A/N: I lied! THIS is the long chapter. Some serious shiz is about to go down. Are you prepared?

Story Start:

People say that when you're on the verge of death, your life flashes before your eyes. They say that there's a bright light and for a fraction of a second you suddenly remember every significant and unsignificant event of your long or short life. Then that fraction of a second ends and you die, either floating into heavenly light or plunging into the firey pits of Hell.

Personally, I've always thought such a belief was nonsense. You can't remember that much that quickly. And there's no firey pits below the surface of the Earth, unless you count the molten lava core of the planet. As for heaven...well, I've just never really been a big fan. It's over-rated. You have to follow too many rules to get into that V.I.P. club and too much blood has been spilt over the issue. It's nice though, to believe that there's something after death. If you don't believe in anything then the end is just a looming nothing. You can't imagine ceasing to exist, no matter how hard you try. And when you know that your end is near, you don't even want to try and imagine it.

So, as I sat in the woods, I read through the words over and over again, trying not the think about the obliteration of my consciousness. Every memory, unspoken word, unvoiced idea - everything I'd ever kept bottled up - would die with me. And I'd bottled a lot up in my years.

The paper was crinkled around the edges, and smudged with oil from the many, many times I'd already run my fingers over the words. The graphite of the pencil smeared over the last line, and there was a tear in the left corner. But no matter how many times I took it out to read it, the words didn't change.

I couldn't hear them of course, but I knew that inside the house everyone was talking. Even the Volturi were in there, and the pack. I couldn't imagine the tension in the room, and I didn't want to. I'd had enough of it. I'd had enough of everything.

Alice had walked out of the room as soon as I'd finished reading the page, to sit in her quiet place and just think. She was stressed, even if her flawless appearance couldn't show it. She had been keeping an eye out on the Volturi, and she regularly monitored Chris. She hadn't seen anything. She still couldn't see anything that would lead to...

My hands shook as I once again unfolded the paper from the square I'd pressed it into. I looked down, and quickly looked away, wondering why I was torturing myself. I knew this wasn't healthy. But I couldn't stay in the room with them all staring at me like they were. I'd needed to get out.

I hadn't been able to go far of course, and I doubted very much that I'd be escaping their gazes now that I was definitely doomed. I could feel Edward slowly circling the edges of my mind, always looking for signs of danger. I knew Seth was patrolling the woods around the house, and he could probably sense how completely terrified I was.

I'd always acted so tough. So brave. So accepting of the future. But it was all a lie. I was just a kid. Just a stupid girl who thought she could handle it all but she couldn't. Now the future - one I hadn't been preparing for - was staring me down the nose.

My eyes slowly moved back down towards the paper, to re-read the words I'd memorized hours ago.

"Hello?"

"Hi Riddely. Long time no see."

"...Chris..."

"Glad to see you still recognize me."

"Of course I do. How could I not?"

"I didn't think you'd come."

"You don't know me very well."

"He'll be upset with you."

"He'll be safe though. That's all that matters. They'll all be safe."

"You're so noble Riddely. It's an honorable trait but...it's going to get you killed. You know what I always loved about you Riddely?"

"You never loved me. We hated each other Chris. We still hate each other. Now you're just required to..."

"Desire you?"

"Nice word choice."

"Thanks. But back to the point. I've always loved your spunk. You were the only one who ever challenged me. I think that's why the wolf in me chose you for a mate. I mean, there have been others, but you were the first Riddely. You were the one that got away. And I do hate losing."

"Well then what are you waiting for Chris?"

"Just thought I'd give you the opportunity to fight. Scream. Run. Whatever it is girls are supposed to do at this point."

"Chris...you can fight this. You can beat this."

"I don't want to. This is the strongest I've ever been. This is what it's like the be at the top. This is how you really live. You should've let me save you Riddely. We would've been unstoppable, you know."

"Sorry."

"It's fine."

"I'm ready."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah Chris. Just kill me already."

I raised a fist to my mouth and bit down on my knuckles, trying to muffle the sobs I knew were trying to escape. I folded the paper carefully again, creasing the edges as hard as I could. I laid down on my side and curled into myself, remembering just the night before, when I'd laid like this on the beach. There was a rustling in the bushes ahead of me and a large wolf nose poked through.

