Chapter 13: Saying Goodbye
(Ah, Tetsuya tries to say goodbye to Orochi, but can he? Thanks going out to Fire Vixon (Oh, you know you can't keep an evil lover down!), Beaker (Yeah! He'd better be with all of the people rooting for Tetsuya and him!), Kamelcake (Here's that update!), Winterheart2000 (Close your eyes and keep repeating I believe in wicked love. I believe in wicked love!), Aizenfan6969 (Ah, as to your worried PM? Glad to say, I'm still alive...just a little sore after being tripped by a very intelligence and wisdom-challenged cat. At least he didn't do this on the stairs this time, but even so, my pride was a bit hurt, as was my ankle and a hand on that side that I previously broke breaking boards for my black belt test in Taekwondo (luckily, we didn't discover it was broken until I went in much later for another injury to that hand, so it didn't affect my testing! lol) So yes, still alive and finally have a muse that's working again!), Daywalker (Lol, sorry to keep you waiting. More is in the works!), Featherfoot (Angst is one of my great passions!), Picklez80 (Awwwww! So sorry to make you cry! Don't worry, I like happy endings.) and ShariBerry89 (Oh, just wait, you will love what happens! But that will be in a future chapter! For now, enjoy this one.) Love you all and a lovely Independence Day to those who celebrated yesterday!)
Tetsuya stood silently in front of the mirror in the dressing area of his chamber, deep within the heart of the Kuchiki evacuation compound, his face very pale, but composed and his body relaxed. He barely heard his attendant's friendly comments and only nodded at appropriate moments without responding aloud, leaving Koji gazing worriedly at his reflection as he dressed his troubled cousin.
"It's good to see the elders have been wise enough to name you and Orochi-san as the greatest protectors of the clan in the war," he said quietly, "None of us would have survived if those quincies had been waiting for us when the Seireitei was brought out of the shadows. We are all very grateful for your bravery, Tetsuya-san."
"Thank you, Koji."
Tetsuya closed his eyes and let out a slow breath.
It's so strange how even breathing feels so difficult now.
He heard a soft footstep and Koji's voice as he addressed an arriving messenger.
"There is someone to see Tetsuya-san. She says that it is important."
Tetsuya's eyes blinked and opened again.
"Who is it?" he asked, frowning at the messenger.
"It is Maria-sama, Orochi-san's mother!"
Tetsuya stared back at the messenger wordlessly for a moment before responding.
"Would you like me to finish dressing you first?" Koji asked.
Tetsuya glanced down at his body that was clad in only a soft, white yukata.
"No," he said softly, "If she has come here, then it is important. Let her in...and please leave us alone to talk."
"Yes, Tetsuya-san," Koji answered uncertainly.
Tetsuya looked down and gently rubbed the pronounced bump on his abdomen as the attendants left. Flickers of regret tormented him as he remembered how Orochi's hand had caressed that same place, just before they had last taken their leave of each other.
I swear I will come back to you.
"Tetsuya-san?" queried a woman's voice from behind him.
"Maria-sama," Tetsuya greeted her, meeting her eyes in the dressing mirror as she approached, carrying a wrapped parcel, "Is there news about Orochi?"
Maria's gentle eyes lowered and the hands that held the parcel trembled for a moment.
"No, unfortunately, there is no news about his fate. But...they are still searching. Well, Byakuya's search party is still searching."
A moment of deep silence passed between them and Tetsuya regarded her questioningly.
"You probably think we are horrible, not joining in the search as well, but...Isas has forbid it."
A glimmer of surprise reflected in Tetsuya's blue eyes.
"Maria-sama, you...?"
The woman's lips tightened for a moment, then quivered as she continued.
"I think that Isas is wrong, but we are already reeling. We have word back from home that our estate was destroyed and burned to the ground. Isas and Yuu left this morning with a guard unit to prepare the area for our return. But...even if he had not left, I still would have felt the need to come to you."
"I am sorry about your home being taken," Tetsuya said softly, "And...I am sorry for the loss of your son. But, I don't understand why you are here."
Maria's tired eyes lowered to gaze at the bump his hand rested on.
"I told you. I don't agree with my husband. And although I will not disobey his order to be silent about Orochi, I had to honor my son's wishes."
"What do you mean?" Tetsuya asked softly, "You've had no contact with him since before the war, ne?"
