New update! House is warm and now that my fingers can type without getting very cold I was able to tweak this chapter.
Babies are borne, but how is Penelope adjusting to life as a single mother? Will she survive, or will she end up losing what little sanity she had?
As usual, I don't own Criminal Minds. But my wish to has not changed.
It had been only a week since she got home from the hospital and Penelope already felt like she was failing as a mom.
Ricky cried hours on end without stopping and Grace...if she took her eyes off Grace for one moment she would find someway to get into trouble, even just laying in her crib.
Sitting at her computer she rocked her son in her arms. "Shh... It's ok Richard. Momma's here so you can stop crying. Please? Just for a minute?"
Glancing over she saw her phone light up with a call from J.J. Quickly she stuck a soother into Ricky's mouth and hoped it would quiet him for a few moments. "What's up?"
"What? No snappy remark?"
"J.J., it is hard to give sass when you have a baby attached to your hip that refuses to stop crying. Seriously, doesn't this kid need to sleep sometime?"
"Where's Fran? Isn't she supposed to be there helping you?"
"She went to the store for some groceries... so until she gets back I am on my own. But dear, I think you called me for more than just some idle chit chat."
"Yes. Could you please do another background check on Tommy Williams? I think he is our UnSub but I want to make sure."
"You got it chicka. Exhausted momma over and out."
Picking Ricky up, and trying not to rip a stitch, she walked over to the baby swing and put him in. Grabbing his stuffy that Alex got him at the hospital she put it in Ricky's arms. Standing still she saw one of the very rare moments where his eyes drooped.
Backing away slowly she sat back down and began doing the background check while keeping an eye on the babies in their swings. They actually looked adorable when they were not soiling their nappies, spitting up, puking, crying, or causing her grief.
Typing softly she conducted a deeper background check on Tommy. She always hated this the most: checking on children the team thought were UnSubs, what was even worse was when the child did turn out to be the UnSub. Looking over at her babies she wondered how any mother could let their child become a monster.
After half an hour of hacking, digging, and highly illegal activity, she found the connection the team had wanted. Poor Tommy...
Picking up her earpiece she dialed J.J.
"Hey, found the link you wanted. This kid didn't stand a chance, did he?"
"No, he didn't. I know... I wish someone got to him before he murdered his sisters but... At least now he will get help. Hotch said that his lawyer could make the case that he is mentally incapable of standing trial. I haven't been this torn about an UnSub since the Jonny McHale case.
Can you send us the information?"
"Sure, sending to you all now. Is Reid there?"
"No. He's off with Rossi. Why?"
"I don't know J.J., something has been up with our little Doctor... I can feel it. Has he said anything?"
"No, and I've tried every profiler trick in the book."
"Darn. Oh, gotta go J.J., Ricky just woke up. Time for another round of crying."
Walking over she picked her son up and since he had woken up Grace as well, Penelope used her spare hand to rock her daughter's swing. She could really use Fran right about now.
Hearing the door open and shut downstairs she breathed in a sigh of relief and waited for her to come up.
"Hey dear, sorry I took so long. The line up at the market was longer than I thought it was going to be. I see they are awake again?"
"Yeah. I didn't know it would be this hard. I mean J.J.'s son just ate, slept, and soiled his nappies. Ricky will not stop crying and Grace will not stop getting into trouble. And I'm about to cry..."
"Here," Fran walked over and took Ricky out of Penelope's arms so she could pick up Grace. "hey buddy. What's the matter?" She rocked her grandson in her arms. "Have you talked to the doctor?"
"Yes, I called her this morning, she thinks it might be colic. Which, judging by what she said, is going to be so much fun to deal with. I have an appointment next week but I think I might go mad before then.
Any advice?"
"Sorry dear. All three of my babies were colic free."
"Nertz. I just feel like breaking down. I can't make him stop crying. I must be a terrible mother. My kids are going to end up as UnSubs!" Penelope could feel her resolve breaking down.
Fran held a squirming Ricky close in one arm and put another one around Penelope. "No you are not. Now come sit down on the bed." Penelope followed Fran's lead. "Now, Penelope. You, are not a terrible mother and no, your kids will not become UnSubs.
You only think this way because things are a little crazy right now and you have a lot of adjusting to do with working at home, the kids, and a social life.