"Hi Seth. I'm fine." I said, struggling to control my breathing. He sniffed loudly and disappeared again. That's what I'd always loved about Seth. He didn't push you to talk or do what he wanted. He just let you be and loved you no matter what.

I loved all of them. Every single one. Except for Jane. Demitri still creeped me out. Felix had a sort of...deadly, sarcastic humor. I'd miss that. And Alec...

I struggled to pull air into my lungs.

There was so much I'd never get to learn about him. There was so much swirling around inside my heart that I'd never get to explore. It wasn't love. I wasn't sure what it was but it wasn't love yet. It was...attraction. There had always been something so dangerously magnetic about him. It drew me in. I'd fought it for so many long months. Why did I fight it? I thought. I couldn't come up with an answer.

I couldn't even bare to think of my family. It hurt too damn bad. It wasn't fair. They had all worked so hard to protect me. To help me do what was right and it was all for nothing. It was all a wasted effort because I was going to do something stupid and sacrifice myself. Why? Why was I going to? I couldn't think of any possible explanation. I couldn't imagine myself just...giving up. But it was like Alec said. The concrete had formed. There was no changing things now. I knew that was what they were arguing about inside. They were trying to figure out what to do but they would just talk in circles.

We were all lost. Werewolves were a threat we hadn't faced.

Suddenly there was another person sitting beside me. I didn't have to look to see who it was. It disturbed me to find that I recognized that smell. Like rosemary and firewood. And something distinctly dark...like moonlight through leaves.

"I'm surprised they're letting you talk to me. After all the drama at the beach." I muttered, sitting up and crossing my legs. I was done crying. There was no point in it anyways.

"I think they're trying to be careful with you. Give you what you want. Things like that."

"So now you're what I want?" I asked, before realizing how terribly...uncomfortable I was with the question. How would he know the answer? I didn't even know the answer. I hadn't even really realized what I'd asked until it was out of my mouth. It was one of those extremely awkward moments when you realize the filter between your brain and your mouth has completely abandoned you. I somehow always found myself tripping over words and feet when I was around Alec. It was completely humiliating.

There was a prolonged silence. I wasn't sure if he was doing it just to make me queasy or if he was as stunned as I was. I didn't risk looking at him. I kept my eyes to the ground, watching an ant crawl over a small lump of dirt rising from the forest floor.

"I don't think that's a question for me to answer." He finally responded, his voice quiet. We both knew that Edward was listening to the entire conversation. But I didn't care about that anymore. It was my life. I didn't have much of it left either. What was the point in being afraid or ashamed or any of it? For all I knew I'd be coming face to face with Chris within the hour.

"I don't think I know the answer yet either." I sighed, my gut twisting. "You don't hate me anymore." I said.

"No." He agreed.

"Your sister still does."

"Yes."

"What does she think of your...change of heart?" I asked. I wasn't sure if this was a dream or reality. Was I really daring to ask Alec these questions so openly?

"She shares similar feelings with your...family." There was still an edge to his voice. There would always be bad blood between them though. It would never go away. If anything, they'd simply have to learn to ignore it, or accept it, and move forward. Everyone was just so...stuck.

"I've been thinking, about dying. And I was wondering if you thought there was a Heaven or Hell?" I laid back on the ground, my arms folded behind my head. I was on the edge of the woods, the sky stretching out above me, bordered along the bottom by the beginning of treetops. Their branches stretched, trying to consume the sky. They would not succeed. The sky was too big and too complex for them to understand, let alone conquer.

"I used to. Then I didn't. Then I just didn't think of it at all. Now...I don't know." My heart swelled. He'd never been this open with me. Ever. I wasn't sure he'd ever been this open with anyone. Was this really Alec? Was it really him letting down his walls?

I looked over at him, and he stared back at me. We didn't say anything. We didn't need or want to. I just stared and watched as a thousand, million, emotions churned in those irises that had regained their golden brown hue. I couldn't name half of the emotions I saw there, but I understood them. I felt them. And my mind reeled when I realized that he was letting me see him. The real him. Not Alec of the Volturi. Just Alec.