"None," she agreed, "but this parcel was found among his things that were brought from the manor when we evacuated. He made very sure his attendant knew it was to be brought to you in the event of his...loss."
Tetsuya gazed back at Maria wordlessly as she handed him the parcel and watched his shaky hands open it. His breath caught and his hands froze as he spotted a flash of blue silk.
I wish now that we had that lovely yukata I used to make you wear...
Tetsuya swallowed hard and his sapphire eyes fought back tears. His fingers grasped the soft material and he studied the perfectly preserved garment in stunned silence.
"That is beautiful," Maria whispered, her voice wavering, "It was obviously made by our house tailor."
She reached out and touched a small patch of embroidery on the inside, just beneath the collar.
"That is our house crest," she went on, blinking back tears, "And this," she said, tracing the pattern on the shoulders, "means that it was worn by family. It is a design woven into the dressing yukatas we wear beneath our clothing. No one outside of our immediate family is ever given a garment with that pattern on the shoulders."
Tetsuya let out a shaky breath.
"But...I was a prisoner...a slave. I only...served Orochi sexually. You must know that."
Maria gave him a sad smile and captured his hand, squeezing it gently.
"Tetsuya-san, if Orochi gave you that garment and had you wear it while he was with you, then he did not think of you as a mere servant."
"No," Tetsuya sighed, closing his eyes, "I was his property."
Maria's hand touched his cheek gently, making his eyes open again and meet hers.
"He wouldn't give this to his slave or a person who was just his property," she corrected him, "These garments are only given to our family and to the husbands and wives we take in."
She took the yukata from his hand and folded back the collar to reveal more of the white patch sewn inside.
"Your name is embroidered here, on the inside. He had this made for you personally," Maria explained, "The inscription beneath..."
"It reads, 'Itamigiri' and gives my prisoner identification number," Tetsuya said numbly, "But why would Orochi...? There has to be some mistake. Back then, he never said to me that he thought of me that way. Maria-sama, I wasn't even the only one he used that way. He used other prisoners for..."
"But he never had a family garment made for them," Maria insisted, "And he went to lengths for this one to find its way back to you, in case he couldn't. Why would my son go to such lengths to make sure it came back to your hands if you were just a slave or a piece of property to him? I think it's clear he meant this to comfort you, if he could not...return to you."
Tetsuya's breath caught, and his control over his emotions shattered. Tears leaked onto his face and he turned his head so that the elder woman wouldn't see.
"It doesn't comfort me," he said bitterly, "I would burn it myself if it meant he would come back. You must know that."
He flinched as Maria's hands removed the white yukata he wore, and she replaced it with the blue one she had brought him.
"I know," she said, letting a hand slide down to rest over the baby's growing reiatsu, "That he would have this made for you, and that you would respond this way to its return is only a sign of the strength of what is between you."
"No...I..."
"Orochi loved you, Tetsuya-san," Maria insisted, squeezing his hand again and kissing him on the cheek, "And this is his way of acknowledging you and your child, even though Isas never will."
Tetsuya breathed slowly as nausea and dizziness swept over him, leaving him barely able to keep his feet.
"Tetsuya-san, you look so pale," Maria said sympathetically, "I will go now and let your attendant take care of you."
"You don't have to leave," Tetsuya assured her, "I am grateful you came. I can't be happy about the circumstances, but...I am glad you do not share your husband's hatred of my kind."
"I never understood their hatred, Tetsuya-san. But then, my dearest friend growing up was a sweet half-blood girl who was my own attendant. Of course, when I married Isas, I was forced to give her up in favor of full blooded subfamily attendants."
"I'm sorry. You must miss your friend. Do you ever see her?"
"Sometimes," Maria said sadly, "When we go to visit my kin. But...I don't know how they fared. They were farther away and went to a different evacuation site. I can only hope they all reached safety."
"I hope so as well. I will be happy to help you search for them...if Isas-sama does not mind."
"Oh, he will be preoccupied with us getting settled back in. I am sure he won't concern himself with who may accompany me."
Tetsuya gave her a gentle smile.
"Then, when we have arrived home, Arashi and I..."
He paused, catching himself.
"W-well, I will help you."
"Where is your Arashi-chan?" Maria asked, frowning, "He wasn't lost in the war, was he?"
