Disclaimer: Nothing and no-one from the Big Bang Theory belongs to me although I wish Sheldon did.

Chapter 13: The Pit of Rehoth Expectation

While Sheldon was drowning his sorrows in Yoo-hoo, Penny was taking another mouthful of wine directly from her second bottle, tears streaming down her cheeks. "How could he?"

"I don't know," Raj said, taking the bottle that Penny passed to him and taking a swig out of it.

"But you're a man," pointed out Penny.

"I know but this is Sheldon we're talking about," Raj said. "I found it hard to believe when you said you two were dating but discovering that Sheldon has managed to pick up two girlfriends in one year is beyond me."

"He's right, Penny," Bernadette said, shuddering as the warm white wine went down as she took her turn. "In the strange and unusual world of Sheldon Cooper, one girl is amazing, but two qualifies as a miracle."

"Perhaps Mary Cooper's praying has worked out," Penny sobbed. "She does enough of it."

"I'm sure she'd be praying in your corner," Bernadette said in a consoling voice. "That other girl wasn't half as pretty as you."

"Do you really think that?" Penny asked, her skin all blotchy from crying and covered in black from the mascara that had run down her cheeks.

"You know I do."

"Hello, good buddies," Howard said as he walked in. His bright smile vanished at the sight of Penny. "Did somebody die?"

"Sheldon, if I get my way," Penny said bitterly. "He cheated on me."

"No!"

"Yes," Raj confirmed. "Bernadette saw it with her own eyes. Sheldon has another girl."

"Is she hot?"

Bernadette slapped Howard on the arm. "You're disgusting. Penny's upset and you're asking about the other girl."

"Hey, as a single guy I'm honor bound to pursue all lines of enquiry," Howard said, before taking Penny's hand. "Is there anything I can do for you, ma chère amie?"

"Yes, you can get your hands off her," Bernadette said, not liking Howard at all.

Penny proved how drunk she was by saying, "He's not bothering me."

Raj promptly grabbed Howard by the arm and pulled him over to the other side of the room as Bernadette slapped Penny.

Rubbing her arm, Penny said, "That hurt!"

"It was supposed to. Have you lost your mind? Sheldon I could vaguely understand but letting Howard 'Sleazebag' Wolowitz touch you is a glass of wine too far."

On the other side of the room, Raj was taking Howard to task. "Howard, I forbid you to take advantage of Penny. She's just like the Good Wife and in a very vulnerable place right now."

"Come on, Raj!" Howard whined. "You can't really expect me not to jump at the chance of doing the horizontal bop with Penny."

"Yes, I do if you wish to remain friends."

"You can't mean that."

"Yes, I can," Raj said, glancing over Howard's shoulder. "I've finally reached fourteenth base with Bernadette, and I'm not going to let you screw up my chances of scoring a home run just because you want to shag the desperate drunk chick."

"You really think she's that desperate?"

Suddenly Penny blurted out loudly, "I'm going to be sick."

Howard was both impressed and appalled as Penny managed to hurtle over the island and reach the sink in time to be sick in it.

Penny looked up as she finished vomiting, remnants of her activity covering her chin.

"It's so sad I'm still attracted to her even looking that like that."

"Howard!" Raj warned.

"Fine, I'll back off, although I could've taken her to paradise and back."

However, Penny's momentary drunken lapse had come to an end and she wept, "But I want Sheldon to take me to paradise and now it's never going to happen." Penny put her head into hands, slid down the cupboards and collapsed into a heap on the floor, crying even harder.

"Shouldn't we help her up?" Raj asked when Bernadette did nothing.

"Nah, she'll cry herself to sleep if we leave her alone," Bernadette said, having experienced this side of Penny more than once. "And then she won't try and shag any creepy thing that walks."

"What is this? Pick on Howard Night?"

"In my world it's always Pick on Howard Night," Bernadette informed him.

"I can see where I'm not wanted."

"Close the door on your way out," Bernadette said in a cheerful voice. As the door closed to, she gave a sigh of relief and said, "Thank God he's gone. He really is creepy."

"I can hear you," Howard said from outside of the door.

"You were supposed to," Bernadette screeched. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Bernadette then turned to Raj. "You have to help me get Penny to bed."

Penny's sobs had turned to loud grunting snores.

"Can't we just put a pillow under her head? She's sleeping so soundly."

"No, now help me with her."

Penny came to momentarily as she was helped up. "Sheldon?"

"No, it's Raj."

Penny gave several grunting sobs before snoring again.