Just the other night he'd managed to let a small amount of information slip through the fortress he'd built around himself but this...it was unexpected. Unexplainable. Partially unrealistic but it was happening. I wanted to dance while at the same time I never again wanted to move from the spot. I wondered if this was a once in a life-time opportunity, or if he was planning on letting me in all the time. I couldn't imagine him doing that though.

Maybe it's just pity. I thought. Maybe he just feels bad about the fact that you're going to die, so he'd letting you see him. Just this once.

"Are you only doing this because I'm going to die?" I asked bluntly. But why not be blunt? I didn't have time for dancing around questions anymore.

"No." He said.

"Are you lying?"

"No." His voice was so sincere, and his mind so open to me that I didn't doubt it. I trusted him so inexplicably that it scared me. I suddenly realized why Alec was so closed. So introverted. It was frightening to be otherwise. I felt self-conscious and nervous and I couldn't stop wondering about what he was seeing in my own eyes. If he would like it. If he would hate it. If he'd be indifferent or disgusted. It was exhilirating and terrifying at the same time. It was falling and flying. Melting and freezing over with a fear you can't explain but just accept. I couldn't remember ever feeling so completely human. So alive.

I'd never been so connected with anyone either. I began to wonder if I was simply imagining everything I saw in those two tiny irises. How could such emotion be felt through them? I couldn't believe it. It was unnatural. Supernatural. Paranormal. But then those words described my entire life didn't they? I knew I probably shouldn't have been able to feel and know the things that I did, but that didn't change anything.

I didn't say anything else, scared to push him too far. This stare was open and yet so fragile. So breakable. I could ruin everything with one wrong word. He would close up again, I just knew it. Because being like this, so human and so honest, this was what scared Alec. He didn't know how to deal with it. He didn't know what to say. He was so...naive and yet that word was not one I would ever use to describe him. He'd just...forgotten what it was like to have someone else know what you felt. It was as foreign to him as this openess was for me.

I closed my eyes. It was the hardest thing I'd ever done but I was having trouble breathing. I could feel him in my head and my skin and everywhere. He consumed everything and I couldn't handle it. It was so much so quickly. But I wouldn't have changed it. It was nice to be overwhelmed. I opened my eyes to find his still transfixed on my face. His eyes still open doors into a soul as troubled as Jaspers. Maybe even more so. He was so broken. I wanted to just...fix him. Make him better.

I sat up. His smell over-powered my nostrils. My head bgean to spin and swim and skydive but I didn't look away. I didn't move. He was so close. If I wanted to I could reach out and touch that strand of hair that was falling into his eyes. I could delicately stroke the palm of the hand he'd offered me the night before. I could feel just how cold his skin was. How flawless. How..."Beautiful." I whispered, and I knew by the comfortable heat over my face that I should've been embarassed. A part of me was. But the larger part of me told me I had to stop hiding. I had to stop being afraid because I'd only regret it. And I was living without regrets wasn't I?

"What?" He asked, I barely registered his lips moving. I was so focused on his eyes, flickering so quickly over my face I could barely see them moving.

"You're...beautiful. Not in a bad way. You just...don't look as rough as the others. You look almost...human sometimes." I said. before remembering that that was definitely not something you're supposed to say out loud, no matter how outgoing or honest you are. I wanted to look down, hide the shameful red coloring in my cheeks but I just...couldn't.

"Someone's coming." He said, but I knew he wasn't changing the subjct or trying to avoid what I'd said. He was just warning us both that we'd have to end this in a moment. We'd have to break gazes until we were alone again because if anyone else saw us like this...they'd be worried. Offended even. Angry. Scared. They wouldn't understand. I didn't even understand what had just happened. What I'd just said or what he had. Everything swirled together in my mind in one giant, fuzzy, warm memory. Blurry but cherished all the same.

I couldn't remember ever having hidden any feeling. Having denied anything. Well, maybe a tiny bit but nothing that would've made me say the things I did. It was like whatever vague, unidentified attraction I'd had towards him had simply exploded into so much more the moment he'd let me in. And even when he shut me out again I knew it'd still be there, simmering and boiling and growing. My chest felt warm and freezing at the same time.

"Shifter." He said, blinking. I couldn't quite remember if he'd blinked at all during our staring contest.

