Howdy there everybody. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update but life just went from "chill" to "let's just give Grace endless amounts of stuff to deal with and no break in between". So I've been having to do about a weeks worth of make-up homework whilst figuring out how to function on a concussion. Needless to say, my head hurts and life is really busy. Without further adue, here's the next chapter.

Chapter Thirteen:

Dawson

Three full weeks have passed, each day getting duller and duller by the minute. I do my military duties and check in on the royal family. I listen to Charlotte as she drags on about some miniscule problem she has. I train with Tobias and Zeeke, who enjoy having an opponent who is slightly more on the Dauntless side. I try to keep Violet and Amarillo from fighting. I help Scarlett's painting obsession by being her model. I pretend to take notes of Indigo's next suicidal plan. I get to know Topaz and Amber, realizing almost instantly that they would like nothing more than to kill each other. I report to the Queen, giving her all the latest updates. And when my long list of chores is done, I go and take care of Vivian's garden, which she now has no interest in taking care of.

Vivian has refused to leave her room since they discharged her from the hospital. The only person she lets through those doors is her father, and on a rare occasion, me. I don't know what to do about her and I want nothing more to mend her broken heart. I'll look through the doors into her room sometimes and I'll see her sitting on the windowsill or she'll be training in the comfort of her own room. But the thing she does most, I notice, is she will just lay in the center of the room, motionless and calm.

Today, as I take care of her plants, I hear a door open and look up. Vivian stands on the balcony twisting a leaf through her fingers. She doesn't say anything to me and I don't press her, not wanting her to retreat into her room again. After a long minute she says softly, "Dawson, come here for a moment."

I set down the hose I was using to water the plants and ascend the spiral stair case until I'm standing next to her. She cups a strange looking heart in her hand. The longer I look at it, the longer I get confused. "A bleeding heart." Vivian says to me. "It's one of my favorite flowers."

"That's a flower?" I ask.

Vivian smiles for the first time in what feels like forever. "Strange looking, isn't it? I love the way it looks like the bottom of a heart has opened up, letting a drop of blood drip through." She says, putting the pink flower in my hand.

"A bleeding heart." I mutter, cupping it gently.

Vivian kisses my cheek softly, surprising me, and then retreats back into her room. I stand there for a long moment before I follow her. It's against the rules to go into a royal's room without permission, but I can't just let her shut the world out. "Vivian,"

She turns to me. I notice that she wears all black, the way her brother does. She doesn't even make an attempt to cover her tattoos anymore. Her dark blue eyes look almost black and empty. She has become muscular in the past few weeks, making me nervous that if she might decide to fight me, I might actually get hurt. But she doesn't hurt me; she just looks at me through her tired, lifeless eyes.

"Please don't shut the world out. We all want to help you be okay, but we can't do anything if you keep shutting us out. You can't expect to live your life shut up in your room forever. We're not going to hurt you. Tobias is out of his mind worried about you. Your father needs to know that you're going to be okay. I've been losing sleep just trying to make sure that you're not going to do something drastic like take your life or something. Please, just let us in." I plead, and then I whisper, "Just let me in."

Vivian stares at me for a long time, as if she didn't comprehend a word I had just said. But eventually she walks towards me, letting herself fall apart and allowing herself to be held by someone she knew loved her. I hold her as she cries and I continue to hold her long after I know that she's okay.

I felt her head move beneath my chin and I look down just as she looks up. We stare at each other for a long time and before I can stop myself, I close the distance between us, pressing my lips to hers. She tastes like salt, from the tears she as cried. I feel her press into me, returning my kiss. Her arms twist and move up from around my waist to around my neck, pressing herself closer to me. I feel her fingers getting tangled in my hair and I smile against her lips, wrapping my arms strongly around her.

Everything about this moment feels right. I wish this moment will last forever. I just want to stay wrapped up in Vivian's arms, holding her. I want to be able to kiss her over and over. I want to-

"I can't do this," Vivian says, pulling away suddenly. "I can't do this to you, Dawson."

I'm confused. "Do what?"

"I'm heartbroken and angry and hurt and all of these other emotions that are clouding my judgments. I can't do this to you because though it might actually be genuine, I'm not sure of my feelings and if I break you because I led you on, it will break me as well. I can't do this, at least until I'm sure of what I'm feeling." Vivian says almost angrily. I know her anger is not directed at me, but to Larkin.

I take Vivian's hand, trying to calm her down. "How about when you know how you feel, whether it is in my favor or not, you tell me. I promise that I will not be angry with you and I will not hate you. I admire you and respect you for your decision to not lead me on and if you do decide that your feelings for me are genuine, I will be here, waiting for you." I kiss her cheek softly and leave her alone. I walk out down the halls to the security sector, the bleeding heart still in the palm of my hand.