"I've never seen anyone snore standing up before," Raj commented as he looped an arm around Penny's waist.

"I've never seen anyone let Howard hit on them before."

"I have but they were all drunk too."

"Why doesn't that surprise me?"

Sheldon groaned as he sat on the sofa, watching Doctor Who, his untouched bowl of cereal resting on his knees. "My stomach."

"You drank too much Yoo-hoo, didn't you?" Meemaw said, reaching for the remote control. "Let's switch this rubbish off."

Sheldon's face twitched as he grabbed the remote control. "It's not rubbish. It's Doctor Who and I always watch it on a Saturday morning."

Meemaw hadn't gotten up early enough on previous Saturdays to know this but as she glanced at the screen, she shook her head. "It's a grown man running away from plastic monsters."

Torn between berating his grandmother and being respectful to her, Sheldon struggled for a while before settling on, "You wouldn't understand unless you've seen it."

"Another time perhaps. Now would you please turn it off? I want to talk to you."

Sheldon recognized the implacable look on his grandmother's face and very slowly and reluctantly turned off the television. "What about?"

"I want to talk to you about Amy."

"Why?"

Despite seeing Sheldon curled up on Penny's bed, Meemaw was still optimistic that Sheldon might bend to see things her way. "I was hoping that you might have arranged to see her again."

"But I don't want to see her again," Sheldon said, putting down his bowl of cereal. "I've no romantic interest in any other woman except for Penny."

Meemaw decided to be blunt. "Sheldon, she's totally unsuitable for you and I think it might be better if you broke things off with her. She doesn't like me and that might make things awkward in the future."

"I don't see how. You're going home soon."

"I was thinking of relocating to be closer to you."

For the first time in his life Sheldon experienced a pang of dismay at the idea of his Meemaw wanting to spend time with him. "How much closer?"

"Since you have a spare room, I was thinking I could move in here."

"It's Penny's room," Sheldon said stubbornly, something telling him not to tell his grandmother that he and Penny had actually broken up.

Meemaw sighed heavily. "Very well, but do you have Amy's telephone number? I want to thank her for being so understanding yesterday."

The alarm bell gave another gentle tinkle in Sheldon's head and he apologized, "I'm sorry but I didn't keep her card."

"That's quite alright, I'll ask Josephine to thank her instead."

As Meemaw moved away, Sheldon got up and threw away his soggy cereal, before picking up the remote and switching Doctor Who back on, only for the end titles to be playing. "Darn it!"

Later that afternoon, Sheldon stopped dead as he walked into the apartment to see Amy Farrah Fowler sitting on his sofa. "You're in my spot."

"You have a spot?"

"Yes, and you're sitting in it."

"Shelly, don't be rude to my guest," Meemaw cautioned.

"Sorry, Meemaw," Sheldon said, before saying to Amy, "You're sitting in my spot. Please get out of it."

Amy duly moved and Sheldon frowned as Meemaw headed for the door. "Where are you going?"

"Josephine is waiting downstairs for me. Bye."

Sheldon sighed. "Does she think I'm stupid enough to fall for the same ploy twice?"

"I did," Amy said.

"Yes, but you're not a genius." Sheldon sniffed the fare his grandmother had baked. "I love oatmeal raisin cookies."

"Perhaps you would care to join me and partake?"

"I would," Sheldon said, before shaking his head. "No, that's what she wants me to do." He sniffed the air again. "Oh, they do smell good."

"I won't tell if you do," Amy said encouragingly.

"I'll just have one."

Sheldon was on his third cookie when the door opened and Penny walked in.

At the sight of Amy and Sheldon sitting together on the sofa, she stopped as quickly as Sheldon had a short time earlier. "Didn't waste much time moving her in, did you?"

Sheldon swallowed the last of his cookie before saying, "Please let me explain."

"I was ready to do that," Penny said, her voice trembling. "Bernadette tried to convince me that there must be some good reason why you'd be on a date with another woman, but I shouldn't have listened." She then turned and ran down the stairs, leaving the door open.

"Penny! Penny! Penny!" Sheldon yelled, dashing after her, but Penny was a good deal fitter than Sheldon, and he was panting from exhaustion by the time he reached the bottom of the stairs, Penny long gone. "Darn it!"

On returning to the apartment, Sheldon flopped onto the sofa. "I didn't catch her."

"Then call her."

"Why didn't I think of that?"

"Has it ever occurred to you that you're not as clever as you think you are?"