"Embry." I breathed, tensing. For a moment, it almost looked like Alec wanted to reach out and touch me. Not in a rough way or maybe not even in a romantic way. Just a casual, comforting way. Like a friend. Just to show that he was there. But he wasn't quite ready for that yet. For the almost subconscious contact with another. His hand clenched into a fist at his side and he looked away, his guards already snapping into place. His eyes already hardening over.

I didn't mind. I knew it wasn't what he really wanted to do.

I looked towards the house, and saw the spot of tanned skin beginning to grow larger as Embry approached. He was stiff. He wasn't shaking though.

"I never meant to hurt anyone, you know." I whispered, looking back at Alec. He rose, standing to his full height. It wasn't very tall to most, but even when I was standing he managed to tower at least two inches above me.

"I believe you." He said. And he smiled. I'd only seen him really smile once before, and it had been quick. This time though, he didn't immediately pull his mask back on. It lasted long enough for me to blink. Maybe two seconds. Maybe less. It didn't matter. He let me see it, his teeth so perfectly white and straight. I'd never seen a weapon look so perfect. I didn't catch my breath in time to smile back. My heart pounded in my chest, causing a dull ache to spread. But nothing had ever hurt so good.

"Riddley." Embry's voice carried on the wind to us, I didn't look away from Alec for a second, even as he began to disappear into the trees, probably just to give me some idea of privacy. I knew him well enough to know he wouldn't be out of hearing distance. He was too nosy. He didn't have to manners to actually leave.

As the black of Alec's jacket finally was swallowed by greenery I looked over my shoulder, watching Embry close the few feet left between us and stop right above me. He towered even taller than Alec, and I tilted my head back, struggling to see him.

"You shouldn't be out here by yourself you know." He muttered, sliding to the ground beside me. Even then we weren't eye level. He was so tall. So tall it was dizzying. A memory flooded back to me.

We'd been on a beach. We were young. Well, I was young. Embry was the same as he was now. He'd been the same for as long as I could remember. We'd been walking along and I'd shrieked as the waves washed up against the rocks and splashed on my legs. Embry had picked me up and placed me on his shoulders, out of the way of the water. I had never been so high before, and I looked at the world like it was a new a place. I saw it from a different height and everything was brighter and more colorful but smaller at the same time. I'd thought it would be wonderful to see things that way all the time.

"Remember when I was younger, and you put me on your shoulders while we were on the beach?" I asked, smiling to myself, my eyes having moved back to the place where Alec had disappeared.

"Which time?" He asked and I thought, for a second, he'd even chuckled, but it was over so quickly I couldn't be sure.

"Good question." I whispered, setting my chin on my knees and sighing. "It's so beautiful out here. I've never really stopped to look. It's all so green and...alive."

"Well, from now on you can make sure to notice it." He said.

"I wonder how much longer I have."

"You're not going to die." He snapped, reaching over and grabbing my arm. He jerked it so I turned to face him. His face was so sad, and so adamant at the same time.

"Please don't do that. I'm trying to accept things. You're not making it easier. I'm tired of everyone lying to me all the time." I said, slowly pulling my arm away and turning once again to stare at the forest. My stomach ached like I'd been punched. I was starting to miss Alec's bluntness already. It was so uncomplicated around him. Yet it was so immensely complex at the same time.

"You can't just give up."

"I can't change anything." I said, shrugging. "Alec said my power is different than Alice's because my dialogues always happen. The future is like concrete. Alice see's things when its been freshly poured. I write them once they've hardened. It's perfectly infuriating." I laughed, closing my eyes. I was still buzzing. Everything around me still glowed. Could Alec's powers make you sense things differently? Could he make you see the world differently, the same way he could blind you?

"Who says the leech knows anything?" Embry growled, and I heard him stand, pacing in front of me.

"Name-calling isn't nice."

"It's what he is!" Embry shouted. "Or have you completely forgotten how he used to live? How he's going to live as soon as your turned? He feeds off humans Riddley. As in, kills innocent people! Can you forgive that?"

"I'm not forgiving anything." I sighed again, opening my eyes. Embry was the picture of power. He stood, chest heaving with the anger I knew was inside him, hands clenched so that the muscles and the tendons stood out on his arms. His jaw clenched. He looked more like Paul than I'd ever seen. "I just...people change. It's part of life."