Hell, when Derek was a baby I thought at times that I was the worst mother in the world because, for the first two weeks, for the life of me I could not get a diaper to fit tight enough. I spent that time covered in pee and poop until one of my friends showed me how to do it properly.
You are a good mother and you need to keep telling yourself that or else you will drive yourself insane. And believe me when I tell you that you will need all the sanity you can salvage for when these two hit puberty."
Penelope breathed in deep and closed her eyes. "I am a good mother, I am a good mother."
"That's it dear, keep repeating it to yourself. Now, I am just going to take Ricky downstairs, and I'm going to fix you up a nice cup of tea. We'll be right back."
Sniffling Penelope looked down at her daughter who stared back with her big black eyes. "You and your brother are both going to give me grey hair, aren't you? Well, don't worry because I will be taking lots of videos and pictures for when you both start dating."
Seeing her phone ring she hauled herself and Grace up, and went to answer it.
"Hi, this is the office of insanity, how may I direct your call?"
"Finally some sass! I missed that. Feeling better?"
"Yes, a little, J.J., Fran talked to me and things seem better. But I am still stressed. Anyways, what do you wish me to do? You must have called me for a reason?"
"We're coming home, after four long ass days, we are finally coming home."
"Good, I missed you guys. Do you have any idea what it is like to be stuck at home with two newborns?"
"Well I know what it is like to be stuck at home with one newborn, will that do?"
"I guess... Hey, when you guys come back, if it is not too to late, do you want to bring Henry over and we can chat?"
"Sure. We should be in at 18:00... I'll try to come over around 19:00. Is that alright?"
/
Penelope sat at the table and sipped her tea. In the corner the babies were sleeping in the swings that Fran and David had moved downstairs. It was quiet and her head was clear enough to think. With Fran asleep and David in his study reading, it was just her and the babies.
Her laptop was out and she had busied herself with doing a bit of self research on colic. There had to be a way to keep Ricky from crying for four hours straight.
According to what so called the experts were saying, the mother's diet may cause colic in infants. Looking at the list she realized one thing that she consumed a lot of... milk. She had an appointment with the doctor on Monday but she might try cutting out dairy until then... maybe it would help.
Hearing a knock she began getting up to answer it but saw David headed to the door. "I got this one Kitten. Just sit and relax."
A few moments later Emily walked in with Andrea, looking over she saw both babies fast asleep. "Hey P.G., I hope you don't mind me joining in. J.J. kinda invited us over too."
"No worries, here, give me Andrea." She took the 10 month old in her arms and cradled her. "There is a pot of tea on the stove if you want some."
"Thanks." Emily gingerly took a cup out of the cupboard and poured her tea into it. Taking a deep breath she savoured the smell of lemon mixed in with cinnamon and citrus. "This is the stuff I brought back, isn't it?" She sat down beside Penelope and took Andrea back.
"Yes, it's great after a hard day."
"So, J.J. was telling me that Ricky may have colic?" Emily held the cup in her hand, waiting for it to cool.
"It is a strong possibility." Penelope sighed. "Most of the time he cries non stop and it drives me insane. And Em, I don't know what to do."
"I know, it is rough. Andrea had a bad case of it, she nearly drove me mad. Luckily I finally met a doctor that came up with a solution that worked. You know what I did? I stopped eating Thai food. Have you noticed him being a little more fussy after you've eaten something specific?"
"Dairy. You know, it's funny Em, I was just reading that when you came in."
"Hey ladies, I hope I'm not interrupting." J.J. walked in with Henry's hand in hers. "Don't worry, I've already told him he has to be quiet or else he will not see the babies again for a very long time."
"Henry, come here and give your fairy godmother a kiss." Penelope leaned down as far as her stitches would let her and smiled as Henry gave her a kiss on the cheek. "You are growing up way to fast little guy."
"Can I see the babies? Momma said I could see them if I was real quiet."
Glancing over she saw that while Richard was still sleeping, Grace had begun to wake up. "You can see Grace, but Ricky is still napping so you will have to wait to see him." Getting up she walked Henry over to Grace. Taking her daughter out of her swing she knelt down and tried to ignore the pain from the stitches on her belly.
Henry slowly reached out a hand and touched Grace's cheek. "She is so tiny, and so soft. How did you get her out?"
"I pushed her out, with your mom and Uncle Spencer's help." Penelope hoped that would satisfy Henry's curiosity.
