See first post for disclaimer.
AN: There has been some concern with my characterization of Lois and Clark….according to one reviewer I am not doing much of a job portraying them. And while I respect the opinion of this individual and welcome feedback of all kind I ask that you remember that all of these stories are fan fiction….as writers we mold the character's personality to our fancy in order to execute our plot. Further, saying that a story was a disappointment to you is not constructive in any way. Please keep those comments to yourself. No one is making you read my works or anyone else's'. Anyway, I'm sorry for the long winded AN, I am very grateful for the wonderful feedback of everyone and I shouldn't have to spoil that with warnings to only one of you.
Chapter 13
Lana was searching for her left shoe leaving Chloe to answer the knock on their room door. Clark's appearance surprised the blonde momentarily, her brow furrowing in as she tried to recollect whether Clark had mentioned coming to see her.
"Hey." She still held the door handle in her hand. "Did I forget we were supposed to hang out or something?" She queried.
Before Clark could open his mouth to speak, Lana replied for him. "No, Clark and I are going out for dinner." Both shoes on her feet, she smiled in greeting toward Clark. "I'm ready whenever you are" she told him.
"Hi." Clark responded, smiling gently at her.
"Well then…you two have fun. I've got an exam to study for." Chloe backed away from the door nodding surreptitiously at Clark in approval for finally breaking down the barriers of communication with Lana.
"See ya later Chloe." Lana grabbed her purse.
"Night Chloe." Clark moved to the side to let Lana out of the room and be able to pull the door closed behind her.
After a few seconds typing at her computer Chloe remembered that Ella was brought home that morning, so what did it mean that Clark was in Metropolis with Lana? Were the two events even related?
She shook her head clear of the thoughts. The last thing she needed to be thinking of at that moment was the Lana/Clark drama, at least if she planned on passing her exam on Monday. However, it was reassuring to know that after tonight she would be able to talk freely with Lana about Ella and her efforts to track down Lucy - - - sometimes being an aspiring investigative reporter was more hassle than payoff.
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"I'm really glad you called tonight." Clark unfolded his napkin onto his lap at the restaurant.
"When I spoke to you earlier you sounded as though you weren't expecting to be free tonight." Lana hedged.
Clark's fingers flexed on the table top spastically, not wanting to tread the path Lana was racing for. "Lois had asked for my help with something but turns out I wasn't needed." He swallowed the bitterness that accompanied his words.
"Well I'm just happy Lois relinquished you from your duties so we could have dinner." Lana teased though she unknowingly spoke a greater truth.
"So, how've you been?" Clark was quick to change the subject to what he thought would be neutral ground.
"Good." She admitted reflectively. "School and my research have been keeping me busy." She watched him closely for a reaction.
Clark only blinked when Lana mentioned her research, pursing his lips as he thought of how to respond. "You're still investigating the meteor showers." His statement was devoid of emotion.
"I am." She nodded daring him to comment on the hobby but when he refrained from trying to talk her out of it she attempted to provoke him another way. "Lex has been really supportive; he's making all of his resources available to me and he even invests his own time so we can research together." Once more she observed him closely for any signs of an explosion on the horizon; subconsciously trying to draw a reaction from him.
"That's nice of him." Clark took a sip of his water, his tone not committed to the remark.
Lana was perturbed, weeks ago only the mention of the meteor showers would have Clark arguing with her and should she have uttered Lex's name he would have been fuming but instead he sat docilely across the table from her. She was liking the changes she was seeing in him; it demonstrated a maturity in him that she thought he was in need of.
"You know Lex misses you." She tilted her head down, not wanting have to look him in the eye.
"Really." Clark mulled over the notion. "Lana, when you called me today, was it your intention to plead Lex's case for him?" His tone lacked any hint of confrontation, almost as though he were disinterested with the company at the table.
"Of course not Clark." She frowned. "I've missed you." She offered as explanation, reaching across the table for his twitching hand. "When I suggested a break I didn't expect to see so little of you." She confided.
"I've been busy, what with the farm and everything." It was the 'and everything' that Lana would have been most interested in but something was holding him back from telling her about Ella. He didn't want to share it with Lana. Suddenly all that he and Lois had been through over the previous week seemed too intimate to be discussed; it was something he realized he only wanted to share with Lois. So where did that leave Lana?
"I know." She nodded in understand. "I owe you an apology. I was expecting you to be the one to take the first step in fixing our relationship but it's as much my responsibility as it is yours. And with all you're dealing with right now I should have been more supportive and not distanced myself. But Clark you have to be willing to take some of the responsibility for the wedge that's come between us." She sighed, trying to get her point across as diplomatically as possible.
