Disclaimer: Oh but I wish I owned Naruto. Not happening though.
Fear the Beta.. FEAR IT. Dragon strikes again!
"If your opponent has you by fifty pounds, winning a fight against him is a dubious proposition, at best. If your opponent has you by eight thousand and fifty pounds, you've left the realm of combat and enrolled yourself in Road-kill 101. Or possibly in a Tom and Jerry cartoon."
― Jim Butcher, Small Favor
"Good morning, Ero-Sennin." Naruto called happily as he bounced his way onto the training field. Following him at a far more sedate pace was a tired and bemused Temari.
"Well, you sure seem cheerful this morning." Jiraiya called back with a knowing smirk at Temari. "So why is she here anyway?"
"Eh." Naruto replied. "That medical training doesn't start 'till tomorrow, and she asked to come along." Moving closer to his sensei, Naruto dropped his voice. "I wasn't going to tell her she couldn't come and I figure with her here, you will have to train me and not go peep if you want to avoid another trip off the cliff."
Glancing between the two, Jiraiya grinned easily.
"Well played Gaki, well played." Jiraiya scratched his chin in thought. "You know, your dad did the same thing." Jiraiya shuddered. "I loved your mother like she was my daughter but she was one scary woman."
Glancing over his shoulder at his wife, Naruto saw she was idly toying with her fan as she waited for the two to stop being stupid.
"I fear the fan, Ero-Sennin. I fear the fan."
Watching Temari flip her fan open and slice a training post into ribbons in boredom, Jiraiya paled.
"Just think. She's gonna train with Tsunade. Just imagine what that fan will do with enhanced strength behind it."
Naruto shuddered again.
"Ero-Sennin, sometimes I hate you." He stopped as a thought struck him. "Hey, speaking of Temari-chan and training, you think we could let her sign with the toads?"
"It's not just that simple Naruto." Jiraiya responded sternly. "I could let her sign, but Gamabunta has the final say, so why do you want her to?"
Naruto rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.
"Well, I'm not always going to be near her and you know the toads are awesome. Plus, we can pass messages to each other with the toads if we are apart from each other."
Jiraiya boomed out a laugh.
"Worried about her for when you're not there huh? I suppose it won't hurt to ask Gamabunta." He paused to scratch his head in thought. "Alright, I'm gonna go bring her over, you summon Bunta."
Naruto's irritation bled through into his voice.
"Me? Why don't I go get her and you summon Boss Toad?"
Jiraiya waved over his shoulder as he walked towards Temari's corner of the field.
"Cause he's still irritated with me for not stepping in and stopping your fight with Han."
Naruto's eyes widened as he got the implications.
"What? You were there? We almost got killed, Ero-Sennin!"
"But you didn't!"
Mumbling under his breath as he planned his revenge, Naruto began to focus chakra for the summoning. He could cheat and use Kyubi's but he wanted to see if his improved chakra control would let him summon the Boss on his own.
As Naruto began to summon Gamabunta, Jiraiya reached Temari.
"Yo, Fan-girl. The Gaki and I need you for something."
Temari narrowed her eyes at the man as she snapped her fan shut. She was curious as to what the two wanted but Jiraiya would pay for calling her "Fan-girl".
"Yes, Ero-Sennin." She said, drawing the nickname out. "What did you need me for?" To further lure the man to his doom, she even went to far as to bat her lashes at him.
As Gamabunta appeared across the field with his usual complaint about being summoned, Jiraiya felt warning bells sound in his head. The math in his head went something like, violent, aggressive girl plus sweet tone and flirting equals danger, danger! Unfortunately for him, the distraction of Bunta's bellow allowed Temari into range and he winced when he saw the fan incoming. Why? He complained in his head. She's suppose to pound the Gaki!
Standing on Gamabunta's head, Naruto had a clear view of his wife pounding the crap out of his sensei with her fan and he did the only thing he could, he laughed hysterically. I know he's letting her do it, but its still funny as hell.
Bunta removed his pipe to blow a stream of smoke.
"Naruto, I hope you didn't summon me to fight her? If you did, I will punish you for wasting my time."