He looked like he was about to ask something else, but stopped when Grace reached out and grabbed his finger. "She's pretty."
"I know. And I think she likes you Henry. Tell you what, when she is old enough you can help me take her and Ricky to the park."
The boy's face lit up and he had to work to stay calm enough not to squeal in joy. He ran back to his mom and hugged her. "Did you hear that mom? I will get to play with Grace And Ricky when they gets big enough."
"I heard buddy. Soon you, Grace, Ricky, and Andrea can all play together."
"And with Jack?"
"Jack might be too old to play with the four of you then, but if he wants to you can play with him too."
Penelope heard Ricky stirring behind her. She gave J.J. a pleading look. "Can you please take Grace while I deal with Ricky?"
"Sure." She put Henry back down and took Grace in her arms.
"Hey ladies, am I correct in hearing that my grandson is awake?"
"Yes, and he will want his supper. So unless you want a free show David, you better be going back into your study."
"Can I at least take Gracie while you feed Ricky?" David asked. He wanted to spend time with at least one of his grandchildren before heading off to bed.
"Sure," She had yet to get tired of David's enthusiasm over the babies. "just don't get her too wound up for me this time."
"I'll try." David took Grace from J.J., lifted up Grace's shirt, and blew raspberries on it. "But I won't give any promises. Now if you excuse us Grace and I have some bonding time to get to."
Penelope sat down and began to undo her nursing bra. Lifting her shirt up she brought Ricky to her breast and he latched on.
"One good thing about this little guy is, aside from looking like his daddy and being so darn cute, is that he loves to eat."
J.J. leaned her elbows on the table and looked at Penelope feeding Ricky. "You know, Will and I are trying for another baby."
"Really?" Emily gasped. "That is totally awesome. Will and you really do make cute babies, plus I think Henry would love a sibling." She glanced over at Henry who was entranced by Andrea. "Hey little guy, what would you say to a baby brother or sister?"
Henry's eyes lit up. "I would love one. But I want a brother more. He could play GI Joe with me an I could teach him stuff."
"J.J., you've been talking about this for months... it is about time." Penelope adjusted Ricky to make it more comfortable for them. "And you know what J.J.? Aside from the running around with a gun and media bits, I could totally fill in for you when you are on maternity leave."
She leaned back. "So, the general census is that I should have another baby." J.J. smiled and nodded. "Good thing we have already started."
"So that means I get a baby brother or sister?!"
"Yes it does. Your mommy and daddy just need to make one for you." She picked her son up and squished him into a hug. "You're going to be a big brother."
"Yay! Did you hear that Auntie Emily, Auntie Penelope? I'm gonna be a big brother!" He snuggled into his mom and yawned. "I'm sleepy now..."
Emily looked at the clock on the wall. "It is getting late. Sorry Penelope but I think Andrea and I need to head out."
J.J. stifled a yawn herself. "I think we're going to be calling it a night too. It was wonderful to see you and the babies. They are adorable."
"Thanks girls." Ricky stopped sucking and stretched, Penelope laid him on her shoulder and began patting his back. "I think this boy needs a change and then it is bedtime for him too."
J.J. grabbed Henry's hand and walked towards the door. "I'll see you on Sunday for our girl's day."
Penelope got up and followed them. "Sure. Can we have it here though? Between the stitches and the babies I don't think we will be in that much fun going out somewhere."
"Sure." J.J. gave Penelope a hug, she was cautious and made she didn't squish Ricky. "We'll just bring the food to you. Just name the place, what you want, and we will bring everything."
"Thanks. Hey, did you ever get a chance to corner Spencer and talk to him?"
"Not really, but I did overhear him talking to someone named Anna over the phone, he said he would drop by her place tonight."
"Really?" Penelope's mouth opened in a silent squeal of joy. "Oh, we are so going to have to drag this out of him."
"Actually, I think we should let him take his time. When I came back you all were telling me how broken up he was about Maeve... let's not do anything rash and push him away." Emily leaned down to strap Andrea into her car seat."
Penelope pouted. "Why do you have to be so logical?"
Their raven haired friend just shrugged. "Because one of us has to be."
"Anyways... Henry, give your Auntie Penelope and Auntie Emily hugs and kisses before we go. It's getting late and your dad will be mad if you aren't in bed soon." J.J. let go of Henry's hand and watched him with joy as he said good-bye to his Aunties.