"That's just it Lana, I do shoulder part of the blame but I'm not sure I know how to fix this." His hand withdrew from hers, falling onto his lap under the table. "You want me to trust you and I do but I find it hard to confide in you when you willing put your trust in someone like Lex." He shook his head at himself, having not wanted to make this conversation about Lex but it always seemed to end up there one way or another.
His admission had succeeded in getting Lana's back up and tension crackled in the air. "Clark you can't-"
"I know I can't dictate who you form friendships with Lana; I'm not trying to do that. I'm just telling you that while I trust you, I don't trust certain people you associate with."
"How do we get passed this?" Lana finally asked the question that had been plaguing them both for the weeks they had been apart.
With plain honesty written across his face Clark said, "I don't know if we're meant to." Few would admit that it was often times the fear of facing failure that kept them locked in a relationship with no redeeming qualities and with failure facing him head-on Clark looked for another source of strength to draw from.
"Nothing will ever make me stop caring for you." He licked his lips, missing the painful flash in Lana's eyes at his substitution of love with care. "You know, Lois says that when you-"
Gone was the pain in Lana's eye and in its place resided a dark suspicious glint. "Lois says? Since when do you quote Lois?" Clark didn't have a readied answer for her. "Speaking of Lois, what was it that you were supposed to help her with tonight? Does it have anything to do with all the looks Chloe's been sneaking at me when we're studying or why she's been so distracted?" Perhaps it was the time she had been spending with Lex or perhaps it was having encountered more questions than answers in the passed few years but Lana's paranoia was striving for new heights.
"Lois has taken on a very difficult job recently and she's needed the support of her friends. And as her friend I've tried to be there for her. As for Chloe, I think she's just worried that Lois is taking on too much." He kept his answer deliberately vague, allowing Lana to assume whatever context she wanted.
"You know what Clark, this was a mistake." Lana moved to shoulder her purse in order to leave. "I don't know why I thought you would suddenly be willing to be honest with me." She bit out harshly, keeping her voice low so as not to make a scene.
"No Lana, it wasn't a mistake." Clark shook his head. "I think it served its purpose." His blue/green gaze apologized for his coming words. "I never want to lose your friendship but we can't do this any longer. We've been trying to hold onto something that doesn't exist…I've been trying to hold onto it. It's over Lana."
She was stunned. She had never expected Clark to end their relationship. If there was one constant in her life it was that Clark Kent loved her and always would. But he was taking that constant from her; he was pushing her away and it made no sense.
"Clark…" she drew out as though placating a child.
"Just promise me something Lana. Promise me that you'll be careful around Lex and that if you ever need anything; know you can come to me." He picked up his jacket and laid cash down for their meal. "I can give you a lift back to res."
The idea of spending fifteen minute in a car with Clark was far from a appealing, thus Lana responded with, "I'll take a taxi" and bolted from the restaurant.
Later that night, in the darkness of her dorm room Lana had an epiphany; Clark's motives were suddenly clear as day. He was pushing her away in order to protect her. From what, she couldn't be sure and for a short while she was angered that he would make decisions for her. But it was a noble intent and those could be forgiven; all that was left for her to do was prove to him that she didn't need to be protected, that she'd rather be with him.
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3:24
She would remember the time for as long as drew breath.
3:24 on Friday afternoon after a satisfying meal of formula and a catnap Ella began crying.
It was now Sunday night and she hadn't stopped. She would quiet long enough to eat a small amount and doze for ten to fifteen minutes at a time but without fail the silence would be pierced by her wails.
It didn't make any sense. Ella had a dry diaper, a full stomach and no sign of fever but yet she still cried.
"Okay, this is the part where you give me a break baby girl." Lois pleaded as she paced the length of the apartment with Ella against her shoulder. "I'm just as new to all this as you are so why don't you help me out?" Ella's cries were not to be dissuaded. "See, I have no idea why you're crying which means I can't help you."
Lois wanted to join the baby in her cries. She had not slept for more than three hours total since bringing Ella home; she had not showered; she had not eaten and the only reason she was able to brush her teeth that morning was because Ella had managed to exhaust herself and doze for a handful of minutes.
She was surprised that no one from the Talon had been knocking on her door as of yet. But she supposed the old building was well insolated as she could rarely hear the patrons downstairs, a far cry from the shoddy workmanship in today's buildings she thought dismally.
Chloe had called yesterday; she had been her salvation for thirty minutes amid the infant tantrum. But when the conversation had turned to the dinner that Clark and Lana had shared the evening before, Lois had felt bereft, her heart bristling against the news. She had no claim to Clark and very little tolerance of him; yet, the success of her efforts brought her no joy.
"Okay, let's go about this a logical way Ella." Lois informed the girl over a mixture of whimpers and wails. "We're going to Google this crying stuff." She flipped open her laptop and with her one free hand left to type, began her search.
