As always, I want to thank my beta BelatedBeliever1127. :)

At some point, he leans forward, bringing his face closer to mine, not caring about my tentacles which are limp now anyway.

I can feel the warmth radiating from his cheek.

"You do know I almost got lost in these stupid woods looking for you, right?" Casey asks.

I can't help, but laugh at this, although my laugh is muffled by my tearful voice.

Casey smiles. I can feel it. It feels like his cheek is even warmer now.

"That explains why it took you so long," I reply.

Now it's Casey's turn to give a little laugh.

"All these trees look the same, I swear!"

I giggle at this.

I don't care any longer that he didn't come after me right away. I don't care about my tentacles. I don't care that he didn't get afraid of me.

All I care about now is that he's here. Finally.

And I realize that I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to come after me.

Sitting here with Casey's arms around me feels right. It makes me feel right.

So we just sit there for a little longer, and to be honest, I thought I could sit like this forever, but Casey starts shifting.

"We should get going," he says, loosening his grip on me a bit. It takes me more self-control than I had thought to not just grab his arms to keep them in place.

"You're shivering," he continues, and it's only then that I figure he's right.

I had concentrated so much on Casey's warm arms, his warm cheek, his warm chest, that I hadn't come aware that my feet and my legs are very, very cold. And this cold has made it up my body now, and I shiver a bit.

Reluctantly, I allow Casey to let go of me and get to his feet.

But when he holds his hand out to me to help me up, I smile again.

I take his hand and don't let go of it on our way back through the woods.

But the closer we get to the farmhouse, the slower my steps become until I'm simply dragging my feet.

Casey realizes, of course, but he just falls in step with me. And he even stops when I stop.

I stare into the direction of the farmhouse with Casey standing next to me.

He doesn't say anything.

I guess he understands that it is hard for me to go back there. But he doesn't push me.

Yes, that's the Casey I like. The non-pushy Casey, the understandable Casey.

I take a deep breath.

Casey seems to have waited for me to do something else than just staring at the farmhouse because he takes the chance to speak up.

"Think you can handle it, Red?" he asks.

"I'm not sure," I reply.

"They aren't mad, if that's what you are afraid of," he says.

"I wish they were," I mumble silently.

But Casey hears me because he gives my hand a gentle squeeze.

"April…," he whispers.

I keep my eyes locked on the farmhouse.

"It would have made things so much…"

More logical?

Understandable?

"Easier?" Casey suggests, and the realization makes me quickly turn my head to face him.

"Yes," I say, my voice barely above a whisper.

It's exactly that - easier. If they were angry with me, if they hated me, I could lock myself away or run away into the woods. I could tell myself that I had to be alone because everyone else hated me, I could hate myself because everyone else hated me, and I could avoid everyone because they wouldn't want me to be around them anyway. Yes, easier, that's what it would be.

Casey furrows his brows and shakes his head slightly while he drops his gaze.

But after a moment he looks up at me again, a big grin plastered on his face.

"Well, you know we never take the easy option!" he says and all of a sudden, he jumps forward, making a run for the farmhouse, and because he's still holding my hand, he's dragging me along.

"Come on, April!" he calls out. "Don't tell me you're really that slow!"

As much as I am afraid of entering the farmhouse again, Casey's plan works because I can't help, but laugh as I try to keep up with him.

We reach the farmhouse, breathless with running and laughing.

I lean a bit forward as a try to catch my breathe.

The door opens and I raise my gaze to find Raph looking at us with a twisted mouth.

"Having fun?" he asks.

"Yep," Casey replies and sets into motion to squeeze past Raph and get inside.

The tug on my arm makes me realize that we are still holding hands, and I quickly let go.

Casey stops for a split-second, but then keeps going.

It's only then that I realize it might have been the better idea to let Casey drag me inside because now I'm facing Raph, and I'm facing Raph alone.

I bite my lower lip under his gaze, unsure of what to do.

Raph takes his time to fold his arms over his plastron and look me over. For a moment, I even hope that it takes him so long that Mikey or Donnie or maybe even Leo decide to greet me at the door, but they don't.

