Suffer For My Sins
'You're gonna suffer for my sins'
"I'm so glad you called me back. What the hell's going on?"
I'm sitting in another hotel room. A different room to the one I've been stuck in most recently, but it's still a hotel room.
We got back to the hotel, Shawn went off with Vince to his room where Rebecca was waiting. I stayed in the lobby with Steph. It's funy that as soon as we got there, Vince took over. He kinda looked sadly at me and then Steph wrapped her arms around me and hugged me for a long time. I must look like crap!
But damn, it felt good.
I can't imagine that Shawn and Rebecca's reunion is quite like this. I feel for both of them, I don't know how they'll get through this. Steph told me she got us a room and we went up. I told her what had happened in brief details and she decided she'd go and get us something nice to eat. While she was out, I decided it was time to update Kev on what the hell was happening. Knowing how the rumour mill in wrestling works, I can only imagine what he's heard.
I'm not sure how to put all this into words and find myself faltering for an explanation to answer him.
"Paul?".
"I'm here." I say.
"You okay?"
"Yeah. I'm okay." I say, not sure I sound very reassuring. I take a deep breath. "Er, I don't know what you've heard but he..." Damn, I don't want to say it out loud. Especially not to Kev. "He slit his wrists."
I'm met with silence. Seems everlasting.
"Fuck!" He says eventually.
"He's with Rebecca right now at the hotel. She's only just got here. I've been with him ever since he left the hospital."
"So what's he up to?"
"I don't know."
"You said you've been with him since he got out of hospital, he must have said something?"
"Kev, he's screwed up. I don't know where it's come from or how to fix it, but he's fucked."
"Should I come down?" Kev's over protectiveness of all of us kicks in.
"I don't know. If you want to."
"I probably wouldn't be able to help much."
"I don't think anyone is right now. There's just something wrong that's set him off, but he's never said anything to me that's helped. He said earlier he needed help but I don't know, it's like he goes from knowing what's going on around him and being aware of everything to being scared of everything and freaking out. What did he call it earlier... having a 'blip'"
"What's a blip?"
"I don't know, when he... when he doesn't know what he's doing I guess."
Kevin goes silent. For a long time.
"You still there?"
"I'm coming to see him."
"You're sure?"
"Yeah."
"Okay."
"I'll call you when I've landed."
"Okay. I'll see you soon." I hang up and wait for Steph to come back and wonder how Shawn and Rebecca are doing.