A/N: This is another one of those 'I could've written better, in my opinion' fics. (I seem to have a lot of those. Maybe I can't write better). I have another one coming on Friday, but I'm going on vacation for spring break, so don't expect another update after that for a while. Oh, and the title has no meaning or reference in the story, except for the last line. Enjoy - maybe.

Could we start again, L?

I know it's impossible, because you're already dead, and I'm just lying here, dying on the dirty stairs of an abandoned warehouse—such a fitting death for a wannabe god, wouldn't you say? And people don't start over once they're dead. Being dead is… nothing. I know that now, and I haven't even died yet. Then again, maybe Ryuk lied to me. He hasn't exactly proven himself to be trustworthy in the past.

But still, no matter how impossible it may be, I still want to start over. Maybe this hope has about just as much a chance of becoming a reality as my dream of the perfect world—which led me to this cruel but fitting punishment—and maybe it's just another impossible want of mine. But I see you over there in the shadows, watching me, and I know you know what I'm thinking, without me having to say, and—let's be honest—there's really nothing left for me to lose at this point, so it can't hurt asking.

Let me make this clear: after I got a hold of Higuchi's death note and got back the memories of all the horrible things I'd done with it, I didn't want to kill you. But at that point, all the parts of my plan had worked out perfectly, and there was no way to avoid your death. If there was a way, then you would still be living, I swear—though I guess my word doesn't count for much, does it?

But I'm dying now, too. And to be quite honest, it a huge relief. I'd have preferred to have been caught by you, instead of Mr. Mock-Up L, Near. He has no right to succeed you, you know that? He doesn't do justice to the name of L. But despite the humiliation of this defeat, I am not as desperate and broken as you might expect me to be.

Dying means I don't have to deal with the guilt of killing you anymore, the worst of my many guilts (some of the other strong ones include killing my father, getting my sister kidnapped, ruining my family… ruining myself).

Dying means I can be free. Whether in hell or in MU (because it's clear at this point that I am nowhere near going to heaven), I don't have to be Kira anymore. I haven't wanted to be Kira since I got my memories back. After that, I realized how stupid my desire was, creating a perfect world by killing off all criminals—you were right; only someone as narcissistic, egotistical, and immature as I am could even think about pulling that off. Then again, you are just like me. You might have done the same thing, if you had never been raised to be the world's greatest detective.

And, probably the greatest relief of all, dying means no longer having to deal with that headache of a girl, Misa. I hate her. Not only because she is stupid, obnoxious, bubbly, empty-headed, stubborn, and squealy, but because if not for her and her stupid Shinigami Rem, you wouldn't be dead. I wouldn't have been stuck between a rock and a hard place,

And I would have just given up the notebook, lost all my memories, and lived happily ever after in a Kira-less world.

Anyway, like I asked before, I wish we could start again. I'm 99.87% sure—ha! Now I sound like you!—that you will turn me down, but maybe you could forgive me? Or at least understand. I beg you to understand. Try to see things from my point of view. I went a few months seeing things only from your point of view; the least you could do is try it for a few seconds.

Ugh, now I sound demanding and accusatory. That's not how I meant it, I just…

Oh well. I'll see you soon, I guess. Death is calling, and she is one impatient bitch.