It's just Raph and me, and Raph is always hard to read and you never know what to expect from him. He could just yell at you for acting totally stupid or hug you or ...

"Calmed down?" Raph asks finally, breaking my train of thought.

I nod.

"Good," Raph says and steps to the side to let me inside.

I let out the breathe I just now realize I have been holding in a sigh.

When I'm on a level with him he places a hand on my shoulder.

Raph has barely touched me before I had turned into a creepy half-alien, and he has never touched me afterwards, and I stop out of surprise and look at him with wide eyes, my mouth open.

Raph quickly removes his hand.

"Sorry," he mumbles.

"No," I say. "It's totally okay."

I am a bit unsure of what to do, so I just smirk at Raph and playfully bump my shoulder against his plastron, leaning against him a split-second longer than necessary so he knows I mean it, before I move along.

We all gather in the living room, and again, I have to give it to the guys that they don't act like something unusual has happened. No one asks for an explanation, and I am not sure if I want to give them one anyway.

I guess they're just happy that I'm back. Of course, I have no idea what they talked about and decided while I was away, but if it affects me in any way, they'll tell me about it in time.

But this evening is for relaxation only.

And we all need it - Leo to get better, me to settle in again, and the rest to let a bit of the tension that is lingering all around us because of our circumstances fade away.

Leo's lying on the couch again, his bad knee supported by a cushion. Donnie has squeezed on the couch next to Leo's feet, while Raph and Mikey have settled down on the floor before the couch. Casey has taken over the wing chair. I've moved the wooden chair a bit to the back of the room.

The official explanation is that I am afraid my tentacles could block their view of the TV if I sit down before them, and that's not even a lie. But it's not the only reason, of course.

The other reason is that I feel a bit uncomfortable when people are behind me. I get the feeling like they'd look at me all the time because, really? Who wouldn't look at someone in front of them if this someone had some weird tentacles coming out from the back of their head?

And even if they wouldn't look at me, I'd still feel like they would.

So no front row for April for, well, the rest of her life.

I try to concentrate on the movie we decided to watch earlier. It's the science fiction-movie I had watched together with Casey and Irma back in New York, the one I gave the rating best movie ever!, the one I got totally hyped about.

I guess that's the reason why Casey suggested it.

I keep my eyes on the TV, but the plot doesn't feel as exciting anymore. Actually, it feels pretty boring.

But I do have the decency to gasp and widen my eyes at the right moments. It's a good thing I watched the movie again twice after I had watched it with my friends, so I know when the scenes I need to react to come up.

But this movie brings back some memories. Memories of Irma, to be precise.

I still can't believe that she had been a Kraang-spy all the time. I can't believe that our friendship had been a lie, just a trick to get close to me and gain my trust.

I am still not completely sure what her, no, what Kraang Subprime's motive has been. Was it just to make me guide her, I mean, it to the turtles? Or was another reason to get my DNA to perfect the mutagen?

I don't know.

Both makes sense. But it doesn't explain why the Kraang still tried to kidnap me when they had this spy right next to me all along. Maybe to keep up appearances that they were still after me? But why would they have been after me if they knew where I was and where to find me for more than a year? They could have gotten my DNA ages ago without kidnapping me.

On the other hand, that whole DNA-thing had only appeared a while ago. At first, Kraang Prime tried to drain some energy or whatever from my powers. It wasn't about the DNA back then.

Or does this mean Irma hasn't been a Kraang all along?

This would make sense, too. And it would make me feel not as bad. Yes, it would make me feel bad for Irma who probably has been kidnapped by the Kraang - if not anything worse which I don't dare to think about - to get Kraang Subprime in her place and then send the Footbots after us so I'd lead them to the lair. Which I did. Stupid me.

I still try not to think about this huge mistake I made. But it is hard because all the bad things that have happened - Leo's injuries, that Splinter got defeated by Shredder -, they are all my fault.

And all that because I hadn't realized that my best friend hadn't been human.

