Majin Hentai X bringing you chapter 13 sorry it's so late writer's block is an angry bitch.
I own nothing except the OCs.
"Normal Speech" "God damn it I hate nuns they're so fucking annoying." MHX walks forwards into the compound kicking a stray torso out of his path.
'Thoughts' 'I really hope he has some of those Australian giant beers around.' Tightening his tie before entering the office.
"Greater Beings" "So Hentai you have come to me for information. You have brought an offering." The being in the chair spoken in a voice that came from everywhere and nowhere at the same time.
Techniques Offering Presentation A large black briefcase studded with diamonds and plated with platinum appears.
"Here is your offering." The brief case opened to reveal a single manju. Faster than the eye could see the manju was grabbed and eaten. With a belch of satisfaction the being in the chair gave the thumbs up.
"You seek the missing women. Their location is the lair of your arch nemesis." A blank look passes across MHX's face. Then he takes a deep breath chest expanding.
"Tuxedo Mask!" MHX Screams so loudly the leaning tower of Pisa straightens.
Chapter 13: Skills and Mountain Storms
Despite the fact that Naruto was completely without chakra, he was feeling rather good as he pulled himself out of the hospital bed. He pulled absently at the bandages covering his head and scowled. "Damn. I forgot how much I hate hospitals. Haven't been in one of these since the academy. And before that… uh… hmm… hey, fuzz-butt! How long have we been in this loop?"
"Hell if I know, fleshbag. I'm not your calendar."
"Hmm… that sucks. I don't even know how old I really am anymore." Naruto picked up his crutches and began hobbling out the door. He didn't need them, per say, but the old man said that the less stress he put on his body before the fight, the better. Normally, Naruto would've flipped him the bird, but given the fact that he had no chakra, he was willing to give the crutches a chance. He pulled open the door to the hallways and hobbled out of the intensive care unit. "Yo!" he called out to Gin, who was passing by. "Long time no see!"
"Naruto!" The doctor pushed up his glasses, shoving his clipboard into his armpit. "Aren't you supposed to be in intensive care?"
"Nah! I hate hospitals! Can't even feel what they shoved me in for!" he started walking again, but stifled a gasp of pain shooting through his stomach. "GHHHH!"
"Can't even feel it, you say?" the doctor said wryly.
"That was me, by the way." Kyuubi interjected. Naruto rolled his eyes and looked up at the doctor.
"It was nothing. The fuzz-butt just hit a weird spot repairing my coils."
"He… is fixing you right now?" gin started. Naruto rolled his eyes again.
"Oh, come on! I thought we were over this!" Naruto huffed at Gin.
"Well, yes, but… understand, our knowledge about the demonic influence on humans is next to nothing. With this much damage to your chakra core, you're basically a babe in terms of power. The Kyuubi repairing that much damage with his own chakra could have unforeseen consequences on your system, and we would never know about It." Gin explained.
"Hmm… I don't really understand all of that, but you're saying the fox could seriously fuck me up by fixing me?" Naruto frowned in confusion..
"In… layman's terms, yes." Gin said with a concerned tone.
"Well, whatever. If I get to use chakra again, that'd be nice. And besides, fuzz-butt says that humans would die from overexposure before something like that happened, so I'm probably safe." The boy then frowned. "Of course, then there's the fact that I might die… but oh well! If I keel over suddenly, now you know why!" He waved his hands dismissively. "But enough about that depressing crap! Where're the others? You know, Sasuke and Sakura and Hinata and the others!" Naruto beamed at his doctor.
"If they were not as badly injured as you were, then I would assume the regular wards. They're down the hall and to the right, second door on the left." Gin blinked as he finished talking, as Naruto was already hobbling as fast as he could on crutches down the hallway.
"THANKS, GIN!" he cried over his shoulder as he rounded the corner. Gin laughed softly.
"You'd never think that he nearly died…"
"GOOD MORNING KONOHA!" Naruto cried as he barged into the wards. Sakura jerked her head up from her slouch, a sudden grin on her face.
"Naruto! You're all right!" Sakura shouted a smile on her face. Naruto grinned as he hobbled over to her side.
"Heh! It'll take more than a bastard like him to take me down!" as soon as he was in grabbing distance of the bed, Sakura launched herself at his shoulders. "WHOA!" Naruto shouted stumbling.
"Thank god…" Sakura mumbled into his shoulder. "I was so worried…" Naruto looked up to see Kiba awake as well, stroking a sleeping Akamaru, and he shot a shit-eating grin and two thumbs up at him behind Sakura's back. Kiba tried very hard not to snigger. "I thought you were…"
"Hey, come on!" Naruto consoled. "I said I was all right, right?" Naruto shot Sakura his foxy grin TM.