Naruto laughter shifted to a more nervous chuckle as he scratched the back of his neck again.
"Eh, It's not like that Boss. The woman pounding on Ero-Sennin is my wife and we wanted to ask permission for her to sign the contract."
The huge toad rolled an eye up towards the boy on his head.
"Well, she certainly seems spirited." The toad settled himself and boomed out across the field. "Jiraiya, stop screwing around and bring the girl here!"
In response to the call, Jiraiya popped up off the ground in front of a surprised and panting Temari looking completely fine.
"Well, you heard him Gakette. Let's go talk to the Toad."
Temari gritted her teeth as she followed him. "Gakette" was at least better then "Fan-Girl" but she dearly desired to strike him with her fan again. She glanced at the edge of the field overlooking the waterfall and a sinister smirk played across her face briefly. Or I could wait and fling him off the cliff again.
Gamabunta carefully evaluated the girl following behind Jiraiya. He'd seen her before, when he and Naruto had fought Shukaku and again when they fought the Gobi jinchuriki. The fact that the girl would stick around for fights involving Biju was impressive - that she would beat on Jiraiya was amusing but another point in her favor. He hadn't made a decision - he was waiting to speak to her - but the girl had potential.
Naruto hopped down as the two reached Bunta's location and happily bounced over to Temari's side.
"Temari-chan," He said, gesturing at the mountainous toad. "This is Gamabunta, the Boss Toad. Boss, this is my wife Temari-chan."
Temari bowed low.
"It is a pleasure to meet you, Gamabunta-sama." She wasn't sure why the two had apparently randomly summoned the contract boss to meet her, but she wanted to make a good first impression.
Gamabunta chuckled.
"Polite as well. You could learn from her, Naruto." Ignoring the boy's protests, Gamabunta addressed the girl directly. "I have been summoned to consider you for the Toad Contract." He paused momentarily as the girl almost appeared to faint before she was steadied by Naruto. "Tell me Temari, why do you faintly smell of weasels?"
Temari braced herself against Naruto. She felt a bit unsteady - being offered a legendary contract like the Toads was not something she had been expecting at all.
"I have a partial contract with the Weasels from my time as a Suna kunoichi. I only have a personal summon. His seal is located on my fan, Gamabunta-sama."
Bunta blew a stream of smoke as he considered this.
"This is highly irregular Naruto. Why do you and Jiraiya wish for the girl to sign with us?"
"Boss, she's pregnant." Naruto called out from his place next to Temari. "I may not always be able to be with her and I want the Toads to help."
"Girl, would you give up your summon to sign with us?"
Temari was torn. The toad contract was powerful, but she'd worked with Kamatari for years. It pained her but she only had one response.
"I'm sorry, Gamabunta-sama. As much as I respect the Toads, I've worked with my partner for several years and I simply can not just toss that away. Forgive me for wasting your time." She finished her statement with an extremely deep bow.
Gamabunta chuckled again as he regarded Temari.
"Good, I would never accept someone who would throw away a summons friendship.I would have you summon your weasel, Temari."
Nodding, Temari backed away and summoned a giant white-furred weasel. The weasel wore a black vest with red trim and had his left eye covered with an eye-patch. The weasel looked around expectantly as he planted the butt of his scythe into the ground.
"Mistress Temari, why have you summoned me? I see no battle here."
Temari smiled at Kamatari and ruffled his fur.
"I'm sorry, Kamatari, I was asked to summon you by him." She said pointing at Gamabunta.
Kamatari jerked in surprise when he realized exactly who he was looking at. He glanced nervously between Temari and Bunta.
"Mistress, we aren't going to fight Gamabunta-sama, are we?"
Temari laughed gently and stroked his head soothingly.
"No, I was offered the Toad contract but I refused to give up our friendship for it. After I refused, Gamabunta-sama requested I summon you."
The weasel stared at his summoner slack-jawed.
"You refused the Toad contract for me?"
Temari smiled at him.
"Of course I did. We've been friends and partners for years. I wasn't going to just give that up for an offer of power."
Kamatari bowed to Temari and turned to face Bunta.
