MISERY
John Bates lay in his bed knowing he would get absolutely no sleep this night. He was in misery. His life was over. Tomorrow he would be leaving the only place he had ever felt at home in his adult life. Not only would he be leaving, he would be leaving to go back to London and live with Vera. Although that thought alone would have been enough to make him miserable, it wasn't the worst part. The worst part was that he had deeply hurt the only two people he could say he truly loved. And he couldn't even explain to them why it was necessary. When Lord Grantham had told him he had disappointed the Earl more than any man had ever done, a little piece of John had died. He was willing to give his life and reputation to protect his superior but to know the Earl thought less of him now, it was a misery.
And yet this still was not the worst of it. He had crushed Anna. How could it be that just two days ago they had been speaking of marriage and a future and yet only minutes earlier he had left her in their courtyard sobbing and telling her to forget him? Her sobs had ripped his heart in two. She had offered to run away with him, accused him of being noble and he could say nothing. Nothing but that she should forget him and move on. John Bates had reached depths of misery he never knew existed.