"They were not pure, but they had a potential of purity, like a soiled white shirt." - John Steinbeck; East of Eden
Chapter Thirteen: Everybody Learns From Disaster
We went rolling up the coast til there was no more coast to wander
We tried every different road just to see which took us further
We were living on the run, but there was no one chasing after
We were looking out for love, and we were flirting with disaster
^v^v^v^
You ever sit in your room while it's pitch black? And you hold your hand up in the air and try to find the outline of it. It's a lot like trying to find the little things in the world. Like the magic and the hope. All for a better life. We all look for it, even when we think we don't, we are. The magic out there - it's there. I know you know it; it's just there, even if you can't see it. Trying to find the hope in the world; it's a lot like trying to find the outline of your hand in the darkness of a room. Sometimes you don't find it…
And sometimes you do.
She wakes to the same feeling she's had for the past two weeks. That feeling where she has to remind herself that she's in Tree Hill, where her mom's gone, that her sister is slowly turning back to the person she used to be. She wakes up to the feeling where today might be a little bit better.
And she is better. Today she is at least. Hannah's still around and she's glad to have the company. And she loves how Hannah's talking about finding some place here in Tree Hill. She's been talking to Charlie a lot lately. She hasn't seen him very much, but she hears his voice almost every night. Things are better. Things are good. All she has to do is keep them that way.
Katy's beside her when she rolls over onto her side and that's a little strange for her. She knows her little sister has been sneaking into her bedroom for the past few days, but she always makes sure to leave before Kimberly even wakes up. She loves her sister's company and she understands that this is her way of opening up and getting somewhat better. She remembers how her little sister used to do this when they were younger. Back then she was scared of the dark, now it's for different reasons. Fear puts a lot of emotion in people. It makes us realize some important things. It made Katy realize how alone she can be in this world.
Kimberly rubs the sleep from her eyes and smiles. Her sister looks so peaceful. There's a hint of a smile on her face and Kimberly can't remember the last time she saw her sister like this. She almost doesn't want to wake her up, she loves this sight of her, but it's then that the door swings open and Hannah stops in her tracks. "Am I interrupting something?"
Kimberly smiles and turns back to her sister, nudging her slightly Katy stirs and lets out a moan. "Hey," Kimberly whispers. Katy turns and only squints at her sister's face, not wanting to let all the sleep in her eyes go, "You should get ready for school, kid." Kimberly smiles, calling 'kid' like she used to.
This is how things are now. They're not ready to take that leap into actually bonding again, but they're almost there, Kimberly can feel it. But they're talking about old memories they have together and Kimberly's taken up to calling her kid again. They don't talk about Grace yet, she doesn't think Katy can handle it. So they stick with simple things and each day Kimberly feels some of that hatred in Katy lessen. And she's starting to become the kid she used to be.
Katy groans and staggers to get out of bed. She walks past Hannah without a word and Kimberly knows that in ten minutes she'll have to go in there and wake her up all over again.
"I'm sorry, but am I seeing things?" Hannah asks walking into the room more.
"Nope." Kimberly smirks, shaking her head.
"OK, then why is she sleeping in your bed?"
"I don't know." She shrugs. "She's been doing that since I got back from the hospital. I guess the accident really did scare her."
"Everyone seems to be scared about that accident, but you. You seem perfectly fine."
Kimberly shrugs her shoulders and moves to get out of bed. Hannah being the person she is, moves to help her before Kimberly can stop her. "That's just what it was, Hannah, an accident. I'm fine. I'm walking fine and today I'm going back to work. There's nothing to be afraid of."
"Tell that to Katy."
"I'm just seeing all this as a sign." Kimberly smirks, standing from the bed and heading towards the bathroom.
"Sign for what?"
Kimberly stops in her tracks and turns back to Hannah. She thinks about it for a moment. "For everything." She doesn't want to tell her about Grace. She hasn't seen her mom in a while, maybe she was just coming around to give her that news and now that it's gone so is she. A part of her is sad, but then again she has her sister because of it.