"But they said that your coils were badly damaged!" Sakura jerked her head up. "If your coils are damaged, then you can't be a ninja anymore!" Naruto's grin shrank Sakura's concern stung.
Naruto sighed. "Oh… well… they've, uh… they've got very good doctors here! They're, uh, fixing my coils as part of my treatment! Soon, I'll be able to fling around Jutsu, good as new!"
'Liar, liar, pants on fire.' Kyuubi snickered from within his cage.
'Shut up, you!' Naruto retorted mentally. He then looked up and eased himself out of Sakura's arms. "How are the others?" Naruto asked.
"They're okay, I guess. Shino himself is fine, but his colony is completely trashed. They let him go once they healed his bruises. I think he said he was heading home to switch out to a spare colony." Kiba explained. Sakura shuddered softly. "Oh, and apparently Sakura finds it gross that Shino has bugs in him."
"It's… not natural…" Sakura muttered. Naruto frowned.
'You'd think she'd be more grateful to one of the people that saved her life…' Naruto thought then shook himself out of his reverie. "How 'bout Sasuke?"
"They've got him in his own room, so I don't know how he's doing. The doc said he has an entire ANBU team guarding him right now." Kiba grinned. "Bet that's a blow to his ego, eh?
Can't even go for a piss without somebody holding it for him." Naruto sniggered.
"Heheheh! That's good!" he sobered up, though, as a thought struck him. "And… Hinata?" Kiba nodded and jerked a thumb over his shoulder, towards a bed with the curtains drawn.
"She's in there. She's sleeping, though, so don't wake her up." Naruto nodded to the boy as he stood.
"Thanks, Kiba." Naruto stated.
"Hey, man! What are friends for, right?" Kiba grinned. Naruto grinned back.
"Right!" Naruto pulled the curtains shut behind him, and stared at Hinata's sleeping form.
With all done and told, she looked better than could've been expected. She had on a slight neck brace, and had a multitude of bandages on, but she was still breathing evenly, and didn't look like she was in pain. She even had a small smile on her face. Naruto felt something flutter in his chest. 'Damn. All beat up like this and she still looks cute.'
'Somebody's got it BAAAAAAD.' The fox howled from the cage.
'Hey, shut up, you! She went one-on-one with Orochimaru because I asked her too! You don't see that kind of devotion without feeling it!' Naruto looked at his bandaged hands, and the crutches shoved into his armpits. 'I need to get stronger. Stronger, and stronger still, so that this never happens again. I need to be stronger, so I can protect everybody that I care about. Sasuke, Kakashi, Sakura-Chan… and Hinata-Chan.'
Boss Fight Completed: 'Orochimaru'! Cried the big bold words suddenly in the air. Naruto nearly screamed. Intelligence: +10! Luck: +7! Agility: +9! Experience: 1043! The air jingled three times in succession. Level Up! Level Ten! Naruto blinked.
"Whoa. Wasn't I level seven before? Then, I jumped three levels by beating Orochimaru? Wow." He whispered. "You'd think I'd jump a good dozen levels for beating a sannin."
'Maybe it's 'cause you just chased him off, instead of killing him.'Kyuubi suggested.
"Huh. There's an idea."
Stats Gained:
Strength: +15!
Control: +25!
Chakra: +20!
Bonus: Charisma: +9!
Bonus: Stealth: +7!
Bonus: Endurance: +8!
Achievement Unlocked! 'Defeated Orochimaru'! New Avatar Unlocked!
Naruto smiled. "Heh. I beat the bastard; the least they could give me is an avatar." But suddenly, the words came back. Level Ten Reached! Skill Tiers Unlocked! Naruto arched an eyebrow, confused. "Wait, what?"
Secret Discovered! 'Skills'! Skill tiers are a specific type of bonus you can gain every ten levels! They only have a limited amount of uses, but they allow you to surpass your current power! Only one skill may be chosen every ten levels! Naruto other eyebrow shot up.
"Whoa… cool."
Available Skills:
Taijutsu Evolution: Creates one new technique for any mastered Style. One use, Stackable Ten Tiers.
Genjutsu Evolution: Creates one new technique for any mastered Discipline. One use, Stackable Ten Tiers.
Ninjutsu Evolution: Creates one new technique for any mastered Element. One use, Stackable Ten Tiers.
Chakra Evolution: creates one new usable manipulation of chakra. (I.E. water walking, tree walking, ETC.) One use, Stackable Ten Tiers.
Silver-Tongued: When put into effect, the user can cause whoever they are talking to to believe And/or do whatever the user tells them to. Three uses, Stackable Five Tiers.
