The AC/DC lyrics Cas quotes is from "You Shook Me All Night Long" and when he says "do you do more than dance?" That is from "Hot Blooded" by Foreigner.
At the side of a reservoir in Colorado Sam Winchester was standing beside a grave he had dug in the darkness. He leaned on the shovel, striking one match out of a book and sighed, listening to the sounds of the wildlife out there and the odd passing car who's drivers had no idea that he was there.
He thought about the day that Dean showed him how to shave and he felt terrible. He had taken that experience away from Dean because he was pathetic and young. He remembered the day that Bobby had taught Dean how to shave, the amount that he had bled. At first he and Bobby had laughed about it because no matter how many times he had sliced his face he was so determined to finish the job. Sam stood in the hallway, looking at them in the bathroom mirror, Bobby laughing gently at Dean and the determination on Dean's face. He didn't realise it then but Sam was witnessing the entire foundations of Dean, the core ideal of the elder Winchester that would stay even to that day - no matter what happens, you stick it out to the end. Never give up.
Bobby had been about to help Dean clean himself up when they heard the engine as the Impala pulled up. Sam watched Dean's face light up, he ran into the corridor, seeing Sam and calling to him that their Dad was home. Bobby had smiled as he walked out of the bathroom and put his right hand on Sam's right shoulder to walk down the stairs with him. Right away John rounded on Dean asking what had attacked him, when Dean had explained that Uncle Bobby had taught him how to shave John then rounded on Bobby saying he wasn't Dean's father then he turned on Dean himself about the hack job he had made. He shifted Dean's face to the side then the other and back a few times before he muttered something about only stopping by to pick up some ammunition and lamb's blood. He had ruffled Sam's hair as he walked into the garage.
Sam remembered Dean's face when he turned to watch his father walk away. No longer proud of his achievement, the now tell-tale pout, which was a relatively new thing then, settled on his face. He scrunched up the flannel in his hand and Bobby gruffly told Dean to come back inside and he'd clean him up. Bobby was mad at John but not surprised. Now, Sam used the lit match to light the others still in the book.
Young Sam sat in the room he and Dean slept in when they were at Uncle Booby's watching their father put supplies in the trunk and look up to Sam before he jumped in his car and drove away. Sam turned as he heard Bobby talking quietly to Dean.
"It's okay to show pain, boy." Dean didn't answer. "It's going to hurt and it doesn't make you any less of a man for admitting it." Still nothing. "It's not just the cuts that hurt, huh? Words too." Sam looked back to the road as the car disappeared out of sight.
"He didn't say anything." Dean whispered through a tight jaw.
"Yeah, I know. But sometimes the things people don't say can hurt just as much."
Adult Sam tossed the lit book into the grave and watched the wrapped up body burn, waiting for it to burn away before he would shovel the dirt over it.
.
Dean had text Sam that they had stopped at a motel, telling him where, and that Cas had woken up. He and Cas had gone to bed after that. Dean was tired and Cas was overcome with a melancholy that dulled him. He knew what it, what they had shared, had meant to him and he knew what it had meant to Dean - it was just unfortunate that those were different things. Dean was laying on his left side, the right side of his face touching that of Cas' who lay more on his back than his right side but still turned towards Dean. The last thing Dean had done before falling asleep was kiss the bite mark he had left on Cas' neck. Their legs entangled and Dean's right hand resting on Cas' left upper arm Dean was out for the count. Dean had been laying practically chest to chest with Cas but Cas had been slowly edging him off through the night.
Cas hadn't slept at all but he had wanted to stay the night - he had wanted to have at least the night. Dean lay snoring lightly beside him and Cas thought he might never enjoy anything else as much ever again. He had been aware of the light slowly creeping in the window but it still happened much too quickly for his liking. When he finally slipped from under Dean, the soft orange glow sat dimly in the room. He sat up and sighed - Dean woke up with the movement but he didn't react, didn't even open his eyes, thinking Cas was just going to the bathroom. He wasn't.
