2066
Ben Wheeler was sitting in the hallway waiting for the others to arrive. He was dressed in a black suit, and strummed his fingers nervously. He looked every one of his 74 years. He still had his hair, though it was quite white. He still had the frame and weight he had when he was half a century younger, and was in good health. Other people in his position would have checked their watch, but he didn't bother anymore. What was the point?
As expected, the door on the left opened and Danny and Tucker appeared. Danny had gained weight since he had ended his professional career. But in the next few decades remarkable things had been done with reshifting weight so he looked handsomer and healthier than if he had no fat at all. The only drawback with his appearance was that unlike Ben, he was increasingly bald. But remarkable things had been done with toupees, such that even his wife constantly forgot that his wasn't real. Tucker was considerably pudgier and distinctly balder. His seventies had not been so kind. Both men wore hats that had become fashionable in the twenties. They resembled the fraternal orders that had been popular more than a half century before that. As such they were big lumpy hats, and on those hats there were pretend antlers. Sometimes the antlers could be turned on like Christmas lights. Sometimes they could play songs-but only the most irritating muzak versions of the most annoying songs of the last 120 years. Ben thought they were idiotic and had never wore one. He was quite right about this, but decades of skillful advertising had broken down most people's resistance.
"Looking good," Ben lied with a sad indifference.
Tucker took three small rubber balls and started to juggle them. "What the hell are you doing?" Ben asked.
"It's an old Persian custom. If you juggle three balls like this, you'll have good luck."
Ben was about to respond that this was most certainly not an old Persian custom. But there weren't that many Persians around to refute Tucker. A sudden twinge of guilt shook Ben, and before he could speak again he saw his mother enter. "How do I look boys?" as she strode confidently towards them.
"You look very good, Mom, " Ben replied. "You don't look a day over 45."
Indeed she didn't. It was remarkable indeed, Bonnie did not look she had aged a day since 2017. But she was still miffed that Ben hadn't said she was in her twenties. Before she could sit down there was an audible cough behind her. It was Jennifer Perrin, looking like every one of her almost ten decades, sitting in a wheelchair and waiting for Bonnie to wheel her along. Bonnie went back to get her, muttering under her breath that Perrin could after all wheel herself along. "I thought that if Mrs. Wheeler had that many chemical peels she would end up like that woman in Brazil." Tucker said. "Clearly I was wrong."
As they sat down, Ben was wondering how to get some coffee. Just then Danny's hat started making a series of annoying beeps as it echoed Charlene's "Never Been to Me. "Hey! I love this song!" he noted happily.
Ben wanted to tell Danny to make sure his hat was shut off, but as part of the hat's successful publicity campaign, it was now allowed to make noises in an alarming number of social occasions. So instead he took a deep breath and then very slowly exhaled. He remembered that this was one of the ten songs Riley hated most in the whole world. He hoped for someone else to start the conversation, and as it happened Tucker unconsciously obliged.
"There was a lot of security to get this far."
"Uh-huh."
"I mean, what do you expect in situations like this?"
"Uh huh."
"And Marissa and Vanessa had to go through a different, completely separate route, which is why they're not here yet."
"I imagine that would be the case."
"So..." and here Tucker paused, "when does the funeral start?"
2026
Ben looked at Riley and she nodded her head in agreement. The moment he hoped he would never have to tell his daughters had happened, and now they would just have to plow through. "...so you see when Matty was born, the two of us weren't actually married."
"What?!" exclaimed a startled Mathilda.
"Ha-Ha," Ruth jeered at her, before Ben shushed her.
"I don't understand." Mathilda said. "I'm illegal? The police are going to come and take me away?"
"Uh no, Jenny," explained Riley, kneeling down so she could look at her youngest child directly. "The word is illegitimate. And you're not illegitimate if your parents are married at any point in your lifetime. So you were legitimate when me and your father remarried."
"But Emma has always been illegitimate?" Ruth asked.
"Ruth, don't ask questions that you already know the answers to." Ben admonished her.
"When did you remarry?"
"A few months after."
Mathilda's eyes began to tear. "I wasn't a good enough reason for you to marry?"
"This wasn't about you," Riley replied.
"How could it not be about me?"
"Look, I know you're too young to appreciate this. But it was important that me and your father get back together because we were right for each other, not because we didn't have a choice. Your Aunt Naomi told me that."
Unfortunately "Aunt" Naomi happened to be right there. "That is not what I told you. I said you shouldn't have divorced Ben in the first place if you weren't going to stop sleeping with him."
Riley bristled, then stared deeply at Mathilda. "Listen Jenny, this isn't about either of us not loving you or wanting to do the best for you. That was never in question. What was important was what the best way we would be with each other so that we could be the best for all three of you."
2066
"Well as you might imagine, the services are going to be a little complicated." Ben replied.
"Well, I find it very time consuming and irritating," Bonnie interrupted.
"For once I agree," Jennifer Perrin added. "Somehow it's all so typical that you wouldn't be paying for the funeral."
"I wonder if they are going to be any nude pallbearers." Danny asked. The others glared at him. "What? That was really a thing."
"Just because a Republican President wanted it, and the Southern Baptist Convention went along with it doesn't mean sane people have them at their funerals." Ben answered crossly.
"Well to be fair, a Republican Vice President also wanted it." Mrs. Perrin admitted.
"And some Pentecostals went with it." Tucker added.
"Well, this isn't a Protestant funeral. It's Catholic!" Ben replied.
There was a brief pause. "I thought we were Protestant." Danny said.
"What?"
"Yeah, I remember now. When Emma was baptized, the clergyman was actually a black woman. And the Catholic Church didn't have women priests back then."
"Danny, I'm not the one being buried!" Just then another person entered the hallway. It was Naomi Rosengarten, perhaps twenty pounds heavier than she would have liked. She walked up to Ben and embraced him. "How are you holding up, Ben?"