"No, because I am," Sheldon muttered as he took his cell phone out of his pocket and clicked on Penny's number. After the tenth time, he gave up. "She won't take my call."

"Then go to wherever she's staying, knock down the door and demand to see her."

"Bernadette is scary."

"Bernadette?"

"The little blonde who accompanied Penny on Friday night."

"She didn't look so frightening to me."

"That's because she didn't hiss 'shame on you' at you," Sheldon said, shuddering at the menace he'd seen in Bernadette's eyes. "And her daddy's an ex-policeman."

"Which means he's meant to uphold the law."

"Okay then, Bernadette's a microbiologist," Sheldon offered up. "Now tell me she isn't scary."

"She plays with yeast," Amy scoffed.

"And germ warfare," Sheldon added.

Amy reconsidered her position. "That puts a very different light on things. Perhaps I should go."

"Perhaps you should," Sheldon said. "Goodbye again, Amy Farrah Fowler."

"Goodbye, Sheldon Cooper."

Meemaw had a spring in her step as she re-entered the apartment. "Shelly, did you have a nice visit with Amy?"

"No, Penny turned up."

"I forgot to mention she called while you were showering this morning to arrange to see you."

The faint alarm bells of the morning began to ring again in Sheldon's head. "Did you tell her to come round this afternoon?"

"Yes."

The alarm bells grew louder. "And did you know that Amy would be here?"

"Yes, Josephine arranged it. Shelly, Amy is far more suitable for you, and…"

Sheldon sat down in shock. "So you knew Penny would find Amy here!"

"Of course I knew."

Sheldon looked up at his grandmother. "All this time I thought Penny was wrong and that you liked her. But you don't, do you?"

Meemaw avoided the question. "I'm sure she'll make someone a perfect partner."

"But not me?" Sheldon asked in a dull voice.

"No, Moonpie, not you. I want for you what any loving grandparent would want: a nice girl with prospects to settle down with and raise a family. And I don't think Penny's the right girl for you. Now Amy on the other hand…"

As his grandmother rambled on, Sheldon felt sick inside and he remembered how often Missy had tried to warn him about how manipulative their grandmother could be and he'd ignored her. Now though the truth was staring him in the face and it wasn't a pretty sight. Rising to his feet, Sheldon squared his shoulders and interrupted, saying, "I'd like you to go home, Meemaw."

Unfortunately Meemaw wasn't as easy to remove from the apartment as Ramona Nowitzki, Sheldon's one girl fan club, had been, and Meemaw ignored Sheldon's trembling demand. "It's obvious you're distraught and don't know what you're saying."

"I know exactly what I'm saying," Sheldon said, a little more firmly this time. "And I want you to leave."

"You're in no condition to be left alone, not with a broken hand."

"The plaster comes off in three days."

"You'll still need time to recover after that happens," Meemaw said, heading for Sheldon's room. "I'm not going anywhere until then."

"But I want you to leave," Sheldon bleated, his earlier fire dying down somewhat as his grandmother disappeared from view. "I said…" Sheldon's shoulders drooped, "I want you to leave."

As the door to his bedroom closed behind his grandmother, Sheldon sank back down on to the sofa, not quite sure of what to do and then it hit him.

"I should of thought of it sooner. Perhaps I'm not a genius after all." Then he gave a breathy laugh. "What am I saying? Of course, I am." He pressed speed dial. When the person at the other end picked up, he said, "I need your help."

The next day, Penny checked the apartment for any signs of the enemy before turning to Bernadette and saying, "Raj was right. It looks as though the she-devil's gone out."

"If she turns up, I'll draw her fire and you make a break for it," Bernadette said, giggling as she joined Penny in her quest.

"I couldn't do it to you."

"She likes me."

"Then I don't know whether to pity you or not."

Penny rounded the corner of the corridor and gave a scream as she ran into a very tall, warm body.

Not expecting anyone else to be there, Sheldon too gave a scream of fear, before he realized who it was and he excitedly said, "Penny, you came back!"

Penny took a step backwards. "I'm just here to collect some of my stuff but I'll come back when you're not here."

"Don't leave," Sheldon said, blocking the way. "I need to talk to you."

"What about, Sheldon? Your new girlfriend?"

For once Sheldon recognized the sarcasm in Penny's voice but sensibly didn't comment on. "Amy Farrah Fowler is not my girlfriend. We had one ersatz date."

"It looked like two to me."

Bernadette interrupted. "Um, Penny?"

"Yeah?"