"Gamabunta-sama, I am Kamatari of the Weasels. How may I be of service to you this day?"
"We need to address the issue of your summoner, Kamatari-san" Gamabunta replied politely.
Looking around, Kamatari's gaze passed over the humans gathered nearby.
"Gamabunta-sama, I believe that we should have this conversation privately. I realize that the humans here are all summoners but this may involve internal matters."
Reaching out, Bunta carefully picked the weasel up and placed him on his head.
"Very well. Jiraiya, Naruto, summon me again when you end your training for the day. The issue will be resolved by then." Getting a wave of acknowledgment from Jiraiya and a cheerful grin from Naruto, Gamabunta dispelled his summoning taking Kamatari with him to Mount Myoboku.
"Alright!" Naruto cheered. "Time to train! What are we doing today Ero-Sennin?"
Jiraiya shook his head, suffering from a mild case of mood whiplash. It figured the Gaki would be raring to go as soon as Bunta left. Motioning at the two teens to sit, Jiraiya sank to the ground to sit opposite them.
"Alright, Naruto." He said seriously. "With the current alert status, I have roughly two weeks until I have to leave and tend to my spy network. I've arranged some further instruction for you for after I leave, but I intend to push you hard until then."
Naruto nodded solemnly.
"I understand, Jiraiya-sensei. What will we be working on?"
"Well, to get started, I need four Kage Bunshin." After Naruto created the clones, Jiraiya created one of his own and motioned Naruto's clones to follow his. "Those four will begin training on deep meditation."
"Ero-Sennin!" Naruto shouted. "How is meditating going to help me?"
"Calm down, Gaki." Jiraiya replied, motioning for Naruto to settle down. "Let me explain before you get all worked up. Right now, your body is not physically mature enough for me to teach you most of my best techniques. That doesn't mean we can't do some prep work now, though. One of the things I want to teach you in the future requires you to sit absolutely still for a period of time. That's what those four clones are learning to do."
"Alright," Naruto said suspiciously. "I suppose that answers what those clones are doing but what about us?"
"I know you're learning your mother's taijutsu and kenjutsu styles Naruto, but I can't help you with those. One of the instructors I have for you after I leave probably can, so what do I do with you now? Oh, that's right." He said with a evil grin. "Now I remember. I'm going to train your speed and strength."
"Bring it, Ero-Sennin." Naruto shouted, standing up and pointing at him. "I can take whatever you got!"
Jiraiya stood facing the boy.
"Ha, you'll drop halfway through shrimp!"
"Boys, boys." Temari said, breaking in. "If you two baka are done with me, I think I'm going to just go train out of the way."
"Ahh, come on, Temari-chan." Naruto called out to her. "Come train with me!"
Temari face-palmed almost in unison with Jiraiya. Walking back over to her husband, she cupped his face in her hands.
"Naruto," She said sweetly. "I'm restricted from heavy physically training because of you!" She finished her statement loud enough to make his ears ring.
Rubbing his pinkies in his ears to get rid of the ringing, he glared at Jiraiya for laughing at him.
"Ow, I'm sorry Temari-chan. I forgot." Seeing Jiraiya's wince and Temari's rapidly reddening face, Naruto replayed his comment in his head. Oh shit, not what I meant. "No, I mean I forgot that you were already restricted in your training, not that you were pregnant Temari-chan." He blurted, trying to head off his impending doom.
Jiraiya coughed.
"Okay, now can we get to our training, Gaki?" When Naruto nodded, he pressed on. "I said I was going to work on your speed and strength so we're going to spar Naruto. You're going to keep your gravity and resistance seals on."
"We're just going to spar, Ero-Sennin? Don't get me wrong, I like sparring, but that doesn't really seem like heavy training to me."
Jiraiya's evil grin returned.
"I wasn't finished, Gaki. Right now your speed and strength are about average for a chunin even if you lack the reach. I'm going to press you from just above your ability level and as you get better, so will I. Now, this is pure taijutsu so no jutsu with the exception of the rasengan, got it?"
"Wait? No jutsu other then rasengan?" Naruto faced his sensei, confused. "I get constantly fighting at a higher level, but why just the rasengan? I pretty much always fight with bunshin."