I should have been able to sense it. But I had come to know Irma long before these mental powers-thing has started. So maybe that was the reason why I couldn't sense anything. Or maybe it's a sign for my kidnap-theory.

On the other hand, the Kraang had found my father and me quite easily the night they had kidnapped us, the night I had met the brothers. So if Irma had already been a spy back then it would explain why they could find us so quickly.

I choke a sigh.

I can't believe that had only been a year ago. It feels like it had been in another lifetime.

In a lifetime where I had been completely human - or at least I had thought so. And I had looked like I was.

But that's over now.

A scene on the TV comes up where a silent yelp would be appropriate and I get it out just in time before anyone could get suspicious or realize that I am not really paying attention.

But after this scene my thoughts are back in the time when everything had been normal. Or had looked normal.

But this time is gone. No use in crying over spilt milk.

I am so lost in these thoughts, I notice too late that one of my favorite scenes has been on, the one when they all fall into the star, and thus, I forget to gasp.

I cautiously glance at the others and the brothers seem like none of them has noticed. But when I look over to Casey from the corner of my eye, I see he has his face turned towards me and that his brow is probably furrowed. But since I can't get a better look at him without giving myself away, I am not completely sure.

This makes sense. Casey had seen my reaction to that scene first-hand, so me not giving any reaction at all now must have looked suspicious to him.

I make a mental note to be more careful and shift my concentration back to the TV. Well, as much of my concentration I need to not miss any important scenes again.

But the part of my brain that is not busy with paying attention to the movie is back with Irma almost immediately.

There still is this tiny hope deep inside me that my kidnap-theory is correct. It would make things easier, at least a little bit. This way, our whole friendship wouldn't have been lie. This way, I would have had a real best friend before I met the guys.

Yes, I really hope for this option. And that Irma is still alive. Somewhere. And safe. Or as safe as she can be in the Kraang's custody.

Another thrilling scene comes up, and my splitting attention-trick works and I gasp just in time.

But the movie is over before I can get anywhere with all my thinking.

I get up and stretch just like the others do, but then I am unsure of what to do next.

I note that Casey is looking at me again and he has this little frown on his face as if he is expecting something.

"This movie is so … great, right?" I ask, trying to put as much enthusiasm into my voice as I can muster, but the outcome is rather weak.

It only deepens Casey's frown and I fight the urge to drop my gaze.

Wittingly or unwittingly, Mikey comes to my aid.

"Oh yes, it is!" he cries out. "Such an amazing movie! I especially loved the scene where the captain is cornered by the monster and it is all slobber and fangs and goo. So amazing! Oh, or the explosion and when they fall into the star and then … ouch!"

He turns his head and shoots an angry glare at Raph, rubbing the back of his head where Raph's hand had hit him.

"Exciting movie, we get it," Raph growls.

"Are you sure?" Mikey replies. "Because if you do, why aren't you freaking out about the scene at the end when the spaceship is about to explode and … ha!"

He ducks out of Raph's reach with a triumphant grin - only to trip up on a wooden stool and land flat on his carapace.

This almost makes me giggle, but I can choke it just in time. Giggling now would be bad for my karma. Okay, I guess my karma is too messed up already anyway, so giggling at Mikey's mishap wouldn't do too much harm.

But I stick with my good manners.

Raph, however, grins broadly at Mikey.

On our way up the stairs the things that have happened recently catch up with me again.

I hesitate before I enter my room and look at the others.

"Sure you don't want to lock the door and throw away the key?" I ask, trying to laugh at my weak joke, but failing completely.

"Nah!" Mikey says with a big grin. "But we should consider wearing tinfoil hats, right, Donnie?" He turns to look at his brother. "You know, like we would have during Operation Spaced Out."

"Uhm … yes." Donnie gives a silent laugh before he moves over to his brother, gives him a reassuring pat on the carapace and leads him away towards their room.

This makes me giggle.

Casey seems to approve because the frown is gone from his face when he walks past me and wishes me a good night.