As was said Cas knew in the pit of his stomach that the night had meant different things to the both of them, that part of his stomach was now filled with bile. He stood and dressed, quickly but silently, looking at the dawn. When he was completely clothed he turned and looked down at Dean, sleeping in the same position. He leaned down, kissed his forehead and touched his cheek. Dean opened his right eye when Cas got to the door and opened it.
"Cas?" Dean slurred and it stopped Castiel in his tracks. "Where you goin'?" Cas didn't answer but turned to look. "Can you bring back coffee?" Cas smiled wearily and Dean took that as a yes. But it wasn't one. "You really are an angel." Dean laughed once and turned away from the light coming in the door with a groan.
"Just call me angel of the morning." Cas whispered to himself thinking that Dean couldn't hear him and left. Dean was too sleepy to take it in but he heard it alright. He just didn't realise he did.
.
Dean was woken with a bang. Well, four bangs actually.
"Dean!" Dean raised his head off the bed and looked to the door. "Dean, come on!" It was Sam and he banged on the door again. "I'm getting looks out here." Dean first noticed how empty the bed was.
Dean dragged himself up then realising that the room was just as empty and opened the door. "Sam?" Sam walked in but Dean walked out, in just his boxers he got looks too. He looked around at the complex. No, he couldn't see Cas.
"What are you doing?" Dean walked back in, closed the door and rubbed his face. "Where's Cas?" Sam walked to the bathroom and looked in before turning back to face Dean.
"I uh, I don't know." Dean thought about it. Yes, last night had definitely happened and he was glad. But where the hell was Cas? He looked to his watch. "He went for coffee, I think."
"Did he say what he saw when he was out of it?" Sam went to sit on Dean's bed and Dean smirked. Sam looked to it. "What?"
Dean shook his head but he couldn't shake his smirk. "Nothing."
"I don't even want to know." Sam sighed and walked to the chair to the right of the table. "So did he?"
"No and I didn't ask." Dean didn't want to know. He did, of course he did but he knew what'd he'd get as an answer. And it wasn't him. It was dawning on Dean what had happened - Cas had gone and not for coffee.
Sam didn't ask why, he knew why - Dean was a firm believer in stuff being other people's business unless it was of the monster kind. Or Sam's.
Sam tapped the table and sighed. "How long ago did he go for coffee?" Sam looked to his watch.
Dean sat on the bed that didn't look like it had been slept in, because it hadn't. "I don't think he's coming back." He lay back on the bed remembering more of when he had woken up and just how the dawn light had hit his eyes. "He left six hours ago."
.
Cas was in a diner in Colorado, he had took a midnight train going anywhere. Not really, he had hoped a dawn train going back to Fruita to get his car and his clothes. He didn't like the shirt or the pants and he certainly didn't want to steal another car but he wasn't even sure if his car would be there. And it wasn't. So Cas sat across the street from the station in Fruita waiting. When he saw Alec Scudder, the officer Dean had told him had helped them out, he dumped money on the table, threw a thanks in the waitress's direction before pulling the door open and running to the man's car. He slammed into the back left side as he tried to stop it before it went anywhere. The noise seemed to echo in his head.
Alec leaned out of his window, cigarette in his mouth unlit, as Cas approached it. "Alec."
"Agent Morgan, you can't be here, man!" He looked back to the doors of the station taking his cigarette out of his mouth with his right hand.
"I know, I know. I left my car in the parking lot of the warehouse, what did you do with it?"
"I moved it to a back alley a few blocks from here, the situation was barely explainable as it was but the hot-wired car sitting there would have blew it." Cas sighed relieved. "I can't promise it's still there. What are you doing driving a hot-wired car anyway?" Cas opened his mouth, with no words to say but Alec put his hand up. "No, don't want to know. Get in and I'll drop you off."
.
"Why did he leave if not for coffee?"
"I don't know." But Dean did know. He knew all to well - everyone leaves. When it looked like Sam was going to press the matter Dean switched focus. "Why are you here, Sam?"
Sam sighed. "I was thinking." He paused waiting for one of Dean's usual quips when he was pissed off, like 'well, don't hurt yourself'. But nothing came. Dean just sat rubbing his face. Deflated. Uh-oh. "I uh, I have to admit something to you."
