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I figured now was the time he'd ask me who ended the engagement. I knew that was important for some reason. Was I here with a broken heart and looking for a replacement? Or was I here because I needed to be with the man I couldn't get out of my every thought? He had to know that he was the other man I was talking about. There'd never been anybody else but him and Morelli.
Ranger's gaze was still locked with mine and I could feel him searching my eyes for the answers he needed. Without another word between us I watched as he got his answer. Next thing I knew his lips crashed into mine in a bruising kiss. My fingers curled into his shirt, pulling him closer as I opened my mouth and plunged my tongue between his parted lips. A gasp slipped from me as our tongues collided, and he picked me up, carrying me as he moved quickly through the apartment, our passion building with every step.
I wrapped my legs around his waist and tangled my hands in his hair, holding him to me as we kissed, pouring out all the emotions of lost time. Time we'd never get back, but that I was more than willing to make up for, every day for the rest of my life if that was what it took. I'd just have to convince Ranger if he wasn't sure.
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Chapter Ten Part 2
Ranger eased us down in the middle of his bed. Our mouths still locked, tongues battling. I tightened my legs, pulling him even closer to me. His hardness pressed directly on my center and I moaned as I tore my mouth from his, desperation suddenly filling me. I needed him inside me and I need it now!
Ranger's mouth went to my neck, licking and nipping at my pulse point. I grabbed the back of his shirt and jerked it from his cargo pants, my hands meeting naked flesh. His skin was hot under my hands and I was taken back to my dream, our bodies flushed and slick with sweat as he pounded into me over and over again. In the dream we were together in every way, but we weren't now.
OMG I couldn't do this. Not right now. Not like this.
"Ranger," I gasped out. "Wait."
He pulled back from my neck and looked at me. "Do you want me, Babe?"
"Very much so."
"What's the problem then?"
"The problem is you wanting me."
"I think it's obvious how much I want you."
"Physically, yes."
Ranger sat back on his heels, putting some distance between us. "I've never hidden the fact that I want you."
"No you haven't, but what I don't know is what you want beyond getting me naked and putting a smile on my face."
Ranger smiled. "Probably I'll want to do it again."
I laughed lightly even though my chest was heavy. "I have no doubt about that. The problem I have is I want more than just a sexual relationship with you."
His gaze was locked with mine as he did some sort of silent debating. I was getting nervous under his stare and shifted a bit on the bed. His gaze left mine and dropped down my body. He still hadn't said a word and I didn't know what he was thinking. Probably where to send me since I'd just pulled away from sex again. This time it wasn't because I didn't want it, though. 'Cause God! I wanted it. But I wanted him more. Not just his body, him.
Ranger's eyes returned to mine and he dropped down between my legs again. His weight was rested on his arms propped next to my head. His eyes still on me, reading my thoughts probably.
"There's something I'm curious about, Babe."
"W-w-what?" Jesus the man had me on fire and all he was doing was looking at me. He'd placed his body strategically so we weren't groin to groin, but hell I knew he was still hard. And I very much still wanted him.
While still looking me in my eyes, his fingers started tracing lines down my temples, tormenting me. I was sure he could feel my nipples pressed into his chest. They were so hard, aching to be touched, to feel his lips drawing them into hot mouth.
"What kind of relationship would you say we have right now?" he finally asked.
"We're friends."
"And?"
I let out a sigh. "Closer than friends, but not lovers. We care for each other. We're attracted to each other."
Ranger leaned his head down to my ear, his teeth nipped at my lobe. "What about love?"
"What about it?"
"Do you love me?" he asked in my ear, his voice soft, sensual.
I swallowed hard, scared to say that I did. Scared that he loved me back, but not the same way I loved him.
He pulled back from me and looked me in the eyes. "Do you love me?" he asked again.
My eyes burned as tears blinded me, making Ranger's face blurry. I wanted to say yes. More than anything I wanted the words to come out of my mouth, but I couldn't seem to get my mouth to cooperate.
A blank mask slammed over Ranger's features and he pulled away from me. I desperately grabbed the front of his shirt. He didn't understand. Saying I did wasn't so easy when I didn't know where'd it get me. It'd be like jumping off a cliff and not knowing if my parachute was going to open. I wasn't good at risks.
Ranger sat up dragging me with him since I refused to let go of his shirt. I moved faster than I'd ever moved before and straddled his lap. His hands immediately went to my hips and started to lift me off of him, but out of sheer desperation I wrapped myself around him and kissed him hard.
He pulled his mouth away from mine and gave me a cold look. "What, now you wanna fuck?" His voice was harsh, hurtful.
I flinched but didn't release my grip on him. "Haven't you ever been scared?"
"What are you scared of?" His blank mask was still in place, but his voice wasn't as harsh. It still wasn't back to normal, though either.
I looked into his eyes, the eyes that plagued my every thought, my every dream. Wasn't that enough to make the jump? If I didn't take the risk, I'd never know if he loved me as much as I loved him.
"Scared that what you felt inside wouldn't be enough or it wouldn't make a difference or it wasn't returned?" I knew I was babbling incoherently, but I hoped he'd get it. Even if he only partially understood. I just wanted him to get that I did love him, but was too damn chicken to actually say it because I didn't know what would come of the confession.
He was silent, staring at me for what seemed like forever. Then he tightened his grip on my hips and pulled me flush against his, momentarily shocking me. "How many different ways do I have to tell you that I love you before it sinks in?"
"I know you love me. That's not the part I'm scared about. It's how you love me that I'm uncertain of."
He blinked at me and for the first time ever, I think Batman looked confused.
"You love me in your own way. What is that way? The way that requires a condom but not a ring? The way that's not family material?"
"Answer me a question, Babe," Ranger said, trailing a hand up my body to cup my cheek. "Do you love me?"
I nodded. "Yes, I love you."
He smiled and brushed his lips against mine. "And in what way do you love me?"
I raised my eyebrows, not knowing what the heck he was doing. "I don't understand."
"How do you love me?"
I rolled my eyes at him. Sheesh, could he be any clearer?
"The only way I know how, I guess," I told him.
The corners of his lips tipped up. "So in your own way, then?"
"Yeah, smartass, I guess in my own way."
He leaned in and kissed me, long and drugging with lots of tongue. "That's good to know since it's really hard to love somebody in any way but your own way."
I leaned my forehead against his. "I agree, but I still don't know what your way is."
"Nor do I know what your way is," he said equally as soft as my words were. "Does your love for me depend on a ring or children or a house in the Burg with a white picket fence?"
I shuddered at the thought of living in the Burg. I'd shoot myself first. But the rest I didn't know about.
I pulled back from him and looked him in the eyes. "It doesn't depend on anything. I love you now and I don't have any of that with you."
"And what about five years from now?" he asked.
"I don't know. I have a hard time believing I could ever stop loving you, but I honestly don't know what might happen in five years."
Ranger was silent, processing the information.
"What about you? Does your way only exist if I don't want the ring or children? Are those things never a possibility? Are you telling me you'll only love me if I don't want you as my husband or to create and raise children together?"
"I love you no matter what. When I told you my love didn't come with a ring, I was trying to tell you that as of this moment in my life I don't want to get married again, but that I still love you."
"So we love each other and there are no stipulations on the love."
"Never."
"The stipulations are on the relationship," I said, but didn't wait for Ranger to respond. "Where does this get us? As of this moment I don't want to get married either, but what about in five years? What if I want more and you still don't? Then what? Do we go our separate ways?"