Jiraiya nodded.
"Yes, you do. That won't help you here, though. You know they don't transfer anything physical to you and that's what we're going to be working on. Since you don't have the reach, what I want you to concentrate on is creating a rasengan as fast as you can in either hand when you strike."
"I get it." Naruto shouted as he almost vibrated in excitement at the thought of training. "By the time you have to leave, I'll be able to create or dispel a rasengan with either hand as I strike." Naruto's eyes lit up as he considered the possibilities. "If I can do that, and fully master Hiraishin, I'll be able to use it like Tou-san did."
Jiraiya laughed.
"That's the idea Gaki, but you have a long way to go. You ready?"
Temari leaned in and whispered to Naruto.
"Naru-kun, if you can solidly hit the perverted old man, I'll have something special for you later."
Naruto's eyes widened as he turned to face her.
"Really?" When she nodded at him with a sultry grin, Naruto turned and pointed at Jiraiya again. "You're so going down Ero-Sennin! Let's get wild!"
The next several hours were amusing enough for Temari that she eventually stopped her light training in favor of just watching Naruto and Jiraiya from a distance. She'd tried getting closer but after the third time Naruto's rasengan blasted her with dirt, she'd moved further away.
She wasn't surprised that Jiraiya was beating the stuffing out of her husband. The man was one of the Sannin for Kami's sake. What did surprise her was that in the few hours since the two began, she could see visible improvement in Naruto's speed. It had her very, very curious as to what his speed would be like once he removed the seals.
Noting that the sun was beginning to sink towards the horizon, she called to get their attention.
"Hey Naruto, Ero-Sennin! It's getting towards evening. Shouldn't you summon Gamabunta back?"
Jiraiya waved to show he heard her and dropped out of his fighting stance. Seeing this, Naruto wobbled over to Temari and face-planted into the ground next to her.
"It hurts." He whined.
"Ahh, poor baby." Temari taunted him. "Tell you what, when we get home, how about we go soak in the onsen?"
Naruto grunted and gave her a shaky thumbs up before dropping his arm limply back to the ground. He groaned and rolled over when he heard the hollow boom Gamabunta always made when summoned. Seeing Bunta and Jiraiya quietly conferring, Naruto decided he didn't care. He hurt to much to go see what they were talking about.
After Bunta dismissed himself, Jiraiya walked over to the teens. Pulling the scroll off his back, he opened it and handed it to Temari.
"The Toads and the Weasels have reached an agreement." he told her. "The Weasels apparently didn't want to give you up as a summoner even though the contract is Sunagakure's. The fact that they didn't impressed the Toads and they want you to sign."
Temari stared blankly at the scroll.
"What about Kamatari?" She asked on the brink of tears.
Jiraiya held a finger up.
"Ah, that's the compromise. Because you tend to summon him from the seal on your fan, the Toads will allow you to continue to summon him." As her face lit up at the news, Jiraiya squatted in front of her. "Understand, once you sign this scroll," He said, pointing at the scroll on her lap. "You will only be able to summon Kamatari. You will never be able to summon another weasel, ever."
Biting her thumb to draw the blood needed for the scroll, Temari smiled up at him.
"I don't care. As long as I keep my partner, I'm happy to sign with the Toads."
Rolling the scroll up after she handed it back, Jiraiya glanced at the sky.
"Hmm, it is getting late." He assumed a lecherous expression. "If you'll excuse me, I need to go do some research."
Temari sighed as the man ran off. Getting to her feet, she dusted herself off and extended a hand to help Naruto to his feet. As she helped the exhausted boy back to their home, she flicked his ear to get his attention.
"I know that you're his apprentice, but if you ever start acting like Ero-Sennin, you will regret it." Satisfied at his frantic nodding of agreement, she softened her tone. "Alright then, let's get home and hit the onsen." She smirked at him. "You know, you never actually hit Ero-Sennin, so I'm sorry but you won't get that special treat."
Naruto hung his head. Life was so unfair sometimes.