August 2019
"So how are you Riley? I mean I haven't been in New York while teaching out in the boondocks. I'm sorry, that's unfair. I many ways Lawrence is a lovely place. Except of course, it's not Manhattan. I mean I really wish I could have talked to you more often, but you have to make a choice between paying for long distance and paying off your student debt. So, now you're divorced, so now you're living the life of a bold single woman." Despite her chatter, Naomi realized there was something wrong with Riley's mood.
"Something's come up. And I haven't told anyone yet."
"Omigod, there isn't anything wrong with Ruth?"
"What? No, more like the exact opposite."
"What? She isn't the Christ child come back to the earth? Because, boy have I got a piece of my mind to give her about how things went down the first time."
"I'm pregnant."
Naomi was silent for a decent interval. "So who's the father? Please tell me it isn't Danny. I mean you've known him all your life, but he is such a twit. And kind of selfish. Unless he is the father, in which I wish the best for the both of you." And Naomi made a determined attempt to appear sincere.
"It's not Danny! And isn't it obvious?'
"Well, you've been divorced for four months, so I wouldn't know darling."
"It's Ben of course! I haven't slept with anyone else for the past four years!"
"Oh." Naomi paused. "All right. The first thing we have to think is what to do with the baby..."
"I mean, I couldn't..I mean I just could never, it would be wrong, I mean..." and Riley started to cry.
Naomi understood and reached across the table to embrace her. "OK, we'll never talk about that again."
After another decent interval, Naomi spoke up. "I suppose this is the sort of thing that happens. I mean it's not unusual for people to sleep with their exes. And after all, it wasn't his fault that the marriage fell apart. It was just that you both needed a lot more money and your marriage wasn't helping that. It's just unfortunate that you would get pregnant from a chance meeting."
"Yeah, about that..."
A minute later: "What do you mean Ben never moved out of your apartment?!"
"Shh! Not so loud! And strictly speaking Ben doesn't live with me."
"And I thought you had to be separated before you got a divorce in New York."
"We were-are-separated. I was very careful to follow all the regulations. His mail address was changed to Tucker's, later Bonnie's. He paid a token rent. He moved some of his things there, such as the clothes he was going to throw out anyway..."
"But he's slept in the apartment-in your bed, actually-all that time."
"Look, he's still Ruth's father, and he's responsible for raising her. And he's been looking for an apartment. It's just been tough"
"Tough? You had problems affording the apartment you already had. How are you going to find a one bedroom apartment..."
"Two bedroom. Remember, Ben has complete custody over Emma."
"It's not possible to have two inexpensive apartments in Manhattan!"
"OK, be discouraging. That'll help!"
"Riley, do your daughters even know you're divorced?"
"Well Ruth is only two, and we were waiting for the move to break it to Ruth..."
"I can't imagine how this affects your sex life..."
"Well, considering the stress Ben has been under, since he could lose the bar and everything...well, there may, sort of, been, perhaps, and I don't want to make things worse, well, there may be more sex than usual."
Naomi glared at Riley very unsympathetically. Riley sighed. "The thing that I keep getting back to, is how fortuitous it all was. You see..."
"Excuse me, just how saucy is this anecdote going to be?"
"Oh, it's totally PG-13."
"OK, carry on."
Several weeks earlier
It was an incredibly warm and humid evening, and Ben and Riley were going to bed, when Riley detected Ben ogling her. "Why are you staring?"
"Because you're taking off all your clothes," which she was indeed doing.
"There's nothing unusual about sleeping in the nude." Ben snorted in derision. "What's so funny?" She asked icily.
"We've never slept in the nude."
"We've slept in the nude plenty of times."
"No, we've had sex plenty of times and not put our clothes back on."
That happened to be true, but Riley was not happy about Ben's presumption. Quickly putting on a skimpy bathrobe, she ordered him out the bedroom and onto the couch. About a hour later, Emma emerged from her bedroom. "I wanna glass of water."
"Let's see if there's some in fridge." There was and he poured a small glass. "Why are you sleeping on the couch Daddy?"
"I was naughty, and Mom gave me a time out. Go back to bed, and don't wake your sister."
About an hour after that, Riley nudged Ben awake telling him he could come back to bed.
"And if I hadn't told him half an hour later we could have sex if he wanted, given that it was so warm, and it would make us sleep better, I wouldn't be pregnant now."
Naomi was skeptical. "Something tells me this wasn't the selfless act on your part you say it is." Riley wrinkled her nose while Naomi drank her coffee.
"Oh! Something just came to me!"
"What? That you shouldn't have divorced Ben if you were going to keep sleeping with him?"
"No, I was just thinking. Just how likely are three unplanned pregnancies?"
"Well you told me that you conceived Ruth because you were under such pressure at work that you forgot your birth control pills on your honeymoon."
"Yeah, and I thought that I had forgotten to take them one day. Because quite frankly, I'm so busy and so rushed, that I find that I forget to take a pill about once a month. And I thought I missed a pill a month ago. What if Ben sabotaged things, so we'd have to stay together? Do you think he would do that?"
Naomi pondered the matter. "I don't believe Ben would be cruel enough to do this. But it's not impossible that he loves his daughters so much that he might be stupid enough to try this."
"Well which is it? I really need to know if this is some scheme of his."
Naomi pondered it again. "I have an idea. How invested are you in telling Ben that you're pregnant?"
"Not so much. I'm far more invested in strangling him if he tricked me."
A couple of hours later Naomi walked into the bar where Ben was busy working. "So how are you Ben?"
"Well, let's see I'm divorced, and unless I can find a lot of money in the near future I'm probably going to lose the bar. Sorry, I really should work on being friendlier."
