Sorry that this chapter has taken me a while guys, I've been ill! I'm better now so will be getting the rest down asap!
Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and everything else, you're amazing!
Let me know what you think! :)
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Emily's POV
The pill that Cook gave to me has finally kicked in and I'm back on the dance floor, swaying happily to the music with my hands up in the air. The coloured lights are more vivid than before as they dance of sweaty bodies, making each movement look as if everything is in slow motion. The colours are intriguing as they flash in my eyes; I close them and allow a satisfied smirk to creep upon my lips. The heat of people dancing around me radiates through my clothes and I feel sweat begin to seep through my skin, the heat makes me feel like I'm suffocating but it only adds to the effect of the drugs as my arms dance above me and my hips sway from side to side.
A hand slips around my waist and the sudden contact sends a jolt through my body. I can't quite place my finger on the feeling, maybe its nerves or possibly excitement but the drugs have disguised them so that I only feel relaxed and free. The hand is small so I at least know that it belongs to a girl, her body presses up against my back and I curl my arms around her neck. She's taller than me but only a little, her hair is long, slightly curled and soft between my finger tips. Soft lips attack my bare neck, a shiver trickles down my spine and I roll my head to the side to allow her more room. The girl takes the offer as she kisses down my neck until she reaches the collar of my shirt and then she travels back up towards my ear, I gasp as she nips my earlobe. It's wrong, it feels so wrong but I guess I can ignore it if she's fit, please god let her be fit!
I turn towards the girl and I'm relieved to find that she's semi-attractive. Okay that's a lie, she's incredibly attractive. Her hair is a dark brown, possibly black but I can't tell from the lack of lighting in the room. Her eyes are dark too but they glisten every time a light flashes across her face. Her defined cheek bones structure her face in a sexy but mature way, especially with her full lips that look so very kissable. Her lips pull back into a smile and reveal her brilliant straight teeth just as a flash of green light streaks across her face, her smile is beautiful and contagious and I find myself smiling back at her.
"I'm Sharon." She shouts over the top of the music.
"Emily." I reply, my voice sounds lost within the thumping beat of the bass but Sharon's stunning smile tells me that she heard. I smirk and reach my arms up to curl them around her neck and she presses her body into mine, I gasp again but this time it's because of Sharon's hips grinding into mine. I feel hot but not from the heat that's circulating the room, it's because of the eyes that are boring into mine. It makes me feel slightly uncomfortable, it's almost as if she's trying to see into my soul and read my every thought and feeling.
I break the eye contact and close the distance between us, bringing out lips together for a gentle kiss.
Blonde air and blue eyes flash through my mind as soon as our lips connect, I freeze against but I'm thankful that she doesn't notice and I feel her tongue brush against my lips, I oblige and allow her access. Her tongue, hot and sweet, strokes over mine and another flash of blonde hair and blue eyes appears behind the darkness of my closed lids.
Fuck off, my mind growls and I pull Sharon harder against me, I kiss her roughly and she moans into my mouth. Oh god, this doesn't feel right at all, not when all I can see is Naomi.
Teeth bite down on my bottom lip and fingers dig into my hips. Fuck it, I need this. A mindless shag will help me to forget.
But before I can even drag this innocent girl into the nearest toilet, a hand grips my side and pulls me away. I quickly untangle my arms from Sharon's neck before I end up pulling her with me and I turn around to find a pissed off looking Katie.
"Fuckin' hell, did you slip me something because I swear I can see two of you?" I roll my eyes at Sharon's comment. Why do people find twins so hard to believe?
"We need to talk." Katie demands and snatches my hand.
"Can't you see we were in the middle of something?" Sharon snaps and wraps a possessive arm around my waist.
"She's my sister so fuck off yeah?" Katie tugs on my hand but Sharon keeps a firm hold on me which pisses me off a little, who's she to stop me from going anywhere?
"Emily?" She asks sweetly and starts kissing my neck again but I pull away.
"Sorry Sharon, you're lovely but I have to go." I offer her a small smile but she scoffs and walks away. Ah that's a shame, she was definitely worth bedding…oh god, I sound like Cook!
"You weren't seriously going to get with her, were you?" Katie asks sceptically and I glare at her whilst crossing my arms over my chest.