"No," Tetsuya reassured her, "He wasn't lost. He is just...going to be gone for awhile. He will return. I know that."
"Good," Maria said, nodding and squeezing his hand a final time, "I must go now, Tetsuya-san. Please do rest and take care of yourself and my grandchild. I will pray that Orochi will return to the two of you soon."
That's right, Tetsuya remembered suddenly as he watched her leave, with the conception of the child, he will be outcast, even if he returns. He gave up everything for us.
Orochi...
He barely noticed as Koji entered the room and sucked in a surprised breath at the sight of the regal blue yukata he wore.
"Just...place my uniform over this," Tetsuya instructed him.
"Yes, of course, Tetsuya-san," Koji answered, picking up Tetsuya's clothing.
He set each piece in place, making light conversation, but unable to help staring at the telling pattern about the shoulders of the yukata. He blushed as Tetsuya caught his eyes looking and his cousin's hand caught his.
"S-sorry!" he apologized, looking away.
"It's all right," Tetsuya assured him, squeezing his hand, "I know you must have a hundred questions."
"At least!" Koji confessed, smiling back at him, "For so long, Tetsuya-san has spoken of Orochi-san like an enemy. But, now you return from the war and..."
"I carry his child and am marked as one of his own kin," Tetsuya confirmed, "You are not alone in your wonder at all that has happened. I experienced it, from beginning to end, and I can't explain how it is that we've come to this. I can only say that Orochi is hard to understand."
"That is an understatement," Byakuya said from the doorway.
He entered the room and moved closer to where Tetsuya stood. Looking into Tetsuya's eyes, he reopened the front of the younger man's uniform and examined the expensive yukata. Tetsuya flushed brightly.
"Maria-sama came to deliver this. It seems that Orochi saved it from when he had me wear it in the prison."
Byakuya's eyes widened.
"He had you wear this?" he asked in a surprised tone, "Did you understand then, what it...?"
"No. I had no idea," Tetsuya sighed, "But Orochi has always been difficult to figure out. He dressed me in this and did shocking things to me while I wore it. But...although I was always terrified of him, and I never considered what he might be feeling beyond disdain, the truth is, although sometimes he caused me a little pain when we were together, he never actually hurt me. And I am ashamed to say that...if I am honest with myself, my body did always respond to his touch."
"Because he trained it to," Byakuya hissed softly.
"Yes. Part of it was conditioning. I know that. But...there was more to it than that. If it was just that, and nothing more, then all of the years and the therapy I went through should have made me break out of that. And when we were trapped together, I shouldn't have found myself longing for him, even as I fought to resist him. I told you before, he didn't force me into anything."
"He only waited until you were trapped and in conditions not so different from your incarceration. You were alone with him and could not escape him."
"That is true," Tetsuya agreed, "And if Orochi had forced himself on me, I would not be able to raise a question as to what was in his mind. But this..." he said, touching his fingers to the soft pattern around his shoulders, "...this tells me that while Orochi may be both wicked and often cruel, the man loves me, and in a way that he loves no one else. And, for all that I have resisted, I love him too. I am glad to carry his child, even if Orochi's own family will not ever acknowledge us. We don't need their acknowledgement, Byakuya-sama. I feel no sting from their harsh judgment or condemnation."
"Isas knows the child is Orochi's?" Byakuya asked, "Do you know how?"
"I went to him and told him," Tetsuya explained.
Byakuya's eyes closed for a moment in sympathy.
"And he was horrid to you, wasn't he? Did he hurt you?"
"Not really," Tetsuya assured him, "He struck me across the face and told me he would never acknowledge us. And actually, I am relieved. If he had an interest in taking Orochi's and my child..."
"It would have turned into a vicious family conflict," Byakuya finished, "I think it is better this way as well. And you know that you and your child will always be welcome in my house as well as Sadao's."
Tetsuya blushed.
"I still don't know how I will tell my stepfather," he said, shaking his head, "I hope he will forgive me."
"Of course he will," Byakuya said bracingly, "Sadao and Mai did not hold back in loving you like their own, from the beginning. Nothing will take that away."
"Not even when they know I am in love with Orochi?" Tetsuya asked in a haunted tone, "It is asking a lot of them."
"Well, their love for you is far greater than their distaste for that scoundrel you love. They will cope."