Ben was busy washing dishes, and not facing her, while Naomi took a compact out of her purse. Opening it, she subtly adjusted the angle so that not only would she be able to see Ben, but he wouldn't realize she was watching him. "I talked to your ex-wife earlier today."
"Uh-huh?"
"Among other things she mentioned that she was pregnant..." and Naomi looked for the sly grin or the subtle sign of triumph. "...and you're the..."
But instead she saw a look of shock on Ben's face, just before he fainted. Naomi quickly clambered behind the bar to help him up.
"Ow! What's wrong with my head?"
"You hit it when you fainted." Naomi took a closer look. "Oh, and you cut yourself when the glass you were holding broke."
She quickly bandaged Ben. "Why is she pregnant now?! I mean we talked about the idea after Ruth was born, but she said she had neither the time nor the money."
"Sometimes these things happen." Later that evening, Ben was able to see Riley. "Oh, baby Naomi told me."
"I know," and Riley looked past Ben at Naomi, who quickly shook her head.
2066
"Well, frankly I've been better." Ben took a deep breath. "Actually I was just thinking of the second time I proposed to Riley. And she immediately said no, because it was a point of principle."
Mrs. Perrin sniffed. "Some principle. Mathilda must have been thrilled when she found out."
"Oh she was upset for weeks. And she had nightmares. But she got over it."
"Although she still carried a copy of your marriage certificate in that silly toy elephant until she was 28." Tucker noted.
Mrs. Perrin was distracted. "I wish Ray were still alive."
"Really?" Danny wondered. "Because not only was he completely senile, the cancer that killed him left him in agony and…" but Tucker nudged him to shut him up.
Bonnie nodded. "I wish Brad was still here. I mean it was odd. There was a time when everyone brought up the age difference. Then people stopped bringing it up. Then people thought I was younger than Brad, which was nice. Then it became annoying. Then it became really annoying when he died." She sighed.
Mrs. Perrin tapped the sides of her wheelchair. She didn't realize that a tear was falling down her face.
"Is something wrong Mrs. Perrin?" Danny asked.
"I was just wishing that Margot was still alive, like she was decades ago, sunning herself on a beautiful Mexican beach, making a living selling trinkets, and being happy and at peace...instead of being here mucking up this funeral." And indeed Margot Perrin was there. She was in excellent health considering her age, but Alzheimer's had left with the mind of a small child. She had completely forgotten given birth, and sang softly to herself as she sat down.
"Wow! I can't believe after all these years, no one found about this." Tucker wondered.
"And they're not going to find out now." Ben directed sternly.
"Ah." Tucker tried to think of a topic. "Alright, ummm...whatever happened to whatshisname?"
"Whatshisname?"
"Yeah, you know, the guy."
"Perhaps you could be a little more specific."
"You know, the one who, well you know, well you know...?" and Tucker gestured to Margot.
"Oh, you mean David Brinkerhoff?"
"Yeah that's him." Mrs. Perrin winced inwardly when Margot showed no sign of recognition.
"Oh, he died of a heart attack when he was 62. It was sad. Riley never ate a doughnut afterwards."
"Huh." Tucker wondered about a new topic. "You know Ben, I remembered you saying a few months before Emma entered our lives that you couldn't imagine enjoying being a parent more than oral sex. Well, we know how that turned out!"
"Dude! Really, this is not the time!"
"Oh, that reminds me of your tenth wedding anniversary."
"Tucker, for God's sake, give it a rest!"
"Seriously Tucker, no one needs to hear this." Naomi added.
"What happened on the tenth anniversary?" said Marissa, who had just entered the room.
"Which tenth anniversary?' asked Danny.
"The only one we celebrate, Danny!" answered Ben. "And we're not talking about it!"
"What happened?" Mrs. Perrin asked. "Does it put Ben in a really bad light?"
"Mrs. Perrin!"
"Sorry. Force of habit."
"Look the girls are coming. So zip it!" And just then one of the security people ushered some people in. First was Emma, looking in reasonably good shape for her 52 years, with the signs of grey in her hair tactfully dyed away. Second was Mathilda, who since 18 had been the tallest and leanest of Ben's three children. She was perhaps a little too tall and gangly, but was otherwise reasonably confident and self-assured, like a kick-ass Wendy Torrance. The two wore coats which contained one of the other leading fashion statements of the half century of the future, roses apparently mystically attached to them. Thanks to the magic of genetic engineering, they were all tinted blue.
A third woman entered. She was shorter than the other two, with slight wrinkles around her eyes hinting her real age. She was thin, with smaller than average breasts, and her blonde hair was shortly cropped. She smiled at Ben.
He gasped. "Riley..."
September 2019
Danny took a breath, not a deep one because he was reasonably confident. He knocked on the door to Riley's apartment.
"Hi. Can I come in?"
"Make yourself comfortable," Riley said as she got a cup of coffee. Danny saw his reflection in a nearby glass, and quickly practiced his smile. "Nailed it," he thought to himself, as he purged any smugness and mastered his benevolence.
"So what's on your mind Danny?" as Riley sat down.
"Riley, I'm your oldest friend."
"Uh huh."
"And I'd like to think that I'm your best friend."
"Go on."
"And while I've been busy practicing for the new season, the first thing I did when I heard you were pregnant was to come right here. Look, what I want to say..." But just that minute Ben arose from the bedroom putting on a T-Shirt.
"Oh hi Danny."
"What are you doing here Ben?"
"Well a few minutes ago I was taking a shower. Damn, it's hot outside."
"Uh...well I was about to talk to Riley about something very important."
"OK, well go ahead." And Ben sat right by Riley.
"Umm...:
"You can start anytime," Riley said.
"Ben, this is a personal matter. Do you have to sit right by her?"
"What were you going to ask me? You said you knew I was pregnant."
"Ben, look I know you're Riley's ex and Ruth's father. But this doesn't concern you."
"How would Riley's pregnancy not concern me?" Ben wondered.
