bed with her, rained kisses all over her face, then captured her hands in his, massaging them gently.
"What's going on? You've never done that before, have you?" His words sounded soft and almost sweet but Mai could feel the intensity and worry behind them.
"It's nothing, just a bit of dizziness; I haven't eaten much today."
"I'll be right back." Tenderly, Zuko lay Mai down on the bed, adjusting pillows behind her back. He then ran out of the room and down several corridors to the kitchen.
Mai wondered what she had done to deserve such an attentive, devoted husband. She giggled then, images of Zuko's flapping robes and servants scurrying out of the way of his sprinting form, flitting through her mind. Agni, that man would do anything for her. That little spark warmed her again and before long she was imagining all sorts of erotic things.
When Zuko returned, a tray overflowing with colourful and appealing food in his hands, and a flush on his cheeks, he looked at her curiously. "Are you thinking about, you know, sex? You're all pink."
Mai put her hands to her face and felt the warmth there. She blushed harder and wondered why. She and Zuko had been intimate for about sixteen years. Sex was certainly not a new endeavor. Somehow, though, their relationship remained fresh and exciting and sex was never, ever dull and never the same experience twice.
"You caught me," she smirked. "I can't help myself sometimes."
Zuko looked momentarily flustered then grinned lasciviously. "I offered to give you a massage. And you refused."
"So massages always lead to sex?" Mai was playing now.
"Well, I don't know if they do with other people, but with us, yes, they do."
"I believe you're right, Zuko. I think I'd like a massage tonight, after everyone's sleeping. Can you remember that?"
"Um, yes, yes I can." Zuko brushed a hand against his swelling member and groaned. "Agni, you have power over me, Mai."
He set the tray down on a table, leaned over Mai and kissed her hard. She was breathless with love and desire, but another sharp pain broke the spell.
"Zuko, later, I'm hungry."
He backed off instantly and retrieved the tray, feeding her tidbits of this and that until she was full.
"My tea, is it steeping in the kitchen?"
"Oh, damn, I forgot the tea. Let me go and make some."
"I'll come; we can drink it there, okay?" She attempted to get up again, this time without almost keeling over. The food must have helped because the dizziness had vanished.
Zuko gave her his arm and she took it without quibbling. "Is the pain worse?"
"Why would you think that?" Mai asked more sharply than was necessary.
He shrugged. "Your eyes; I see a lot of pain there."
"Maybe a little bit," she conceded. "It's nothing that I can't handle."
They were in the kitchen now. Sun bustled about, getting ready for dinner, and gave Mai a sympathetic smile.
Zuko found the small pouch that contained Mai's painkilling tea. He poured some water in a tiny teapot and heated it up, letting the warmth sink into the porcelain. Then he dumped the water out and dropped a healthy pinch of tea leaves into the pot. Mai watched Zuko fondly. Though he looked nothing like Iroh, when he made tea with such care and love, her husband reminded her of the old man. Zuko was more similar to the tea maker than he imagined.
"What?" He poured hot water into the pot and then placed it along with a cup in front of Mai.
"Nothing; I just like watching you."
"Oh, okay; do you want something else to eat. Sun's cooking up a storm there."
"No, I'm full. You may pour my tea for me, though." She used her most affected noblewoman voice and Zuko felt the beginnings of a smile.
"Yes, my lady." Zuko kissed Mai quickly on the cheek then poured the brew.
She blew on the steaming liquid, eager for some relief. Too bad it had to taste so bitter. It was Zuko's turn to watch Mai. Such a simple thing, a simple pleasure, to sit with your wife in the kitchen and enjoy a cup of tea; never had it been so poignant, never had it meant so much.
Mai laid half on top of Zuko and he enjoyed the feeling of her slight weight on him. They were both sated and pleasantly tired feeling, in that strange place between wakefulness and sleep. Zuko wrapped his strong arm around Mai's back and pressed her too him even more tightly. He allowed his eyes to drift shut.
"I've been thinking." He spoke slowly as if his tongue was heavier than usual.
"Mmmm, what about?" Mai's words were equally leaden.
"Will you try something for me?"
"Ohh, can't we just sleep now? I'm so tired." She buried her head further into Zuko's chest.
"In a minute; I want you to try meditation. Maybe it can help you beat this, this thing." He said the word with such disgust and hatred.
"What? Did you write to Aang?" She pushed herself up then and looked down at Zuko's face.
Opening his good eye, Zuko looked back. "I have, but neither of us mentioned meditation. Look, it can't hurt you, right? But I find that it. it gives me a certain insight into my body and my mind. I can picture things and problems and the solutions often present themselves. Maybe, you can focus your mind on healing, on casting this illness from your body. Would you do that for me?"
The Fire Lord battled with himself now; he choked back a sob and blinked fiercely, forcing the hot, stinging tears back to where they had come from.
"Will you teach me then? We can start tomorrow." She kissed her husband softly and curled up against him again.