Sixth Sense: When put into effect, a force field of hyperawareness is formed around the user, allowing for pseudo-omniscience within the field. This force field can be freely manipulated in size and detail of awareness. Time Limit, One Hour. Three uses, Stackable Three Tiers.
Cheap Shot: When put into effect, the power of precognition is granted, allowing future sight of the enemy's movements, and the insight into how to best disrupt and attack. Time Limit, One Battle. Three uses, Stackable Five Tiers.
Game Mod: When put into effect, the laws of non-interference in Pause mode are disregarded, allowing interference with the world. The Effects last for one personal interference and one environmental interference. Three uses, Stackable Three Tiers.
Second Wind: from the depths of death, comes life. When the user is nearing the point of death, half of their total vitality is restored. Activated Automatically. One use, Stackable One Tier.
Lucky Lucky: All the luck in the world is yours. The luck stat is increased by 1000. Time Limit, One Day. One use, Non-Stackable.
Waldo: When activated, the user becomes just another face in the crowd. When the user is in a group of three or more individuals, invisibility, both physical and spiritual, is granted towards civilians and ninjas up to Genin level. Three uses, Stackable Five Tiers.
Reprogram: When activated, the user's development is wiped clean, allowing a fresh start. The user's stat points can be reassigned to whichever stat they so choose. One use, Stackable One Tier.
"Ho…ly… shit…" Naruto whispered. "These… all of these actually exist… and I have to CHOOSE from them!" he felt as giddy as a schoolboy in a candy store. His mood sobered, though, as he recalled his upcoming dilemma. "Hmm… I suppose I should choose something that would help me survive the next fight. So, lucky lucky, Waldo, reprogram, sixth sense and silver-silver-tongued are out. The evolutions, I don't think would give me enough time to master them, however, they're supposed to work, so they're out too. That leaves cheap shot… hmmm…" he glanced at the choice below it.
"Game mod… something about that description seems weird… what the hell is 'laws of non-interference' mean?" he muttered, before his eyes shot open. "Oh my god, like when I killed Itachi! I tried to attack him and the houses and stuff in pause mode, but it just glanced off! So, if it allows me to ignore that…!" Oh, he knew what he was getting NOW. Without a second thought, his finger clicked on Game Mod. The words jingled a bit, before the power of both the levels and the skill flowed into his body. Naruto flexed vainly for a minute as the feel-good-ness of the enhancements played with his mind. "Heh… Naruto, you are a certified BEAST."
"Mmm…" Hinata moaned softly. In an instant, Naruto was at her side.
"Hinata!" he exclaimed, leaning over her. Slowly, ever so slowly, her eyes cracked open.
"Mmm… Naruto…" she smiled dreamily. Naruto couldn't help but grin back at the serenity on her face.
"Hey. How you feeling?" he asked. She smiled, a little cheekily, if Naruto were to put words to it.
"Better… now that you're here…" and quick as lightning; she leaned upward and stole a kiss from the blond. Naruto nearly screamed out loud (he managed to get it down to a really loud squeak) as he toppled backwards. Hinata's eyes shot open and whipped her head around to face him.
"What! That felt different than the rest of the...!" a look of dawning horror spread across her face. "Th-th-t-that w-wasn't a d-d-d-d-dream!" Naruto quickly pushed himself up (a rather bold feat, seeing as how his legs had suddenly turned to jelly).
"Wh…what kind of dreams are YOU having…?" he whispered loudly. Hinata turned twelve different shades of red, three of which didn't exist, and tried to burrow into the bed as far as possible.
"N-N-NARU-T-TO!" she shrieked. "No, get away!" Naruto sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
"Well. There goes any idea of friendship now." He declared. Hinata felt the world plunge out from underneath her.
"W-w-what…?" she whispered, feeling as though her dream had turned into a nightmare.
"I said, there's no way we could go back to being friends after A, finding out you dream of things like that with me, and B, you kissing me." He grinned. "So, I suppose you'll have to be my girlfriend now! Whaddaya say?"
Blink.
Blink.
Blink.
It was too much for the poor girl. With a sigh and a hiss of steam from her ears, Hinata slumped backwards, completely passed out. Naruto grinned sheepishly as he slowly backed out.
"I didn't do it, I didn't do it, and I don't know anything…" He muttered to himself. "Run from the crime scene, run from the body, run REALLY REALLY FAST!" he sprinted out of the room, completely forgetting his need for crutches. Kiba looked up from his bed and frowned. "Huh. Wonder what crawled up his ass and squirmed around?"