"Danny," Riley added. "You do know Ben's the father."
Actually Danny would have admitted there was a 60% chance Ben was the father. (The other 40% was wishful thinking.) "Oh yeah! Of course I knew that! So I've got something very special for Riley! Which you can't know Ben! See, it's a special spa day. I've booked it for next Thursday. It's in the Catskills."
"Danny, I have to be in Albany next Thursday for discovery."
"Oh." Danny quickly checked his phone. "Well that works out actually, because the spa is closed for the whole of next week."
2066
"Ruth, take that silly wig off." And Emma yanked it off her sister's head.
Ruth quickly grabbed it back. "Look Mom dyed her hair all the time."
"Yes. She dyed her hair, not wore a really bad wig."
"Well wigs are better for the environment. And I don't think it's bad at all."
Shocked momentarily at how much Ruth looked like her mother, Ben was inclined to agree. "Where are the grandchildren?"
"Nathan thought it would be a good idea that they get to know each other better. So they're all at lunch together."
"Well now that everybody's here, we can all reminisce about Riley." Danny said.
"Umm, we're not all together," Ben pointed. "None of our grandchildren are here."
"My wife is still trying to get through security." Tucker pointed out.
"And so is my husband." Naomi added.
"And I think you're all missing especially important." Mrs. Perrin piped up. Danny and Bonnie stared at her. "Riley had a sister?"
But just then Rebecca entered. She was extremely upset, and when she reached Ben she burst into tears, and Ben had to console her.
"Now she's upset," Bonnie muttered not really sotto voce.
"Grandma! Mom and Aunt Becky had been reconciled for three decades!" Emma whispered back.
Aunt Margot walked up to her niece. "You look sad. Ketchup would be nice for that!"
Rebecca managed to compose herself, and wiped her tears with a handkerchief. Tucker waited a few seconds. "Isn't it odd that we've all been married for at least fifty years?"
Rebecca objected. "I've been divorced twice."
"Yeah, yeah, we don't really care."
"Actually Tucker," Ben pointed out. "It would have been fifty years for us in July. And you and Danny were married after me."
"Well, regardless. How did we last so long?"
Well I don't know about me, Ben thought, but that knockout drop that I slipped in your cocktail before you could have a fling with your executive assistant probably worked wonders.
Mrs. Perrin sat glumly in her wheelchair and repressed a sigh.
October 2019
"Oops," Ben exclaimed, as he dropped the tray with the coffee on it. He had stumbled against one of Emma's toys. The coffee didn't really reach Mrs. Perrin, but the china cup she had reluctantly bought as part of a wedding gift shattered.
"Never mind," Mrs. Perrin replied with glacial politeness. "I've had enough coffee this afternoon." As Ben cleaned up the mess, Riley thanked her mother and Bonnie as they got up to leave.
Once outside the building, Mrs. Perrin audibly moaned. "Well that was awkward."
"And it's rotten luck for Riley." Bonnie replied.
"Luck had nothing to do with it."
"I mean the two are going to be together at least until the baby is born. But it won't last. These things never do."
Mrs. Perrin stared at Bonnie. "I've never really respected you as a person, Bonnie Wheeler. But I've never thought you were stupid."
"You've insulted my intelligence on innumerable occasions."
"Yeah yeah. Look, Riley is never going to leave Ben."
"She said she wasn't going to remarry Ben."
"That's just feminist principle talking. If this bar thing doesn't drag Ben down to hell, she'll marry him after a decent interval. The one thing she isn't going to do is marry your idiot son no matter how much money he has. There's masturbatory fantasy and there's real love, and my daughter is smart enough to know the difference." And Mrs. Perrin had her loudest sigh of the month. "And don't tell your son that, but he knows the difference as well."
January 2020
"Omigod, I can't believe it! You actually did it!" Riley was ecstatic, rather strikingly so given that she was distinctly plumper than being six months pregnant would lead one to think.
"Well it took a lot of work, and more than a bit of luck, but my gamble paid off!" Ben replied.
"I'm surprised that a winter carnival theme and whatever kind of Superbowl semi-final it is this week would be so popular." Tucker wondered.
"I know!" Riley jubilantly agreed. "We've being do this at the bar for the past six hours, and I still can't get them straight. But we're rich."
"Are you sure?" Naomi wondered. "I mean, things look popular and crowded, but never count your chickens while you're not laid. I mean it's not as if either of you was a master of bookkeeping."
"I know, but I have calculated the break-even point, and I've been counting the customers..." Ben noted.
"And?"
"And we're 50% past the break-even point! Actually we were past that an hour and a half ago."
"Baby, that's marvelous." And Riley hugged Ben.
"So this just means the bank isn't going to foreclose on you next week, right?" Tucker wondered.
"You might think so, but actually no. I've actually been working on a whole host of cost-cutting and revenue enhancing measures. It's been a stressful few months and it's taken a lot of work. With this, I can say we have actual financial security!"
"I'm so happy!" Riley said, with tears in her eyes.
"I couldn't have done this without you," Ben replied, completely accurately. "Now, we still have customers who are actually waiting for us, so..."
Danny was watching them from afar, and decided this would be a good time to leave. He quickly hailed a cab. Fifteen minutes later he was knocking on the door of an extremely expensive penthouse.
"Come in," Marissa replied. She was dressed in a fashionable negligee, covered by a transparent robe, as if she was about to go to bed. "All right you can't just come in and say everything's all right. There are going to have be some new rules, all right. I am a determined and strong-willed woman and..."
Most people, including Tucker and Ben, would have realized that she was bluffing, and very obviously so. Danny didn't realize this. Instead he got down on one knee. "Marry me."