"What's it to you?" I snap, I watch as Katie bites her lip and shakes her head carefully.
"Nothing, I just thought…Naomi…" I sigh and drop my head as her sentence trails off.
"No, probably not, how did you…"
"I've spent the week with them, I pretty much know everything." Katie answers my unfinished question and I nod slowly.
"I've really fucked up Katie." I say sadly and I hate how weak I sound. I can no loner help but feel guilty after seeing Naomi in my mind whilst kissing that girl. Katie looks around, takes my hand and starts pulling me elsewhere.
"It's too loud in here, we'll talk outside." Katie answers my thoughts again; she's turned into a fucking mind reader like Effy. I internally scold myself for thinking such a thing.
Katie drags me through the club until we finally reach the exit. The cold air bursts upon my skin like someone has covered my body with a thin blanket of ice; the breeze curls around my bare neck and causes the light hairs to stand up on end. I shiver slightly but I don't know whether it's from the cold or from the grilling I know I'm about to receive from Katie.
It surprises me when she doesn't drop my hand, instead she continues to pull me away from the club until we're down some pissy alley way. I'm half expecting to get ambushed or something.
"Emsy, what's going on?" Katie asks softly.
I smile at my family nickname, it reminds me of the happy times when my biggest worry was trying to fit in with Katie. It's funny thinking back to childhood and early teenage years, like when you get your first period or the worry of getting rejected by a boy ( in Katie's case ) and you don't think life could get any worse.
I think I'd like to go back to them times.
Despite mine and Katie's childish banters, we've always had a comfortable, easy life. I sometimes wish that the destruction was caused by something other than my sexuality, it would make living at home a little more bearable if I knew that it wasn't my fault why everything fell apart.
I know my mum's a bitch and that she's as much to blame for all this as I am but trying to hate her and trying to act like her disapproval means nothing to me is so much harder than it looks. There are some things a mother and daughter should be able to talk about but I don't have that with mine. I had to discover and deal with my sexuality by myself; I didn't have that one person that I should have been able to confide in, not until I got Freddie. Hence why I love the boy so much, hence why I'm so fucking scared of losing him.
My friendship with Freddie has always been honest and easy, when I say that he knows everything about me, I mean he knows me down to every last detail. No secrets, there's no point. Most guy and girl friendships have boundaries on what they talk about but it's not like that with Freds, he doesn't treat me as one of the guys nor does he treat me as a chick. He treats me as me and he doesn't freak out when I tell him stuff, he's always listened no matter what.
That's why I'm so scared that Effy will hurt him, I can't stand the thought of him being broken again. I know he has to learn from his mistakes but I think Freddie would forgive her over and over again.
Love makes you do stupid things.
"Ems…hello?!" The voice to the side of me and the hand waving in front of my face brings me back to reality and out of my thoughts. Katie's watching me with an impatient but concerned expression on her face.
I sigh and slump back against the brick wall, I slip down so that I'm sat on the floor with one leg stretched out in front of me and the other is pressed against my chest as I rest my head on my knee. I pull my hair out from the tight band and let it fall in slight curls upon my shoulders; I rake my fingers through it and sigh again.
"I don't know what to do Katie." I whisper loud enough for her to hear. She shifts from standing beside me and sits down in front of me instead.
"I don't know either. I just know that everyone has missed you so much this week." Katie leans forward and tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. "Really they have." She tries to persuade me after I scoff at the thought of everyone missing me.
"Freddie hasn't been himself, he looks so exhausted and miserable without you around, and he's been on edge all week." Katie's eyes widen in surprise as I laugh sarcastically.
"I don't believe that, he's probably been too busy shagging Effy." I say as calmly as I can but all I can hear is the bitterness roll off my tongue.
"For fucks sake, Emily" Katie snaps, I can see the anger pooling in her deep brown eyes and I flinch, here comes the grilling.
"They fucking love each other, yeah? If you'd give them a chance then you'd see that. You're acting like a jealous cow so what the fuck is your problem?"
"I'm not fucking jealous, Katie. I just don't want to lose him." Wow that was pretty honest of me if I may say so.
"Well you're doing a pretty good job of that yourself." I open my mouth to reply but no words come out, I actually don't know how to answer that. My eyebrows pull together in a tight frown as I try to think of a comeback but I'm actually stumped. I never really thought of it like that. Katie notices my hesitation and continues to speak her mind.