"Haaah… dammit, this is why spur-of-the-moment ideas don't work with me…" Naruto mumbled as he ambled through the hospital. "I doubt hinata'd turn me down, not after… that whole mess, so I'm saddled with a girlfriend, despite my planning." He really hoped she could fight well, to protect her from his enemies… oh, who was he kidding? She held up against Orochimaru for a few minutes, which basically meant you were Chuunin on principle! Then again, she DID get knocked out rather badly, if the neck brace was anything to go by, so, who knows?
The blonde ambled into the main atrium of the hospital, ignoring the subtle 'Go-Away-You're-Scaring-The-Potential-Customers-Away' glares from the hospital staff. He was used to this type of glare from shopkeepers, though, and they were much more overt than them, so it didn't faze him. 'Guess they're not so eager to piss me off now that I'm a ninja…'
"Yo, Naruto!" a voice shouted. Naruto jerked his head up and gaped.
"Whoa, what the?" he shouted. Zaku grinned and waved animatedly.
"Yo! We heard you were in the hospital, so we came to check! How you been?" Zaku asked. Naruto was feeling very uncomfortable, being in the presence of the sound Genin ('Genin team,' he corrected himself, as the rest of the group was sitting behind him) that had suddenly decided he was their friend.
"Err, I, uh, I'm doing good… so, uh, you came here to check on me?" Naruto responded stumbling over his words.
"Yeah!" Zaku grinned. "These hospitals are always so damn boring, so we thought we'd come and cheer you up!"
"After all, a merry heart doeth a man good like medicine!" Kin smiled as well. Naruto wasn't sure what that meant, but he figured that it meant something like what Zaku said.
"I'm just here because they dragged me along." Dosu said in a monotone. Naruto didn't doubt that for a minute.
"Well, I, Uh, thanks, and, I've kinda got, um, places to be! See ya!" Naruto sprinted off. "Jeez, what the hell are they doing! They're not supposed to be friendly…! They're supposed to be complete douche bags that I'm allowed to hate unconditionally…!" he didn't like this, not one bit. He absently walked down through a little-used hallway, deep in thought. 'If they're all nice and crap. Then how am I supposed to fight them when Orochimaru tries to kill everyone! Dammit, I hate this!'
"So, the runt's made it this far." Said a voice, Naruto jerked in surprise, before whipping his head up. There, hanging from the ceiling and munching on a sandwich, was Arashi.
"WHOA! What the hell are you doing on the ceiling!" Naruto exclaimed. Arashi snorted.
"It's called boredom, dipshit. I don't feel like dealing with all these pain-in-the-ass doctors while sensei does something or other here." A loud CRUNCH! Sounded from the sandwich, making Naruto wonder just what the mountain of a man was eating. Arashi dropped from the ceiling and flipped in the air, landing on his feet with a crunch of stone and a cloud of dust. "Why so surprised, runt? Don't tell me you can't wall-walk?" he leered maliciously at Naruto, who was leaning against said wall.
"W-what the hell are you on, you fatass? I can already water-walk! Beat that!" Naruto gloated. His pride was somewhat shattered when Arashi began to laugh.
"HAHA! That's it? Even civilians know how to water-walk in Kiri, and you're just learning now? God, I knew you leaf-nin were all weak, but this is ridiculous!" Naruto bristled with anger. This fatass was starting to get on his nerves!
"OH YEAH! Well, if I'm so weak, then how was my team able to beat Momochi Zabuza, one of YOUR elite ninjas, to a pulp on our very first mission! HUH?" Naruto instantly regretted his words as he was violently slammed to the wall, Arashi's meaty hands clenched around his neck. "URK!"
"Shut the fuck up, you filthy liar!" Arashi hissed, flecking Naruto's face with bits and pieces of soggy lettuce and tomato. "You have NO RIGHT to speak that name!"
"It-ACK! It's- The truth…" Naruto wheezed, against his better judgment. The grip clenched tighter.
"You FUCKING LIAR! I'll wring your neck right now!" Arashi roared.
"Ara~shi~~!" a voice sing-songed. "Sensei's done, so it's time to- ARASHI! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!" Kagero raced into the hallway, now fuming. "Sensei told you to not fight anybody, or we'll get kicked out! What the hell are you doing?" The shotacon screamed at her teammate
"This little twig started it! He-" Arashi protested only to be cut short.
"I don't care! I'm not having my first Chuunin exam ruined because you can't control yourself! If you don't stop, I'll- I'll get Mitsuhide!" she exclaimed. Arashi growled.