"He means they had a pretend date."

"Yeah, right, as if I'd believe that."

"Meemaw set me up," Sheldon said quickly. "I didn't know it was going to be a date. I just thought I was meeting a female scientist."

"Again, how the hell did you get a PhD?" Penny asked. "Sheldon, it must've been obvious it was a date."

"Not at first, it wasn't, at least not to me."

"Then why didn't you leave when it was obvious it was?"

"Because Amy has to date once a year, and she offered me a case of a Yoo-hoo if I'd pretend to go on a date with her so that she could tell her mother she'd fulfilled her obligation."

Bernadette cringed at the look on Penny's face. "Oh dear, this isn't going to end well."

"A case of Yoo-hoo?"

"That was the wrong to say, wasn't it?"

"Hell, yes, Sheldon, it was so very, very wrong and if it was just one pretend date, then why was she here yesterday?"

"Meemaw set me up again."

"And you let her?"

"I didn't know she was going to do it and so I've told her to leave."

"So she's gone?"

Sheldon went red. "She refused to leave. She's gone out shopping for provisions for dinner tonight."

"You must've put up one hell of a fight!"

"Sarcasm?"

"Sarcasm," Penny echoed.

Sheldon hurried to reassure his former girlfriend that things were going to change. "But she should be gone soon. I called Missy."

"And it just gets worse," Bernadette muttered softly.

"Sheldon, I want a man who'll stand up for me, and not a little boy who needs his sister to solve his problems. So in future, please don't call me, don't email, and don't speak to me if you see me."

"What about tweeting?" Sheldon asked hopefully.

"No, Sheldon, no tweeting."

"Facebook?"

"No, no Facebook and nothing else computer or phone based," Penny clarified. "No contact, nil, nada. Get it?"

When Sheldon sadly nodded, Penny looked pointedly at him. "Now get out of my way. I'd rather just get my stuff and be done with you."

Not knowing what else to do, Sheldon moved and Penny headed into her bedroom, Bernadette behind her.

Together the two girls emptied everything except for the furniture into Raj's apartment.

When they were gone, Sheldon headed into the empty room that had once been Penny's and looked around, spotting the little teddy that was still tucked up in the sheets where he'd slept. Picking it up, he held on to it tightly. "I guess it's just me and you now." Then, after taking off his shoes, he lay down on the bed and buried his face in the teddy.

The next morning Raj was almost knocked over by Sheldon running up to him as he stood at the bottom of the stairs waiting for him to go to work. "What's the hurry?"

"We have to go, right now," Sheldon said hurriedly, looking worriedly up at the stairs.

"But we're early."

"If you don't, Meemaw will catch up with us."

"Good enough for me," Raj said as he headed towards the doors.

"Shelly?"

Meemaw's voice drifted down the stairs and Raj stopped, his hand on the handle to the external door.

Deciding that it was an emergency and therefore a viable time to break his rule about touching other people, Sheldon grabbed Raj by the scruff of the neck with his good hand. "Don't stop now. Run, fool, run!"

Once inside the car, Raj quickly started it up and pulled away. "What was all that about? Last week you couldn't get enough of her and now you're on the run."

"She sabotaged my relationship with Penny," Sheldon said bluntly. "And then she wouldn't get out when I told her to leave."

"So that was true? You really told your Meemaw to go?"

"Yes, I did and she won't be accompanying us to work anymore."

"Does this mean I get my desk back?"

"No, Meemaw was right about that, I am the senior person in the office and therefore should have the bigger desk."

"I might've known you'd say that."

"Then why waste both of our time by asking?"

When Sheldon fell silent, Raj asked, "So why did you do it, dude?"

Obtuse as he normally was, this time Sheldon knew exactly what Raj was talking about, and, instead of answering the question, he responded with one of his own. "Has Penny said anything about me?"

"If you discount 'Sheldon Cooper is a lying, spineless, piece of rat turd who I hope falls into the Deepest Pit of Rehoth', then no, she hasn't."

"But there's no such thing as the Deepest Pit of Rehoth."

"You tell her that then," Raj challenged.

"I'm in enough trouble with Penny as it is," Sheldon said peevishly. "I think it would be very silly of me to do that."

"I think it would better to jump into the Deepest Pit of Rehoth willingly," Raj said, shuddering at how angry Penny had been on her return to Bernadette's apartment.

"So she hates me?"

"I'd have to go with yes."

"How am I going to get her back?"