"Freddie loves you and he'd never leave you but you can't deny him the rights to be happy, it's not fair. He loves Effy but you're his best friend, the only way you're going to lose him is if you keep pushing him away." Jesus what happened to my sister? She's not even finished either.
"And Naomi…Naomi's crazy about you. She made a mistake like we all do and she regrets it. But she fucking loves you Ems, her face would light up as soon as anyone mentioned your name but she'd look so down when nobody had heard from you. I know I've never been exactly supportive of you being a lezza but you're lucky to have someone who loves you as much as she does." I gape at Katie in shock; it was something I did not expect to ever hear from her. Like she said, she has never really been supportive of me being gay but unlike my mum, she just let me get on with it, it didn't affect her so she didn't care. I know Katie would prefer me to be straight so hearing her trying to persuade me to forgive Naomi is a pretty huge deal.
Hearing it from Katie, suddenly everything makes sense. I realise how selfish I've been acting, I've been pushing Freddie away, I've been hurting Naomi because of my own stupid trust issues. People make mistakes, I've made plenty myself. Do I really want to go and make more by pushing away my best friend and the girl that I'm falling for? I accused Naomi of running away from me but really I think I was looking for a reason to run myself. I guess I'm a bit of a hypocrite.
I chew on the inside of my lip and frown, it's funny how fresh air and a serious conversation can sober me up but it's the pounding headache that comes straight after that makes me realise that this isn't how I want to be, I don't want to spend everyday of my life fucked off my tits. I had ambition once, I aimed to do well and live my life the way I wanted to but recently I've thrown that all away. The funny thing is, is I'm the smart twin, Katie's smart too but she always had the I'll-make-a-decision-at-the-last-minute attitude. The original plan was to get my GCSE's, do my A-levels and go to university and live my life but instead I've let my marks go downhill just because I wanted to rebel against everyone.
What the fuck am I doing? I could have seriously fucked my future up for a pathetic reason.
"Jesus Christ." I mutter and drop my head into my hands.
"They'll forgive you Ems, it's not too late." Katie pulls one of my hands away from my face and links our fingers together. I look up and smile at her whilst tears fill up in my eyes. She shuffles forward and wraps her arms around me; I cling to her and rest my head on her chest. I listen to her steady heartbeat and her comfortingly stroking my hair is enough to stop the tears that were threatening to fall. I pull back after a while and kiss her cheek.
"I need to see them." I whisper and Katie nods.
Almost as if they were supposed to be on cue, Freddie and Naomi suddenly come out of the club just as Katie and I step out from the alleyway. I freeze when I see them but I don't move when they notice me and make their way towards us, they stop when they get closer so that there is some distance between us. I don't bother to look at them, I just start walking forward.
"Emily…" Freddie begins, I know he's expecting me to walk off but instead I walk straight up to him until I'm close enough to stand on my tip toes and wrap my arms around his neck. His arms instantly encircle my waist and he holds me so tightly, it doesn't hurt though, Freddie's hugs are always comforting. It doesn't take long for my arms to ache though and I'm slightly wobbly when I stand on my tip toes so I stand on the flats of my feet and wrap my arms around his scrawny waist instead. He rests his chin on the top of my head which is resting against his chest.
"I'm so sorry Freddie." I whisper, my voice so low that it couldn't really be classed as a whisper but Freddie hears me and places several kisses on the top of my head.
"It's okay, you're safe, and that's all that matters." He speaks softly and even though I relax, tears start to form again. I've been such a bitch to him when all he's done is care and look after me.
I step back and smile weakly at Freddie, a couple of tears cascade down my cheeks and he brushes them away softly with his thumb.
"Love you." I say innocently and pout. Freddie laughs and pulls me back in for another hug.
"Love you too Ems, always." I smile against his chest. I never realised quite how much I could miss this but spending a week away from him has showed me just how much I would hate it if Freddie wasn't in my life. But being here and knowing that my best friend still loves me makes a huge weight lift off my shoulders.
I pull away again because there is still one more person who I need to apologise to. I look over to the side where Naomi is standing, obviously she wanted to give me and Freddie some space, and it makes me smile how considerate she can be.