Oh, how she missed this place. The brick walls with the albums lined up. The musky feeling she gets every time she enters the place. The loud music that can sometimes be heard from down the hall. Yes, this is Red Bedroom Records. And it's been two weeks too long since she's been here.
She followed Peyton's orders and stayed away until she could fully walk again and now that she can she's practically running to get back to work. She's not sure if it's her loving her job or she just wants to be out of that house. Either way she's excited to be here.
She's kind of surprised to be the only one there when she arrives. Expecting to see Peyton, she grabbed two coffees this morning. But since her boss isn't anywhere to be seen she drinks both and goes to her work. It's not long before things start to feel normal again. She goes through each thing she has to do today quickly and like she hasn't been absent for two weeks. It feels good to be back.
She's almost done with her latest project when she hears that little voice. "Kimberly!" She looks up from her papers and smiles when she sees her little sister running towards her. She drops the pen in her hand and bends down to hug the little girl and set her in her lap.
"Hey, Ally. What are you doing here?" It's then that she looks up and sees Peyton and Sawyer walk in hand in hand. "Hey, Boss."
"Morning." Peyton smiles. "It's good to have you back. How you doing?"
"Pretty great now that I got my little buddy here." She says tickling the girl in her lap. Ally laughs out loud and squirms free. Kimberly chuckles and messes up her hair before Ally runs off with Sawyer down the hall. "What are you guys doing here?" Kimberly stands from her desk asking her earlier question.
"Since we get so busy, once every few months Brooke and I will pull the girls out of school and just spend the day with them. We'll take them to the park, get ice cream, and, you know, dedicate the whole day to them."
"That's pretty awesome."
"Yeah," Peyton nods. "But Brooke had this huge meeting with Macy's today that she just couldn't get out of and the girl's were already out of school, so I'm kind of stuck with both of them." Peyton shrugs.
"Well, I don't mean to intrude or anything, but if you want I could come along. I've already pretty much zoomed through all my work here." She looks to Peyton with that smirk where she just knows she's coming along. She loves being back at work, but she'd rather spend the day with her sister.
Peyton seems to seriously consider it. She chuckles and turns away back to the opening. "What do you guys think?"
"Yeah!"
"Please momma!" The two girls beg. Kimberly has no idea how, but Peyton somehow knew they were back there. Peyton turns back to Kimberly, still acting as if she's thinking about it.
Kimberly shrugs. "I'm no Brooke Davis, but I know the woman like the back of my hand."
Peyton chuckles and rolls her eyes. "Come on."
"Careful!" Peyton yells as she watches Sawyer climb atop a pile of large walks across the way. Peyton and Kimberly walk the pathway through out the park as the two kids lead the way while wandering in and out of things.
"Chill out, Peyton." Kimberly says smiling. "She's just being a kid. Kids wander."
"I know, but the things she gets herself into. The other day I found her sleeping in the dryer." She says with a worried expression. Kimberly can only laugh.
"She's exploring. Maybe one day she'll grow up to discover some new fruit in the rainforest or something. Or she could grow up to be some weirdo." She shrugs. Peyton slaps her arm causing Kimberly to laugh. They continue walking, watching as Sawyer and Ally pick up things they find. "I remember one time I climbed up on the roof of the house and Grace came out and yelled at me for like an hour straight. I think I stayed up there all day for fear of her spitting fire at me." She says causing Peyton to laugh.
"And?"
"She came up on the roof and spit fire at me." She laughs. "Kids do weird things, but a lot of times they're smarter than adults so I never question it."
They reach the end of the walkway and Sawyer and Ally run off to the empty playground. All the kids are in school so they have it all to themselves. Peyton and Kimberly take a seat on a nearby bench and they catch up on things.
Kimberly mentions how things with Katy are better and Peyton gushes over the rumor of her and Charlie and how she's dying to know if it's true. Kimberly can only blush and Peyton goes all girly on her, something Kimberly's never seen. But they just talk mostly, about everything. They used to do this. She and Peyton would sit at Red Bedroom some days after school and Peyton would give advice and they would talk about Brooke and Tyler and Lucas and music and everything. They just haven't in a while. It feels good to be doing it now.