The sits that came up provided two answers. The first was that babies will sometimes cry for no reason and the other was that the baby could have painful gas. Unfortunately if it turned out to be either there was little she could do to make it better.
"So which is it Ella? Do you have gas or are you just trying to see how long it'll take to drive me insane?" Lois shifted the baby until she was cradled in her arms, serving only to insight a series of cries filled with more distress than the previous ones; she quickly lifted her back to her shoulder.
The lack of sleep, food and contact with the outside world was starting to get to Lois. It was only her third day with Ella and already she could feel her patience waning; it terrified her. If this was how she was feeling after one weekend, her brain refused to contemplate the weeks to come. Suddenly the unknown wasn't as scary as the reality she was embroiled in.
Tears tickled her eyes, blurring her vision. She cursed her lack of sleep for making her emotional and gritted her teeth against the traitorous tears, hearing her molars grind unsavorily against one another. One salty droplet slipped through her arsenal of defenses, paving the way for all its comrades.
And through it all Ella kept crying; her unhappiness seemingly spurred on by Lois' own.
For the first time she seriously doubted her ability to care for this child. The child who had been discarded by her own flesh and blood like garbage. The child who had fought for her life from her first breath. The child who had succeeded where few others ever had in making Lois fall in love with her.
Dread overtook her; the sense of failure overwhelming, jolting her stomach with the force of waves crashing against a rocky shore. Feeling the tears drying on her cheeks Lois resolved that it was her turn to fight for Ella. She had promised herself and the tiny girl that she would do everything in her power to protect her and make her happy….and she was determined to keep that promise. Even if it meant doing away with her pride.
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Bat' umi – Georgia (Former Union of Soviet Socialist Republic)
Foliage embraced the private pool from all sides at the hotel. The sky was clear and the sun beat enticingly against young flesh during the early morning hour. Four of the five loungers were occupied by the private party who had arrived at the hotel only days before.
"Excuse me Miss but is there anything further you require or should I set about preparing breakfast?" The hotel's butler for the exclusive villa asked one of the guests by the pool.
"That'll be all and have breakfast brought to the pool. It was a long night and we'd rather not move." The youthful voice was punctuated by an endearing smiled.
"For course Miss."
"How is it you manage to charm everyone we come in contact with Luce?" One of the other guests looked up from where he lay.
"Natural skill Kiev. Some people have it some people don't." Lucy smirked. "There's a surfing competition in Mauritius next week; we should go." She relaxed back into her lounger.
"I'll make the arrangements." Kiev replied. "Am I to assume we're looking to expand our market share while there?" His German accent, though subtle, was evident the second time he spoke.
Lucy simply smirked at him and turned her sunglass covered eyes back to the sky to soak up the sun's heat. The weather was great, business of booming and she and her friends had the world at their feet…life couldn't get any better.
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Crunch
Crunch
Crunch
Her Pumas ground against the mixture of gravel and snow as she struggled under the weight of the baby carrier and bag. She took her time navigating the pathway and the porch steps, mindful of her precious cargo in the stark darkness of the late hour. Each step was accompanied by an irate whimper from her traveling companion.
Struggling with her full hands, Lois opened the screen door using a myriad of body parts and tried the handle for the interior entrance. But it was locked.
"Of course this would be the one night they lock their back door." She rolled her eyes at her luck and took a deep breath before knocking.
A few lengthy seconds passed where Ella grew more restless, no doubt perturbed by the cold air daring to touch her cheeks. Finally the kitchen light flickered on and heavy footfalls moved toward the back door, pulling it open in a confused rush.
"Lois, what are you doing here? It's two in the morning." He rubbed head as his sleep muddled brain attempted to comprehend her presence.
"Thanks for the public service announcement there Smallville. I know what time it is." She pushed passed him, depositing the bag on her shoulder on the floor then using the last of her adrenalin induced strength to lift the carrier onto the kitchen countertop.
"What are you doing here?" he asked again. His gaze drifted to the red faced baby in the carrier, fighting off sleep in favour of fussing and grunting at the change in environment. It would seem that Ella was unhappy with everything.
"Clark?" Martha crept down stairs, tying the sash on her heavy terrycloth robe.
"It's okay Mom, it's just Lois." His mouth settling into a discontented line.
"Mrs. Kent, I'm so sorry for waking you but I didn't know where else to go." Lois' ponytail swung back and forth with the urgency of her words.
"Is something wrong with the baby?" She strode to the carrier and removed the blanket Lois had draped over it to ward off the cold.
"I have no idea." Lois admitted forlornly. "She won't stop crying. It's been almost three days now and she's only eating a bit and she barely sleeps." She had fortified her emotions as best she could before venturing out of her apartment; there would be no more tears from her that night.