The next morning, Temari jokingly told Naruto to enjoy his day and headed to the hospital for the beginning of her medical training. She really wanted to do some physical training, if not quite to the extremes Naruto was going through. She hoped that the medical classes would at least be interesting, even if it wasn't really a subject she really cared about. She grimaced and absently stroked her stomach as she walked. Stupid husband, gets me pregnant, gets me stuck in mednin training then gets to go spar with Ero-Sennin. At least she would also be getting training from one of the Sannin, but she still wasn't looking forward to days spent in a roomful of kunoichi.
Entering the classroom she noticed that even though she was early, most of the seats were already taken by excited girls. Keeping an impassive face, she mentally rolled her eyes at the fan-girl antics of the girls in the room. To be fair, she reminded herself, most of these girls probably became kunoichi because of Tsunade. I could see plenty of Suna kunoichi getting this excited if Chiyo-sama were to teach.
Noticing Ino waving at her, Temari smiled and headed over to the seat the girl had saved for her.
"Good morning Ino. You seem excited." She said as she saw the blonde girl bouncing around in her chair.
Ino's eyes lit up as she responded.
"Yes," She shouted enthusiastically. "I know I've trained a little with her before, but this is a really important step to making it as her apprentice."
Temari snorted as she took her seat.
"That's great for people that want to be a mednin. I'm pretty much stuck here cause I have to be."
Ino blinked owlishly at her.
"If you don't want to be here, why are you?"
Temari gritted her teeth.
"Cause my stupid husband got me pregnant and now I'm restricted on what I can do."
Ino shook her head, bemused
."Really? Cause I remember a woman in the onsen that seemed really happy to be pregnant. Wait, your wedding was only like two weeks ago. How did you get restricted already?"
Temari sighed and absently stroked her stomach again.
"I suppose I'm not unhappy to be pregnant." She admitted. "It's just seems unfair that he gets to go train with Ero-Sennin and I'm stuck in here."
Ino nodded.
"Yeah, I totally get that. Maybe we can get Tsunade-sama research a way to make him carry the baby." The two exchanged amused smiles at the thought. "So why are you already restricted?"
Temari rolled her eyes at her friend.
"Ino, you do remember that Naruto is actually the head of two Clans right?"
"Oh, that's right, I forgot." Ino said, shaking her head. "So, Tsunade-sama restricted you cause you're carrying the heir to two clans and the village can't take any chances then?"
Temari slumped in her chair.
"Yeah, that's pretty much it. The funny thing is that if I wasn't pregnant, Naruto would be stuck in the village. Now that I am, he can go out on missions. If I didn't absolutely know that he didn't plan it I'd hurt him for this."
The girls shared a laugh and then Ino's head popped up when she saw a flash of pink in the door.
"Kami, is that Sakura? It is!" Standing up, she waved at her old rival. "Oi, Forehead, over here!"
Sakura was ecstatic to see her blonde friend again, and it showed as she walked over and grabbed a chair.
"Heya Pig, haven't seen you in awhile."
The two traded glares then hugged each other tightly.
"I really missed you, Forehead." Ino whispered to Sakura.
Sakura pulled Ino in tighter and began to cry as she whispered back.
"I missed you as well, Ino-pig. Things just aren't going like I thought they would." At this point, Sakura noticed Temari sitting next to them for the first time. She pulled away from Ino and frowned as she wiped her tears away. "Hey," She said to Ino. "What's she doing here?"
Ino raised an eyebrow at the tone Sakura used. It sounded like she hated Temari and a quick glance at her fellow blonde confirmed that Temari hadn't missed it either.
"Forehead? What's the problem?"
"She is." Sakura spat, pointing at Temari. "If she hadn't come here, I'd still have my team and Sasuke-kun wouldn't be crippled." Turning her face, she added in a whisper. "Maybe he wouldn't be so cold then."
Temari was calm, cool and collected. She was the matriarch of both the Uzumaki and Namikaze clans, she could handle a whiny fan-girl kunoichi blaming her for her life's woes and still stay serene.
"Suck it up you whiny fan-girl wannabe kunoichi!" Or not. Temari ignored the sudden silence in the room and ripped into the girl she mentally referred to as Pinky. "It's not like I was given a choice to come here. As for your team, and your husband, I had nothing to do with it."