Dean looked up. "Okay."
"Uh, I... need... you." Dean froze mid-way through standing. "I do. I started thinking about when we were kids," Sam was talking with his hands and eyebrows, as he does, but Dean just watched... blinking, "and when you taught me to shave. I learned how before you taught me." Dean finally reached for his jeans and put them on.
"What?" Dean spoke, more focused on who was missing, and started to do up his pants.
"I saw how Dad reacted when Bobby taught you," Dean pouted a little and tightened his jaw, "and I saw how much that hurt you - that he didn't tell you he was proud of you. Bobby said to me that you'd get better at it and then, when the time came, you'd teach me. And I just kept thinking that I couldn't deal with you not being proud of me. I couldn't handle it if you just left me to clean up myself alone. So, I watched you."
"You watched me?" Dean thought back to shaving in the mirror as Sam stood brushing his teeth. "In the mornings?" Sam nodded. "I don't understand?"
"I watched what you did and when it came round to it I already knew how to shave. I didn't realise that by trying to make you proud of me I was taking that experience away from you and making you feel unneeded. And it occurred to me that while I'm trying to get space and keep us together I might be doing the exact opposite."
Dean thought for a second. About what Cas had said to him about lying and hiding things. He sat back up."So... You need me?" He looked to Sam who nodded. "That's all well and good Sam but I need you to need me and you won't do that if you want to rip my throat out so, while I get what you are saying and everything I need you to go off on one and disappear for a few days every once and a while."
"You do?" Sam felt like he had stepped into another dimension. And what was that smell? It was like sweat.
"Yeah, as much as I hate it at the time and it damn scares me when I don't know what's going on or if you're safe you are not a kid." Sam raised his eyebrows. "You have to understand you will always be my kid brother but older brother's are supposed to be overbearing and controlling and kid brother's are suppose to be whiny, nosey smart-asses." Sam scoffed. "You know what I mean. I'm supposed to do your head in and you're supposed to annoy the hell out of me."
Sam looked out of the window. "So we good?"
"Course... Bitch." Dean lay back on the bed staring at the ceiling.
"Jerk." Sam looked down at his hands.
And then it was silent again.
Dean went for a shower and Sam went to get some food. And make a phone call but he didn't tell Dean that.
.
Alec dropped Cas off a few blocks from the station, which was actually a few more than a few. Cas mused that perhaps police officers think distances are smaller than they are because they drive everywhere. His car was still there and his clothes were still inside. Cas sighed relieved and grabbed them before ducking into a pub. He was leaving the restroom and pulling on his leather jacket when his phone rang. He bundled his other clothes in one hand while he took the phone out to answer.
"Yes?" Cas used his back to open the door to the pub and crossed the street to his car.
"Cas, it's Sam."
Cas silently cursed himself for having answered and then, throwing his clothes into the passenger seat of his car, wondered why it hadn't been Dean. "Hello Sam."
Did he know? Had Dean told him or had he figured it out? Or was he blissfully unaware?
"Where are you?"
"Um, just... you know," Cas opened his door and threw himself in the seat, "around." He scrunched up his nose at how stupid he sounded.
"Okay, now I do want to know what's going on. You keep disappearing and each time Dean looks like you've took away his favourite toy."
"What?" What did that even mean? "Has someone stolen his car? It wasn't me." He shut his car door.
"No Cas, sad, he looks sad." Cas exhaled a little, just as Sam does when he realises something. "So, please come back man. I don't like him like this. He goes about as normal but I can just tell."
"How can you tell?" Cas hoped that Sam might have got it wrong, maybe he was just tired or maybe he had really wanted that coffee.
"He just isn't the same, I haven't been back with him long and even I can tell. Did something happen? Did you two fight?"
Cas paused. That was really two different questions that needed two different answers. "We didn't fight."
"But something happened?" Cas didn't speak. "Listen, we're heading back to the bunker, the last time you disappeared you ended up on the bad end of a djinn and shifter." Sam huffed, clearly still feeling guilty about that.