2066
Just then Danny and Marissa's children came in. They were all attractive, very tall and successful. They were even a bit smarter than their parents. Two of the boys had been successful athletes. All of them wore the annoying fraternal/fake antlers annoying music hats, though when they realized they were all playing different songs from their paternal grandmother's youth they turned them off.
"Bonnie!" cried Bonnie happily. "How's my favorite granddaughter?" She reached out to hug her while the three granddaughters who had just lost their mother all rolled their eyes. Danny and Marissa had promised to keep having children until they had a girl. Rather luckily they found their newborn third son had a twin sister a few minutes later.
A valet came in offering drinks on a cart. There was coffee, tea, mineral water, soft drinks and several disgusting concoctions that had become idiotically popular over the past two decades. The mourners helped themselves, with Ben taking some soda. Ruth slowly moved towards her father, with her sisters nearby.
"We should talk about our best memories of her." Rebecca suggested.
"Maybe we should choose before she was 35," her mother suggested. "Because after that it became a lot better."
Ruth spoke up. "She was a wonderful mother. I mean apparently it was a sitcom trope for decades before we were all born that one's parents would be completely hopeless, but the hero would be a great parent, even though there was no good reason to think that. But in our case, it was being grateful for our wonderful parents, and then realizing once we grew up that we would never be able to measure up as parents ourselves."
She sighed a little. "There was so much about Mom that was wonderful. I think the first thing that stands out is how fair she was. I mean it was striking how she loved all three of use equally." Both Emma and Mathilda looked at her askance, joined in by most of the rest of the people in the room. "What?"
Ben spoke up. "Ruth, your mother loved all three of her daughters very much, and she worked very hard so that you could all get the best. But it was very, very obvious that you were her favorite."
Ruth pondered the idea. "Really?"
"Uh, yeah really." Emma said.
"I mean I was only a little girl, and I knew the only reason that Aunt Riley didn't spoil Ruth rotten was because she didn't have the money." Granddaughter Bonnie said, before Grandma Bonnie nudged her to be quiet.
"I'm sorry, but I'm just not seeing it." Ruth replied.
"Oh come on," Emma insisted. "What about the whole breast implants thing?"
"Nothing happened with that! Do I look let I have breast implants?"
"But we spent six months debating the issue, with Mom saying it would be good for your self-esteem. And then when three years later Matty thought about having implants, both Mom and Dad said, oh we're not going through that again."
"That was a completely different issue. Everyone knows Jenny has bigger breasts."
The rest of the room, even Aunt Margot, showed their skepticism. "My breasts weren't bigger than yours when I was nursing!" Mathilda objected with considerable accuracy.
March 2020
An exhausted Riley, eight and a half months pregnant, had to sit down and take a break while working at the bar. "Hello darling," she said, as she reached for Ruth.
"I'm gonna be two forever!" Ruth replied unhappily.
"No you won't. Don't worry about it, and you'll find you're three before you know it."
Emma was a few tables away. She was playing with her yo-yo. She tried out a new trick she learned and was happy to get it right the first time. But she was annoyed to screw it up the next two times. As she wondered whether she should get angry or try to understand what she was doing wrong, Angela entered the bar.
She walked up to Emma and knelt down before her. "Hello, Emma."
"Mommy says I'm not supposed to talk to strangers."
"But Emma, I'm your mother."
Emma looked closely at her. "No you're not. My Mommy is the fat lady over there playing with my sister."
"But Emma you don't understand. You see me and your father had you, but then we realized that we weren't able to be your parents. But then at the last moment, Ben decided to take care of you. And by the time I realized that, it was too late for me to help raise you."
Emma was skeptical. "That doesn't sound like Daddy at all. I can't imagine him being with anyone other than Mommy."
"Look, we'll go to him and he'll confirm everything."
Ben was at the bar, drying some glasses, when he saw Angela and Emma in front of him. "Oh dear God in heaven. What are you doing here?"
"Well, I was just talking to our daughter here."
"You what...you told her? Why…what...why would you do such a thing?"
Just this moment Riley noticed Angela's presence. Very alarmed she awkwardly tried to put Ruth aside and get up.
"Well Ben, you did say that if there was no Riley you would consider getting back together. And now that you're divorced from her, it would be a good time to take you up on that offer."
Riley managed to waddle up to Ben. Ben glowered at Angela. "Well as you can see, things are a little more complicated than that."
2066
"Mom did really love us?" Emma asked.
"Oh baby, how can you think such a thing?" Ben replied.
"I'm sorry, it's a little hard to take in. I mean I know she loved us. But what I remember are the good years, when we were kind of like the 'Gilmore Girls,' only more blonde and not as cool. I'm sorry I think I'm babbling."
"Do you want to know when you were smaller and you didn't remember? As I've told you many times, like when we got married, I wouldn't have married her if she didn't love you as much as I did."
"I remember that...well not exactly, since I was only two at the time. I mean what was it like during the bad years?"
"The bad years had ended when Mathilda was born."
"Really?" Ruth wondered. "I thought the bad years ended in 2026 when Mom started working for Sasha Richmond and our allowances doubled over night."
Ben ignored her. "Do you remember having a picnic in Central Park?"
"We had plenty of those." Emma replied.
"Well I think you would have been eight, so Ruth would be five and Mathilda two. And...I remember showing an alphabet book to Matty. And I said that A stood for all kind of things, like anteaters and apples. And Matty said 'I love apples!' And Riley replied, 'you certainly do,' and kissed her. And I knew then she loved her."
Everyone looked at Mathilda, who had just started her third apple of the day. "What?" she asked.
Another valet brought in a cart with a few snacks. "Well aren't we special." Tucker said aloud. "Usually we wait for the wake." Ben went over to get something to eat. Behind Emma Granddaughter Bonnie muttered just loud enough for her to hear, "Of course Aunt Riley loved you. Did she really love Ben is the real question."
December 2023
"Thank you. That's very helpful indeed. That makes things perfect." And Riley hung up her cell phone, and smiled.
