This is Week 5: Challege 1 ~ part 3: I'm working with each flower for each Gotei Thirteen division as well as the meaning.

Summary: Gin's body is brought back from the carnage of the Winter War. Feelings well up in Toshiro that he can't explain as well as a strange realization.
Notes:Last one took a lot of time to write. This one is AU to the time line a bit.

Marigold
~Despair~

War brings death. That is a fact of life. Life also ends in death. That is another fact of life. And yet death in the long run is painful.

Toshiro fidgeted in his division, his arm in a sling due to the injury he received from Aizen that had detached one of his limbs. He attempted to find the paper he was trying to find only to suddenly become frustrated to the point that he shoved all of the papers onto the floor knocking over a bottle of ink in the process. It was then that Rangiku came into the room and saw the mess.

"Taicho... if you need help you can just ask."

"You don't do your work in the first place." The boy glared at her. "Plus, I made this mess on purpose."

"You purposefully dumped a bottle of ink onto the carpet as well as some of your papers?"

"Fine. I knocked it over when I knocked the papers over. I got fed up trying to shuffle through them one handed."

The woman let out a deep sigh, then went over and scooped the papers up. "Taicho. I need to go to the forth division on an errand. I'll help you when I get back."

The boy frowned. "What kind of errand?"

"I have to identify someone."

"Oh." As a moment of silence followed what the small taicho said, Rangiku found him suddenly by her side as she was leaving. "I'll go with you."

"Taicho..." The woman looked down, only to see the particular look he gave people when he was honestly trying to help him. "Well, you do need to get out of the office and going for a walk would do you good."

Upon entering the morgue Rangiku shuttered, watching as Unohana stood by a particular covered sheet. The older woman looked at the small captain. "Hitsugaya Taicho... I didn't expect you to be here as well."

Instead of an answer the boy simply looked away. The woman then uncovered the sheet and the small taicho turned his head back. The next thing they knew the door was opening and slamming shut. Rangiku blinked a couple of times. "Yes... that's Gin. Excuse me while I go and talk to taicho." She stepped out of the room, glaring at the boy who was staring at the wall. "That wasn't polite. That's not proper etiquette." She then caught the wide eyed look. "Taicho... are you all right."

He looked up at her. "I don't feel it."

"Feel it? You mean sad that he's dead? Honestly, you don't have to with all things considered."

"That's... no, I mean. You'd think with what he did with Hinamori and me I'd be happy he was dead. Instead..." the boy turned and stared at the wall. "It hurts."

Rangiku took a deep breath. "It hurts? You weren't exactly close to Gin."

The boy thought about what she said then shook his head. "No. I mean..." There came a silence. "Ever since I joined the shinigami ranks I've been pretending not to know him."

"Well... his personality is problematic. Lots of people like to pretend that they don't know him."

"That's not what I meant." The boy turned and looked at her. "I mean I've known for a very long time that I've been lying to myself about dying and coming to Soul Society."

"What do you mean?'

"I was born here Rangiku."

"Taicho..." Rangiku shook her head, her brow wrinkling with worry.

"I mean that he's my father."

"That can't be. How could you possibly know that?"

"Because I remember him one day up and disowning me and telling me he wasn't my father despite the fact he and granny had said otherwise."

"What..."

"Rangiku... he did it because he didn't want you to know he was cheating on you. I wanted to pretend because I knew he abandoned me. That hurts... but what really hurts is the fact he's now dead and I can't do anything to try and get me to accept me. Nothing I did was good enough."

"That's not true. None of what you say is true."

"You only say that because you don't want to admit it yourself."

"No, taicho... he didn't abandon you or disown you."

"Why did he leave me?" When he got no answer he turned to leave, only to find his wrist grabbed.

"Think about it. Your father was special."

"I don't want to hear that. Particularly because I could never live up to that."

"Taicho..." Rangiku's grip tightened. "Taicho, Gin always said positive things to me about you."

"You're lying."

"He's also the reason you're special and the way you are."

"I don't want to hear it Matsumoto."

"That's because you're not wanting to think things through because your feelings are hurt." The woman took a deep breath. "Taicho..." She felt the boy pull away. "He didn't want Aizen to use you as another one of his playing pieces."

The tension relaxed and the boy turned to her, his eyes still watering. "Why does it still hurt?"

"Because... he's dead. That means you can't hear this from his own mouth. But I knew him. It explains a lot."

"You know him and yet he cheated on you. He hid that from you."

"I've known since I met you that you were my little one despite the fact you always insisted you died and came to Soul Society. I knew despite the fact I don't remember giving birth to you."

The boy simply stared at her, both hands not moving as one was in a sling and the other was lifted up by her holing onto her sleeve. He then tugged the sleeve away. "It's better not to feel emotions."

"That's not true."

"If you feel emotions, you end up showing them."

"At least you're showing them too me and not pretending as if everything is all right like he does... did." Rangiku let out a deep breath. "I don't want to see anything happen to you. Also... in many ways you ended up being better then him. He even said so. Those were his own words taicho."