"You're there now-"
"Cas, just... just think about it." And he hung up.
Cas looked down at his phone and jiggled it in his hand. What could he do? His head was pounding and Cas felt like Hell - he didn't know why but this feeling had been creeping up on him for days. A feeling of being clogged and heavy physically and his nose wouldn't stop leaking. He grabbed his FBI shirt and wiped his nose with it before tossing it back on the seat and pulling out of the street.
.
Sam and Dean got in the Impala just after noon and began to drive.
Sam looked at his watch. "So we can be back at the bunker at five?"
Dean didn't look away. "I need to eat."
Sam looked at him for a second before turning away ready to let it all go before he turned back. "You know, it took a lot for me to admit that I needed you," Dean glanced over and tightened his hand on the wheel, "the least you could do is tell me what the hell is going on with you and Cas?"
Dean inhaled. "Nothing is going on."
Sam tutted an exhale and turned away as they pulled into a diner, literally 30 seconds from the motel. "Yeah, right." Dean turned the engine off, shot Sam a look and got out. Sam followed him. "I know something is going on, Cas keeps disappearing and you look like someone kicked a puppy."
Dean walked to a booth and sat down, Sam did the same looking at him waiting for an answer while stuffing his bag onto the seat next to him. "Sam, just stop okay?"
"But Dean-"
"Do you know what," he leaned in to whisper, "you weren't there, you were off getting your space. You're the one that doesn't want us to be in every single crack of the other's lives, you get your secrets and space so give me mine and shut your cake hole." He gave Sam a glare.
Sam gave up, he wasn't going to get anything out of him then, if ever. He sat back and looked to his menu. "Just trying to be there for you."
"Well, don't." Dean pouted tellingly at his menu.
"Fine, I won't say anything." Sam took his laptop out of his bag and opened it.
"Good." Dean looked to the specials board and mouthed them to himself.
"Just call me Teller." Sam muttered, more to himself.
Dean froze as that morning flashed into his head. He had woken up to Cas leaving, going for coffee Dean assumed and Cas didn't correct him. Just call me angel of the morning. Dean scrunched up his brow. Strange thing to say. He searched his brain and even after they ordered he couldn't think of a single song from his collection that had that line.
Dean was too busy to see the eyebrow he got when he ordered pancakes.
He looked to Sam moodily looking through God knows what on his computer. He looked up when he sensed Dean staring at him. "What?"
Should he tell him or would he figure out what had happened from it? No, don't tell him.
"Can I use your, uh, computer?" Dean tried to act casual.
Sam knew something was going on but he turned the laptop around enough so that he could see. Dean was having none of that and Sam sat back with a loud sigh when Dean turned it all the way around.
Dean sat with his fingers hovering over the keyboard. What would he even search? He wouldn't get anything, he supposed it was just something that Cas said that didn't quite gel with what he had meant. Like assbutt. Dean finally typed 'call me angel of the morning' into the search bar and then screwed up his face. What the hell?
"You know maybe I could help." Dean looked up at Sam. "Maybe." He threw his hands open and shrugged.
Dean considered it. Fine, he won't know what happened. "Cas said something when he left, I don't understand it. But I was half asleep." Sam sat forward listening. "He said 'just call me angel of the morning'." He turned the computer around. "Apparently it's a song or something." He shrugged trying to make it seem less important than it was.
Sam looked to the screen reading and then remembering. "Amelia liked this song, yeah, it's about a woman who was in love with a guy and wanted to be with him but she knew he didn't feel the same so she settled for a one night stand." Sam's face contorted into confusion. "Why would Cas say that?" He looked up from the screen.
Dean could have pistol-whipped his own face. Shit. He watched Sam's face suddenly understand. Dean closed his eyes when he realised what everything meant. Now, it wasn't that Sam knew what had happened that made Dean want to kick own ass. No. It was that he had let Cas walk out that morning, it was that he had let him do what he had done, it was that he had kept kissing him, it was that he hadn't stopped them and talked about it. It was that he was a giant dick. "Dammit." He whispered.