"Kagero… you fucking sellout…" with a swift motion, Arashi released Naruto, leaving him slumped on the ground and gasping for air. "Fine, I'll leave this piece of shit to his toilet." He began to walk away, but cast a final glare back at Naruto. "But you better watch yourself, tree-hugger. Because if you and I meet in the arena… I'll kill you." and with that, Arashi rumbled after Kagero, who turned back at Naruto and cast him a saucy wink. Naruto just wanted to hide in a deep hole somewhere.
'Fleshbag… have I ever told you you're a complete dumbass?' Kyuubi asked.
"God… don't remind me…" this was not one of his better ideas, having the day he pissed off the crazy fat ass be the day he was without chakra.
Naruto tapped his foot nervously as he half listened to the old man do his speech about the 'true meaning of the Chuunin exams'. He'd heard it all before, so he wasn't really giving it too much attention.
'Okay, that's that coughing guy… what's his name…? Jeez… I hope I get an easy match. Don't think I could handle fighting somebody strong right now…' he felt a raging bloodlust pointed his way, and he froze. He glanced over to see Gaara glaring a hole in his head. When their eyes met, the Jinchuuriki grinned insanely. Naruto felt a chill running down his spine. 'Oh… shit…! Gaara's gone apeshit… If I get chosen for him, I'm screwed…!'
"Very well, then. I will now run the names through the computer." Hayate coughed loudly as the computer began circulating the names. With a beep, they settled on a pair. "The first match shall be between Aburame Shino and Kankuro. Will the two combatants please step to the arena?" Naruto breathed a sigh of relief as Shino silently walked past him.
'Oh, thank god… I don't know what I would've done if I'd have been picked-' Naruto's eyes widened. 'Oh, shit! Where's my stuff!' he grasped at his side, but his ninja pouch was gone. 'SHIT! I must have left it back at the hospital somehow…! And they don't allow people to leave and enter once the battles start, except for medics…. SHIT!'
"First fight, between Aburame Shino and Kankuro… BEGIN!" Hayate chopped his hand downward. Shino tossed a pair of kunai at Kankuro, almost testing his reaction, which the boy dodged easily. Kankuro raced forward, arm cocked back in a punch. The punch connected with the boy's face… and passed straight through as Shino exploded into a cloud of bugs. The Kikai latched onto Kankuro and began draining him. Shino, who was atop the handseal statue, arched an eyebrow, as his Kikai were gaining no chakra. With a flash of insight, he waved his hand, and the Kikai raced towards junctions of the rapidly degrading puppet. Within seconds, the joints of Karasu were completely eaten through.
"ACK! SHIT!" Kankuro swore as he leaped out of the wrappings, staring with horror at the limp mess that was his puppet.
"My Kikai have eaten through the joints of your puppet. It is now all but useless." Shino declared in a monotone. "While it was a decent strategy, allowing me a chance to attack you and discover the technique was your downfall. Unless you have another puppet stored with you, I suggest you forfeit." Kankuro swore a bit more, before raising his hand.
"Proctor, I wish to forfeit." He said loudly. Hayate nodded.
"Winner, Aburame Shino!" he declared. The cloud of Kikai drifted back to Shino as he walked up the stairs. Kankuro, however, looked as though he were about to die as he rejoined his team.
"Look, Gaara, I'm sorry, I didn't know that this guy… was…" he began pleading for his life, before noticing something. Gaara wasn't even paying attention to him. "Eh… Gaara?"
"Shut up or I'll kill you." Gaara growled, silencing his nuisance as he refocused his hatred and loathing on Naruto. Kankuro felt bad for the blond bastard that had managed to tick Gaara off so much, but he thanked every god he knew that Naruto did tick him off, because now the puppet user got to live one more day.
Naruto, on the other hand, was panicking. 'Shiiit… where am I going to get weapons at a time like this…?' his eyes settled on Tenten. He raced forward. "Tenten, old buddy, old friend, old pal! Have I ever told you that you look absolutely gorgeous in that outfit?"
"Huh? Naruto?" Tenten looked over at the blond and sorta-student that had latched onto her. "What are you doing?"
"Heeey, Tenten, did I ever thank you for teaching me how to make my own explosive tags? "Cause that was REAL helpful to me, you have no idea!" Naruto schmoozed more, an idiotic grin on his face. "Hey, um, by the way, I kinda left all of my equipment back at the hospital, and they don't let people out while the tests are still going, so, you wouldn't happen-"
"To have an extra set of equipment for you to use for the test?" Tenten finished, finally understanding. She sighed. "Fine, I have a scroll that has all the stuff I didn't put into a technique. I'll loan you that, but you have to pay me back for all the stuff you use, got it?"
"YES!" Naruto cheered as he gratefully accepted the scroll. "Tenten, you are a goddess!"