Sakura cast her eyes to the floor.
"I'm sorry." She mumbled just loud enough for Temari to hear. She shifted her position to hide behind Ino. "It just seems that since you got here, my life has been bad."
Temari planted her hands on her hips and jutted her jaw out aggressively.
"Not my problem Pinky." He anger partially mollified by the apology, Temari was now curious. "I thought you got what you wanted from life? Why would you say your life's bad?"
Seeing Temari had cooled down, Sakura wrapped her arm around Ino and dragged her over next to Temari.
"I don't understand it." She whispered to the two girls. "I knew he was cold in the academy but he asked me to marry him. I thought maybe he'd made a breakthrough and I was going to be there and help him make everything better."
Temari glanced at Ino, reminded of the conversation from the onsen the night before.
"That seems kinda stupid." She whispered back. When the two girls glared at her, she shrugged. "Hey, I call things as I see them and it is stupid. That boy only cares about power. Hell, I'll even bet that he is the one that sent you to this class."
"H-how did you know that?" Sakura stammered, shocked at the accuracy of Temari's statement.
Temari rolled her eyes.
"I'm the daughter of a Kage. I grew up dealing with people just like your husband, Pinky." Noticing Tsunade and Shizune enter the room, Temari shooed Ino and Sakura back to their seats. "We're out of time but if you want to continue this conversation later, I might be able to help you some."
Taking her seat, Sakura stared at Temari suspiciously.
"Why would you want to help me?"
Temari cradled her head in her hands and took a deep calming breath. Lifting her head, she gave Sakura her most piercing stare.
"Because my baka husband would want me to help one of his friends." She said tightly.
Any response from Sakura was cut off when Tsunade slammed her palm down on the desk at the front of the room.
"Alright, listen up. You're all here to learn how to keep your squad alive." Her eyes flashed to Temari and the corner of her mouth quirked. "Some of you may have more difficulty with that task then others though."
Temari groaned and hid her face in her hands. More difficulty? She thought incredulously. The man ran his own kodachi through his stomach just to piss the freaking Biju sealed inside him off. Glancing past Ino, she was amused to see Sakura rubbing her temples as if to clear a headache.
"What?" Sakura asked, feeling Temari's eyes on her. "Your 'baka husband' is still my teammate."
Temari shrugged to acknowledge the point and turned her attention back to the front of the room. Tsunade was continuing to explain the role and duties of a mednin but Temari tuned her out. She might have to learn medical jutsu, but she was no mednin.
Temari was amusing herself by idly tapping out a traditional Suna drinking song with her pen when Tsunade finally wrapped up her little speech.
"Alright, when Shizune calls your name, please come to the front and pick up your textbook." Tsunade said pulling out a eight inch thick book. Seeing the book, Temari began banging her head on the table as she muttered curses under her breath. She was so going to kill her husband for this.
The next two weeks passed very quickly for the busy Namikaze clan. Despite loathing the textbook and lectures on human anatomy, Temari had found that the practical application of her new knowledge wasn't bad. It had actually come in really handy several times Jiraiya dragged an unconscious Naruto back to the house. Frankly, it was good practice for her.
The day after Jiraiya left, Naruto was dozing in the garden when a blonde messenger found him. Ino smirked and began sneaking up on him until he spoke.
"I know your there, Ino. The foxes already told me."
Pouting a bit at not being able to scare him, Ino passed on her message.
"Hokage-sama needs you in her office, Naruto."
"Did Baa-Chan say why?"
Ino shook her head.
"No, she didn't, but I bet with Jiraiya-sama gone, it's probably for a mission."
Naruto's head perked up at that.
"Oh, I hope so. I haven't been out of the village since me and Ero-Sennin tracked down Baa-Chan."
Running inside to let Temari know he'd been called to the Hokage tower, Naruto made his way to Tsunade's office. Deciding to take a page from both Kakashi and Ero-Sennin's playbook, Naruto ignored the usual way and jumped up to the window.
"Morning, Baa-Chan." He called cheerfully from his perch on the window sill.