"Dean, did you and-"
"I'll be right back." Dean shuffled out of the booth and headed for the door. Sam, thinking that Dean was taking off, threw his laptop in his open bag, hastily handed the woman money for the food explaining that they had to run and followed Dean outside. "Dammit." Dean walked to the driver side door, opened it and then slammed it closed again. "This is your fault." He pointed to the sky and Sam just watched him a little worried before smiling reassuringly at the people watching them.
"Dean, stop. Look, we can fix this."
Dean stopped and looked to his brother then walked back to his door. "I am not talking about this with you." He pointed to the other side over the roof. "Get in."
Sam opened his mouth to speak but Dean's door slammed and he sighed. He looked to the side. Kind of puts that whole 'profound bond' in perspective. He let the bag fall off his shoulder before opening his side and jumping in. Dean pulled away almost instantly and Sam just sat unsure of what to do or say.
.
Cas was driving when he passed it. He looked back, glancing to the road a few times before he decided to go for it. He pulled into a nearby side street and got out. He still had more than a sufficient amount of money left over from the bar fight and he went through the list of bands in his head, trying to choose his favourites as he walked into the second hand music store. He walked up to the desk.
"Can I help you, sir?"
Cas looked around briefly then back to the man. "Yes, my car has a CD player." The guy nodded. "And I'm looking for a few to listen to while I drive home." He smiled a little to himself. Home.
"We can certainly help you with that." The guy walked around the desk to meet Cas. "Do you know what kind of artists you like?"
"Let's start with AC/DC." The guy nodded and walked away to the other end of the store so Cas followed him.
.
Dean had actually stopped at a diner half an hour after leaving the other one. Sam didn't say anything, they just ate in silence and set off again and now they were an hour or two into driving. It was quiet in the Impala. Very quiet. Too quiet. Sam shuffled a few times in his seat as the engine roared along the I-70 west, nothing but the sound of the car and the wind. Sam opened his mouth to talk and then decided not to. Then he did it again.
Just as he was about to actually voice it this time Dean leaned and switched the music on. When Foreigner blasted out he sighed and wanted to scream. When would he catch a break? But it was Sam who stretched out his left arm out and turned it off, Dean looked to him angry but secretly relieved.
"Just one question." Sam swallowed and looked down. He steeled himself and turned to Dean. "What the hell?"
"Sam-" Dean warned. Not his brother, not this. No way in Hell.
"Dean for God's sake! Just talk to me, talk to me about this!"
"What do you want me to say Sam? Do you want me to list all the dirty details?"
"No!" Sam squirmed and looked away.
"You sure, Sam? You want me to talk to you, want to know what's been going on? Well, this is it, kid. Cas and me, we-"
The words stuck in his throat. Just how was he going to end that sentence? We argued? We kissed? Actually, he suc-
"I don't mean talk to me about that, I didn't want to hear it when you were sleeping with every random girl in sight and I don't want to hear about it when it's someone I actually know." He tried to find more words but had to take a break there to stop his brain conjuring up images. "I just mean, that song isn't about someone who kind of likes someone, that's about being in love."
"Oh yeah, right." Dean scoffed.
"It is!" Sam pulled his laptop from his bag at his feet and opened it up. The screen went from black back to the webpage - he had no internet connection but it still showed what was already loaded. He looked ahead at an exit. "Pull off."
"What? I'm not pulling-"
"Pull off here Dean, it'll take two minutes." Sam raised his eyebrows with a serious face and Dean sighed. There was no arguing with him when he was like that. Dean pulled off into a gas 'n' sip and sat back as Sam connected to the place's free internet spot. "Listen to the words."
"Oh come on." Dean reached to turn the engine back on.
"Dean." Sam put his hand out to grab Dean's. "Just humor me. It obvious meant enough to Cas for it to be his parting words."
Dean sat back, rubbing his face and giving in.
.
Just call me angel of the morning, angel. Just touch my cheek before you leave me, oh, baby. Just call me angel of the morning, angel. Then slowly turn away
I won't beg you to stay with me...