"Whatever." The bun haired girl blew Naruto off.
"The second match is about to begin." Hayate declared as the screen began to randomize names. With a digital plink, it stopped. Naruto grinned when he saw his name. That grin dropped when he saw the other name. "Would Uzumaki Naruto and Kuroyama Arashi please step into the arena?" Hayate shouted. Arashi grinned psychotically as he leaped down.
"What a lucky break! It's not even the finals yet and I already get to slaughter the little punk! There are gods watching out for me!" Arashi boasted. Naruto whimpered as he trundled down the stairs.
"Gonna die, gonna die, gonna die…" he muttered. The two took up positions in the ring; Naruto, taking a Falcon Leg stance, and Arashi, simply standing there with a psychotic grin.
"BEGIN!" Hayate chopped his arm.
With a roar, Arashi cocked an arm and raced forward. Naruto whirled about and met the fist with a roundhouse kick. Arashi's eyes widened when he wasn't able to push him back.
"What…!" he exclaimed. Naruto grinned.
"Did you know fat-ass, that a person's legs are four times stronger than their arms?" he kicked off his arm and landed low to the ground, pulling a kunai out of Tenten's scroll. "Let's start this fight for real, yeah?"
"Fuck you!" Arashi roared as he began to run through seals.
"Oh, HELL NO!" Naruto shouted as he raced forward. "Like I'll let you finish that!" he threw the kunai, but Arashi dodged, still continuing the seals. "Walking the Branch!" Naruto yelled triying to sweep Arashi's legs with a low roundhouse kick, but he merely jumped over his legs, still continuing the seals. The blonde leaped up and brought a brutal axe kick down on Arashi's shoulders, finally breaking his momentum. Arashi stumbled back, clutching his arm as Naruto grinned. "Gotcha! LEAP!" Naruto leapt with all his might and brought his legs into a spread eagle position. A few feet from Arashi's face, he snapped his legs together, with Arashi's face right between it. The mist Genin tried to dodge, but it wasn't enough. The double-kick would shatter his jaw on impact.
Until Arashi sucked in a deep breath. "Fuuton: Daitoppa!"he roared, blasting the wind technique point blank. Naruto had no time to dodge as he slammed into the wall of wind, getting pinned to the ceiling. With a crunch, Naruto belly flopped onto the hard stone floor.
"GAH!" Naruto exclaimed. He was certain he had bruised at least a couple of his newly-set ribs.
"You… you fucking leaf ninja…" Arashi growled as his set his shoulder with a wet 'POP!' "You think you're all better than the rest of us…" Naruto gasped as he tried to suck in a breath.
"You think you're all so high and mighty, better than the rest of us ninja, with your pansy-ass morality and accursed bloodlines…!" he hocked a wad of spit at Naruto's face, just as he was sucking in a breath. Thankfully, it missed, but that wasn't really the point. "You've been sitting around at the top, lounging on your fat asses so much you don't even know what being a ninja is anymore!" he pulled a hooked kunai from his pocket, swinging it through the air was a resounding shriek of the air.m"True Shinobi are devils! Feared and respected by the entire world!" he leaped at Naruto and swung the blade, a move that surely would have decapitated him if Naruto hadn't rolled out of the way. "They build themselves higher by the blood of their enemies, using their skulls for their skull thrones! They cut down all that stand in the way of their goals! And what do you konohans preach! That 'peace' and 'unity' and 'the will of fire' will save you all! That's PR bullshit! Your Will of Fire is nothing but a cheap marketing ploy!"
That did it. Naruto looked at Arashi with hatred. "PAUSE!" he spat. The world froze. "Game Mod!" the world flashed, and turned into dull grey tones. "That fucker…! That goddamn FUCKER!" Naruto roared as he plunged his kunai into Arashi massive stomach. "I'll teach you to disrespect Konoha! Unpause!" the world faded to color again, and Arashi's eyes widened at the blade in his belly.
"What…?" he fell backwards. Naruto turned away from him.
"Call it if he's not dead!" he shouted, hearing some gasps of shock from the crowds. He turned away, feeling a growing sense of self-disgust in his stomach for losing control like he did.
"Fuuton: Daitoppa!" a wall of wind even stronger than the first slammed Naruto face first into the wall. He was fairly certain that crack he heard was his nose.
"GAHH!" he screamed as he fell to the ground. He looked up to see Arashi, standing and seemingly nonplussed. "How the hell are you still standing…! I stabbed you all the way up to the hilt…!"