"You look happy." Ben noticed.
"I am! For the next six minutes, I actually don't have anything to do. I mean then my secretary arrives with her car, but for six minutes I can do absolutely anything I want." Riley took a look at her husband. "That's six minutes. And our children are right here."
And Riley speculated about what she could actually do. Could she pat Matty Jenny on the head? Could she play a game with Ruth? That would be nice, but what only lasted six minutes? Perhaps she could ask Emma something. But just then the radio, which had been on all this time, started to play "All I want for Christmas is you." Ben smiled, and walked up to Riley. Then he took her by the hand.
"Ben, what are you doing?"
He quickly swirled her around, and started to dance with her. "Ben, stop it!" But she quickly got in the mood, and the two swirled around their apartment.
I don't want a lot for Christmas I don't need to hang my stocking I just want you for my own Oh, I won't ask for much this Christmas I won't make a list and send it 'Cause I just want you here tonight
There is just one thing I need
And I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas Day
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you
You, baby
I won't even wish for snow
And I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeer click
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do?
Baby, all I want for Christmas is you
You, baby
Mathilda joined in the enthusiasm. She didn't really understand dancing, but she hopped up and down eagerly. Ruth was aglow with joy and even clapped ineffectively. Ben and Riley pirouetted and even did a couple of moves worthy of Astaire and Rogers. As the song ended, the two laughed happily and calmed down. There was a buzz from Riley's phone, saying that she was about to be picked up. Only Emma was unimpressed.
"This song is just an excuse not to get us good Christmas presents."
2066
A tear rolled down Emma's cheek and she remembered that. "We could really be selfish when we were children."
Mathilda spoke behind granddaughter Bonnie. "You should have seen them dancing. They were a wonderful couple."
Ben was at the appetizer cart and hadn't heard them. Looking at his children he tried a rueful smile. They were all financially secure, with three happy marriages between them-plus a fourth, spectacularly unhappy one that fortunately did not last very long. Ordinarily he would have no right to complain, but then the last half of his life had hardly been ordinary.
Grandmother Bonnie sidled up to Ben. She was not really senile in her tenth decade, but now she took the opportunity to be more tactless. "You know Ben, looking at your three daughters makes me think of Goldilocks."
Ben knew where this was going. He had known in fact where this was going four decades ago. However, Danny never knew where Bonnie was going with this. "How so, Mom?"
"Well Emma is just like her father, erratic and impulsive, needing a good dose of common sense. While Ruth is too much like her mother, mousy and insecure. But Mathilda is just right: she has all of her mother's intelligence and work ethic as well as her father's vitality and charm."
Ruth overheard this, as she had many times in her life. "Well at least I'm not the one who had an abortion." she muttered to herself.
2025
When Mathilda was five years old, she wrote a picture book.
Page 1
Mathilda is five years old, small and wearing a skirt and a long sleeved shirt. "My name is Mathilda Wheeler."
Page 2
I'm a Girl! And Mathilda leaped happily into the air.
Page 3
"I live in an apartment in New York City with my mommy and daddy and my two sisters."
Page 4
Ben enters the apartment. "This is my Daddy. He sells drinks to thirsty people."
Page 5
"I'm always happy when he comes home."
Speech Balloon: "Daddy!"
Speech Balloon: "Hello squirt."
Page 6
"I always hug him." And she does, or at least his legs.
Page 7
Riley enters the apartment. "This is my Mommy. She helps the police with laws." (NB: Mathilda didn't really have a clear idea what a lawyer did.)
Page 8
Mathilda runs up to Riley. "My Mommy works very hard, and is often sleepy when she comes home."
Riley's speech balloon: "Z"
Page 9
"But she's always happy to see me." And Riley bends down to hug Mathilda.
Riley's speech balloon: "ZZ...oh hello, Jenny."
Page 10
Ruth is sitting in a chair. "This is my first sister Ruth. She's three years older than me."
Page 11
Mathilda hugs Ruth. "She's often sad and unhappy."
Ruth's speech balloon: " Waaah! I don't have any friends and nobody loves me!"
Page 12
"But she always feels better once I hug her."
Ruth's speech balloon: " Waah. I only have a few friends and some people love me."
Page 13
"This is my other sister Emma. She's three years older than Ruth." Emma is sitting at a desk doing homework.
Page 14
"I like to go up and hug her." And she does so.
Emma's speech balloon: "Buzz off Ruth, I'm busy."
Page 15
"And she like to hug me back." And Emma does.
Emma's speech balloon: "Oh it's you Mathilda. Sorry about that."
Page 16
"But then one day Mr. Heffalump and Mr. Penguin were being cleaned. And I was all alone." (NB: Mathilda hadn't made clear who her stuffed animals were.)
Page 17
"Now I felt sad." And Mathilda looked sad.
Page 18
"What if nobody loved me at all?"
Page 19
"What if I love people and they never love me back?!"
Page 20
Then everyone rushes in towards Mathilda. "Oh no, Mathilda! We all love you!"
Page 21
Everyone hugs Mathilda. "I love my family."
2028
"So you're back," Ruth noted a little sourly as Emma came in late one evening, wearing clothes that would have been more appropriate past the age of consent. "So being with your real mother wasn't all it was cracked up to be."
"Ruth, I haven't got time for this. Are Mom and Dad home?"
"They're in their room." And Ruth entered it and closed the door behind her.
"Emma!" Ben noted. "What's wrong? You weren't supposed to be back for another three days."
"Yeah, I had to leave...kind of a sudden..."
"Ahh..." Riley added, wondering how to tactfully bring up the topic of where were the rest of her clothes.
"Ummm, you can't just switch between parents just because you're irritated with them," Ruth said from outside the door.
"Ruth, go away!" Emma shouted.