Tetsuya smiled.
"Will you?"
Byakuya sighed in resignation.
"I have never tried to take your stubbornness head on, Tetsuya," he said, shaking his head, "I am not about to begin doing that now. Besides, you will need friends on your side."
"I am glad you are one of them, watashi no itoko!" Tetsuya exclaimed, closing the distance between them and hugging Byakuya tightly, "I don't think I could handle losing you. When I thought you were gone, I nearly lost my mind!"
"I am sorry that I frightened you, Tetsuya. The enemy was very strong. We all had to make ourselves stronger to survive."
"I am glad you came back."
"I am glad you are here with me," Byakuya answered, returning his firm embrace.
The two slowly parted and Byakuya closed the front of Tetsuya's yukata, then set his uniform back in place, himself. He tied the sash at the younger man's waist and looked into his eyes warmly.
"Come, it is time for the guards and staff to return to make way for the rest of the family."
The two left the family compound and walked out to where the survey group was gathering. Byakuya's mount stepped out from among the throng of people and Byakuya nodded to Tetsuya.
"You will ride back with me," Byakuya informed his cousin, earning a petulant frown, "Perhaps you would rather walk, but your healers have pleaded with me that if I cannot stop you from returning with the advance guards, to at least keep you off your feet."
"Byakuya-sama..."
"Get on that horse!" Byakuya scolded him sternly.
Tetsuya bit at his lips to hold back from arguing further.
"Perhaps riding will be less of an annoyance if you rode back alongside me," offered a tall, handsome man with dark brown eyes, who sat astride a roan stallion.
Tetsuya froze for a moment, his face paling.
"Yukihana Hiro," he greeted the man, "I didn't know you were here in this compound."
"I was separated from my clan in the fighting," Hiro explained, "I was able to enter the compound after I escaped my home."
"But...if you were here, then you must know..."
"About the child you made with Kuchiki Orochi?" Hiro asked, his eyes still calm and reflective, "Yes. I heard about that...and about Orochi's probable death."
Tetsuya gazed back at the other man silently for a moment.
"You must think I'm awful to do something like that," he concluded, "I am sorry for my unacceptable behavior. I will consider our arrangement off."
"You don't need to do that, although...I will not be angry if you choose not to marry me. Tetsuya, I have been in love before, and have lost a lover. I am not naive about this situation. And...if Orochi does not come back to you, I am willing to marry you and to adopt your child into my family. His son cannot lead my clan, but you and I can certainly bring our own children into the world to do that. Orochi's and your child will have more freedom, I think."
Tetsuya's eye rounded.
"You would...consider taking my hand, knowing I love someone else?" he asked incredulously.
Hiro smiled.
"Well, I know that your heart belongs to him now, and if he returns, you will go back to him. But, if Orochi does not return to you, I am sure you want the best for yourself and your child. I will give you a good home, Tetsuya, a heart that will love you. And I hope that eventually, you will come to love me as well. Arranged marriages are notorious for starting out in less than favorable ways. But we will make the best of what we have, and, that given, I think we can be happy. But, you needn't answer now. Ride back with me. We will attend to our houses and speak of this later, ne?"
Tetsuya climbed onto the back of Byakuya's tall paint stallion and looked back at his cousin questioningly. Byakuya shook his head gently.
"Go on. I will be in the group walking."
"But...?"
"Go on," Byakuya repeated, "I will see you at home."
Tetsuya gave him a quiet nod of acceptance and guided Ikazuchi to the side of Hiro's roan stallion. The two moved forward at a slow, gentle pace as the caravan moved onto the trail and headed home.
"You think he'll be all right?" Rukia asked, looking up at Byakuya curiously.
"Tetsuya will be fine," he assured the young woman, "And with any luck, he will have a gentler fall because Hiro will be there for him."
"Was that true about him losing a lover also?" Rukia asked cautiously.
"Yes. I would say that Hiro understands very well the pain that Tetsuya is experiencing now. It is best to leave this in his hands."
He paused as Rukia moved off to join Renji and the caravan rolled forward.
At least, I hope this is what is best for him. He has endured too much. All I want is for Tetsuya to be at peace. All I want is for him to be happy and comfortable again.
Hiro can give him that.
But will Tetsuya be able to let go?