Arashi's face split with a psychotic grin that showed far too many teeth to be healthy. "You're right, ya damn Konoha faggot! You did stab me up to the hilt!" he pulled the kunai, still stuck in his gut, out violently, ripping his shirt open in the process. "Too bad this ain't my stomach!" he licked his pointer finger and stuck it in the open wound. Horrified, Naruto watched as he swirled the finger around in the wound, watching the Genin's stomach ripple and flow like it was soup. The flesh-like… whatever the hell it was flowed up his arm in a gruesome manner, revealing Arashi to not actually be fat at all, with a veritable wall of muscle hidden underneath.
"What the fuck are you, you damn monster!" Naruto screamed. 'Fuckfuckfuck, what do I do now! I don't know what the hell this is…! Is it something like Gaara's sand armor? Is he a Jinchuuriki!'
"This is Kureton, my very own element! My defense of clay is absolutely seal-less, and only needs tiny bit of chakra control!" the bulge on his arm spread across the rest of his body, flowing across his face like some sort of sludge monster. "Best of all, you can't hurt me with this! Now come on! Or was that little speed trick all you had!"
'He has his own element? Does that mean that he's like Haku!' if this guy was anywhere near the skill of Haku, then Naruto was screwed. 'An ultimate defense like Gaara and an element like Haku…! My two worst enemies, together! Fuzz-butt, is my chakra fixed yet!'
'No, you damn idiot! I'm still unblocking the clogs in your coils! I'm going as fast as I can, but I'm only half done! And with the way that you're getting thrown around, you're lucky I haven't screwed up yet!'
'Come on! Just enough to make a Rasengan! This guy'll never see it coming!'
'Did you hear ANYTHING of what I just said! You CAN'T get enough chakra to use that! And even if you did, if you used that, you'd end up strapped to the scar-man's interrogation table for the rest of your life!'
'Dammit!' Naruto jumped out of the way of a stretching fist of clay that slammed into the wall behind him. 'Is there ANY good news you can give me!'
'And… THERE!'with a burst of pain, Naruto felt the familiar burn of demonic chakra churn in his stomach. 'I cleared one of the main blockages! There's not nearly enough to use any kind of offensive techniques worth anything, and it'll hurt like a sonuvabitch when you use it, but you've got chakra now!'
"You Konoha pansy, you keep jumping around like some kinda rabbit!" Arashi cackled as he launched another fist of clay at Naruto. "Didn't your sensei ever teach you any Ninjutsu, little rabbit! Too bad! Because MINE DID!" he began flashing through hand signs at a massive rate. Whatever was coming, Naruto knew he wouldn't survive it.
"PAUSE!" he exclaimed, and the world stopped once more. Naruto dropped to the ground, panting. "Shit… what do I do now…? I'm almost completely without chakra, this guy's got an ultimate defense, and he's just about to use a fight-ending Jutsu. What do I do now…?" he sat for a minute, before snapping his fingers. "Hey! Maybe there's something in Tenten's scroll!" he swiped it with blood and rolled it out across the floor. What he found floored him.
"…damn. How many weapons does she HAVE!" he exclaimed. This was more than most small armies owned! And these were the ones that she DIDN'T put in a specialized technique! Naruto was terrified of the girl now. But it didn't change the fact that it was a gold mine of opportunity. "Okay, so, let's see… he's got that clay stuff as an armor, so blades and stuff won't work too well… what else do we have…" he picked up a moderately large carton and opened it. He nearly dropped it in shock.
"HOLY-" the thing was full to the brim with exploding tags! If that went off now, the entire arena would go up in flames! He was VERY careful as he set it down. Then, he had an idea. "…Hey, fuzz-butt."
'Yeah?'
"Do I have enough chakra flow for setting off an exploding tag?"
'… Damn! That's actually not a stupid plan! Insanely dangerous, but that's actually not stupid!'
"Thanks for the vote of confidence." Naruto muttered as he began plastering exploding tags all in specific areas around the arena.
'Yeah, you do have enough to set them off. But hell's brimstone, boy, be careful! You screw this up even a little, and everybody could blow up!'
"Yeah, don't I know it." he leaped up to the ceiling again and again, sticking another exploding tag each time. With that done, he finally turned to Arashi.
"Oh, I'm going to enjoy this." He began plastering exploding tags all over Arashi's body. When that was done, Naruto stood where he'd left tagless, and grinned. "Unpause!"
"Fuuton: Shinku Renpa!" Arashi screamed, five razor-sharp air blades racing at supersonic speeds to where Naruto used to be. If he'd been there, he would've been decapitated. But Naruto wasn't there.