"Ruth, don't eavesdrop! You and Matty go to your room." Ben declared. And the two sisters did. "I wasn't eavesdropping," said a miffed Mathilda, unaware that having her do so was Ruth's next plan.
"Now tell us what the problem is. I mean Ruth is right. You can't just switch between parents like that, just like you can't blame your problems on your sisters."
"Oh come on Dad. When have I ever done that?"
"Uh, just last week." Riley all too accurately replied. Emma ignored this and started explaining why being with Angela hadn't worked out. She was unusually hesitant and evasive while doing so. And as she continued she was untypically nervous and fretful. Riley realized that there was something seriously wrong. And a minute later Ben realized it too. It took some time to pin Emma down on what had happened. It took her parents even more time to steer her in the right direction. But eventually they learned that Angela had a most dubious crony who started the week Emma was to spend with Angela by being surprisingly friendly and helpful. As it turned out, this was all just a ruse to get her to sleep with him. Fortunately, he was not successful. Unfortunately this still involved a distinct degree of trauma on Emma's part and coercion on his. And Angela's response was exactly what you did not want from a loving mother.
Ben pondered this turn of events. "OK. I'm going to kill him." And he got up to do so.
But before he could reach the door, Riley intervened. "Wait! Stop!"
"Why the hell should I?"
"Because you could get arrested. Because it's wrong to break the law. Because he probably has a bodyguard who could seriously hurt you. Because if I let you do it, I could get disbarred. Take your pick."
"I'm not letting this slide."
"I understand. But we need to think about this."
Ben was not happy. "If this was Ruth, you'd be already out the door."
"Ruth is only eleven!" Riley then realized this was the wrong answer. "You're right. I'd probably be angrier if this was Ruth. But that doesn't change the fact that what you're going to do is a really bad idea. And if Tucker were here he'd agree with me. Well Vanessa probably would. And Naomi definitely would."
Ben was still very, very angry, and realizing Riley was right did not make him less angry. Just then Emma interrupted. "Are you going to hit Mom? I mean Angela mom?"
"What? No of course not. I don't hit women."
"Can Riley do it then?"
"I'm not going to hit Angela." Riley said. She paused. "Your grandmother will do that after I tell her." And she got out her phone.
2034
"I think we can say we've had a major breakthrough Ms. Perrin." said the therapist as she ushered Riley into the room where Ruth was waiting for her. The therapist directed Riley into a chair and motioned Ruth to start talking.
"Mom, I think I can say I've learned a new appreciation for all you've done for me."
"Really? Because I never really doubted that you appreciated me."
"Please don't interrupt, Ms. Perrin." said the therapist.
"Anyway Mom, it's not simply that you made sure that I learned to read before I entered kindergarten, or that you were responsible for making sure I knew right and wrong, It's not simply that you keep all three of us safe and well fed. It's also that you sacrificed so much for us. I mean you not only stayed with dad, even when his financial problems were dragging you down. But you also agreed to remarry him, because it would be the best for all of us, even though he couldn't satisfy you sexually..."
"Uh what? Could you back up a minute?"
"What? Back to where you made me know the difference between right and wrong?"
"No, the part of not being sexually satisfied by your father."
"Really? I thought it was obvious."
"Again, obvious how?"
"Well everyone just knows it."
"Again, define 'everybody.'"
"Well, it's not like people say it out loud."
"Then why would you think it?"
"Well there's Aunt Rebecca. And there's both grandmas. And there's Aunt Marissa. I mean they don't say it in words, but they imply it. Except for Aunt Marissa, who does say it out loud."
"Uh, well Ruth dear, Aunt Rebecca isn't the most sympathetic of sister-in-laws. Or sisters. And Grandma Wheeler has never entirely forgiven me for choosing your father over your uncle. And Grandma Perrin has always wanted me to marry someone richer. And as for your Aunt Marissa, please don't repeat this, but she's kind of a twit."
Ruth pondered this. "Are you sure about this, I mean about being with Dad?"
"Quite sure. I've spent the last eighteen years sharing his bed."
"That's kind of disappointing."
"How is it disappointing?"
"Well, I thought you were being noble and altruistic. And instead you were happy all the time."
"Wouldn't you want your mother to be happy?"
"You can be happy by being altruistic and noble. Look at Mother Teresa."
"Ruth you are aware that my being a nun and your existence are at direct cross-purposes."
"Well yeah. It's just that when we learned that you had been divorced, Emma asked Dad why you had remarried. And then he grinned, and said 'Because I'm awesome.'"
"Well Ruth, your father wouldn't be a man if he wasn't a little vain. Try not to over think this."
2066
The three daughters had been talking about Riley as a mother. Emma was saying how wonderful she had been as her mother, even though she only formally adopted Emma when the latter turned 17 and a half. Ruth remembered in 2030 when they went to Paris for the first time, and how her parents managed to not only book the hotel where they had their honeymoon, but also the very honeymoon suite. Tucker was talking to Mathilda. "What I remember are the Halloweens, where it was always Ben and Emma against the three of you. I remember one Halloween, when you may have been four or five. And Ben and Emma had thoroughly pranked you. You were all covered with flour, or whipped cream or some kind of vegetable or something like that. And the next year, Riley and Ruth really planned a way to get Ben back. But it didn't work, because Ben and Emma got you to betray all their secrets. And then they pranked you anyway, for turning on your own mother. I wish I knew how they got the three of you the year after that. I don't really remember, but it was spectacular!"