Seeing him made her want another child even more. He needed a younger sibling to look after.
/
3am, in the nursery she laid a crying Ricky down in his crib. "Baby boy, I need you to go to sleep. Please? Your sister will be in here soon and I know your sister sleeps like a log but if you cry all night you will eventually wake her up. You don't want that now, do you?" Trying to ignore his wailing she left the room to get his sister.
Penelope walked into David's upstairs study and grinned when she saw him passed out on his couch with Grace held tight in his arms. Bending down she gently released her daughter from his arms. Taking a blanket off the edge of the couch she used her spare hand to drape it over David. Leaning down she kissed his forehead.
In the nursery she forced herself to wake up Grace so she could feed her. After her daughter had taken her fill and had been burped, Penelope gently changed Grace into a new diaper and the Baby Girl onesie.
It amazed her how deeply her daughter slept. Once asleep nothing could wake her aside from her brother. And even then, sometimes she could sleep through that.
As soon as she had been placed in the crib Grace fell back asleep. It had been good timing. Ricky was about to go into one of his crying fits, again.
Quickly she picked him up; once in her own room she began rocking him in her arms in an effort to calm him down so she could get some sleep.
"Shh... it's ok Ricky. Momma's here. Shh... you're gonna wake up the entire house. That isn't very nice you know. And you are keeping your frazzled mommy awake. And mommy needs her sleep. Shh... do you want me to read you daddy's story? That sometimes helps, right?"
Taking the book off her dresser she opened it up to the first page.
"The first day,
your Daddy looked your Momma's way.
He saw her there,
with her pretty blonde hair.
Wanting to know her,
he asked the deceiver.
Uncle Spencer said Gomez be her name,
Daddy called her it in vain.
He wanted her to be prompt,
but from her got no response.
So another name he did call,
to make her notice him above all.
Baby Girl rang across the room,
and the name thus made your Momma swoon.
From that day, their hearts did not stray.
From that day,
you began to come Momma's way."
Ending the first page she closed the book. His crying had finally stopped and he had drifted off to sleep. Thankfully this had not been one of his 3hr episodes. Slowly getting up she made her way over to the nursery. Glancing into Grace's crib she saw her daughter had gone back to sleep. She gently placed Ricky in his crib and tip toed out.
Penelope slipped into her bed and once her head hit the pillow, she was out.
/
"Derek!" She ran though the woods, her shoes long abandoned she ran barefoot through the forest duff.
Her lungs screamed for air but she had to keep going. She had to get to him. She had to save him.
Before her, only a few yards away, he stood in a baron field. Caked dirt and sharp rocks laid between her and Derek.
Her toes touched the scorched earth, the searing pain made her yelp but she had to keep going. She was almost there. He needed her. He needed her to save him.
"Derek! I'm coming! Just hold on!"
Almost... she could almost touch him.
As she reached out her hand passed right through him and he vanished.
Her feet still, she looked around frantically for him. He was just there. He could not have gone far. "Derek? Derek!"
The only answer to her cries were the sound of rain hitting the scorched earth.
Looking up she realized that it was not rain falling... but blood. Penelope knew she should be scared... but she wasn't.
As the hot sticky liquid hit the caked dirt, grass immediately sprung from the ground. Soon the field in which she stood was covered in lush grass and from the green folds violate tulips swayed with the wind.
Off in the distance she could see two children playing. Their cries of joy echoed against the forest that boarded the edges of the meadow.
"You are doing a good job Baby Girl."
Penelope looked to her side to see Derek. "It doesn't feel like it. Once Ricky starts crying... I can't seem to make him stop, and I can't keep Grace out of trouble..."
"Baby Girl, you may not see it, but you are doing a great job."
Sighing she turned her eyes back onto the children. "So this is how it is going to be huh? I'm only going to be able to see you in my dreams..."
Penelope felt Derek's thumb on her cheek, turning her to face him again.
"Not true, you see me every time you look at our babies. And you know that I have never left you."
"What does this all mean?" She asked.
He looked at her with a puzzled expression. "What do you mean?"
"This dream... I've had it so many times... but the ending this time... is different..."
Derek wrapped an arm around her. "It means that you have accepted that from death springs life. The life we would have had together has ended but your life with our children has begun."
Her breath caught in her throat when he looked at her. Opening her mouth she began to say something. But, suddenly she was pulled from her dreams by Grace and Richard crying.