WARNING: this chapter contain a subject that might be a trigger to some people.

Chapter 13

It was a warm night in Whiterun, indicating the beginning of the summer. All around the hold, people were setting up feasts to celebrate the arrival of warmer days.

In Whiterun a whole festival had been planned as tradition dictated, and by the time Farkas arrived it had already begun. The smell of the food was all around, and he could hear more than one bard singing. People were laughing and cheering, the war was completely forgotten by them.

He had promised Nihren he would be back before the dances had started, but he was already running late. With quick paces he crossed the front gates, stepping in in the crowd of citizens already celebrating on the streets. Dodging the dancing drunks, he moved to his house, and entering quickly.

Immediately he knew something was wrong. The fire was down to embers, and the house was clearly empty. He called Nihren's name, making sure no one was home, before going outside looking for her. Had she forgotten the promise to wait for him? Had something happened? He hoped she was all right and that she wasn't mad at him for being late.

With easy steps, he went to the market area, where most of the parties were there, enjoying the music and beer from the inn. He scanned the crowd with his eyes, searching for any sight of her, but found none. If she wasn't there, there was only one option left.

He opened the heavy doors of Jovaskr only to find the main room also empty and dark, all it's habitants had already left for the festival. He was turning to go look in another place when a voice called out.

"Farkas'

Turning back, he noticed Aela standing up from the dark perch she had been in. By seeing her face he knew something really bad had happened, and his heart fell in his chest, while panicked questions took hold of his heart. What had happened? Where was his mate? Where is Nihren? Was it Vilkas? With large steps he was in front of her, not being able to hide his fear.

" What happened? Where is Nihren? Where is my bro-"

Sighing, she raised a hand to stop him from keep on going.

"Calm down. Vilkas is fine. But I have to tell you something about Nihren."

Fear took hold of his guts, and his beast started to trash inside him, trying to break free and find his mate. Aela put her hand on his shoulder and direct him to a bench.

" I don't know what exactly happened, but Lydia came here saying Nihren wasn't feeling very well. So we took the priest to see her…"

On the contrary to what Farkas thought was possible, something stronger then fear took hold of him, making him almost lose himself to panic. That morning Nihren had told him she wasn't feeling well, he remembered her telling him that, and even thou he had gone outside the city for work. Aela must have noticed him fear, because she took a deep breath and put her hand on his, pressing them lightly, and told him the news, hesitating only for a second.

"Apparently, she had a... a miscarriage. I'm sorry."

The world froze around him for a second. A miscarriage. In order to that to happen, she needed to have been pregnant. Gods, Nihren had been pregnant of his child. Happiness flowed in his heart for a second, and all his dreams about raising a family with her rose in his mind, but then all of it was crushed by Aela's words, taking with them his heart.

Aela's mouth was still moving but Farkas hadn't been listening. He blinked a few times, just in time to hear the end of it.

" – she was devastated."

Nihren! Gods!

"Is she well? Where is she?!"

She gave him a sad look, speaking to him quietly.

" We brought her here, we hoped she would feel better here, safer. She is resting on your old room. Vilkas is with her."

Standing up, he moved quickly to the stairs, barely taking notice of the sad look Aela gave him.

If the main room of Jovaskr had been dark and cold, the living quarters was ten times worst. Its inhabitants had left it for the party outside, and the tick rocky walls kept all the songs and cheers from being heard down there.

He stopped at the beginning of the large corridor, looking at the darkness, feeling the erratic beat of his heart. Only one candle was lit at the end of it, giving the impression that the corridor was longer than it really was. For how long had he wished for a child? How many times had him woken up from a dream where Nihren and he had a real family? How many nights had he spent imagining their children? Would they have her eyes? His height? Were there be any boys? Twins like him and Vilkas? Would he and Nihren be good parents?

Steeling himself, he took a deep breath and forced his legs to move forward, his wife needed him. His steps was all he could hear, and for a second he questioned if all this wasn't just a bad prank made by the others, and that Nihren was actually in The Bannered Mare waiting for him.

He stopped in front his old room's door, and tried to hear something. There was nothing, no crying, no groans of pain, nothing to indicate what had happened. Only the sober atmosphere was there to give away any hint of what had happened.

He pushed the door open and saw his brother sitting in a chair in front of the door, his sword half draw as a precaution, guarding her from danger. Seeing Farkas, Vilkas nodded and stood up, glancing to Nihren only for a second. He stopped in front of Farkas for a second, looking him in the eyes before putting a hand on his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze and leaving the room.

Farkas stood at the door a little longer, he wasn't sure what he was going to do, didn't know what he could say to make Nihren feel better, but he knew he couldn't leave her suffering alone.

Nihren was lying motionless at his old bed, her back turned to him, and Farkas felt his heart breaking at the pained line of her shoulders. Removing his armor, he sat beside her at the bed and started to caress her back and, after a few seconds, she grabbed his hand, intertwining their fingers. He could feel she was trembling.

He stared at their hands for a second, lost and without knowing what to say. His mouth opened and closed a few times, he wanted to reassure her that everything was going to be okay, but he couldn't say something he didn't feel. He knew that eventually things were going to be better, that the pain would go away, but right now? He couldn't pretend things were fine.

He laid down at the bed and Nihren immediately turned to him, burring her face to his chest and grabbing his shirt in her fists. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her as close as he could and buried his face on her hair. Her body was shaking and he could feel her tears starting to soak his shirt. He felt powerless in front of her tears, Nihren never cried, she always tried to keep a light mood and a strong front, never giving way to sadness. He could feel her sobbing against his chest, and he wondered if she had been holding all that back until he arrived.

He felt his broken heart falling in his chest, the sight of her so broken, destroying his control. Wrapping himself around her, he tried to give some sense of safety, hiding her from the world with his body, while his own tears started to fell.