"And boom!" Naruto slapped his hands together, and released the seals to the tags on Arashi's body. With a deafening boom, Arashi flew out to the side… into another arrangement of tags. These tags went off, sending Arashi flying into the ground, where yet another mat of explosives were. Like a human-sized pinball, the mist Genin flew up into the ceiling, where the last mat of tags was. Arashi slammed into the ground. The arena was full of black, acrid smoke, with the smell of burnt clay and charred flesh. The arena was dead silent, too shocked to say anything.
When the smoke cleared, Arashi was laying limply on the ground, scorching red pieces of his clay armor welded to his skin. The clay was baked hard, no longer in its fluid state. Naruto walked over to him, feeling his neck with his fingers. It was faint, but there was still a pulse. 'Whew. Good. I figured the clay stuff would protect him from dying, but it would've been bad if I accidentally killed him.' He planted his heel on Arashi's head, striking a (to him) very heroic pose.
"Uh… winner, Uzumaki Naruto!" Hayate said, more than a little shocked. Naruto strolled up to the balcony, a shit-eating grin on his face. Only when he was next to Kakashi did the unspeakably awful pain kick in. Naruto managed to keep from making any noise worse than a small squeak of agony, but his sensei still seemed to notice.
"Excellent job, Naruto. That was an impressive finish to the fight. I'm curious, though, why you didn't use any Jutsu." Kakashi said, snapping open his book once more. Naruto collapsed against the wall, clutching his stomach and trying to keep his voice level.
"My chakra's really screwed up from the forest of death, alright? Setting off exploding tags is probably the best I could do right now!" Kakashi arched an eyebrow.
"Really? I thought you would have healed from that already." He closed the book, giving it up as a lost cause. "So, why do you look like you just got kicked in the nuts?"
"I had to force the chakra out, even though it's all plugged up. It hurts more than you can possibly imagine." Naruto said through gritted teeth.
"Try me." Kakashi said, with an eyebrow raised.
"Ever been trapped in a clothes dryer when it's set on high?" Naruto asked. 'That reminds me… I still need to find that fly ANBU guy and pay him back for death number 4… I'll have to figure out what is good payback. That one hurt like a sonuvabitch…'
"No!" Kakashi exclaimed. "That sounds awful!"
"Yeah, well, this is a lot worse than that." And that was all Naruto was going to say on that.
Hayate cleared his throat.
"Now that we have Arashi stable in medical care, it's time for round three." He looked up at the computer, as it slammed to a halt on two names. "Would Nakamura Kagero and Hyuuga Neji please step into the arena?" The two leaped down into the arena. Kagero eyed the boy like a side of beef.
"Mmm…! You know, Hyuuga-kun, you're actually really cute…" Kagero said saucily. She winked and blew a kiss towards the stoic boy. "How about after this match, you and I go to… this place I know? I'll show what it's like to be with a real woma-"
"KILL THE BITCH DEAD, NEJI!" Tenten roared a razor-sharp sickle magically in hand as Gai and Lee held her back enough to keep her from jumping into the ring herself.
"Tenten-san, please don't! To murder somebody like that is most unyouthful!" Lee exclaimed.
Neji sweat dropped in anguish.
"Is it that time of the month again or something…?" he muttered under his breath. He wondered once more why the only sane person on his team turned into a homicidal nut job once a month. He'd asked Gai about it, but he'd only said something about 'her youthfulness renewing itself in hopes of bringing more glorious youthfulness into the world', so he figured she got fed up with Gai's ramblings. "Then again, that was a week ago… so what's up with her now…?" Kagero flicked her wrist, and a wicked-looking knife slid from her sleeve to her hand. It looked to be about ten inches long, and made from some black material. It was split down the middle, however, and seemed to have a wire on the knife's hilt going back up her sleeve. Neji settled into a traditional jyuuken stance. "It is your fate to lose today, Kirigakure scum." He spoke, looking with contempt at the chipper opponent.
"We'll see!" Kagero chirped happily.
"Begin!" Hayate exclaimed.
And now, a word from the Beta-reader/Co-writer:
Sorry about the wait. We had a few clerical errors with this story (read: accidentally deleting all our shit), and then collective writer's block stopped us from writing it all again. It won't happen again. Back to you, Majin.
Yeah sorry but this is mostly the Dude's fault for losing the data for the fifth time. Okay some of you may complain about Naruto becoming a god with pause and game mod. My response is think harder I've already solved the issue there are ways to beat time stopper and remember this is set in a videogame think about that. Okay this is still harem Hinata's just the first one okay this was a response to Cannon Naruto's screw up of completely ignoring Hinata after she saved his life from Pein. The avatar change is coming alright.
One last thing a cookie to the reviewer who can guess the next match after Kagero and Neji.
This is Majin Hentai X Signing out.
Good night and thank you for not reading yaoi.