"He had hundreds of years to do it. Why now?" He asked, before he stopped moving and stared at me. And it wasn't one of those meaningless, empty stares. The stare burned me because it was deep-fried in complete and utter understanding. It was like he'd been trying to figure something out in his head and he'd finally - finally! - managed to work out the puzzle. I don't think he liked what the image turned out to be though.

"He's not the only one who's changed Embry." I said, looking away and trying to ignore the way his eyes made me squirm. I wasn't afraid of him. I wasn't even angry with him. I was just...guilty. I felt like I'd lead him on and then dropped him without warning. I guess, in a sense, it was true. But there had been warning. There had been the talk after I'd gotten back to Forks. There'd been the months I'd completely avoided LaPush. But still, finding out that Alec was no longer the object of my hatred was probably a shock. A shock that I wished I could have prepared him for, but have no idea how I would've. I was still in shock. I was still trying to come down off my high from our encounter only minutes before. But Embry couldn't understand how things had changed. He couldn't know about the talk in Tuck's kitchen or the long weeks spent just wondering and waiting for something. Even if neither of us was sure what we were waiting for - if we still weren't sure - Embry wouldn't understand the tension that had built and had yet to truly climax. He hadn't seen - as Edward had - the prolonged looks across the lunch table or the strange thoughts that came out of nowhere.

"It's you." Embry said, nodding to himself.

"I just...things changed. Life changed. Alec isn't...Alec isn't perfect. I know that. In fact he's probably one of the most messed up, twisted people I've ever met. He's selfish and rude. He's...corrupted and diseased with this awful hatred for things. He has a lot of problems. He's been evil for a very long time and there's always going to be a darkness in him. I can't change that. But I don't...I don't know if I want to. Not completely anyways. Of course I want him to be better but there's just..." I trailed off, trying to regather my thoughts. "I know you don't understand. I don't understand it either but I need to figure things out for myself. I know you don't like him. Actually, you hate each other. I don't expect anything different from you. Just don't hate me. I can't...control this. All I know is that he's...hurting and I just want to help him. I can't even explain it right. Listen to me, I sound like some idiot teenager." I laughed, shaking my head. "Hell, I am an idiot teenager. But I can't change how I feel, even if those feelings don't have a name. Do you understand at all? Am I making any sense?" I asked, looking up at him. His eyes were closed, his face relaxed in an almost peaceful way. Like he was sleeping.

"No." He said, and sat down beside me in his previous position. "But I don't need to understand it." He said, opening his eyes to look at me. "I watched you grow up. I watched you love with me and I guess I loved you too." He laughed, and it was a good sound. My heart squeezed in my chest. We'd never said that out loud to each other. We'd never ever dared to admit it. "But...it wasn't real love. It wasn't the love you wait years for or sacrifice for. It was just...normal love. Ugh. I don't think I'm making any sense either." He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"I understand." I said. "I'll always love you Embry, just not in the right way. Not in the way that makes me want to wait for you forever. That's be stupid." I laughed, shaking my head at the very idea of waiting forever for anyone. "I just...I miss you. I miss your jokes and your hugs and you were my friend long before I ever liked you. I fell in love with the idea of you but...honestly you're not my type." I blushed, looking down. He let out one of those barking laughs that made me jump only because he sounded so much like a wolf when he did it. My shoudlers quickly relaxed as he threw an arm around them.

"You're not my type either Riddley. You're actually pretty whiny and self-centered when you want to be."

I laughed.

"And you get jealous and protective too quickly. Not to mention the fact that you have absolutely no manners."

"I used to. I guess Paul is starting to rub off on me."

"Great." I smirked, shaking my head and groaning. "I'm tired of all this talking. I'm tired of being so confused and scared. I just want this to be over already." I said, only half-way meaning it. The image of Alec's eyes, burned into my brain and the feel of Embry's warm arm over my shoulder pushed the future far away. The threat seemed distant even though I could feel it in my heart. It was close. It was coming.

"We're going to figure this out Riddley. I promise."

"Okay." I said, but I think he was just as doubtful as I was. He was just better at hiding it.

"They're waiting for you inside. We have a lot to talk about. If you don't want to I can tell them-"

"It's fine." I said, standing. "I'm ready."