She looks up at me and she looks so innocent, but I can see the hurt that's etched into her beautiful eyes and I hate myself a little more than I did before. This girl, this gorgeous blonde girl standing in front of me has made me realise exactly what I've been missing, and what I want. My heart flutters in my chest from just looking at her; I don't know how I could have been so blind before. This stunning, intelligent and amazing girl is in love with me and I ran from her, I hurt her and I hate it.
Sure Naomi has faults but who doesn't? It doesn't matter because her good points weigh out the bad and I know that I could point out more of the things that I love about her than I could of the things I don't. She has been a bitch to me, to everyone in fact, she has been cold and cruel but that's the way she protects herself. I have seen a different side to her; I've seen the sweet, adoring girl that has made me feel things I haven't felt before, and I know that if she believes that I'll never hurt her then I'll see that side forever. I know I want her and if she still wants me then we can work together on our trust, I know I can do that for her.
"Naomi…I'm sorry." I say with more strength to my voice but it's still filled with my sorrow and guilt. Naomi doesn't say or do anything, she just continues to look at me, I step forward cautiously because I don't know what to expect after the silence, the only thing I can think of is a slap round the face and her shouting "Fuck you" and storming off.
"Naomi." I say again and I notice something flash across her eyes and she blinks, it's almost like she was in a trance or something. She still doesn't do anything except she looks down to the floor instead. I feel a lump form in my throat, the worry of having totally fucked things up between us washes over me but I manage to find the strength to take another step, and another, and another, until I'm standing only mere centimetres away from her. I take a deep breath and reach out to slip my hand into hers.
"Naomi I'm sorry, I fucked up." The lump thickens when Naomi shakes her head.
"No Emily, I'm sorry. What I done wasn't fair on you, I was scared." I feel my heart break at the despair in her voice but I have to stay strong if I want to wipe the misery away.
"So was I." I confess, she still won't look at me so I shift closer to her so that our bodies are nearly touching. My free hand reaches out and I place my fingers beneath her chin and pull her face up so that she's looking at me. Her sad eyes check mine and she tries to look away again almost as if she's self conscious but I don't allow her to.
"But I'm not anymore." I whisper and her eyes dart back to mine in surprise. I smile lightly but I struggle to get the next words out.
"Because…" My sentence trails off and I sigh. I have to look away but I can still feel Naomi's face on my face.
"Because I…" Fucking hell, why is it so hard to say a fucking sentence? I bite my lip and I feel Naomi squeeze my hand gently.
"Because what?" She whispers. I force my eyes back up to hers and I can see the curiosity in the beautiful blues. I somehow manage to find the courage to lean forward and whisper in Naomi's ear.
"I'm falling in love with you."
Naomi pulls back quickly only to then crash her lips against mine, she cups my face with both hands and I tangle my fingers through her soft curls. This kiss deepens and our tongues dance wildly together, the taste and feel of her makes my heart feel like it's about to explode. I kiss her passionately as I try to pour my every feeling into it, I want her to feel my uncertainty and my fear but I want her to feel the love that is building up within me, I want her to feel my desire for her. When she kisses me back equally as passionately, I know that she felt it and she's returning it. We're both still scared but there's no more running now, we have to go through it and concur it together.
This, this is what feels right. The kissing feels right, the passion feels right. The clinging to each others bodies feels right.
With Naomi, everything feels perfect. When we kiss it's like the world stops around us, I feel like we're on a world where it's just us. I know that the world doesn't stop, but nothing can make us pull away from each other. Not even the awkward coughs coming from Katie. Not the eyes that are gawking at us. Not the aching in my jaw or the burning through my body. Not even the sound of Cook joining the audience and shouting "That's fucking hot, Cookie wants some action."
But what does make us pull away is the nasty sound of someone's fist connecting with something; I know exactly what I'm going to see when I turn around.
Yup, Cook on the floor clutching his bloody nose and Freddie standing over him with his fist clenched.
Something's change, but something's don't.
**
So some happy times and a little angst for you, I hope you like! There are only at least two chapters left now, possibly three if I can think of something. Ah I'm sad that it's close to ending, are you?
Please review and let me know what you think. I love you guys, you seriously rock!