Mathilda nodded non-commitedly. "I suppose I should remember the arguments. I mean the worst of it was when Mom's law firm imploded. Apparently when it wasn't clear if Mom would ever have a job again, things went downhill very quickly, even blaming Dad for getting her pregnant with Ruth. Of course, I wasn't born yet and Ruth was only a baby, and they kept their arguments away from Emma. I do remember something when I was small. Maybe three or four. Dad must have missed something, or forgotten something or done something wrong. So Mom got all of us three at the door waiting for him when he came home, scowling at him, with our arms crossed. I think I remember it because I was facing the wrong way, and Ruth had to point me in the right direction before Dad came in. And so Dad did come in with you tagging along. And I think he was slightly drunk, as he occasionally was through our childhood. And he took a look at his family, then he shrugged his shoulders and said 'Sometimes having three daughters has some drawbacks.'"
Ben overheard this from where he was standing. He had just been thinking of an incident back in the days when money was a little tight. Because it was tight, he could rarely take the kids to fast food restaurants. So on one day when he decided to take them, with Ruth, Mathilda and possibly Emma as well, one of them, probably Mathilda said very loudly "We're going to have food! We haven't had food for months!" And Ben had to explain to passers-by that he did in fact regularly feed his children.
Ben sighed, and took out one of the newest electronic gadgets. It was a Thimble. It was called a Thimble because it was the size and shape of one. The idea was that you could place one in your ear and then listen to any out of a myriad of songs. You would just have to think your choice. That was the idea anyway. People suspected it was a way for powerful companies to get into one's thoughts, and they were not paranoid to think so. As a way of choosing among tens of thousands of songs, it was very much hit and miss. It was therefore lucky for Ben that he was able to listen to one of the "hits" he had gotten in the past.
You were the love for certain of my life; you were simply my beloved wife.
I don't know for certain how I'll live my life, now alone without my beloved wife, my beloved wife.
I can't believe I've lost the very best of me.
September 2020
Ben was working at his office in the bar one afternoon, when Riley came in. "I just wanted to make clear some appointments."
"OK, shoot."
"There are some more vaccinations for Jenny Thursday at 2:30."
"That's good you reminded me. I thought that was Friday."
"Here are some payments for the bars. They were mailed to our apartment instead of here." And she handed Ben three envelopes.
"Thank you indeed. I was wondering if we were ever going to get these."
"Oh, and I also booked you a vasectomy a week from now at Five PM."
"Did you indeed?"
"Very much so."
"The funny thing is that I remember having this conversation five months ago. And we had a Wheeler war about it. And I recall very clearly, you lost and had your tubes tied." A thought occurred to Ben. "You did have your tubes tied?"
"Of course I did. Do you think I would lie to you and risk getting pregnant again, when we can barely afford the children we have, just to spite you?"
"Conceivably?"
"No! But do you remember the argument you made why you shouldn't get a vasectomy?"
"Of course I do. Strictly speaking, you're not actually my wife, but my ex-wife. To get a vasectomy for your convenience, and then split up again in the future and then turn around and meet the love of my life, only to tell her we can't have children because my ex-wife insisted I get one, well that's just all kind of stupid."
"You said you would get a vasectomy if I remarried you."
"Yeah, and you said that you weren't going to marry me just so that you could have safe sex."
"With that in mind..." and Riley tossed Ben a small box.
"It's our wedding rings."
"Yeah, I thought we could go down to city hall and get married this afternoon."
"Huh. Danny's busy training."
"I know."
"And both Mom and Tucker are out of town."
"And that's we call a win-win! And my parents agreed to look after the kids for the evening so we can have some alone time. See they even gave us a gift certificate for a fancy restaurant."
Ben looked at it. "Fifty dollars?"
"Damn it Mom! Dad said it was for a hundred!"
2066
"I still don't understand why you both had to get neutered." Danny said.
"Well a promise is a promise." Ben replied.
"And a tautology is still a tautology." Tucker chuckled. "And the weird thing is that they found a way to reverse it two weeks after you passed the maximum age."
"And just think," Bonnie said wistfully. "For the first decade of your marriage everybody looked at the two of you and they thought, they thought...what did they think again?"
"They thought I'm glad I have so much more money than those two," Rebecca added.
"Yeah, that thing. But while the three of you, and then the five of you, were all cramped up in a tiny and expensive apartment, and people wondered that Riley could have done better..."
"I didn't think that at all." Naomi protested. "In fact I..." but Ben motioned her to not interrupt his mother.
"...well regardless, we all thought they were working so hard for their children, so while their life would be kind of cheap and dull, they would make a life for their children so they could electorgrow up and be something special."
There was a silence that lasted until Bonnie realized the others were waiting for her to continue. "Then in 2026 Sasha Richmond was elected to the House, and Riley became her executive assistant in charge of helping all her constituency outreach here in New York. And then when Richmond was killed in a car crash in 2030, Riley was able to win the seat. And then four years later, when one of New York's senate seats came open, she was able to win that as well."
Ben spoke up. "Then in 2044 Riley ran for the presidency. She didn't win the nomination, but she became vice-president. After eight years, she ran for president, only to lose. But in 2056, she ran again and won."
"And then she lost four years later. But she was the best one term president America ever had." Emma added.
"And along with Andrew Jackson, Grover Cleveland, and FDR she was the only person to win the popular vote three times." Naomi added,
"Man, I can't believe she won the popular vote by nine points and still lost the electoral college. How did that happen?" Tucker wondered.
"Vote fraud, Uncle Tucker, vote fraud." Ruth answered with justified bitterness.
"So in the end Riley got everything she could possibly want. And instead of being someone who could inspire her children, she was someone her children could never hope to match."
"Hey! I won a MacArthur grant!" Mathilda objected.
"I suppose she did." Ben answered. "Although there's all sort of things she wanted and desperately needed to do in her second term. There was so much she had to do. Whoever thought being an ex-president was so much work?" Ben was talking mostly to himself. "I suppose I have no right to complain. And I know if I hadn't had Emma first, I would never have fallen in love with Riley in the first place. I just wished that I could have had just a little more time, just time together without having to worry about everybody else. But I suppose it doesn't really matter, since I'm not going to around much longer…"