Tsunade pinched the bridge of her nose in irritation. What was with certain shinobi and that damn window anyway?
"Yeah, yeah, get in here Gaki."
Hopping in, Naruto walked over in front of the desk and snapped to attention.
"Chunin Uzumaki-Namikaze reporting as ordered Hokage-Baa-Chan." He said with a snicker.
Tsunade glared at him.
"You think that's funny don't you, Gaki? Well, I have a mission for you. C-class escort. Interested?"
Naruto stopped snickering.
"What's the mission, Baa-Chan?" He asked, moving closer to the desk to take the scroll Tsunade was holding out to him.
Tsunade summarized as Naruto read through the scroll.
"You are to escort the actress Yukie Fujikaze to the Land of Snow while she films the new Princess Gale movie."
Naruto nodded, still reading the scroll.
"Sounds good, Baa-Chan. Since I don't have a team right now, who am I going with?"
Tsunade's sudden grin alarmed Naruto for reasons he wasn't entirely sure of. Something about that smile seemed...off.
"Don't worry Naruto." She said sweetly. "They should be here soon."
Almost as soon as the words were out of her mouth, a loud disturbance was heard from outside the office.
"Yosh! I have defeated you this time my eternal rival. Next time, I will do better and if I can't I will..."
A feminine voice cut him off.
"Lee, shut up and get in the office."
As Team Gai entered the office, Naruto turned to glare at Tsunade.
"You are so evil Baa-Chan. What did I ever do to you?"
Tsunade pointed at the paperwork on her desk and glared right back.
"Oh for Kami's sake Baa-Chan, just use Kage Bunshin for it."
Tsunade face-palmed at the obviousness of the solution. She felt so stupid for not thinking of it herself. Shaking her head she put her elbow on the desk and rested her chin on her hand.
"Gai is currently running one of the patrols so I'm assigning his team to you for this assignment. Estimated time for this mission is approximately one month. One of the reasons I'm assigning you, Naruto, is that if problems should crop up, you have your summons to communicate with me. Any questions?"
Naruto rolled his eyes.
"A month? Baa-Chan, Temari is gonna kill me."
Tsunade snorted.
"You'll be fine. Just remember to get her a souvenir or something."
With a last glare at Tsunade, Naruto turned to face team Gai who were staring at him curiously.
"Alright guys, looks like you've been assigned to me for this C-rank. We're headed to the Land of Snow so pack for two weeks and make sure to include cold weather gear. Meet me at the gate in one hour."
"I read an article once that said that when women have a conversation, they're communicating on five levels. They follow the conversation that they're actually having, the conversation that is specifically being avoided, the tone being applied to the overt conversation, the buried conversation that is being covered only in subtext, and finally the other person's body language.
That is, on many levels, astounding to me. I mean, that's like having a freaking superpower. When I, and most other people with a Y chromosome, have a conversation, we're having a conversation. Singular. We're paying attention to what is being said, considering that, and replying to it. All these other conversations that have apparently been booing on for the last several thousand years? I didn't even know that they existed until I read that stupid article, and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one.
...
So, ladies, if you ever have some conversation with your boyfriend or husband or brother or male friend, and you are telling him something perfectly obvious, and he comes away from it utterly clueless? I know it's tempting to thing to yourself, 'The man can't possibly be that stupid!'
But yes. Yes, he can.
Our innate strengths just aren't the same. We are the mighty hunters, who are good at focusing on one thing at a time. For crying out loud, we have to turn down the radio in the car if we suspect we're lost and need to figure out how to get where we're going. That's how impaired we are. I'm telling you, we have only the one conversation. Maybe some kind of relationship veteran like Michael Carpenter can do two, but that's pushing the envelope. Five simultaneous conversations? Five?
Shah. That just isn't going to happen. At least, not for me."
― Jim Butcher, Cold Days
AN
ok, confession time. This chapter drove me freaking nuts. I needed it as a transition but I don't like it and I think it might possibly be the weakest chapter I've written in the story so far. Still, at least the damn thing is finally done. Next chapter is Land of Snow with Naruto in charge of team Gai. Should be interesting. o7