"I don't know," Raj said, shrugging his shoulders as he bounced over the speed bumps on the road. "I'm still trying to figure out how you got her in the first place."

"That's private."

"Then you're on your own."

However, Sheldon wasn't on his own for long. Help arrived in the form of his mother and sister just after he got home.

After hugging Sheldon, Mary asked, "Where is she?"

"In my room."

"She'll be ready to go by the time you get back," Mary said assuredly. "Go have some dinner with your sister."

Sheldon turned to Missy. "Where would you like to go?"

"You're actually asking me?" Missy asked in surprise.

"You did come all this way for me, although I didn't know you'd be bringing Mom."

"Sugar, I know my limitations," Missy said, glancing behind her. "Mom will deal with Gran far more efficiently than I ever could."

"I think I need to apologize for not believing you about Meemaw," Sheldon said softly.

"And I think I need a drink if you're going to keep dropping bombshells on me like this, Shelly. You never apologize."

"Yes, I do."

"Only when Mom makes you."

"But I still do it."

"After a fashion."

"Are you going to accept my apology or not?" Sheldon asked, not wanting the bickering to turn into a full blown argument.

"Yes, I am, and now I'd like to go out to eat. You can surprise me again."

Even though it was Thai food night, in deference to his sister, Sheldon chose Gales, a restaurant that served Italian food. And afterward, as Mary had promised, Meemaw was packed and ready to go by the time they returned, although she looked far from happy.

"Well, we're off," Mary said, hugging Sheldon.

"I was simply doing what I thought was best," Meemaw gruffly said as she stood up.

"Penny is what's best for me," Sheldon said, stepping away as his grandmother went to hug him. "Not Amy."

"Shelly, you have to see that Penny's not…"

Mary butted in. "Don't, Mama. It didn't work with me, and it won't work with Shelly. We both made our choices and you have to respect that, even though it sticks in your craw."

"I wish," Missy muttered silently under her breath.

Luckily Missy kept it quiet enough so that even Meemaw's super hearing didn't pick it up. Even so she stared beadily at her granddaughter. "No doubt, you'll be encouraging him to try to win that girl back."

"Every step of the way," Missy confirmed. "It's why I offered to fly from Texas to come collect you."

Mary decided they had better get going before things blew up. "You two can argue in the car."

Sheldon opened the front door as Missy picked up their grandmother's suitcase. "Can you manage that?"

"If I can't, I'll hurl it down the elevator shaft," Missy said with a smile.

Sheldon gave his grandmother a stiff smile and politely said, "Thank you for taking care of me."

"So no hug?"

"No hug," Sheldon confirmed and he turned to face his mother and sister. "Have a safe trip home."

Mary hugged Sheldon again. "Now don't get fretting about things. Everything will turn out as God intended."

"Mom!" Sheldon protested.

"I know what you think about God, and I know what I believe," Mary said, cupping Sheldon's face. "And I believe God meant for you to be with Penny. Heck, I've prayed hard enough for it."

Sheldon unbent a little. "Mom?"

"Yes, Shelly bean?"

"Pray a little more for me?"

Missy took a step backwards from Sheldon, halting midway in the hug she had been about to give him. "Are you sure you're my brother, Sheldon Cooper, and not some alien pod replacement?"

Mary had obviously heard this plenty of times before, as she simply gave her daughter a fond smile and said, "I can still remember you asking me and your Daddy if Shelly was an alien like Superman, and, if he was, could we give him back. You sure were disappointed when we told you that he was here to stay."

"I wish I was Superman," Sheldon said in a bitter voice. "Then perhaps Penny might like me again."

"Oh, sugar," Missy said, hugging her brother. "She's just upset right now but Penny likes you exactly the way you are. It's weird I know but there you go. Perhaps she's as crazy as you are."

"He's not crazy," Mary reminded her daughter.

"She had me tested," Sheldon added.

"If you need anything, just call," Missy offered, not about to get into that discussion.

Sheldon slipped his hand into his back pocket and pulled out a check. "This is to pay for the airfare."

"Shelly…"

"No, you came because I asked," Sheldon said. "And I know you can't really afford it."

"Then that's sweet," Missy said and leant forward and kissed Sheldon on the cheek. "You really have changed. You'd normally have shied away from letting me kiss you."

"I'm still going to go wash my face as soon as you've gone."

"You'd have been running to wash it straightaway before Penny came into your life," Missy said, giving Sheldon one last hug. "Take care."

After hugging his mother again, Sheldon waved everyone off, closed the door and then hurried off towards the bathroom.