Martha listened as she undid the buckles on the seat.
"Why didn't you phone the hospital or take her there?" Clark folded his arms across his chest; his eyes avoided looking at the baby in order to maintain his stern demeanor.
"I'd rather not have child services knowing I had to take her to the emergency room after having her with me for only a few days." Lois matched his stance with arms crossed.
Martha lifted Ella from her seat and leaned the near weightless body against her shoulder. In moments the baby had quieted, the only noise that escaped her bowed lips, a gentle hum.
"How'd you do that?" Lois' eyes widened incredulously.
"I think this little one tuckered herself out." Martha smiled gently at her first glimpse of baby Ella. Clark hadn't been exaggerating at her adorable features.
With the baby calm and slumbering easily in her arms, Martha turned her searching blue gaze at Lois. The young woman look as though she was barely keeping herself upright; her hair was tied back but strands had managed to break free of the tie and her hands shook slightly from a lack of blood sugar. But what broke Martha's heart was the defeat radiating from her hazel depths; it was such a far cry from the determined woman she had spoken to the previous weekend.
"Lois honey, when was the last time you slept?" Martha spoke softly, wanting to keep her breathing even for the baby on her shoulder.
"I had a twenty minute nap some time this afternoon" she said in all seriousness.
"But when was the last night you got any decent sleep?" The older woman tried again.
"I guess Thursday." Lois admitted reluctantly.
"Well then I want you to stay here tonight; get a good night's rest. Considering how much activity she's had over the last few days, Ella's likely to sleep the rest of the night through." Martha stated, putting her proverbial foot down on the matter.
"I've got her bassinette in the car; I'll just go get it." She pointed to the door, needing the excuse to escape Mrs. Kent's insightful eyes.
"Clark can do that. You go up stairs and get ready for bed." Martha instructed, glancing at her son.
Clark arrived back in the house with the bed to find his mother alone with the baby in the living room. He could hear the shower running so Lois had obviously helped herself. "I don't get why Lois wouldn't have just called me and asked me to help her out."
"Honey, Lois was taught to fend for herself; never to need anyone. That she came here at all shows a great amount of courage."
"I guess." Clark shrugged.
"Would you mind bringing the bed to your room, on your desk should be fine." She climbed the stairs with Clark trailing behind.
"Is that your subtle way of telling me I'm sleeping on the couch tonight?" He raised an eyebrow in annoyance.
His mother placed Ella in the bassinette atop Clark's desk, noting the mused bed to her right as her son had been sleeping before the arrival of their guest. She turned back to the baby and witnessed her boy leaning down to kiss the infant's forehead goodnight.
"I'm going to head downstairs and try to go back to sleep." He snagged an extra pillow from his bed and blanket from his closet then disappeared out the doorway.
"You are a beautiful little thing Ella." Martha marveled at the child. "And you've got my son wrapped around your little finger whether you realize it or not. Lois and he are good people to have in your corner." She smiled.
"Where's Clark?" Lois entered the bedroom wearing one of Clark's t-shirts and a pair of his sweatpants, hair wet and appearing marginally more relaxed.
"He went down to the couch to go back to sleep."
"Oh." Lois did her best to hide her pleasure at once more having sent Smallville to the couch. "Thank you for being here Mrs. Kent; for helping me." Lois stared at the floor, fascinated by the grains in the hardwood.
"I told you I would always be here for you Lois. I only wish you'd come to me sooner." She grasped one of Lois' hands pulling her down on the edge of Clark's bed and sitting next to her. "A baby is a big enough responsibility for two people who've had the time to prepare. You're flying blind but you don't have to fly solo."
"I just wish I knew why she wouldn't stop crying with me. I've never felt so" she paused to search for the correct word "helpless in my life."
"We all feel like that at some point in time where our children are concerned. I wish I could tell you that it gets better but the truth is that the older they get the more helpless you feel. All you can hope to do is provide them with everything they need to survive and all the love you have in you." Martha glance at the baby's bed then back at Lois. "As for why she was crying, it was likely a few things. She was used to people always being around, bright lights and lots of noise; the apartment was likely disorienting for her. And remember that children can feel your tension; they know when you're upset and before you realized it, you were both feeding off one another's anxiety."
"How do I fix all that for her?" Lois stifled a yawn.
"We'll figure it out in the morning. Right now you need to get some rest." Martha pulled her in for a hug and copied Clark's gesture by kissing Lois on the forehead with motherly affection. "Goodnight Honey."
"Night Mrs. Kent." Lois lifted her legs up and under the sheets, snuggling into Clark's pillow. His scent surrounded her as the tension drained from her body and she drifted to sleep.
TBC
Please R&R if you get the chance.