"Yes, yes, tomorrow's good." He sounded almost painfully eager.
"I have to see Chiko first thing. And I promised the children that we'd spend more time together. But the afternoon should be fine."
"Mmhmm, we'll leave the kids with the two uncles." Zuko laughed at the thought. "They'll be glad to do it."
The royal physician knocked on the door and waited for Mai. She opened it a few moments later and let the old man along with his apprentice, Kana, into her rooms.
"How is the pain this morning?" He got straight to the point, no preamble or small talk.
Mai's face was drawn and she put her hands against her middle every few seconds as if the pressure might help. "It's bad enough. The stronger tea did ease it a bit, though."
"All right; lie down on the bed, please, and lift up your tunic."
Mai complied and Chiko examined her, pressing gentle, probing fingers all over her abdominal area. She yelped in pain when he hit a particular spot, then bit down hard on her lower lip to prevent it happening again.
"I won't lie to you, Mai. The growth, it's gotten larger. That's why the pain has increased. It's pressing against something vital."
"Oh, well, that explains things then. So now what? I suppose there's nothing left to be done, is there?" She tried to force a smile but it was no good.
"I've seen recoveries, even at this late stage. You can't give up, Mai, not ever."
"Says the guy who's not in agony," Mai joked bitterly. "I'm not giving up. Zuko is going to teach me meditation this afternoon. He thinks that it might help. What do you think?"
"I think that you should try anything and everything out there. Mediation is calming and relaxing and that's good for your body. I've studied papers about its positive effects on healing. Whether it was really the meditation or something else, I can't say. But, as I'm sure your husband told you, it can't hurt. And it will make him feel better, doing something to help. Everyone you love suffers when you're ill, Mai."
Kana pulled down Mai's tunic, checked her pulse and listened to her breathing. With a smile, the young woman helped Mai back into a sitting position.
"I know how much pain Zuko is in and it breaks my heart. He's trying so hard and he does all that he can for me. I'm so lucky to have him."
"He's a good man." Chiko briefly recalled the Fire Lord's younger days, tending to minor burns and cuts and illnesses. The terrible burn given to Zuko by his father's own hand, he was only allowed to check briefly. He would never, could never, forget the sight of the thirteen year old Zuko, the horrible mess of his face or the sound of the whimpering cries he uttered.
"What were you thinking about?" Mai asked curiously.
"Zuko when he was a child; I knew then that he was different from his father, decent, compassionate. I'm grateful that it's him leading us."
"Yeah, aren't we all?"
"We'll go now, dear. Remember the other painkiller that's available to you. If things become too much for you to manage, see me immediately."
"Sure, if I need it, I'll pay you a visit; thanks, Chiko and you too, Kana."
"It's an honor, my lady." Kana bowed and then followed her mentor out of the room.
Mai got up from the bed and went into the bathroom. She stood in front of the full length mirror, lifted her tunic again and pressed down on her stomach.
"Well, that's it then; you think you've won, but I'm not quite finished yet." She pressed down again, violently this time and grimaced. "Bastard!"
Everyone, Tom's and Mai's parents included, sat down to lunch together. Mai found it easier to deal with their presence when it was diluted by other people. And it gave them a chance to spend a bit of time with their grandchildren. She ignored her mother's often pointed remarks, and focused instead on her father's kinder attitude.
The kids were polite with their grandparents but not overly warm. They weren't familiar enough with either of them. Akihiko did suggest to his grandmother that they build towers again. That brought a smile to Masami's face.
"I'd love to; perhaps your parents would let you visit my house tomorrow while your brother and sister are at school."
The little boy looked between Mai and Zuko with hopeful eyes.
Mai nodded. "Sure, that's fine."
"Yay, I bring blocks," he shouted.
"Lower that voice," Zuko said firmly. "And yes, you can bring your blocks."
"Good, then it's set." Masami glanced happily over at her husband.
"I'm looking forward to it," Sen grinned at the little boy. "We'll have fun."
Mai snorted quietly and exchanged a look with Zuko. Fun was something that she never had at home. Still, it was good that her parents were at least willing to make an effort.
With lunch over and her parents back home, Tom, Junichi and Iroh took the children into town for the afternoon. Mai and Zuko had a few hours to themselves. He took Mai's hand and led her to his private training and meditation room.
It wasn't a large room but with one wall almost completely window, it appeared more spacious than it really was. Zuko's dual swords hung on the wall while a spare set sat casually in a corner. A display case with smaller projectile weapons decorated another wall.
At the further end of the room, a long table, low to the ground, sat against the wall. Another table contained candles of all shapes and sizes and scents. There were incense sticks in a decorative container and large, comfortable cushions in reds and golds were scattered across the floor.
"Here we are," Zuko declared. "Pick a cushion and sit down."
Mai chose one and sat, crossing her legs in front of her. "I'm ready; show me how it's done."