They never got too deep into their conversations. Not deep where their confessing feelings they haven't ever talked about before. But this time's different.
"You ever think about having anymore kids?"
Peyton looks over at her like she's crazy. She chuckles, shaking her head and turning away from her. "Do you not know what happened last time I was pregnant?"
"Yeah, but who cares." Peyton looks at her, kinking her brow. "I don't mean like, who cares that you almost died. I mean, who cares if you have placenta previa or whatever it's called. You survived it once. Who says you can't do it again?"
Peyton sighs. "I'm not saying I don't want more kids. It's just I don't want to risk my life again in order to have them."
"I understand that. I just never imagined you and Luke ever having just one, you know?"
"I didn't either."
"What about adopting?"
"We've thought about it." She nods. "But with Sawyer being so young we don't want to bring a baby into everything." She shrugs turning away to watch Sawyer slide down the slide. Kimberly doesn't turn away. She just watches Peyton. This woman is so strong and she's never openly admitting something like wanting more children.
Sawyer calls for her mom to come play and Peyton chuckles before getting up and walking over to the playground. "Hey," Kimberly stops her. "You're Lucas and Peyton. You've proven that you can survive anything."
She doesn't say anything. She walks away and meets her daughter. They stand at eye level as Sawyer tells her something that has Peyton laughing. Ally walks over to them and the two girls drag the woman over to the swing set. Kimberly just watches it all. Witnessing it.
"So which one's yours?" A voice asks out of nowhere. Kimberly turns in her seats to see a brunette standing behind her as she watches Peyton and the two kids play. She looks down at Kimberly and smiles this soft smile before taking a seat on the bench next to Kimberly.
"Umm…the brown haired one in the purple dress. She's my little sister." She says awkwardly. This lady might seem nice, but it's still weird.
"She's cute." The lady nods. "I've seen her around her sometimes with her mom." She says earning an expression from Kimberly. "Oh, no. I'm not some creepy child molester or something. I'm actually a photographer." She says showing the camera as it hangs from her shoulder. "And I come here sometimes to take some pictures. This park is beautiful at sunset.."
"Gotcha." Kimberly nods. "So, just to be clear, you're not some creeper looking to kidnap my sister."
"No." The lady chuckles, shaking her head.
"OK, good. I'm Kimberly."
"Sarah." She says shaking hands with her. "You know, you look familiar. Do, do I know you?"
Kimberly shakes her head. "Sorry, but I can't place your face."
"I've never seen you around town. You new here?"
"Just moved back." She nods, realizing that pang in her stomach when she gives that news to people isn't there. That feeling of home is there though, for the first time in the last seven years. She feels at home.
"Really? Mind if I ask why? I've never really understood why people always come back to Tree Hill."
"Personal reasons." She shrugs. "I've come to realize that Tree Hill sucks people in. You can never really leave." She chuckles.
"Yeah, I know what you mean." She nods. "Well, maybe we went to school together or something, but I have to get going. Sorry for coming off as a weirdo."
"No problem. Maybe I'll see you around."
"You too." She stands from the bench and takes off down the pathway back into the city. Kimberly, now forgetting all about Ally and Sawyer, watches the strange woman. She doesn't know where or how this woman thinks she knows her, but Kimberly has to admit that she does look a little familiar. That face and that smile.
And those eyes are all too familiar to her.
She comes home to a quiet house. Katy's not home and she's a little disappointed. She's been wanting to talk to her sister and she doesn't know why she chooses now of all times.
She decides to wait for her. A nice glass of wine and the setting sun while trying to crack open that new book she's been wanting to read doesn't sound too bad. She grabs herself a glass and the book and takes the stairs for the balcony. She doesn't expect to see Katy there.
There are butterflies that form in her stomach, but she's still happy to see her.
"Hey."