Later that night, asleep in Penny's former room, Sheldon shot up in bed. He could hear banging at his door. Frightened, he picked up the baseball bat that Penny had somehow forgotten and made his way up the corridor and into the living room.

Walking over to the door he asked shakily, "Who is it?"

"It's me," a gruff voice came back.

"Who's me?"

"Sheldon Cooper, just answer the door or I'm going home."

Sheldon quickly unlatched the bolts and opened the door. "Why are you here?"

"Because you asked for my help."

"But you said you'd rather run naked through the Cheesecake Factory than help me."

The small hooded figure slipped by him and shut the door, before dropping the hood. "That was before Penny threw up in my plant pot and all over my sofa."

"I'm not certain what the correct protocol for dealing with a visit this late at night is," Sheldon said as he turned on the lights in the kitchen. "Do you want some tea?"

"Sheldon, we're supposed to be here to sort Penny out for you, not to have a social visit," Bernadette hissed at him, before smiling and saying, "But I think some tea would be nice."

After Sheldon had made it, Bernadette got straight down to business. "So why do you want Penny back?"

Sheldon had what he thought was the perfect answer. "Because she makes oatmeal without lumps in it."

"I don't think that argument is going to exactly win Penny over, especially after you went out with that girl."

"I didn't know I was doing anything wrong," Sheldon said in defense of his actions. "I was just trying to help Amy."

"Do you have feelings for her?"

"Of course not," Sheldon said dismissively. "She simply needed someone to help her fulfill a promise to her mother. I did it in return for a case of Yoo-hoo, although I know now that that was the wrong thing to do."

"And that's the understatement of the century."

"Actually, I think that the understatement of the century was made by…"

"Does it have anything to do with Penny?" Bernadette interrupted, a scowl on her face.

"No."

"Then I don't need to hear it. My time's limited and I'm already risking my friendship to do this for you."

"I thought you were doing it to save your plants and sofa."

"Well, there is that as well," Bernadette admitted. "But if Penny were ever to find out she'd probably never speak to me again."

"At least she wouldn't want to cast you into the Deepest Pit of Rehoth."

"It was the Darkest, Deepest Pit of Rehoth," Bernadette corrected. "Raj didn't get it quite right."

"Where are they tonight?"

"Penny's sleeping off yet another drunken binge, and Raj cried himself to sleep after watching Bridget Jones," Bernadette said, before looking Sheldon squarely in the eye. "But enough about Raj, this is about you. First of all, I need to know if you have feelings for Penny and not just for her oatmeal."

"Yes, of course I do. I like her very much."

"You don't love her?"

"I don't believe in love. It's nothing more than a chemical reaction…"

"Now hold it right there, Sheldon Cooper," Bernadette said, her hand flying up in front of Sheldon's face. "I don't want you to listen to your head. I want you to listen to your heart."

"Should I fetch my stethoscope?"

"I didn't mean literally. I meant think about how Penny makes you feel."

And so Sheldon sat and thought before saying, "I don't know."

"Let's do this differently," Bernadette said after taking an appreciative sip of her perfectly made tea. "You've already said you miss her cereal. So what else do you miss about her?"

"She stacks my pajamas into neat piles."

"This is going to be a long night if we talk about laundry," Bernadette said, before putting down her cup. "Sheldon, I'm going to try it another way. If I told you that you would never, ever be able to see Penny again how would that make you feel?"

"Bad," Sheldon said softly. "As if someone told me I'd never win a Nobel Prize despite my being a genius. And that would be bad, really, really, really bad. End of the world bad. Perhaps even end of the universe bad."

"I get it, Sheldon, it would be bad. Now tell me, did Penny dumping you hurt worse than your failed expedition?"

"It wasn't a failure, it was sabotage," Sheldon bit out.

"Just answer the question!" Bernadette shrilled.

Sheldon shrank back. "I told Amy you were scary."

"And I'll get scarier if you don't answer the question," Bernadette threatened.

"Yes, much worse," Sheldon said hurriedly, touching his stomach. "It hurt right here."

"Don't you mean here?" Bernadette touched his chest where his heart lay.

"No, I know where I mean," Sheldon said, touching his stomach again. "I've had constipation and cramps ever since she dumped me."

"That's good."

"Not from my viewpoint it isn't."

"It tells me that you're truly upset over Penny being gone and because of that…"

"And your sofa."

"And my sofa," Bernadette confirmed, "I'll help you in any way I can, and so this is what we're going to do…"