He woke up in the same position as he had laid before. Nihren still had her face buried in his chest, but thankfully she wasn't crying anymore. Sometime during the night exhaustion had caught up, allowing her to fall asleep.

Quietly, he removed her arms from him, and stood up. He put his shoes on and went outside, being careful not to awake her. In the night before, he had stayed awake longer than her, thinking about what he should do to make her feel better, and had ended with a small list of things to do.

Going upstairs, he was glad to notice none of the others members of the Companions were awaken yet, allowing him to pass without interruptions. Outside, the city seems to be still as sleep even though the sun was already out. Everywhere he looked he could see the signs of the festival, and in some benches, there were still some passed out revelers.

Crossing the Gildergreen plaza, he entered the temple of Kynareth quietly. The main room of the temple was full of more passed out drunks from the last night, some even sleeping on the floors. Seeing at the door the priest came to ask what he needed and took him to one of the side rooms to talk.

When he identified himself as Nihren's husband, the priest's eyes grow sad. Not giving her much time for platitudes, he began asking her what he needed to know.

"I need to know if there is any... remedy, my wife needs to take or anything I need to do."

He wanted to be back before Nihren woke up, and he wanted to know that he wasn't doing anything he wasn't supposed to.

The priest proceeded then to tell him all the things he shouldn't do, making sure to emphasize that he wasn't supposed to force her to lay with him. The thought of forcing Nihren of doing anything in that stated and also of forcing her to lay with him, almost made him lose his patience. He was glad when the priest finished her lecture by telling him to buy some potions and herbs for teas.

He left the building in a jog in order to not lose more time. Thankfully Arcadia's shop was already open, and when he entered he was a little bit glad that she had already heard about what had happened. Apparently, when she had heard about Nihren, she had gone mix the potion and herbs she would need, going as far as going to their house to delivery them, but the house had been empty and she didn't knew where they had taken her to.

He nodded his thanks, and left again. His last stop was their house. It was still cold and empty, and he vaguely wondered were Lydia had gone. Going up stair, he entered the master room and froze.

Some weeks ago, Nihren had lovely changed their straw and furs bed for one with real white sheets, and now, they were crumpled to the ground. The room was a mess, and it was clear that whoever had been laying there hadn't been feeling very well. There were many potions, rags and a bucket with water to the side of the bed.

He walked inside, trying to ignore the images his brain was making about his wife suffering in bed. He started to put everything back in place, but had to stop again. There, at the bed, was a small stain of blood.

That small stain was all the sign that once he Nihren had been pregnant; that once he could have had a child! It was all that was left of his unborn child.

In a fit of anger, he pulled the sheets of the bed, throwing them to the other side of the room, he slapped a pair of bottles from the table, splashing it's content at the walls, and flung one of the chairs against the wall with a roar.

The noise of the door opening was the only thing that stopped the destructive wave. He turned at the door with a snarl, noticing his brother standing there. Vilkas was quiet as always, his keen eyes taking in his brother's and the room's state as he walked inside and sat down at a chair.

Some people said twins had the ability to feel what the other one was feeling. Farkas had never met others twins to ask them if that was truth, but for him and Vilkas, it was. It always amazed him how his brother knew when he was sad, angry or needing help in some way. And this time wasn't a exception.

"What do you want, brother?"

"Nothing, I'm just here to make sure you don't go in a rampage through the city."

Farkas turned his back to him, holding back the wish unleash his anger at him. But Vilkas continued, as if he hadn't noticed Farkas' reaction.

" After all, one of use have to be the thinking one. And we both know which one is the one with the brains, right?"

Through ground teeth Farkas answered.

"Brother, now is not the time for this!"

" Oh no? Because I think it is. After all, I am not the one who left his vulnerably wife in order to go destroy his own house!"

Farkas let out a grown of warning, his hands going into fists at his sides.

"Think Farkas! This isn't what you are supposed to be doing now! You were supposed to be with Nihren! "

Letting his shoulders fall, Farkas collapsed to the bed, his hands pressing against his eyes, smudging his war paint. He took a deep breath, trying to control himself once again. He felt the bed shift with the weight of his brother, sitting beside him, and felt his arm around his shoulder.

"I know you are angry, and that it hurts brother, but you can't run away from it."

"I know. And that wasn't what I was doing brother. I was only... trying to help, but I ended losing control when I saw- when I saw the blood..." He took a deep breath, trying ,and failing, to hold back his tears.

Vilkas arm squeezed him once and he knew his brother felt his pain. Still keeping his head low, he tried to calm himself once again.

Quietly, they fixed the room together, cleaning it, moving the furniture back to its place and putting a new set of sheets at the bed. Without saying anything, Vilkas took the bundle of used sheets from the floor, and took it somewhere Farkas didn't see.

They returned to Jovaskr in a companionable silence.

Nihren was still laying at the bed, with the furs wrapped around her. When he entered she opened her eyes and watched him.

He sat down at the side of the bed, his hand going to caress her cheek and she leaned at the touch. She looked at his eyes, noticing he had been crying, and took his hand on both of her own. For a while they only looked at each other, but then she gave a light tug at his hand, pulling him to lay down with her.

He wrapped himself around her again, inhaling her scent and feeling her warm body. She caressed his cheek and pulled his head down to press her forehead to his own, whispering words of love.

Everything was going to be alright. It would take them a while, but as long they were together, they would be fine.

Hey!

So, what did you guys think? Too much drama? :X

This chapter was planned since the first chapter I posted and I really wanted to write it, but I think I'm not really good with words when expressing feelings, so it might not have turned the way I wanted... But I liked it! It was good practice! :D

So please, tell me what you guys thought about it (really! if you feel like it was shit please tell me too! ).