Katy turns in her seat and it's then that she sees Katy had the same idea she had. There she is in that comfy chair with a can of soda and a book in her lap. Kimberly holds up the things in her hands and they can't help but chuckle.
"Whatcha reading?" Kimberly asks taking a seat in the chair beside her.
"East of Eden." She says showing the plain book cover to her. "Long as hell too." She chuckles.
"Yeah, I remember I had to read that back in school too. I think I got to the third chapter and just gave up and rented the movie."
"There's a movie?" Katy sat up excitedly, ready to throw the book into the ocean.
"Don't even think about it." Kimberly shakes her head. "I got caught so bad. I was in the middle of the movie, Haley walks in, sees what I'm watching, steals the DVD, walks out, and I think she threw the book at me on her way." Kimberly chuckles remembering where the book had hit her in the forehead. She swore there was a bump there for a week from the thick hardback.
"Yeah, but Haley's not my teacher." Katy shrugs.
"The movie's three hours long and worst than that book."
"Seriously?" Katy drops her shoulders. Kimberly nods and Katy can't help but let out a groan of frustration.
"Read the book, kid. It'll be good for you." Katy sighs and opens the book to at least try to make it past the page she left off on. Kimberly just watches her. She could read her own book and sip her wine, but she doesn't want to. She really doesn't want to read the book Brooke gave her over a year ago and now she doesn't really feel in the wine mood. She kind of just wants to spend time with her sister.
"What are you looking at?" Katy asks when she notices Kimberly's staring. The book is closed again and she's pretty sure it's not going to be open for another few days. "It's really starting to creep me out."
"Sorry." She shakes her head. "It's just…I haven't really looked at you in a while." She says. Katy gives her a strange look and the words of what she just said sets in. "That sounded really creepy, didn't it?"
"Yeah."
"You've just changed that's all."
"You mean I've grown up?"
"No." she shakes her head. "I mean, like…since the accident. Things are different I guess."
"I guess so." Katy shrugs.
"Katy, I just…I just wanted to let you know that when you're ready, if you want, I'm here, to talk. About mom or anything. I want you to know that, OK?" Katy nods. "And this whole thing…me and you…it can be like before. You know, before I became a bitch and went off to live in the big city." She chuckles as does Katy.
"I'll try harder, Kimberly." She says quietly. "It's just hard sometimes without her."
"I understand that." Kimberly nods. "She was your mom and you were closer to her than I'll ever be. But you just got to remember that she loves you. I know that." She says the last part like a fact and it kind of is. "So, we're OK?"
"Yeah."
"OK." Kimberly smiles. "What you thinking for dinner? Pizza?"
"That sounds perfect." The girl smiles acting as if she's starving.
"Alright. Well, I'll go order it and pick it up. While I'm gone you read that book." She says before getting up and leaving.
"Hey, Kimberly." Katy stops her. She turns around to meet her sister's eyes and she looks nervous. "I don't…want to go live with Hannah. I wanna stay here." She doesn't really know what to say. She can only nod and smile and leave her sister be. Words didn't need to be spoken for that. It was just a perfect moment. She's glad they had this talk. She knows now that things are OK. Things are only going to get better. She knows that they're both going to wake up tomorrow and not feel as bad.
The pizza smells good and she's excited to get home so she can have a nice dinner with her sister. It's probably long overdue; she feels that tonight is the night where everything gets mended.
She walks out of the pizza shop and opens her car door. Placing the box in the passenger seat she turns her keys in the ignition. She's ready to drive out into the street when she see him.
Tyler. As he's walking out of a random store. He's smiling and carrying a small bag. She's ready to roll down her window and say hi, but then she sees the woman that walks out behind him and takes the bag from him. She's the reason why his smile is so big. It's the woman from the park.
Sarah. His arm wraps around her shoulder as they walk down the sidewalk together. Kimberly watches as he places a soft kiss on the top of her head and she just can't believe what she's seeing. Before they're able to see her, Kimberly pulls out into the traffic and makes her way home.
It really shouldn't bother her that he isn't single. But she can't help but spend the rest of the night thinking about it.